Ronnie And DanielleWhen the Truth Is Out!
by Adia Rose
Summary: It's time for the reveal. But what will happen when Ronnie finally learns the truth? Will she really be able to reclaim her past and have the baby she thought she lost? Will Danielle ever get the mother she craves? What will happen when the truth is out?
1. Chapter 1 Trailer

A/N --- This is a trailer to introduce the new fic I am writing. It is a Ronnie and Danielle fic and will be the reveal and more importantly what happens afterwards!

I have set this out as if it is a film or tv trailer. However the actual story will be set out in normal story format.

None of the dialogue is synchronous with the images being described. It is all voice over like in a trailer.

**

* * *

**

**A black screen. **

**Voice over:**

Danielle: You made your mistake and we BOTH have to live with it.

**Ronnie is sat at the bar in R&Rs. She's hunched over the bar pouring out a shot of vodka from a bottle next to her and downing it before pouring another and doing the same. Her face is tear stained and her eyes bloodshot. Still more tears fall as she drinks:**

**Voice over:**

Stacey: You know I'd never side with Ronnie Mitchell. But you _didn't_ see her!

**Close up of Dan, her eyes are wide. Her head flicks around quickly to look at something:**

**Voice over:**

Stacey: I was THERE! I saw what happened and you **ain't** ok!

**A close up of a home phone smashed on the floor:**

**Voice over:**

Danielle: Dad?

**Danielle's locket (close up) as it lies on the sofa in Ronnie's flat, discarded. The camera zooms in to it.**

**Voice over:**

Ronnie: What have you done? (shouting) _What have you DONE?!_

**Close up of Ronnie collapsed in a heap on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Her hands cover her face and she is curled into herself almost foetally.**

**Voice over:**

Archie (spitefully): Your little girl came back to you. All this time, all these months and what have you got to show for it?

**Close up of Danielle's face her expression blank and empty. **

**Voice over:**

Ronnie (shouting): NO! Danielle!

* * *

A/N --- What will happen when the truth is finally out?

This is one story you can't afford to miss.


	2. Chapter 2 Canon D Pachelbel

The Queen Vic was awash with flowing fabrics and flowers. The white tablecloths were laid over every table, each littered with confetti and set perfectly on top was spotless china, sparkling silverware and champagne flutes. Danielle's locket lay nestled at the bottom of one of the frosted glasses. All the promises of love, hidden just waiting to be found.

The doors are thrown open and the jubilant wedding party walk into the pub, all happily chatting, laughing and cheering the happy couple. Phil begins to usher people inside and to their tables. Everybody mingles around and gives three cheers for Peggy and Archie who stand together, beaming at the party.

Peggy lifted her hand for quiet,

"Alright, alright. I want to thank you all for coming to celebrate with us. Nothing means more to Archie and me than having all of you, our friends and family here with us today. Now, lets all relax and have a good drink!"

Upstairs Danielle was sat in the living room, her eyes shining with tears unshed. She was staring almost avidly at the family pictures on the mantle. Her leg shook slightly as the nerves began to over take her. She could hear the commotion from the party drifting up to her. She wanted to be there. More than anything she wanted to sit beside Ronnie, beside her mother.

Danielle's hands were picking at her dress, at her finger nails, she felt the nervous energy build inside her. Her mum was downstairs and it would only be a matter of time before she found the locket in her glass. It was a goodbye. Danielle thought back to when Archie had told her. He had told her everything, how he had admitted her true identity to Ronnie and her cruel rejection.

Danielle inhaled deeply. Something didn't sit right within her, Archie's explanation, the way he had said it, tried to pay her off…something felt wrong. But nothing about this was right. It wasn't how it was meant to go, Danielle thought. Ronnie was everything to her now, she had nothing else, no home, nobody to turn to. Ronnie was meant to love her, she was meant to want her, welcome her with open arms. It wasn't right.

There was an anger building inside Danielle, she just wanted her Mum, her family but instead they had all turned their backs on her. She should be down there, down there with her Mum. The only person she could count on was Amy and she was a baby.

But there was always the locket. It was Danielle's last resort, a way to show everybody who she really was, a way to get Ronnie out of her comfort zone, out from behind her mask and force her to deal with this even if she refused. And maybe she would, maybe if she saw the locket things would change. After all it was only a week ago that Ronnie had blurted out to Danielle that losing her was the most heart-breaking thing she had ever gone through.

Her word echoed around Danielle's head. The moment had been both triumphant and devastating. Danielle could remember every second, how Ronnie's eyes had welled up, her voice had cracked with the emotion and there had been something raw and unguarded about her in that moment. Danielle wanted that again. She refused to settle for Ronnie just brushing her off and not caring about her own daughter. Danielle would make her face this, face her, face her mistake. The mistake they both have to live with.

But still, despite it all, she just wanted Ronnie to care, to love her, to hold her in her arms and tell her that everything was ok. She wanted Ronnie to let down her mask again and care. She had to see it for herself, she needed Ronnie to tell her, it needed to come from her Mum, nobody else. Nobody else mattered.

Downstairs Ronnie was sat at the bar quietly. The wedding hadn't exactly gone to plan. Slapping Roxy in the face in the middle of the church hadn't been anywhere on the plan, but she was there with Jack. It was justified.

Behind her, her sister Roxy clumsily walked straight into the path of Ronnie's chair as she sat perched on the edge of it.

Ronnie heard the grunt of dissatisfaction from her sister as she turned around and locked eyes with a perturbed Roxy. The sisters held their gaze for a few moments as the icy stare between them got colder. Roxy's eyes were filled with a childlike resentment that Ronnie knew only too well.

Ronnie watched as her sister huffed callously and made her way towards Jack. Knowing Ronnie's gaze would be following her across the room, Roxy smiled brightly as she approached the oblivious man and began to coo over her baby daughter who lay nestled in his arm.

A lump began to form in Ronnie's throat as she witnessed the happy family before her and she took a deep breath as she turned back to the drink in her hand, possibly the only thing left that would get her through this.

Archie watched the malicious display from a short distance away and kept his eyes firmly on his eldest daughter as he approached the table and sat down, instantly adopting his fatherly persona.

"Leave it V, it's not worth it. Don't give her the reaction she's looking for," he soothingly but firmly advised Ronnie. Roxy glanced over towards her sister and felt a sense of satisfaction as she noticed the disappointment etched on her face.

Ronnie tore her eyes from the hurtful scene and looked at her father. She took a deep breath as she digested his words and breathed a defeated sigh.

"I know, she's not worth it...and neither is he. You were right. But anyway this isn't about them, or me. This is your day, dad. Your's and Aunty Peggy's."

Archie remained stoic as he covered her hand with his own.

"Just looking out for my little V" he replied.

Ronnie flinched out of habit and then forced herself to relax under his touch. She smiled at him, appreciating his concern as a new found strength developed within her. Ronnie leaned into Archie's touch as he began to brush a stray lock of hair out of her face. For a split second she felt like a child again.

"I'm the luckiest man alive to have all my girls here with me today. Everyone I could ever want is right here with me."

As Archie winked at his daughter and stood up as Ronnie watched her dad make his way back to his guests and composed herself. She smiled at Roxy from across the room as the younger Mitchell sister instructed Jack to take a now sleeping Amy upstairs.

Danielle listened to Jack's footsteps and his gentle murmurs to Amy as he passed by the living room door. She felt bitter tears spring to her eyes. Jack had never planned to have Amy, Ronnie had tried to keep him away and yet here he was, taking care of his daughter, putting her to bed, talking to her so gently. Why couldn't Ronnie have done that? Why did she hate her so much?

Archie had said that when Ronnie had found out the truth about Danielle that it had made her sick, that she wanted nothing to do with Danielle, not now and not ever. As Jack closed the door to his baby's room and made his way back down to the reception the thoughts kept spiralling around Danielle's head. It should have been her, it should be her being taken care of and loved by her parent. After everything she has been through, how hard she has fought for Ronnie, and Ronnie doesn't even care.

Still, soon Ronnie would have to face the truth, Danielle wouldn't let her just ignore everything, when Ronnie found the locket then she would have to face the truth, and Danielle. There was an anger building within Danielle at the cruel injustice. Amy had been an accident too but here she was with everything that Danielle wanted, but Amy was the only family she had now, the only family who loved her anyway. They were the same, Amy and Danielle, and she made a sudden decision. If her Mum couldn't accept her then she would have the family that did. She rushed into Amy's room and started backing some clothes and blankets into a bag.

Downstairs Ben was busy rearranging the top table like Phil had asked him to. After Ronnie's chat with Archie she wanted to show her loyalty to him, but more than that she just wanted to not have to sit next to Roxy and Jack. Being next to them, having to watch them would have just been too much. Ben had been told to move Ronnie's place setting before anybody sat down. He dutifully moved Ronnie's name card and made sure to switch over everything, the plate, napkin, glasses, everything down to the spoons.

"You alright Ronnie?" Peggy questioned.

Ronnie had been making her way swiftly through the pub to the door at the back, she just wanted to go upstairs and catch her breath, get away from everything, from everyone. It was getting hard, seeing the 'happy couple', watching Roxy with Jack and Amy. Everything seemed to be thrown in Ronnie's face, just reminding her of everything she didn't have, everything that she had thrown away, pushed out of her life.

"Yeah," she smiled. "I'm fine Aunty Peg, just going to use the loo and I'll check on Amy while I'm upstairs." The fake smile plastered onto her face was flawless, it had been perfected over years of hiding, years of building up the wall that surrounded her. Only Archie ever seemed to be able to read the truth.

"Alright darling, but don't you be too long. We're going to sit down and start the speeches." Peggy pointed her finger and spoke gently but firmly to Ronnie.

Ronnie said nothing, she simply held her smile and nodded gently, her eyes not quite meeting with Peggy's. She moved through the door and as it swung closed behind her, she let out a shaky breath, trying to stay calm, to be happy for everybody else.

Slowly she made her way upstairs, each footstep taking her further from the music and chatter of the reception. Just a moment to keep herself in check, that's what she needed. And maybe if she kept telling herself it would be true. Maybe it really would all be ok when she went back downstairs. Fooling herself was never going to work though. No matter how much time she took she would never be alright with all of this, Roxy with Jack, baby Amy, happy couples, happy families. It would never be alright because nothing would be, nothing had been since she had lost her little Amy.

For a second, for a split second Ronnie froze on the stairs. Tiny feet, a child's feet climbing the stairs in front of her, just out of reach. They were gone before she had even blinked. She hadn't had that dream in months, not since she had found out about her daughter's fate. Now the dreams were changed, the child's feet were still and cold and she was stuck, unable to move to even see her baby's face.

Ronnie stared at the floor as she walked numbly up the rest of the stairs. More than ever now she just wanted to be alone. She opened the door to the living room and stepped inside taking a deep breath. Over by the window she saw something move. She turned her head quickly and was greeted by the sight of Danielle standing staring at her, cradling baby Amy in her arms. It was the last straw.


	3. Chapter 3 Only You Natalie Imbruglia

"What the hell are you doing here?" Ronnie whispered angrily. She wanted to yell and scream and take everything out on this stupid girl who just wouldn't leave her alone, but the sleeping child held in Danielle's arms and the reluctance to create a scene again today kept her quiet.

Danielle stood motionless, Ronnie had half expected her to yell or cry but she just stood there, her face set and staring at her. It was almost intimidating, almost.

"Why do you think? You might not care but I deserve to be around Amy, to be involved." The words were cold and calculated. Danielle even shivered as she heard the words spill from her mouth. She wanted to cry, to beg Ronnie to love her but she was guarded. Like mother like daughter after all.

"Danielle, I've tried to help. I've tried to be nice. But this isn't your family. You're obviously feeling fragile after the abortion but Amy is not your baby. Go home Danielle and stay away from this family." Ronnie's tone mimicked that of Danielle, it was controlled, empty but behind the shield there was barely concealed anger, frustration and confusion. So many emotions kept under lock and key. Ronnie's breath hitched as she realised how much she sounded like someone, how cold she sounded. How much she sounded like Archie. It snapped through her control. She moved swiftly towards Danielle and pulled the sleeping child from her arms. She didn't notice the look on Danielle's face, the mask that had been shattered.

Danielle tried to hold back the tears that sprung unbidden to her eyes. It burned, her eyes stung and her head pounded. She could feel her heart jump into her throat, her stomach lurch as if the world had just been turned upside down. To Danielle it had. Ronnie's words cut into her, more deeply than she thought they ever could "This isn't your family." That's what Ronnie had said. She had really said it, she wanted to get rid of Danielle, just like Archie had said, just like she had got rid of her nineteen years ago. Danielle could feel her hands shaking and her pulse racing, everything seemed to fade away.

"Why do you keep doing this? Wasn't the first time enough for you?" Danielle's voice was cracking, the emotion leaking through the faltering façade. Ronnie walked to the door with Amy in her arms. She sighed but did not turn back to Danielle.

"Doing what Danielle? I've never done anything to you, you are nothing to do with me," Ronnie said, she was almost pleading with the girl. This was too hard, too messy, she just couldn't understand why this girl kept digging and scratching away at her over and over. She walked into Amy's room with Danielle following closely. Trying to keep calm and controlled was failing quickly.

"Never done anything?!" Danielle exclaimed, her pain finally pouring out in a wave of emotion, all of the frustration and longing and disappointment she had tried to bury deep inside came cascading out. "From the very beginning you cursed my life!" She shouted at Ronnie, begging her to listen, to understand to finally let her in.

Ronnie was almost shocked by this outburst, but it was the words that confused her. How had she hurt Danielle so much? Why was this being taken out on her? Ronnie looked up from where she had placed Amy in the cot. The words Danielle had screamed had hit a chord within her, how many more lives could she curse?

"You need help Danielle." Cold, empty, hollow. Ronnie hardly recognised her own voice but there was no doubt in her mind that she meant the words. Danielle was so emotional, so angry and Ronnie couldn't work out why this girl was so desperate around her. One minute clinging to her and the next screaming at her and vandalising her door. It was enough, it was more than enough a long time ago. Ronnie turned and grabbed Danielle's upper arms, pushing her out of the room ahead of her. Amy didn't need to be woken by all of this, this screaming girl.

"No!" Danielle cried as Ronnie forced her bodily from the room. There was no warmth between them. How could her own mother treat her like this? How could she feel nothing, nothing at all? "No you need help! You've got no natural feelings!" She was screaming now, her voice straining to get all of the words out. There was just so much to say, so much anger and pain to voice and the words couldn't come out fast enough.

Ronnie could feel herself finally breaking. She felt trapped, this explosive anger aimed at her knocked her more than she thought it would. She couldn't understand why Danielle was so angry, she could see the pain seeping from Danielle's vehement stare. She had so much to deal with there was Roxy and Jack, their baby Amy, and Amy, her Amy, the only thing that had ever mattered. There was so much she was trying to keep in, keep together. This was too much, too much to handle, she couldn't do all this, she couldn't handle it. The wall around her crumbled.

"What do you want from me?!" Ronnie screamed her words, there was too much confusion, too much frustration, just too much. Too much of everything, it had to stop.

"Don't pretend you don't know ok." Part of Danielle was sickened by her mother's denial. Her refusal to even acknowledge who Danielle was and what she had done to her, what she was still doing.

"Granddad told you!" Danielle needed her to break, she needed to see Ronnie finally admit the truth, finally tell her the truth. She must have feelings some feeling, any feeling about this. At that moment there was a spark of hatred within Danielle. This woman, the woman who had carried her for nine months, the woman who she loved and needed more than anything else right now wouldn't even give her honesty, she wouldn't even give her the truth. She deserved that at the very least.

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" The confusion was screaming inside Ronnie's head and she threw it all out at Danielle.

"Your Dad, he, he told you!" Danielle stammered over her words. She hadn't missed the cracks appearing in Ronnie's shield. The way the pitch of her voice had raised, her face had flushed. Danielle was taking in everything. Even through her anger she took in every detail that Ronnie offered. The way her arms moved wildly in gesticulation. The way that stray tendrils of hair flew into her face as she screamed, the way her voice had broken on some of her words. Danielle could tell that finally emotion was seeping from the ice queen. From the mother she loved.

Ronnie was so close to tears. How could she come so close to tears over a girl who should mean nothing to her? Danielle was getting inside Ronnie, Ronnie felt almost as if she was being broken down slowly from the inside and it hurt. But anger was safer than pain. It always had been. Yell and scream and attack people and nobody will see how frightened, sad and alone you really are.

"Told me what?" Ronnie screamed at the shaking girl in front of her. Danielle looked so adamant, her words so sure in their anger and pain even if her voice wasn't. Ronnie needed to know what was going on. Everything in her body told her to stay, to listen, to finally understand. But she couldn't work out why. Why any of this was happening.

The words sprang from Danielle's lips, the words she had been longing to say for so long now. It was never meant to be like this, but it was time for the truth. Time for everything to be aired.

"That you're my mother!"


	4. Chapter 4 Because Of You Kelly Clarkson

Ronnie's breath caught in her throat. Her head started to spin and she felt hot, like she was burning. Her eyes stung with tears and suddenly nothing made sense. It felt like she couldn't breathe. Ronnie felt like she was underwater, her breath froze and everything was a blur.

"What?" It was all she could get out. The words were choked as she spoke them. All that came into Ronnie's mind was her little Amy, the baby she wanted more than life itself. She almost clutched at her locket instinctively but instead tried to keep her actions neutral. She didn't know if she could move anyway, her whole body seemed stuck, too heavy.

"Your Dad, he told me that he told you. The truth. That you're my mum." Danielle couldn't understand what was happening. Ronnie knew. Archie had told her that Ronnie knew. But from one look at Ronnie's face all that certainty left Danielle, it drained away with the blood that was draining from Ronnie's face. Archie had said that Ronnie was fragile, that if her child ever came back into her life she'd kill herself. Was this it? Danielle stared into the chalk-white face of her mother and was scared. Perhaps she was breaking, perhaps this was all too much for her in her state. But the genuine shock that was etched in every fibre of Ronnie was too much for Danielle to ignore. At that second all she wanted was to pull her towards her and hold her close. Tell her how much she loved her. Tell her that everything was going to be ok.

"Why are you saying this? My daughter is dead. How dare you?" Ronnie's voice had no power. Her words were a mere whimper, just a shadow of the person she pretended to be. The words whispered out of her as if they were her last breath.

"No. The agency got it wrong. I'm your daughter. I told Granddad, he said you knew." Ronnie didn't know. The truth of it all hit Danielle all at once and it felt like she had been stabbed. Just like her mother, the blood drained from her face and she stood simply staring.

Footsteps began resounding heavily as someone made their way up the stairs. The two women were stood just feet apart and both in a stasis, like statues they were blank and motionless. Archie knew at that moment that the truth had come out.

"You said you told her. You said she knew. You said…" Danielle's fury sprang into action. The mother she loved dearly, the mother she thought had rejected her never even knew who she was and Archie was somewhere entwined in this mess. She had never felt such a hatred in her life. Never felt such a desperation for Ronnie to trust her and believe her.

Archie however, didn't even let Danielle finish her words. He couldn't risk letting Danielle say anything more that could convince Ronnie. He couldn't risk it all being ruined now.

"Danielle we talked about this. You need to get help. This delusion is sick, girl." He grabbed Danielle as soon as he saw her edging closer to Ronnie. Physically and emotionally he had to keep them apart, he had to stop this now.

"Veronica, don't let her hurt you. She's a sick girl. She's told me all about her delusions." Archie stared his daughter straight in the face, he didn't blink, he didn't look away. Ronnie looked away. Her eyes flicked between Danielle and Archie. Everything was a mess, it felt like her head was going to explode, the pounding inside her head made every word echo. She could feel her own breath quicken almost as if in panic. It felt like something was crushing her chest, even breathing hurt.

"She told me weeks ago about wanting to be your daughter. It was just after the abortion." Ronnie's eyes flicked up to Archie's face at the mention of Danielle's abortion. The abortion that she herself had helped her through, the time that had hurt her so much, had dragged everything back up. How could Archie know about it? Danielle was the only person who could have told him.

"Yes, I know all about the abortion V. It was just after then that she first confessed her plans. She wants to make herself your daughter. I thought she was harmless at first, just a bit upset after all that had happened." Archie's words were flawless, he didn't falter once. Danielle stared at him as if she had seen a ghost. Her mouth was slightly open and tears began to roll silently down her face.

"But it started getting out of hand. She stopped saying how she wanted to be your daughter and started claiming that she already was. She kept saying that you loved her, that you wanted her to be with you and with Amy. It isn't right V. I tried to talk her round, get her to see reality but she isn't well."

Danielle had been silent for too long, her tears were streaming now and she could feel her face was red. She was choking on her tears, each breath gasping and coughing.

"No. Ronnie, no. He's lying. Your locket. I know about your locket. It has a picture of me. How else would I know that?" Danielle was screaming again, she didn't mean to, she didn't even register that she was. But she was shaking all over, she felt sick, she had to get the words out. It was as if it was her last chance. She shouted everything that she could think of. Ronnie had to know, she had to know the truth, she had to believe Danielle, she just had to.

Archie grabbed Danielle and pulled her bodily away from Ronnie. He was shouting about how Danielle was lying and that she wasn't in her right mind. But Danielle could only hear a blurred slur of his voice. The only thing in focus was Ronnie as she reached down and held her locket.

"I told her about it. She asked. I didn't think there was any harm." Archie seemed so adamant, so sure, so honest. Danielle felt cold at his callous lies. She struggled against him as he physically restrained her. She could feel herself being torn further and further away from Ronnie, from her mother.

Ronnie was torn. She felt like her entire body and mind was being ripped in two. Her baby was dead. Her Dad had told her that her little Amy had died thirteen years ago. She couldn't be alive. But here was this girl right in front of her screaming and sobbing that she was Amy.

"Move, girl! You are a twisted, evil little thing. You have no right to hurt my daughter like this." Archie tried to drag Danielle down the stairs but she fought against him at every move that he tried to make.

"Why would she say this?" Ronnie didn't even know who she was speaking to. It could have been Archie or Danielle or herself or even simply out into the ether. The confusion had smothered her like a heavy blanket, but it was trapping her, holding her down.

"He's evil ok. He is. He's trying to keep us apart." Danielle screamed her words as she struggled against Archie's grasp. Ronnie's eyes were narrowed as she held onto her locket. Danielle looked straight into her eyes, she wanted her mother to look at her and see the truth there.

"Downstairs, I have proof downstairs. I put it there, I can prove it. Ronnie please?" Danielle was reaching a level of desperation and despair that she had never known that she could fall to. She began to beg Ronnie,

"Please Ronnie, I can prove it. Just let me show you. Please? I have proof downstairs. Please, Ronnie? Please?" She wasn't above begging. Not for her mother. Nothing would ever be enough or too much for her mother. How could it be?

Ronnie felt numb. She didn't know what was happening or where she stood. So she agreed. She agreed to let Danielle have her chance to prove things.


	5. Chapter 5 Hallelujah Jeff Buckley

Archie's fingers dug so hard into Danielle's arms as he led her down the stairs in front of him that she knew she would have bruises left there. Ronnie followed close behind, at one point Ronnie actually thought that Archie was going to throw Danielle down the stairs. She wanted to scream. Wanted to make them both stop, to turn everything back to when it didn't hurt quite as much. She didn't know that Danielle wished for the same thing.

Ronnie was silent, trying desperately to repair her mask, her shield so that whatever happened nobody would see her hurt, nobody is allowed to see Ronnie Mitchell weak. It was just too hard, letting people see her upset, see her weakness gave them too much power, it made it so much easier for them to hurt her again.

"Go on then," Ronnie demanded as they walked into the main room of the Vic. "Show me." The old Ronnie was back, cold and emotionless, no sign of weakness, no sign of life. But inside she was screaming. She was praying, please let it be true. She could be my Amy, I could have my little girl, my little angel. Please let it be true.

Archie began to speak. His words were a blur to both women. He spoke about how Danielle was troubled, ill. He announced that she was delusional, obsessed with Ronnie. All the while Danielle searched. The locket wasn't in Ronnie's champagne glass. The tears were rolling steadily down her face. In between Jack and Roxy she tore apart every item that was in her way, she searched every glass on the table and the locket was nowhere. Panic overtook Danielle. It was true, she knew it was true, but it was gone.

"It was here." It was no more than a pitiful whimper, this was it. She was losing Ronnie. No! She wouldn't back down so easily, she was a Mitchell after all.

"It was here. He took it!" Danielle thrust her finger towards Archie accusingly, threateningly. "He had to have done. He, he knew, he's keeping it from you. You're my mum, you're my MUM!" She was screaming, her voice high and cracking with overflowing emotion. Even when Ronnie grabbed her arms roughly she didn't stop, but open mouthed she sobbed hysterically, breaths hitching and choking in her throat.

"You sick, TWISTED little freak!" Ronnie's face was contorted in anger as she screamed into Danielle's face. Her fingernails could be felt tearing into Danielle's upper arms even through her cardigan. Danielle could do nothing but repeat the word 'no' and cry as her mother yelled and screamed just inches away from her face.

"You think this is funny? You think you can lie and manipulate and…you freak!" Ronnie had been hit again, her stomach had flipped and her heart had seemed to stop beating while Danielle had searched. She wanted her to find it so much. But no, she was alone again, even that second of hope was stolen from her. Danielle had put her through that, for whatever sick game she was playing, Danielle had broken a heart that was already shattered..

"Get out!" The words were said through gritted teeth. Ronnie didn't even want to look Danielle in the eye. This girl had dragged up more pain than anybody could understand and she just kept doing it. But nothing, nothing could compare to what she had put Ronnie through tonight.

"Ronnie, no. Please." Danielle's voice faded into the ether as the wracking sobs that overtook her body strangled her voice.

"You heard me! You're sick! You're a sad, little freak and you need serious help! I never want to see your face again. You stay away from me, stay away from my family and get the hell out now!" The pain and anger that Ronnie felt was burning through her like a raging storm. There was no containing it now. How could somebody do this? Nobody had the right. Not ever. Her Amy was everything. It wasn't fair.

"Look around Danielle. Nobody wants you here. Go HOME! Although I bet nobody wants you there either! You're pathetic, you have always been pathetic. Just looking at you makes me sick." She was half pushing and half dragging the trembling girl across the pub. Danielle wasn't fighting back anymore. She was almost a dead weight, her whole body having given up.

"Mum, please."

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP NOW!" Ronnie's screeching wail resonated through the room, it was primal, like a wounded animal, fighting it's last fight. One last ounce of control and Ronnie looked Danielle in the eyes, her face empty and hollow, a broken shell of the woman Danielle once knew.

"You don't deserve anything. Who would want a daughter like you anyway."

One last violent push and the door was slammed in Danielle's face. Tears flowed unbidden down Ronnie's cheeks.

It was over.


	6. Chapter 6 Run To You Whitney Houston

There had been speeches, it had almost returned to a calm and happy occasion. But then Ronnie had tipped up her champagne glass to toast her father. The locket had slid into the top of the glass. Ronnie tipped it into her hand and her world fell apart.

……

"She's my daughter." Ronnie was in shock. Her hand clutched her heart as she spoke. Everything she believed, everything that she had believed for so long was crashing down onto her. Her world was being thrown upside down and she didn't know what reality even was anymore. It felt as though she had just been hit and knocked down, she was falling, falling to the ground in a blood-dripping mess. She felt as though her heart had been ripped open within her chest and her emotions were seeping out into the void she had held inside her for so long.

"She's my daughter! And he…he told me she died, he told me she was dead." She spoke to everybody and to nobody. Perhaps she was just speaking to herself, the disbelief of what Archie had really done still had a hold over her and the reality that her daughter, her little girl was alive and more than that, she was Danielle.

"You told me she was dead!" Anger won out suddenly over all other emotions. Anger at being deceived, anger at having all these years taken from her and anger at herself, she had thrown Danielle out. All the things she had said to her. The way she had treated her. She hadn't believed her own daughter. The tears flooded her eyes and nothing else got through. It was all merely background noise as the memories all washed through Ronnie's mind. It was like a moment before death where life flashed before her. All of the things she had said to Danielle,

"Having that baby…was the biggest mistake of my life."

"Yes I meant it. My life would have been much better if I'd had an abortion."

"Everywhere I turn there you are!"

"Why don't you get on the first train out of Euston and go home?"

"Get OUT!"

"You're really starting to creep me out."

"You sick, twisted little freak."

"Who'd want a daughter like you."

The tears caused her vision to fog and the guilt spread through her like ravenous flames, burning away at her.

Before she knew it she was tucking the locket into Roxy's hand and running out of the Vic, running as fast as she could. She had to find Danielle, nothing else mattered. Her little girl was out there somewhere. Alone and in pain and she had to find her. She ran across the road and screamed Danielle's name. Her dress floated around her like the flowing dress of an angel as she spun frantically around, her eyes scanning every street, every house for any sign of Danielle. She screamed out again, calling Danielle's name like an empty and desolate prayer. And still nothing.

Ronnie was panicked, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. She ran to the only place she could think of to find Danielle, she ran to the Slater's. Danielle had stayed there, during the abortion she had stayed there, she had to be there, she just had to. It was the only shred of hope that Ronnie could cling on to.

Ronnie banged her fist against the door so hard that she could feel the sharp pain across her knuckles. She didn't care. She kept pounding against the door, she could see the skin scraped from her knuckles and still, it meant nothing. She opened her hand and threw her palm against the glass over and over. Finally the door swung open in front of her. Stacey stood before Ronnie, her eyes not quite focussing. She swayed slightly as Ronnie barged past her.

"Where's Danielle? Is she here?" Ronnie was unmovable, her voice commanding answers despite the panic that each word was edged with.

"You broke that girl's heart." Ronnie, turned to look at Stacey, here eyes begging for anything from the girl. She couldn't blame Stacey for how she was acting. She had broken Danielle, it was all her fault. Her eyes searched the hall for any sign of Danielle but there was nothing. She looked back at Stacey who was staring at her, not backing down. If it had been any other situation Ronnie would have been impressed and pleased that Stacey would protect Danielle so fiercely but right now nobody was going to keep her from Danielle. Nobody.

"Stacey please, I need to find her. Was she here?" She was almost down on her knees, pride didn't matter, she would beg forever if it would take her to Danielle.

"Yeah she was here. She was a mess. She told me what you did. Said she wanted to leave. That there was nothing here for her." Ronnie watched numbly as Stacey challenged her. She wanted to reach out and grab Stacey, just shake the girl until she told her. She needed to know, needed to know now.

"Where has she gone?!" Ronnie cried out frenziedly.

"I dunno ok. She just left. I went to the bathroom and when I got back she wasn't here." Stacey had barely finished her sentence when Ronnie called out over her,

"Where has she gone? Do you know where she's gone?" Ronnie's voice was almost hysterical, she could feel herself trembling, the adrenaline of fear, panic and anxiety making her whole body seem to pulse.

"No I…She said she wanted to leave, to go home. She…"

Ronnie ran out of the door before Stacey could finish. It was too hard to stay still, there was too much time being wasted. She just ran. The tube station was all she could think. She didn't even register Stacey's voice calling out behind her to wait.

It was cold in the streets, unseasonably cold and Ronnie's frantic breaths puffed out like an eerie smoke in front of her. Tears were still falling unhindered in their torrents from her eyes and dripping relentlessly down her face and neck. She could almost see the station and despite the dull ache spreading through her legs each time her spindly heels connected with the tarmac she just increased her furious pace. She had to reach Danielle. She couldn't lose her baby, not again, not like this.

She burst into the tube station and ran into the barriers.

"Let me through! Let me through!" Her voice was a restless wail, a scream at anybody who could help.

"You need an oyster card Miss. If you don't have one then you can buy a ticket at the desk there." The man pointed over to the ticket booth. Ronnie stared at him almost in disbelief.

"I don't have any money. My daughter's up there. My little girl. I need to see her. She needs to know the truth," Ronnie shrieked, pleading for help, for a chance. After so long she just needed a chance, please, just a chance. She couldn't lose her. She couldn't.

The man was just about to speak again when Ronnie began to talk. She managed to control herself, that last ounce of control that was hanging by a thread, so close to snapping.

"Please. Please. Look my daughter is up there. She's trying to leave. She has nowhere to go. Please, I don't want to get on the train. I just need to stop her." Ok so it wasn't exactly the truth, but anything was warranted to get to Danielle, Ronnie would jump the barrier if she had to.

The man looked at Ronnie, she caught his eye, the tears still drowning her, conveying her utter devastation. She reached her hand out and touched his arm and whispered in a shuddering voice,

"She's my daughter."

The man sighed and gave a slight smile, he lifted a card out of his pocket and held it against the machine. The barriers opened and Ronnie didn't even hesitate long enough to thank him, she simply ran full pelt up the stairs.

There were just a handful of people on the platform, these strangers milling around who all turned to stare as this woman in a bridesmaid's dress ran frenetically onto the platform into the middle of them. Ronnie looked, and there on the edge of the platform, staring vacantly and yet piercingly onto the tracks below was the little lost girl in the white dress.

"Danielle!" Ronnie called out from the other end of the platform. She kept her rapid pace as she ran towards her daughter.

"Danielle!" She screamed to her, she needed Danielle to look at her, her heart skipped a beat when she noticed how close to the edge of the platform Danielle was.

Danielle looked up and her eyes met with Ronnie's. Both their faces were stained with tears and black mascara trails were smeared from their eyes.

Ronnie breathed, she finally allowed herself to breath. She had reached her little girl.

"Baby!"

* * *

A/N--- Ok so I was really crushed by what happened on the reveal. It was so heart breaking. So I hope this fic may brighten it up for you all.

Please all review and let me know what you think. :)


	7. Chapter 7 With Or Without You U2

Ronnie had never felt so nervous in her whole life. But she had found her, she was here, right in front of her was her baby girl, her Amy, her Danielle. A small smile of relief and pleading flickered on Ronnie's face. Her eyes were locked with Danielle's, she couldn't look away if she wanted to, but she didn't want to. She never wanted to stop looking at her beautiful little girl.

"Danielle, baby." Ronnie's voice was so soft. It was so maternal and warm, as if she were talking to an infant, in a way she was. She was speaking to her baby Amy, the child she had dreamt about and longed for, for nineteen years. Her arm slowly reached out towards Danielle. Ronnie prayed that she would feel her little girl's hand in hers once again. But instead she saw Danielle step back, away from her.

Ronnie's face and heart fell simultaneously. She wanted to throw herself down and scream and grab Danielle and not give her the choice, just never let her go. But she couldn't. She just kept her hand outstretched towards Danielle.

"Please, Danielle. I'm sorry. You're my baby, my Amy, you…" There was a note of pleading in Ronnie's voice as once again she felt the rug slipping out from under her feet. Danielle's expression had not changed. There was no warmth, relief or love there. She was blank. A canvas to be imprinted upon, a shield to hide the truth.

"Don't," Danielle said bitterly. There was a venom to her voice that made the hairs on the back of Ronnie's neck stand on end. Danielle was barely composed, she was balanced on a razor's edge. The look she had seen on Ronnie's face, the hatred. Nobody had ever looked at her that way and even if they had this was Ronnie, her mum. After seven months of hoping and trying and praying for Ronnie to understand and to love her, it had all fallen apart worse than Danielle had ever imagined it could.

Danielle had sat at the tube station, she had watched three trains go by and had no idea what to do. But Ronnie wouldn't leave her mind. The sound of her voice when she had denied and rejected her. The look on her face as she had thrown her down onto the road. The disgust and loathing. 'But you're my mum'. Still even at the station, the words echoed. A supplication, reverberating endlessly. Danielle wanted to scream, to get it all out of her head. Forget Ronnie, the whole family, forget why she came here, forget the last year of her life. The one person she needed, who could hold her and make everything better was her mum, but it was her mum who had done it all. It left an open gaping wound in Danielle and after seven months she had finally given up. She had lost. She was done.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Ronnie's voice squeaked as she gasped to keep yet more tears from falling. She wanted so much to be strong for her daughter. "I didn't know, you have to understand."

"NO!" Danielle shouted. The scattered strangers waiting on the platform all turned to stare as her voice shot through the relative silence of the night. Ronnie's hand moved up to clutch her chest as her breath hitched in a sob. Her mouth was slightly agape and her eyes widened in fear and pain.

"No Ronnie." Each word was taken on a breath, "I can't understand. I've had months of trying to understand you, trying to get to know you. I've had enough. It's too late now." Danielle's chin quivered with each passing second and she could feel her knees shaking but she remained strong. It was a front, inside she felt defeated, broken. But Ronnie didn't deserve to see that pain. She didn't deserve anything from Danielle.

"I didn't know. Please. If you'd told me…" Danielle's eyes widened in anguish and indignation at Ronnie's words. Her words burst forth,

"I TRIED. I tried to tell you SO many times but you never had time for me. You NEVER bothered to listen." Danielle's eyes skated away from Ronnie's as she moved her head to the side. She glanced down at the tracks below her.

"I…" Ronnie stuttered as she spoke. As Danielle's eyes refused to meet hers she felt her daughter slip that bit further away. Danielle interrupted before Ronnie could take the shuddering breath to form words.

"I came here to tell you. But then the first time I saw you were so perfect and so beautiful and I just thought how disappointed you'd be if you found out who I was. Disappointed to have someone like me as a daughter." The words came out bitterly and each enunciation cut through Ronnie like a knife, stabbing at the already open wound of her loss. Ronnie took a step towards Danielle, tried to breach the gap, the chasm that had formed between them but Danielle stepped away in equal measure. It was as if Ronnie was poison, danger, a vile plague to be kept at a distance.

"You don't even like me. You never liked me. Right from the beginning I tried so hard but you hated me." Danielle could feel herself breaking. Reliving her desperation, all the rejection, it hurt. It hurt more than Danielle could face. She let a tear slip down her cheek before she could stop it. At the sight of that one tear Ronnie couldn't stop herself, she moved in quick and steady steps towards Danielle.

Danielle backed away until she felt her back impact with the railings at the end of the platform. She glanced significantly down at the tracks to her left and her expression, as soon as Ronnie saw it sent sparks of pure terror through her very core. She closed the final gap between herself and her daughter and cupped Danielle's cheek in her hand.

Danielle flinched and tried to turn her face away but Ronnie's hand stuck fast to her cheek. She closed her eyes instead, desperate not to look at Ronnie, not to let her under her skin again. It was too painful, too much sorrow. Her eyes still closed, Danielle let out a shaky breath. Her weakness and uncertainty began to emerge.

"Did you ever like me? Even for one second? In all these months was there one second where you liked me for me?"

Ronnie stared at Danielle in disbelief that she could even ask the question. Danielle was all Ronnie wanted, all she would ever want, she was her daughter, nothing was more important. She let her thumb stroke the apple of Danielle's cheek gently in reverence of her beautiful little girl.

It was a mere second before Ronnie tried to reply but that second of silence, to Danielle was all the answer she needed. She opened her eyes and pushed away Ronnie's hand, stepping sideways away from the tracks and turning her whole body away from Ronnie. She began to speak, her voice soft and tainted with harsh disappointment,

"You deserve better than me. You knew that the day I was born." She tried to hold back tears but sniffed as another slipped down her pale cheek. She hardened her resolve. This was dragging for too long, she just wanted it over.

"You didn't want me then and you don't want me now. I've always been a disappointment to you. WHO WOULD WANT A DAUGHTER LIKE ME? Who could ever want the BIGGEST mistake of their life?!" Danielle wrapped her arms around herself as she couldn't hold back her tears any longer, they tracked down her face relentlessly.

"You can't do this," Ronnie begged. She saw Danielle, her arms hugging herself as if to form a barrier, a way to protect herself. All Ronnie wanted was to be that for Danielle. To be the shield, not the enemy. "I lov…"

"No!" Danielle shouted her words, screamed them violently. She couldn't let Ronnie finish that word. It was just too painful.

"Stop it. I've had enough of being lied to. You were right. You should have had an abortion when you had the chance. It would have made your life better…and mine too." She nodded her head, willing herself to believe the words, willing herself not to want Ronnie, not to need her anymore.

"No Danielle, I didn't...I never…please?" Ronnie scraped her hands across her face, wiping the tears and rubbing her eyes. She needed Danielle to understand and believe her. But Danielle had reached breaking point. She couldn't get Ronnie's betrayal out of her head. Every time she dared a glance upwards at her mother's face she was struck by the memory of the face that had denied her, that had cast her out, that had rejected her.

"No! You made your mistake and we BOTH have to live with it!" She pointed her finger accusingly at Ronnie as she yelled her words. In her peripheral vision she could see the other people on the platform staring at the scene that they were creating. Two girls were stood together whispering and staring. Danielle felt on display, like she was some oddity in a freak show, the girl that nobody wanted. It made her resentment and betrayal burn more callously within her.

"I didn't mean that Danielle, you have to forgive me!" Ronnie moved forwards once again, needing to prove her honesty to Danielle. Her arms were up in the air, her whole body screamed her harassment.

"No! YOU mess up and then blame me because I can't forgive you! I cant!" Danielle shrugged coarsely away from Ronnie's approach. Her hands moved violently before her in adamant gesticulation.

"I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU!" Her whole body bent forwards as she screamed out the words. It took all the breath that she had and was a deafening wail, screeching through the tension of the pair. It sounded to Ronnie achingly similar to herself when she had screamed at Danielle. It sounded the same as when Danielle had screamed that she was her mother. But it was darker, more bitter, hiding a miasma of agonies behind its volume.

Danielle's whole body shook with her merciless outburst. From behind her the train began to slide swiftly into the station. Danielle heard nothing but when Ronnie's eyes flicked fearfully towards the oncoming vehicle Danielle's head snapped round and she saw the train. She finally felt a relief as her escape was in view.

Ronnie's eyes pleaded with Danielle, through the tears that just kept coming she pleaded silently to her daughter to stay. She felt helpless. She was losing her Amy all over again. There was no forgiveness, no mercy.

Danielle calmed slightly with the knowledge that this would all be over soon. But the hurt hadn't subsided. She spoke slowly to Ronnie as she backed towards the edge of the platform. Her voice was soft but relentless.

"You can't treat people like that. Not _anyone_! I loved you so much but you aren't who I thought you were. A mother wipes away tears, she doesn't cause them. A mother protects her child, doesn't throw them out onto the street."

The train doors had slid open and Danielle was a mere foot away from them. Ronnie grabbed her wrist in her last fevered attempt to hold onto her baby. But Danielle yanked herself away roughly. She looked into Ronnie's eyes once more and spoke her final words to the woman she had pined for, for so long,

"You aren't a mother to me. You never were."

She turned towards the train and stepped on. There was no look back. No more chances. The doors slid closed leaving Ronnie quaking and shuddering in shock on the platform. Alone. She hadn't been able to process what was happening. She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She stopped breathing, her breaths just wouldn't come.

The train started to move away, and in a second it was gone. She was gone.

Ronnie finally took in a gasping and choking breath as she doubled over and collapsed onto the cold concrete of the station platform, her sobs now uncontrollable. She curled her body around herself, her arms wrapped protectively around her chest. She was foetally curled in upon herself. Lost and alone. Broken, shattered irreparably.

* * *

A/N--- Ok, this chapter has taken me days to write. I found it really hard to get into Danielle's head during this chapter. But I REALLY hope it was worth it. I hope you were shocked and enjoyed the explosive chapter.

Please let me know what you think as I am still nervous about this chapter.


	8. Chapter 8 When You're Gone Avril Lavigne

Stacey ran up the stairs of Walford East station and onto the platform, as she ran she called Danielle's name, hoping to see her friend waiting there.

Ronnie heard Stacey's voice call out but it meant nothing. It was just another crushing blow. Down on her knees on the cold concrete, Ronnie's tear ridden face was held in her hands, her body folded over upon itself. Her body was slowly rocking back and forth, her whole form hitching with each violent and shuddering intake of breath.

"Danielle?" Stacey arrived on the platform and looked around. "The old codger wouldn't let me through. I had to go back and get money." Stacey was looking around her as she spoke. She looked up and down the platform and Danielle was nowhere. All she saw was a broken mother. Her breath caught in her throat as she cast her eyes upon the crumpled figure of Ronnie, curled helplessly all alone on the empty platform. This was Ronnie Mitchell, she didn't break down. She had a heart of stone, she was a Mitchell, she was untouchable.

"Where is she Ronnie?" Stacey spoke slowly, uncertain and almost suspicious. The only response that greeted her was a guttural sob, the noise was frightening. Stacey cautiously stepped forward and crouched next to Ronnie. She didn't know what to do, seeing Ronnie in this state was unheard of, it felt wrong and it was unnerving.

"Was she here?" Stacey spoke gently, but still her voice had an edge of urgency over her friend. Ronnie gave no reply but simply let out small, pitiful and distressing screams with each breath. She looked like an infant, a lost child all alone.

"Ronnie, was she here?" Stacey was getting anxious now. What could have made Ronnie break down like this? Where was Danielle? Stacey couldn't help herself from glancing down at the tracks and scanning the scene one more time, searching for signs of an accident or an emergency. Danielle had been distraught and to put Ronnie into such an agonised tailspin, Stacey was afraid that Danielle had done something drastic. Stacey looked back at Ronnie to see her nodding defeatedly, it was as if it had taken every ounce of the woman's strength just to nod.

"She didn't want to know. She left. I lost her again Stacey. Oh God, she's gone. I've lost my little girl." Ronnie's chest heaved viciously and her breathing rapidly increased until she began to hyperventilate, each breath catching and making her yelp and wheeze. Stacey didn't know what to do. This was completely wrong. Danielle would never leave her mother, she loved Ronnie so much…too much, more than Stacey ever thought that Ronnie deserved. And Ronnie. She was strong, she wasn't meant to be like this. It hit Stacey how much Ronnie's daughter meant to her. This for Ronnie was everything.

Stacey let her hand reach out to rub Ronnie's back. It was all that she could think of to comfort the dejected woman beside her.

"She'll come back. She didn't give up on you before. She ain't gonna start now." Stacey had never been good at the softly, softly approach. Get back up and get over it. That's how she lived her life. After everything that had happened it was how she had to be. But her words only seemed to induce more hopeless whimpers from Ronnie.

"You're her mum Ronnie. You have to stay strong for her yeah?" Ronnie looked up into Stacey's face and Stacey saw the years of pain and betrayal buried behind Ronnie's eyes. It brought a tear to Stacey and she roughly sniffed it away. Ronnie's face was red and her eyes puffy and blood shot, they looked sunken and her lips were cracking from so much crying. But Stacey's words had hit something within Ronnie as she suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders.

" I don't know how Stacey. I need her." Ronnie collapsed back down but threw her arms around Stacey, embracing her in a hug which Stacey knew was intended for another. Not knowing what to do she settled for stroking Ronnie's hair a couple of times.

"Come on, lets get you home," Stacey sighed.

It took a while but Stacey managed to haul a hysterical Ronnie to her feet and slowly, with herself under Ronnie's arm supporting her weight, they began to make their way back to Ronnie's flat. Neither spoke as they walked their path through the streets of Walford. Both were lost deep in their own thoughts and Stacey made an extra effort as she had to take almost all of Ronnie's weight. The wracking sobs had subsided and in their place was a hollow, vacant disposition covered over by the torrent of silent and unending tears that still flowed freely. Every few steps the silence would be broken by a choked hiccough from Ronnie but no words were said. Neither had any to give.

As they reached Ronnie's front door Stacey began to wonder how they were going to get in. She asked Ronnie for keys but got no response, Ronnie's flat and empty expression didn't falter, it was as if she hadn't heard her. Stacey took a gamble and reached into the pocket of Ronnie's jacket and gave silent thanks as her hand closed around a bunch of keys. She was immensely thankful that she didn't have to go into the Vic to get them. Ronnie wasn't in any state to handle anything more and Stacey herself felt drained and confused. She couldn't work out in her mind what could have happened on the platform. Danielle had fawned over Ronnie for months, she had forgiven her everything, she truly loved her…unconditionally. Stacey knew that Danielle was apt to do things on impulse, especially when her emotions ran high. But leaving Ronnie in this state? It didn't make sense.

After sliding the key in the door, Stacey led Ronnie upstairs and into the flat. It was surreal, Ronnie was so blank and vacuous, the way she stumbled and allowed herself to be led was like she was drunk or almost as if she wasn't really there. Stacey thought maybe she wasn't. She spared awkward and concerned glances towards Ronnie as she moved her into the flat and onto the sofa. Ronnie didn't notice, or if she did she made no recognition of it.

Stacey had managed to sit Ronnie down on the sofa. She stood beside the arm and tried to talk to her, still no reaction.

"You want a coffee?" Stacey just couldn't do the soothing mother act. It wasn't her. As much as she felt sorry for Ronnie, she was always no nonsense, even with Jean. When there was still no movement and barely even a blink from Ronnie, Stacey moved herself over to the kitchen and switched on the kettle before searching the cupboards for mugs. She chatted to Ronnie vacantly, just telling her words of encouragement and general small talk to fill the deafening silence that was hanging in the air.

She made the coffees and took them over to the coffee-table. She gently set one down in front of Ronnie who didn't break her lifeless and intense stare which was concentrated on the wall ahead of her. Stacey perched herself on the edge of the table and looked at Ronnie as she blew the steam away from the top of her coffee. She looked so much like Danielle right now. They had similar facial features and there was always a resemblance between them but it was the mannerisms, the reactions. When something pushed Danielle too far she would break down and cry or just go silent and almost catatonic. Watching Ronnie in the same state just made Stacey realise how much this pair needed each other, how broken they both really were. If it had been a lighter moment, Stacey would have laughed at how similar their reactions were despite living apart for nineteen years, but now it just made her sort of ache. She felt guilty for not forcing Danielle to tell Ronnie sooner. Maybe if she had then this could all have been avoided.

They sat that way for almost an hour. Stacey had long finished her coffee but despite her encouragement, Ronnie hadn't even acknowledged hers. It was getting more and more uncomfortable by the minute. Ronnie's catatonic silence was more than unnerving now, it was becoming disturbing. She hadn't moved at all since Stacey had seated her on the sofa, she hadn't made a noise apart from uncontrolled hiccoughs from crying and the occasional noise of crying.

Stacey moved to leave. She told Ronnie that she'd be back to check on her.

"She'll come back," Stacey said as she walked out of the room. She felt slightly guilty leaving Ronnie the way that she was but it had become clear that she wasn't helping. She decided that maybe she should call Roxy later and tell her to check on Ronnie. Maybe her sister could get through to her.

As Stacey walked down Turpin Road and along to Albert Square, she lifted her phone out of her pocket. Ronnie was worrying her too much and the whole thing with Danielle just didn't sit right.

"Come on Dan, pick up," she muttered to herself as the phone gave the ringing tone. Nobody answered. It clicked onto voicemail.

"Dan? Dan it's me, Stace. Look I dunno what happened with you and Ronnie but Dan you have to come back. She's a right mess. I've never seen her like that. I've never seen anyone like that, except maybe mum but…Dan she ain't right. You know I'd never side with Ronnie Mitchell, but you didn't see her. She's a complete wreck. She needs you and if you ever meant any of the things you said you'll get yourself back here and make things right for both of you." She sighed into the phone. How could she explain how Ronnie was? Nobody would expect this of her, Danielle probably wouldn't even believe her.

"If you can't come back for her then come back for me, yeah? I'll see you SOON." And with that she hung up the phone and walked resignedly back home.


	9. Chapter 9 Wash It All Away Evanescence

Danielle sat on the train, her head bowed, as remorseful tears fell onto her lap. As each tear slid from her eyelashes they caressed her cheek and reminded Danielle of the tender touch that Ronnie had given her. The way her thumb had brushed away her tears, and the soft skin of her palm had firmly and protectively held her face.

This was all too hard. What happened to the fantasies, the dreams of a perfect reunion? Danielle thought bitterly. She had built up in her mind her entire future, the relationship she and Ronnie would have and it had all slipped away so suddenly. She began to regret her words to Ronnie, she had said that she was never a mother. It was a lie. Since she was five years old she had had in the back of her mind. The dream of her real mother, and after her adoptive mum died, this Veronica Mitchell had become something to cling on to. A home, a heart, an oasis of comfort in the surrounding solitude. She had given her a place to stay when Stacey had chucked her out, she had been there and offered her support when Danielle had confessed her pregnancy. She had been vicious, heartless and cruel, but entwined somewhere within all of that, Ronnie had always been Danielle's mother and always would be.

The dichotomy was ripping Danielle apart. How could she love somebody so much and hate and resent them so much at the same time? She just wanted everything to be ok, she wanted it all to have never happened. She just wanted to curl up in Ronnie's arms and feel safe and loved. But that would never happen…could never happen now. Ronnie had rejected her pitilessly and mercilessly and nothing could erase that. Nothing could take away the hurt.

Danielle looked down at her hands. They were covered in dirt and grit still from where Ronnie had pushed her out onto the road like an animal. They didn't feel like hers. Looking at her own body, Danielle felt detached, as if nothing was real. The day had been so much, so painful that Danielle began to dissociate herself from it. If she really let everything sink in then she would die, she could feel it. The bone crushing sadness. So she tried to pretend that it was ok. That Ronnie didn't matter, never did. It made her feel less real, as if her own body wasn't even hers anymore. Maybe she was finally cracking up. Danielle smiled a bitter smile of ironic resentment as she remembered what Archie had said. He had said she was insane, unstable. Perhaps he was right.

The train moved outwards through the East end of London and towards Euston. As the journey moved, station by station onwards, Danielle felt more and more alone. Ronnie and Stacey were all she had. Now she was going back to Telford, away from them. And to what?

She picked her phone out of her bag, not knowing what, if anything, she wanted to see on the screen. She was faced with a voicemail from Stacey. She slowly pressed the buttons to play the message and raised the phone to her ear,

"Dan? Dan it's me, Stace." Danielle smiled sadly hearing the voice of her best friend. She wished that she didn't have to leave Stacey, but there was nothing left for her in Walford. She couldn't go back there after the humiliation, the rejection. Everyone would know, everyone would see her like Ronnie did, as the sick freak that nobody would want.

"Look I dunno what happened with you and Ronnie…" Danielle hurriedly and angrily pressed the cancel button to hang up the phone. She didn't want to hear that name. How could Stacey even say her name? Even hearing her name made Danielle ache. She wanted to throw her phone across the carriage. Instead she breathed. Trembling, deep breaths to try and calm herself. To distance herself more from all of this.

She looked back at her phone. She felt isolated. She was on her way from a home that felt unknown and unwelcoming and was leaving behind the unwelcoming and unknown places and people that had grown to feel like home. With one more deep breath she realised what she had to do. Her fingers shakily and slowly began to type the numbers into her phone.

Back in her flat Ronnie was still staring straight out, sightlessly into her flat. She blinked and let her eyes move slightly to scan around the flat. The chair by the window, Danielle had sat there, that's when Ronnie had held Danielle, she had promised her that it would all be ok. She had promised her and she had broken that promise. In fact only minutes later, right there, she had told Danielle that she was her biggest mistake. Ronnie clung onto the memory of holding Danielle. She tried to remember what she had felt like. She could remember Danielle's hands clinging on to her upper arms. She could remember how tightly Danielle had held on to her. It was as if she was clinging for life. She was clinging to her mummy, Ronnie thought sadly.

The guilt overwhelmed her, followed by the ache of loss. She felt dirty, disgusting. Ronnie wasn't used to being out of control. Ever since she had let her Amy be taken from her she had never wanted to relinquish control again. But now, she had no control, nothing she could do. It was a frightening feeling. She didn't know what to do with herself.

Slowly Ronnie stood, her stomach lurching with even the small movement of standing. She walked thoughtlessly across her flat into the bathroom. She reached into the shower and turned the water on full blast. She reached over to the other dial and turned it fully until it was set to hottest. As she stripped off the bridesmaid's dress it was like stripping off a layer of the filth associated with the day and all that had happened.

Steam rose off the water as it hammered down from the shower. Ronnie stood naked before it, only her locket still adorning her body. She wrapped her hand around it. She didn't want to take it off, she didn't want to move her little girl further from her. But inside it held the only picture she had of her baby and she could never let that be destroyed. She lifted the locket over her head with delicate reverence and lifted it to her lips. She laid a tremulous kiss against it before laying it oh so gently on the bathroom shelf before stepping into the shower and under the harsh spray.

She let the water wash away the tear stains and dark smudges that covered her face. Ronnie stood with one hand on each wall of the shower. Her hands pressed firmly against the cold tiles. She needed to feel something stable, immovable, fixed and she needed to support herself as her whole body felt weak and drained. As she stood under the shower, the water scorched onto her skin, the searing heat of it painful. But pain was good, pain stopped Ronnie from thinking about anything else. She needed to wash off the guilt, the regret, the remorse. She needed the water to burn it all away.

Her hands scrubbed over her face and through her hair. Eyes closed her tears began to fall once again, but they left no mark, no remains as the water swept them away in its path.


	10. Chapter 10 All Out Of Love Andru Donalds

As Danielle finished typing in the number on her phone she put the phone to her ear and closed her eyes, waiting for the voice to arrive on the other end. She needed to make this call. She felt so alone and maybe she had been wrong. Maybe she really did have a home. The dial tone ended and a voice said hello.

"Dad?" Danielle tried to control her voice, keeping it steady and neutral to stop her sorrow and anxiety from showing itself.

The voice on the end of the phone responded.

"Oh. Dani. You alright?" His voice sounded awkward, forced. Danielle knew that things had become strained with her father, she felt very little connection, she hadn't for a long time but since the abortion her father had barely looked at her. He'd stopped calling and Danielle had to know, she had to feel like she belonged somewhere.

"I'm fine. I uh, I just uh, I thought I'd call for a chat." She stammered and stumbled her way through the words. She couldn't think of anything to say. She wanted him to tell her to come home. That he forgave her and loved her and wanted her back.

"Uh, now's not a great time Dani. Gareth and Julie are here for dinner. Maybe another time love." A family meal. Without her. Danielle felt her last hope slip away as her mind accepted the fact that Telford wasn't her home anymore. Her family were happy and…well they were a family. She wasn't a part of that anymore.

"Never mind. It wasn't important. I'll talk another time. Bye." She hung up the phone quickly. Her teeth worried her bottom lip harshly as she tried to hold back yet more tears. This was it. She had nobody. Nowhere to go. She had watched the Mitchells sat cosily at their family meal and longed to be a part of it, to be there, included next to her mum. But she wasn't. She wasn't a part of it, she never had been. And now her Dad and Gareth. Gareth's fiancé was the only female needed in that family. They were happy, a unit, her place wasn't there. As much as Danielle longed to belong, she had already known deep inside her that she didn't want to belong there.

She was alone and lost. Her hand went to her neck instinctively to clutch her locket, it was what she always did to comfort herself, it was where she gained her strength. From her Mum, from Ronnie. But as her hands moved over her neck there was nothing there to grasp hold of. Her locket was still in Walford, in the Vic. The last tie to her mother had been left behind. And she cried.

Dressed in black, comfy trousers and an oversized jumper, her face scrubbed clean of makeup and her hair hanging bedraggled down her back, still dripping with water, Ronnie padded her way numbly back into the living room. Even walking into the room reminded her of Danielle. They had had breakfast together in the kitchen. Danielle had been so vulnerable and yet still so open. Why hadn't she told her? If Danielle had just told her then, everything could have been different. The sofa, Ronnie remembered Danielle's tearful admission about her pregnancy. Oh god, she had helped her abort her own grandchild. The thoughts and memories flooded over Ronnie. She had let Danielle down. Every time Danielle had needed her she had let her down. Well not this time.

For months Danielle had tried to get close to Ronnie, and every time, Ronnie had pushed her away. But Danielle never gave up, she had never given up on her mother and Ronnie wasn't going to give up on her either. This was her baby and she would fight to the death for her.

Ronnie moved quickly over to the sofa where her jacket lay discarded. She fumbled hurriedly in the pockets until she found her phone. Desperately she searched through the address book for Danielle's number. She pressed the call button and held the phone to her ear. Her legs jiggled up and down restlessly as the phone rang down the line. She prayed that Danielle would answer. There was none.

Ronnie pressed the redial button straight away, she didn't hesitate for a second. The phone rang again and once again there was no answer. The line went to voicemail and Ronnie ended the call. Without pause she pressed redial once again. This time when the ring tone changed to voicemail, Ronnie stayed on the line. Danielle's voice appeared on the recording. She sounded so happy, she sounded like Danielle, how Danielle used to be before Ronnie had broken her. Before Ronnie had made Danielle just like her.

At the sound of her voice, Ronnie began to shake with small defeated tears once again.

"Danielle? Please…I need you." It was all she could manage before she broke down on the line and fell into heavier sobs. She moved the phone down from her ear and shakily hung up.


	11. Chapter 11 I'll Come For You Nickelback

Stacey was sat at home in her lounge. Jean was off in her room and Mo was busy making tea in the kitchen. Charlie sat on the chair near to Stacey. They were both staring sightlessly at the television seemingly engrossed but in reality both were thinking over the events of the day.

Charlie had told Stacey about everything that had happened at the reception. She had seethed when she had found out. Danielle had told her but hearing it from Charlie, hearing the whole truth of the situation from somebody impartial made it all the more shocking. But Stacey also seethed at Charlie and Mo. They knew Danielle, they had even called her a Slater, treated her life family and yet they didn't defend her. Nobody came to Danielle's defence. It made Stacey sick.

All Danielle had ever done was be nice. Sure she was a bit of a pain sometimes and needed to grow a backbone and get her head out of the clouds but she was harmless. Danielle was one of the sweetest, kindest, most considerate and friendly people that Stacey had ever met. She had been that way to everyone on the Square, and nobody had come to her defence. Nobody had even stood up to say that things were getting out of hand.

They had fought and now they were silent. Stacey didn't want to even look at her family. So much for loyalty and looking out for people.

"Right. I'm not just gonna sit here. Unlike SOME people I'm actually gonna do something about this whole mess." She didn't look at but her expression was still venomous.

"Stace we've said we're sorry. Danielle's a nice girl but when everything happened…how could we know who was right? It all just blew up. We didn't even know what was going on." He tried to explain things reasonably but inside he felt guilty too, he knew she was right, that he should have stood up for Danielle.

"Yeah, well it doesn't matter now does it? Nobody stood up for her. Dunno why I'd even think anyone would." Stacey stood and moved towards the door. Charlie brushed off her comment and decided to push forward.

"You think you can get her to come back?"

"I dunno. I dunno what I'm gonna do but I've got to try something. Ronnie Mitchell's in a state so she's no use and no-one else is gonna do anything." Stacey spoke Ronnie's name with an edge of sarcasm and anger but if she was truthful she was worried about her.

"You sure she isn't better off going home?" Charlie asked, his eyebrows raised in concern. Maybe Telford was right for Danielle right now.

"That ain't her home now. She told me she could never go back. She could be anywhere 'cept she's got nowhere to go. I dunno where she is." Stacey's voice was raised and her words came out rapidly. It was the truth that she hadn't been brave enough to tell Ronnie. Since the abortion, Danielle hadn't seen Telford as home. Stacey couldn't imagine her going back there and she was scared about what that meant now for Danielle. She stormed out of the room like a whirlwind as she spoke and made her way upstairs and into Danielle's room. She would search for anything that would let her know where Danielle was.

The phone rang. Danielle could feel it vibrating from inside her bag. She closed her eyes, uncertain as to what to do. It was like she was being attacked, all her thoughts bombarded her with confusion and no option seemed better than any other. Where could she go? Who did she still have to turn to?

She let out a large exhale in an attempt to calm herself. Her eyes stung from the relentless crying and her whole body felt sore and drained. Her shoulders were slumped and her body language was one of defeat and sadness. A woman with a small child smiled at Danielle from the seat opposite. Danielle tried to force a small smile back, onto her face. The woman must have been about Ronnie's age. Danielle turned her head away as her eyes burned for another time that night. She had had enough of crying, she had cried so much that she felt sick but the loss was still raw and the tears still came.

Danielle straightened herself up and looked out of the window of the train. They were pulling out of a station, it was only a few stops from Euston. The woman opposite her was stroking her daughter's hair. The moment would have been touching if it weren't so painful to see. That should have been her.

Danielle pulled her bag open and reached inside for her phone. Telford wasn't an option now. Neither was Walford. But there was always Sarah in Walthomstow. At least that way she might still be able to meet up with Stacey in the city. It was a small ray of hope in what was otherwise hopeless. Pulling the phone out, Danielle looked at the screen. Thirty seven missed calls, all from Ronnie Mitchell.

Danielle's mouth fell open as she stared at the name on the screen. She had assumed that it had been Stacey calling. Doubts began to creep in. Ronnie had called. Ronnie had called thirty seven times. Danielle tried to imagine any situation when Ronnie would be so eager to talk to anybody. Ronnie didn't chase, she was always the one being chased. Ronnie let people come to her, and then pushed them away. She was never the one asking. She never had to be.

Doubt and guilt clouded Danielle's judgement. She felt a sudden urge, the need that had been inside her for so long, the need to just hold her mother. She pushed the feelings down and started pressing her thumb into her phone. She needed to distract herself from Ronnie. She went to voicemail and listened to her old messages. She felt ready to listen.

Stacey's voice played out over the line.

"Dan? Dan it's me, Stace. Look I dunno what happened with you and Ronnie but Dan you have to come back. She's a right mess. I've never seen her like that. I've never seen anyone like that, except maybe mum but…Dan she ain't right." Danielle's eyes widened and her brow furrowed. The message struck up a fear within her.

"You know I'd never side with Ronnie Mitchell, but you didn't see her. She's a complete wreck. She needs you and if you ever meant any of the things you said you'll get yourself back here and make things right for both of you. If you can't come back for her then come back for me, yeah? I'll see you SOON." What if Archie had been telling the truth? Danielle felt frozen by a new terror. Archie had said that Ronnie was fragile, ill. What if Ronnie was home right now hurting herself all because of Danielle? Her heart clenched at the thought of Ronnie doing something like that. A protective urge overcame her.

Danielle was sat stunned and afraid, the phone still to her ear. She was just about to hang up when her voicemail read out 'one new message'. The message automatically began to play.

"Danielle? Please…I need you." Ronnie's voice sounded desperate, hollow.

"Mum." Danielle whispered to nobody as she heard her mother's voice. Danielle could hear her howling tears when she stopped speaking. The sound ripped through Danielle and all her confusion, all her doubts, everything that she had felt was stripped away. All that was left was the resolute determination. What she had been searching for was right there waiting and Danielle couldn't leave her, couldn't let her down, no matter what Ronnie had done, she was her mother.

Danielle leapt up from her seat, causing the old man dozing next to her to startle and stare at the strange crying girl with a look of disdain. She practically ran to the door of the train and stood, her hand pressed up against it waiting indefatigably for the train to stop. Her foot tapped impatiently on the floor and muscles tensed. She had to get to Ronnie.


	12. Chapter 12 Hurt Christina Aguilera

The door pulled close with a click as Ronnie shut it behind her. Being in the flat had started to get to Ronnie, the walls had been closing in. Everything made her think of her daughter. She'd had to get out. The cold night air hit her still damp face and chilled her as water still dripped down her neck and back from her wet hair. She was walking aimlessly, not sure where to go. She couldn't face the Vic, how could she tell everyone that her own daughter wanted nothing to do with her? The mere thought of seeing Archie there too made her stomach churn.

Ronnie gave a small shiver and wrapped her arms around herself. She hadn't thought of a coat, she hadn't really thought at all. She had held her locket and kept her phone clutched in her hand but she had just left as quickly as she could. Taking a deep and shuddering breath she continued to walk.

The streets came and went unnoticed as Ronnie moved silently past them, her eyes trained on the ground beneath her, arms still wrapped around herself. A group of youths were sat drinking together by the war memorial. Ronnie saw them vaguely in the distance. She could hear their raucous laughter and chatter. Had Danielle ever done that? Ronnie's thoughts moved to her daughter's past. She had been in the square for almost a year and Ronnie had hardly even seen her laugh. She wondered whether Danielle had ever gone to the park with friends to get drunk. She'd seen Danielle drunk with Stacey, Ronnie ran through all the things that Danielle could or couldn't have done and the fact that she knew almost nothing about her. She had had Danielle working for her, had her stay in her flat, cleaning the Vic, babysitting Amy. Danielle had been in her life for seven months and she had only bothered to ask anything about her once. And that was for an interview. Ronnie berated herself for how she had acted.

"This is life paying you back for your neglect. Neglect of her, neglect of me."

Archie's words invaded her head as real as if he had just shouted them. They held a new meaning and Ronnie knew that this time they were true. She shook her head, trying physically to stop the words inside her head.

"Just stop it. Leave me alone." Ronnie didn't want to stop, walking kept her doing something. The constant movement was a slight comfort where nothing else was. But the cry that broke out gave her pause. She came to a slow stop and looked towards the group of teenagers. A girl was walking furiously away, her tearstained face hidden behind a hand. Two of the boys were following her.

Ronnie stormed over to them, her emotions channelling into a rage. Anger was easier than loss and guilt.

"She said leave her alone," Ronnie growled from between gritted teeth. She pulled the boy's arm away from where it had settled pulling on the girl's coat. Her grip on his wrist was vicelike.

"Get the hell off me, you bitch!" The boy was trying to pull his arm back and away from Ronnie, she just tightened her grip.

"No. Now you listen to me. She said stay away so you're going to stay the hell away from her and if you even think about hurting her, I'll hurt _you_!" The words weren't for him. Deep down Ronnie knew that she wasn't really speaking to the boy or about the girl that was currently staring at her in shock.

She let go of the boy and pushed him roughly back before grabbing the girls arm firmly, but caringly and guided her away from the group who were now silent. When they were a fair distance away Ronnie turned to the girl,

"You're worth more than them you know." She tried to look in the girl's eyes but all she saw was Danielle.

"Get yourself home," Ronnie's voice was yielding, "talk to your mum, ok?"

The girl just nodded in response and Ronnie rubbed her arm soothingly before walking away, back to her restless wandering.

"Thank you," the girl called to Ronnie's retreating back. Ronnie turned back and smiled tenderly, her eyes watering as she thought about all the things that she should have done for Danielle and now would never have the chance to.

Ronnie walked through the door of R&R. She pushed her way angrily through crowds. She wasn't in the mood for happiness right now and the laughing groups in the club were strangely infuriating. She barged her way through everybody, ignoring Dawn's greetings and walked into the office slamming the door aggressively behind her.

She sat herself heavily down behind her desk and her head dropped into her hands. Her phone was still being grasped tightly and she put it down onto the desk checking the screen for the message or call that she knew wasn't there. Ronnie didn't know what to do with herself, she was helpless, it wasn't a new feeling but it seemed deeper now, more unchanging. She reached down into her drawer to pull out a bottle of vodka. It was a crutch, a pathetic thing to turn to and yet it was what she always used. Numbing her and killing her thoughts was what she welcomed, any escape from having to feel. When she looked at the bottle it was empty. She let out an enraged howl and threw the bottle as hard as she could against the wall. It smashed there behind Jack's desk and the shards covered the floor.

There was something oddly satisfying in the outburst but the pain and anger didn't ease. Ronnie threw her arm across the desk sweeping everything in it's way onto the floor. She let out a dreadful and wounded scream as she hit the desk forcefully with both hands. The desk phone was hanging off the surface by the wire. The mere sight of it angered Ronnie. She stood, grabbing hold of it with both hands and ripping it from where it hung. She flung it across the room where it hit the wall and split open with a crack. It didn't help. The pounding beat of the music in the club drowned out Ronnie's destruction of the office. It was like a hurricane had ripped through the room, there was shattered glass and papers littering the floor. Ronnie simply ignored them and made her path out into the club. She needed a drink.

Dawn was at the bar serving the night's revellers. She greeted Ronnie as she walked up and behind the bar. Ronnie gave a clipped response, not in the mood to be friendly but definitely not wanting to be questioned over what could be wrong. She helped herself to a bottle of vodka from behind the bar and moved around to take a seat and drown herself in the anaesthetized solace it could bring.


	13. Chapter 13 Come Home One Republic

A/N --- This chapter is dedicated to all my reviewers! You have no idea how happy all your comments make me.

I'm an aspiring screen writer so feedback is just fantastic, any comments help me to improve. And this fic has been recieved so amazingly and so thank you all for your comments, your support and your praise.

I hope you all enjoy this next update. There's some big stuff coming up so I hope you'll all keep reading and reviewing! :D

* * *

Danielle had run frantically from train to train, desperate to make it back to Ronnie. This had all been one big mistake. The truth was that she would never stop loving her mother and as much as she hated what had happened, what Ronnie had said and done, being away from her mother was what hurt the most. Ronnie had come and asked for her forgiveness and at the first turn Danielle had hurt her. She couldn't get out of her head, since she had listened to the voicemail, the despair that had been in Ronnie's voice. It almost replaced the voice of rejection that had been haunting Danielle until then.

At the edge of Danielle's mind were Archie's words.

"She said 'I'd kill myself. I'd just kill myself.' She's an ill girl Danielle."

Danielle couldn't get images of Ronnie out of her head. Ronnie with a knife, Ronnie bleeding on the floor, Ronnie on a slab, in a coffin. They wouldn't leave her, it was as if they were burnt into her mind's eye. Each time an image flashed before her she felt nauseous and panic overtook her.

When Ronnie had rejected her it had been the worst pain Danielle had felt in her life. It had felt like everything had been ripped away from her. Still Danielle felt resentment towards Ronnie for it. There was a wound there that was still raw and would not be easily healed. But Danielle was alone without Ronnie. Her mother was all she had now and the thought of losing her, really losing her, for good and for it to be because of her…Danielle couldn't even bear the thought. She had never wanted to hurt Ronnie. Even when she had been on the platform she hadn't wanted to hurt her. She just didn't want to feel any more pain than she already did and just looking at Ronnie's face was painful.

When Danielle had stood on that platform she had wanted so much to believe Ronnie, to believe in her. But it seemed too false, too much. But the message, the calls, Danielle wanted to believe. She wanted to believe that this was the Ronnie that she had seen before, the one that Stacey couldn't. The one that only Danielle herself could see.

But still there was torment inside Danielle as Ronnie's rejection was impossible to forget and forgiveness was still highly elusive. Moving on would be far from easy. But Danielle couldn't face the thought of being alone. Without Ronnie she was all alone and that scared her more than anything.

Danielle arrived at Walford East station after a torturous journey. She had been anxious and fidgeting the entire way, the train couldn't move fast enough. Finally having arrived, her nerves calmed slightly. She breathed deeply as she got off the train, trying to prepare herself for whatever came next.

With another deep breath Danielle began to make her way towards Ronnie's flat. She walked out of the station but as soon as the barriers were behind her she broke into a run. Deep down she knew that Ronnie wouldn't hurt herself. She was certain, positive. But the images that stuck in her head shook her nonetheless.

Reaching Ronnie's door Danielle was shaking, the nerves of having to face Ronnie after what had happened at the wedding rippled through her. She steeled herself and knocked, a little louder than she had intended.

After several minutes of knocking on Ronnie's door Danielle was beginning to panic. Had Ronnie changed her mind? Did she not want to see Danielle now? Another image of Ronnie flashed through Danielle's thoughts. The sight of Ronnie, dying, all alone. It forced Danielle to pound her fists feverishly against the door. To her surprise it slipped open. As she walked through the doorway she checked the door and found it had been on the latch.

Danielle frowned slightly but close the door carefully behind her and moved up the stairs. Her speed was definitely abating as trepidation overtook her. Seven months of keeping her secret and then the cruel rejection…how could she trust Ronnie to accept her now?

No, she had said in the voicemail that she needed Danielle. And Stacey had said that she had to come home for Ronnie. With a new resolve Danielle moved inside Ronnie's flat.

It was dark inside. No lights were on and it sent a chill down Danielle's spine. She felt wrong as if she wasn't meant to be there. It felt like it had the night Callum had left.

"Ronnie?" Danielle called out her mother's name as she searched the rooms. There was nothing in either bedroom, nothing to suggest that Ronnie had even been in. The bathroom door was open as Danielle walked past and it too was empty. Entering the main room Danielle switched on the light and called Ronnie's name again. No reply came, the flat was deserted.

Danielle turned around slowly but she had no idea where Ronnie was. She let herself collapse down onto the chair in the lounge and rubbed her face in distracted irritation. She was tired of games, tired of chasing and just physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. She gave herself a few minutes to recuperate and gather her thoughts. The act of just being in Ronnie's flat felt like she was violating Ronnie somehow. It smelt like Ronnie, the mix of her perfume and coffee and all those other tiny nuances of scent that were 'Ronnie'. It comforted Danielle and hurt her in equal measure.

Danielle tried to form a plan in her mind, she tried to think of where Ronnie could be or how she could find her. She couldn't go back to the Vic, in fact, the thought of facing anybody but Ronnie was a dire and daunting prospect. As Danielle looked around the room looking for any sign of Ronnie her eyes fixed on the cup left on the coffee table. It was full, untouched. When Danielle went to check it, it was stone cold. But at least it meant that Ronnie had been home.

Danielle fished her phone out of her bag and began to scroll through the names to find Ronnie's number. It wasn't how she wanted it, she wanted to do this in person but there wasn't any option. She had no idea where Ronnie was or even where she could be. As soon as she pressed the call button a message flashed across the screen of her phone. 'Credit: £0.02'. She almost threw the phone across the room in a moment of angered frustration. Instead she squeezed the phone tightly into her hand, tight enough to hurt. Sighing and calming slightly at the satisfaction of the pain in her hand dulling the hurt inside her mind she moved to Ronnie's home phone and using her mobile address book dialled Ronnie's number.


	14. Chapter 14 One Last Breath Creed

The darkness of the club provided some comfort for Ronnie. It made her inconspicuous, almost invisible in the crowds, her red eyes and cracked lips going unnoticed. She sat with her head down, her eyes trained on the surface of the bar, her mobile or the drink in front of her. The bottle of vodka was already draining at an alarming rate and yet Ronnie felt no effect.

She poured another glass and drank. The vodka burnt her throat and her eyes instinctively closed at the welcome comfort. It was gone in a second, both the drink and the comfort. Her right hand moved to her chest and held the locket tightly. She had been doing it all night, clutching the last piece of Danielle that she had. She couldn't bear to look inside though, she already had Danielle's face imprinted in her mind. She sniffed slightly. The tears had dried, she thought that maybe she had no more tears left inside her, but the dry sobs still caught her when she thought about what had happened. So she poured another drink.

A group of women came crashing towards the bar and landed in their drunken huddle right beside Ronnie. She looked up and squinted at them in disdain before turning back to her drink. Dawn had been giving her concerned glanced for the last fifteen minutes and Ronnie could feel her eyes trained upon her.

"What?!" Ronnie demanded harshly of Dawn, her hands lifting slightly off the bar in a shrug-like gesture. Dawn held her hands up in a surrender,

"Nothing." She turned away and left Ronnie to her misery.

The cackling horde of harpy women next to Ronnie began to take shots off the bar. Ronnie looked at them with an expression of disgust. Drunk people didn't usually bother her but right now she was more than tempted to take her anger out on them. One of the women had obviously heard or seen something that interested her as she burst into an almost deafening laugh.

Suddenly Ronnie's eye was caught by the screen of her phone which was flashing brightly in the dark. Ronnie's heart leapt into her throat, she snatched the phone up hastily and looked at the caller praying that she would see 'Danielle'. Her face fell when she saw her own number flashing on the display. Who could be calling her from home? She fumbled and pressed 'answer', the phone still in her hand.

As she pressed the button she was still wondering and worrying about who could possibly be calling from her flat and why. Whilst she raised the phone to her ear, the large hyena-like woman next to her stepped up her volume to the level where Ronnie had to stick her finger angrily in her ear to be able to hear the phone.

"Hello?" A dead line was Ronnie's only response. Whoever it was had hung up. Ronnie began to get concerned. Who the hell was in her flat?

Danielle's fingers had finished typing in Ronnie's number and she listened as it began to ring. Her foot tapped impatiently and her teeth worried her bottom lip as she waited. Suddenly she heard laughter on the line. Happy and almost hysterical laughter. Danielle's eyes filled with tears as she felt like she had been stabbed through the heart. Her breath caught in her throat and she hung up the phone. Ronnie was laughing. She had been worrying and heartbroken every second since she had told Ronnie in the Vic, she was in agony and Ronnie was out, she was happy, she was laughing. She'd let it happen again, she had let herself believe in Ronnie and again she had been rejected. Was this all just a game?

The sound of Ronnie laughing in Danielle's face from the phone took away the last hope that Danielle had been building up within her. She felt bile rise in her throat and ran to the bathroom. She crashed to her knees on the tile floor and bent herself over the toilet bowl as she emptied the contents of her stomach. Tears streamed from her eyes as she painfully retched.

How could Ronnie do it? How could she call Danielle back to her, build up her hopes and then laugh at her anguish. Her mother didn't just dislike her, Ronnie must loathe her. Danielle wailed hopelessly as she sat draped over the toilet, her arms on the seat holding her up. This was it. She was alone.

Danielle stood up on trembling legs, her whole body felt too light and too heavy at the same time. She leant over the sink, turning the cold tap on and staring at herself in the mirror. She looked horrendous, her face was pale but for the swollen, red eyes and black smudges that were swept in odd directions from her eyelids. She splashed the cold water over her face before leaning back onto the sink. Her arms were braced on the edges of the sink, her fingers clenched so hard that they were white from the pressure. Looking at her face, Danielle felt a wave of hatred. This was all her fault. If she wasn't so pathetic, such a disappointment then she would be with Ronnie now. If she wasn't so useless, so worthless.

Her hand flew out in front of her and her fist impacted viciously with the mirror. Glass shattered around her and Danielle's heavy breathing was the only sound aside from the delicate tinkling of shards falling onto the cold tiled floor. A single tear ran down Danielle's face and she closed her eyes. A drop of blood fell from her still clenched fist into the sink.


	15. Chapter 15 You Found Me The Fray

Ronnie stared at her phone for a couple of minutes before panic set in. Who the hell was in her flat and why? And why didn't they talk? She poured herself another drink, filling half of the glass with the spirit. In one long motion she finished it and slammed the glass back down onto the bar. She couldn't help thinking that everything was going too far, hadn't she had enough happen for one night? Now she had to go and deal with some psycho in her flat.

She cycled through possible suspects, Roxy was always a possibility, she was always trying to let herself into the flat, but Roxy wouldn't have hung up the phone. There was Archie, he seemed likely, too likely and it gave Ronnie a shiver down her spine and a flash of hatred overcame her just thinking of him and having to face him again tonight, or ever. There was Jack but again, like Roxy he would have spoken to her. And finally there was Danielle, but Ronnie couldn't get her hopes up about that possibility, even if her heart raced with anticipation and hope at the thought of her daughter coming back.

It was the thought of Danielle that spurred Ronnie into action. The mere possibility, the slightest chance that her little girl was waiting for her triggered a new sense of urgency in Ronnie. And if it was Archie…then she wanted him out of her flat and out of her life as soon as possible.

Ronnie was at the end of the bar when she felt a hand close around her arm. She turned abruptly with a dangerous glare upon her face. Stacey was looking back at her with an expression of sympathy and concern.

"What do you think you're doing?" Stacey demanded of Ronnie, her grip tightening on Ronnie's arm. Ronnie glanced down at Stacey's hand where it clasped her and back up into Stacey's eyes.

"I was drinking. Now I'm going home Stacey so leave it." Ronnie tried to be aggressive, hide behind her sharp words but she could barely meet Stacey's eyes. Stacey knew the true extent that Ronnie had hurt Danielle and she had witness Ronnie breaking down like nobody else had. It was uncomfortable, she felt exposed and right now she just wanted to get home.

"No! Look you ain't exactly my favourite person yeah? But you expect me to believe you're just out for a drink? Like nothing's happened?" Stacey was challenging Ronnie, she knew that Ronnie was weak and even though it was underhanded she wanted to break the wall down, partly to help Ronnie but also partly to do what Danielle hadn't been able to in the past.

"Get off me," Ronnie growled from between clenched teeth. "What I do is none of your business. I appreciate you helping me before but that doesn't mean you know me. I'm fine and I just want to go home."

Stacey wanted to slap Ronnie but she thought of how angry Danielle would be if she did. She hadn't exactly been the perfect friend to Danielle, if she had been then Danielle would still be here. She softened her tone and knew that she had to at least try to help Ronnie.

"I was there. I saw what happened and you ain't ok!" Stacey pleaded. "I'm trying to help. You're her mother and you're here getting drunk?! I've been searching trying to find out anything I can about where she might be. She has nowhere to go Ronnie, no-one else." Stacey tried to keep her voice steady and comforting but it wasn't a natural thing for Stacey, especially not with Ronnie.

"Stop it!" Ronnie yanked Stacey's hand off her arm with a harsh shove. "I don't want to hear this." Ronnie's voice was venomous.

"Well you need to hear it!" Stacey cried. "Your daughter is out there alone somewhere. All she's got is you and you're not doing anything. You don't deserve her." Stacey needed Ronnie to see that Danielle needed to be found, not grieved. Things weren't over and Ronnie was just giving up. It infuriated Stacey. As Ronnie took a step backwards preparing to walk away, Stacey yelled after her,

"You broke her Ronnie and you're being too selfish to even fix it!" As Ronnie heard the words she lunged forwards and her open palm impacted against Stacey's cheek. Stacey's head was thrown sideways by the force of Ronnie's hand. Ronnie then spoke, her voice low and almost menacing in its intensity,

"I would die for her."

Ronnie had stormed out of the club leaving Stacey standing silently in the middle of the dancefloor. She had walked back to her flat in a silent daze, she refused to let more tears fall, despite how they threatened. As she reached the door she searched her pockets for keys before remembering that she had left the door on the latch. She cursed her own stupidity. It could have been anybody who called her. There could be anyone or anything waiting to greet her upstairs.

Ronnie wanted to slam the door, she felt the urge to even break it down. All of her emotions were struggling inside her and anger was their manifestation. She only managed to restrain herself from the sever reservations about drawing any attention to herself and having to answer any awkward questions about the day's events. She tried to steel herself and prepare for the fireworks that could arise upstairs. If it was her father upstairs she knew that she wouldn't be able to control herself but the possibility of hope, hope that it may be the one person she wanted to see was what caused her feet to begin their ascent.

Entering the flat, Ronnie was confronted with darkness.

"Hello?" Ronnie called out to the silent flat. She walked down the hall into the kitchen but froze in the doorway when she saw huddled on the sofa the small blonde form of her baby girl.

"Danielle!" Ronnie gasped, her voice halfway between a squeak and a whisper. Her eyes were filled with affection and awe as she looked at Danielle. This was the sight she had been praying to see but not quite daring to hope for. But Danielle didn't look up, she was sat swaying slightly and looking at the floor blankly. She was in the exact state and position that Ronnie had been in just a couple of hours ago. The irony was not lost on Ronnie who felt her chest clench at the sight of Danielle in such distress. She stayed in the doorway not sure what to do or say. Danielle was like a timid animal, Ronnie was almost afraid to approach her for fear of scaring her away again.

"I'm so glad you're here," Ronnie whispered. "I'm sorry." She stared at the floor as she gave her apology. Sorries were never easy for Ronnie but now, with Danielle, she just didn't want to bring up the past. Right now she just wanted everything to be alright, to hold her baby once again. The past was painful and Ronnie knew that the two of them would have to talk about it, she knew that it would take a long time for her to make things up to Danielle and to earn her trust. But she couldn't bring it up now.

When Danielle didn't respond Ronnie walked gradually and very warily towards her, half expecting her to run or start screaming at her at any moment. She reached the sofa and knelt down in front of Danielle, trying to look up into her eyes as her head was bent resolutely towards the floor. She was sat with one arm clutching her bag to her, the other arm pinned in between the bag and her stomach.

Ronnie, kneeling before her daughter, tried to look up and into her eyes. The curtain of blonde hair and Danielle's stubborn refusal to acknowledge her presence made it impossible. She sighed, her brow furrowed in sadness as she tried to think of any way she could ease the situation. She had hurt her daughter, badly.


	16. Chapter 16 My Lullaby Maria Mena

Ronnie needed to do something, she just wanted to pretend that nothing had ever happened, she wanted to throw her arms around Danielle and make everything just go away. Wrap her daughter up in cotton wool and take away all the pain, never let anything hurt her again. Her muscles were tensed with the effort of holding herself back. She cautiously reached forward and placed a hand on Danielle's knee. Her hand had shaken as she'd reached out. It was like taming a wild creature, the slightest wrong movement could make Danielle bolt, Ronnie had to take things slowly.

She gently squeezed Danielle's knee, her thumb brushing back and forth over the rough texture of her jean clad leg. She could feel barely there tremors running through Danielle, they were almost unnoticeable but they were there, like tiny continuous shivers. Ronnie tried to let her touch soothe her little girl, but every few seconds the muscles in Danielle's legs tensed as if trying to keep herself upright.

"Danielle? Look at me. Please…just look at me." Ronnie begged to Danielle, her eyes looking pleadingly at her. Her voice was so small and vulnerable. Tears threatened to come but Ronnie forced them back. She watched as Danielle slowly, without moving her head, lifted heavily lidded eyes up to her. She was blinking deeply and her eyelids drooped over dilated pupils, eyes filled with such sadness and weakness.

Ronnie met her daughter's eyes and yet Danielle didn't seem to see her at all. Her eyes were unfocused and glazed. Ronnie reached her free hand up to Danielle's cheek in alarm at her state. She held Danielle's face and was met with no resistance, Danielle's head seemed to just be supported by her hand. The skin under her fingers was cold and clammy, as pale as ivory.

"Danielle?! Sweetie what's happened? What have you done?" Ronnie was overwhelmed with panic, she lunged towards Danielle taking her head between both hands. Her head was heavy, not supporting itself. Danielle just blinked, groggy and unfocusedly at her. Ronnie, ran her hand down Danielle's face sweeping her hair out of the way.

"Sweetie tell me, please tell me. What have you done? Have you taken something?" Ronnie's voice shook as she pleaded with Danielle. Her hands swept, restlessly stroking her face as she tried to get Danielle to focus on her. She saw tears form in Danielle's eyes and she felt like her stomach was falling through her as the dread beset her.

"I'm sorry." Danielle's voice was merely a whimper and sounded completely defeated and ashamed. Ronnie immediately threw her arms around Danielle as held her so tightly, letting Danielle's head rest against her chest. Ronnie stroked her hair with one hand as the other wrapped itself into Danielle's cardigan. She had no idea what the apology meant. Still she didn't know what Danielle had done, why she was almost cataleptic.

Still holding her child close to her heart, Ronnie rocked her back and forth. Danielle had made no effort of reciprocation to her mother, she had remained still, not making the slightest sign of movement, neither hugging her mother back nor pushing her away.

"You have to tell me. Have you done something? Has somebody done something to you? Please tell me." It was almost a whine, searching any possibility of what could have made Danielle like this. She was in a cold sweat, her whole body weak and limp and Ronnie could feel Danielle shaking more and more with each passing moment. Reluctantly she loosened her grip on her daughter and pulled back to look into her face once again.

"Sweetie, you can tell me," Ronnie entreated, trying to reassure the girl who's drooping eyes were spiked with fear, her face seeming to get even paler somehow. "Dani, you're scaring me." Ronnie was beyond fearful, there was something horribly wrong with Danielle and she wouldn't even tell her what. Ronnie felt like a failure. She had known the truth about her daughter for only a few hours and look at what she had done to her.

Ronnie reached forwards to take Danielle's hands in hers. She pulled one tightly clenched arm away from Danielle's bag and reached out to move the bag away.

"I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment." Danielle whispered. She spoke so quietly that Ronnie barely heard her. It was the most crushing blow to Ronnie. She had made Danielle feel like a disappointment. She took Danielle's face into her hands once again, forcing her to look into her eyes, her touch still tender and protective against her daughter's chilled and wet skin.

"You have never, _never_ been a disappointment to me. There is nothing you could ever do to disappoint me. Listen to me, you…you are everything." Ronnie implored her words to Danielle hoping against hope that they would get through. She wanted to turn back time, the same thing she had wished for nineteen years, to go back and never lose her little girl. But right now Ronnie would have settled for just going to the beginning of the evening. She wanted to reassure her daughter that she loved her, wanted her, was so very proud of the person she has become. But Ronnie couldn't even begin to explain any of it to Danielle, her priority had to be finding out what was happening to her.


	17. Chapter 17 Untitled Simple Plan

Ronnie asked again for Danielle to trust her and tell her what had happened, what was wrong but again got no response. She took Danielle's hand off her bag where it had once again settled and took the bag away to put it on the floor. Danielle turned her head away from Ronnie as she did this, a slow tear escaping her eyes.

The sight that greeted Ronnie as she dropped the bag to the floor caused her heart to leap into her throat and pure terror to run through every fibre of her body. Danielle's white dress was soaked, with blood covering her whole abdomen. The arm which had been pressed against her was not deathly white like the rest of her but instead it was incongruously stained, scarlet from elbow to wrist.

Ronnie's hands flew to her mouth as she gasped forcibly, her whole body recoiling slightly from the shock. She stared at the sight before her and tears finally, once again began to fall. Her mouth was open slightly and her breaths were shallow, fast and shuddering from the shock and fear of what she was seeing.

"Danielle, what have you done?" Ronnie choked out through the few gentle tears she had let escape. "What have you done?!" The panic and distress had overcome her and her voice expressed it as she cried the words out, not in anger but in alarmed but loving anxiety. More tears trickled down Danielle's cheeks as she resolutely looked anywhere but at Ronnie. Her body was still swaying slightly and her eyes closing more frequently.

Ronnie was still knelt in front of Danielle and couldn't tear her eyes away from the blood. She had spared glances up to Danielle's face and saw the tears falling silently there. In her flustered and disordered state Ronnie didn't know whether to try and comfort her daughter or check what had happened first. But her eyes couldn't leave the blood. She hesitantly reached out and pulled Danielle's blood soaked arm towards her. As soon as she did a spurt of blood gushed from the wound on Danielle's wrist and ran down her arm, slowly dripping onto her jeans.

"Oh god. Oh God." Ronnie muttered the words under her breath as she held the arm in her hands. She had to let go as her senses and maternal instinct kicked into overdrive. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a tea towel from the drawer, rushing back and pressing it against the deep gash running down Danielle's wrist. She held it there with one hand whilst the other turned Danielle's face towards her lovingly.

"It's ok. It's going to be ok." Ronnie murmured soothingly as she saw the destroyed expression haunting her daughter's face. "We're going to get you to hospital and you and me, we'll get through this." Ronnie was stroking Danielle's face as she spoke with the hand that wasn't pressed firmly against the tea towel. She soon saw the slight spark of hope in Danielle as her daughter looked straight into her eyes, there was affection there, it was small and hidden behind the haze of Danielle's condition but Ronnie saw it.

Ronnie fumbled on the floor for her discarded mobile,

"Dani, you have to tell me, have you done anything else?" Ronnie didn't want to take her eyes off her daughter as she grasped her mobile in her free hand and typed in three nines. Danielle once again turned her head away from her mother and nodded numbly. Ronnie let out an anguished puff of breath but as she pressed the call button on her phone she still reassured her little girl.

"Shhh…it's ok. I promise, it will be ok." Danielle was now in heavy floods of tears, tears of guilt, shame and fear but also joy, her mother wanted her.

"Yes, ambulance." The voice on the phone transferred Ronnie to the ambulance line. Ronnie hated being stuck like this. She wanted to hold Danielle and comfort her, wipe away her tears but one hand was holding the phone and the other was desperately pressing against Danielle's wrist to try and stem the furious bleeding.

"Dani…what else did you do?" Ronnie knew that she had to find out as much as she could about what had happened but Danielle gave no response but to fold herself over, holding herself with her free arm, weak sobs drowning her. "Have you taken something?" Ronnie pushed. This time there was a fast and guilty nod from her baby.

"Hello, 89 George Street." Ronnie's eyes flicked between the face of her daughter and the tea towel she was holding on her wrist which was now soaked through, the blood smearing onto Ronnie's hand.

"My daughter. She's cut her wrist, the bleeding won't stop... She's taken something…no I don't know what…please, she's really faint, hardly focusing." Ronnie tried to keep her voice calm both to be able to explain and to try and keep calm for her fragile daughter but the hysteria she felt was creeping in. She gave her name and was finally able to hang up the phone. The second she did she moved up to the sofa beside Danielle and wrapped her tightly in a one armed hug, the other still pressed firmly against her wrist.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispered the words into Danielle's hair as she let a single tear fall knowing Danielle could not see it. She rocked her daughter gently forwards and back not knowing how else to try and calm her. She soon reluctantly had to release Danielle as she once again turned to her phone. She called Roxy hurriedly.

Ronnie kissed Danielle's bowed head as she could no longer hold her. It should have been awkward after everything, it should have been Danielle's choice to dictate how comfortable she was with Ronnie but the situation was extreme and Ronnie couldn't do nothing, she couldn't not comfort her daughter who was so hurt and broken.

"Rox, get here now…no everything's not ok. It's an emergency. I need you here NOW." Ronnie hung up the phone and felt lost. All she could do was wait.


	18. Chapter 18 All I Need Within Temptation

Ronnie sat holding Danielle, she hadn't let go of her since she had called Roxy. Her right arm was tightly around Danielle's chest, her hand gripping the back of her head which lay on Ronnie's shoulder, her left hand now soaked in blood was holding the sodden tea towel in place. Ronnie was using all of her strength to keep calm to be able to support her daughter but inside her senses were screaming in panic at what Danielle had done to herself. She had made her own daughter want to do this.

"Shhh…I've got you. Shhh…Shhh…It's all going to be ok. I've got you." Ronnie was holding the wilted form of Danielle, taking all of her weight against her. She whispered softly to her as she rested her cheek against the top of her daughter's head. A wave of awe and love overcame Ronnie as she felt Danielle's free hand move to cling to her back.

"Ronnie?!" A voice from outside the door called out as there was a rapid knocking on the door. Ronnie leant backwards, her grip on Danielle not faltering and yelled to Roxy that the door was open. There was a flurry of noise and movement as Roxy burst in, running through into the lounge.

"Ron, what's happened? What's going on?" Roxy exclaimed as she ran down the hallway. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the pair clinging to each other on the sofa, the ghostly white face of Danielle and the blood soaked cloth that Ronnie was gripping tightly.

"Ronnie? Why's she bleeding?" Roxy pointed her finger towards the pair, her voice raised in shock and confusion. "Danielle, what's happened?" Ronnie exhaled slowly, having Roxy there was necessary but it shot home the reality of the situation. This was really happening, Danielle had really done this to herself. Ronnie twisted herself around to look at Roxy, not loosening the steady hold on Danielle, as she did Roxy saw the tears in her eyes laced with fear. She hadn't seen Ronnie like this in years, she looked like a child again, a lost and vulnerable child that despite her own pain was being the mother she was always meant to be. Ronnie ignored her sister's questions. What answer could she possibly give?

"Roxy I need you to go into the bathroom, find any pills. Find any empty boxes, anything. Bring me anything she might have taken." Roxy nodded mutely at her sister as Ronnie's authoritative voice instructed her. But Roxy didn't move. She felt as if she was in shock, this couldn't be right. Danielle wouldn't do this. She was just a quiet, shy kid.

"Now, Roxy!" Ronnie barked, "And find whatever she did this with." Ronnie continued, gesturing with her head to Danielle's arm. Ronnie watched as Roxy ran from the room, following her orders. She sighed a small breath, at least there was some support. She turned her head back to look at Danielle who had turned slightly in her arms and her head which was still on Ronnie's shoulder was staring straight back into her eyes.

Ronnie was slightly startled to see Danielle looking up at, her face full of fear and sorrow. She looked back lovingly, a soft but sad smile shining towards her little girl. Danielle's eyes began to roll back slightly in her head, Ronnie moved so that she could hold Danielle instead of just hugging her. Soon she was sat with Danielle across her lap, cradling her like an infant, one hand still unable to be moved from her wrist. Danielle remained staring at Ronnie even as her head lolled.

"I've waited my whole life to hold you again. I'm so sorry Danielle, I made you do this." Ronnie looked deep into her daughter's hazel eyes, she looked like Roxy. But this was her baby, all the memories of those magical two hours and twenty three minutes came back to her and she gently wept, her tears falling onto her daughter's motionless face.

"But I promise I will be here and we'll get through it. I promise you. If you'll let me I'll never let you go again." Ronnie implored to her daughter the need to be her mother, the need for their future. Their eyes never left one another despite Danielle's rolling back in her head every few seconds. Danielle was determined not to leave Ronnie, she focused as hard as she could on her. Ronnie watched as the faintest ghost of a smile formed on Danielle's lips at her words. Ronnie let out a puff of breath as she mirrored her daughter's smile. In the midst of the terror and trauma, the tender moment was the hope and love that they both needed more than anything in the world but it was broken when Danielle's eyes rolled backwards once again and this time did not return.

Ronnie felt Danielle's body become a deadweight in her arms. Danielle's eyes had closed and the small smile had slipped away from her lips. The new weight caused Ronnie's arm to slip down as it tried to stay cradling Danielle.

"Danielle?" Ronnie gasped, panicked as she felt her daughter become lifeless in her arms. "No! Danielle!" She cried out to her daughter, the moment had been achingly perfect and suddenly it had been lost. She cried out her daughter's name, hoping for any response but none came.

"Roxy!" Ronnie screamed out, her eyes still fixed on Danielle's face. She bent down and places a gentle and trembling kiss on Danielle's temple, grazing the corner of her eye. The only comfort Ronnie could find was the slow and shallow rise and fall of her baby's chest.

Roxy ran in, she was a whirlwind of flustering motion. She didn't even notice the change in Danielle as she began to speak, her words rushing out, tumbling over each other in her chaotic haste,

"Ron, there's hundreds. There's hundreds of pills gone, all the boxes they're empty." Roxy's waved her hands forwards in evidence, dozens of boxes clutched within them. Ronnie, who had glanced up towards Roxy looked back down at her daughter,

"Sweetie, what have you done to yourself?" She breathed the words out in a soft sigh, not being able to understand how she had let Danielle do this, not understanding how things had come to this. She bowed her head to rest it cheek to cheek against her daughter's.

"There's glass everywhere in there. The mirror's smashed right across the room, the sink's covered in blood. It's a mess Ronnie. What happened? Why's she done this?" Ronnie closed her eyes and took a deep breath, Roxy knew nothing past her running out of the Vic to find Danielle. She didn't have the strength to go through it all, not now. She pressed a kiss against her daughter's cheek, willing her to respond. She could feel each gentle breath that Danielle took and it was a small comfort to feel the steady if small rise and fall of her chest.

"I've been killing her Roxy. I did this." Ronnie whispered, her face not moving from where it was buried in Danielle's hair, against her cheek. "Seven months. Seven months I've known her and the whole time…I destroyed her. My own daughter!" Ronnie had looked up towards Roxy and the pain and guilt etched within her was obvious.

Roxy stared at her sister and niece. She had no words. There were no words of comfort she could give Ronnie, not when Danielle was like this. She didn't even understand what had happened, what had pushed Danielle to this extreme.

"Rox, get a towel from the cupboard in the hall." Ronnie muttered to her sister, her eyes fixed back on Danielle. She lifted Danielle's bloodied arm upwards and pressed a kiss into her palm before holding the cold hand against her face. Her instincts were struggling between taking charge of the situation, letting her emotions be pushed aside and letting her emotions win and pleading with Danielle, just being a mother to her daughter.

"Dani, wake up! Please?! It's not meant to be like this." She held Danielle's hand up to cup her cheek still and her voice was muffled by Danielle's palm. "We're going to get through this and we're going to spend lots of time together. Living together like mother and daughter. Ok? So you see you can't leave me." Ronnie's voice was thick as she spoke through suppressed tears.


	19. Chapter 19I'll Never Let You Go Evermore

**A/N --- Guys I just wanted to write a quick note to thank you all for your amazing reviews and messages you have given me. I have been completely overwhelmed by the response I have got for this story. I am really moved that you have all shown me such support in writing this.**

**I adore writing and am trying to become a script writer. So if anybody is complaining to Santer and telling him that Danielle living wouldn't have been boring, wouldn't have been all ice-cream in the park then if you want to give him the link to this fic and maybe, just maybe get me recognised by the BBC I would be eternally grateful. I have tried to get my work commissioned but never known how to go about it. I'd love to write for EE and until that day will keep writing these stories for you all. :)**

**Thank you again for all the support and I hope you'll all keep enjoying the story.**

* * *

Roxy had appeared in the doorway and felt her eyes well up at the exchange between her sister and Danielle. Ronnie had always been maternal, had always been more like a mother to her than a sister but seeing her like this with Danielle was enough to break Roxy's heart. She handed the towel to Ronnie who diligently wrapped it over the tea towel around Danielle's wrist. Her own hand was by now soaked with blood and her face had a dark smear across it where she had held Danielle's hand.

"Rox, give all those boxes to the paramedics when they get here. They'll need to know what she took." Ronnie instructed before turning back to Danielle and gently rocking her. She wanted to shake her, scream and make her wake up but she was too scared of hurting her baby even more.

"Danielle, can you hear me? Please look at me. Just open your eyes and look at me." All the calm and the control that Ronnie had been trying to hold on to was fading and hysteria was slipping into its place. "Dani, WAKE UP! You can't leave me!"

Roxy knelt down and put her arm around Ronnie's shoulders, her other hand wrapping itself around Ronnie's on Danielle's arm.

"She's not waking up. Why won't she wake up? What have I done?" Ronnie stared at Roxy with wide, frightened eyes as the shock finally began to overtake her other senses. She had tried so hard to stay strong for Danielle but the reality came crashing down upon her as Danielle refused to arise from her unconscious state.

"She'll be alright Ron. She…" Roxy tried to comfort her sister, but Ronnie interrupted before she could try and help.

"How can you say that? Look at her! She's so fragile, she's not moving. Roxy, how could I have let this happen to her? I'm her mother and I told her I never wanted her. I told her nobody would want a daughter like her." Ronnie was ranting, everything she was keeping locked up inside her head, inside her heart was spilling out in and endless torrent as Roxy just sat immobile, letting tears fall for her broken niece and heartbroken sister.

"She's so small Roxy. Months ago, I interviewed her, she stood up to me, she looked so surprised at herself," Ronnie gave a small laugh remembering how Danielle had demanded her chance, "She never told me. She's always been so shy and so gentle and innocent and I turned her into this. Danielle would never do this. This…this is what I made her do." Ronnie's voice was becoming cold as her guilt and anger at herself tainted her words. Roxy held her sister tighter, rubbing her shoulder reassuringly.

"Ronnie it's not…you can't blame yourself." Roxy found it hard to say that this wasn't Ronnie's fault. She didn't blame her, how could she? But the situation was so confusing, so convoluted that she didn't know who to blame. Roxy herself had known Danielle, had dismissed her and only befriended her when it was convienient. But Ronnie had berated Danielle, she had never given her a chance it seemed and Roxy hated herself for thinking it but if anything could have pushed Danielle to this it would have been Ronnie's betrayal.

"She's going to wake up and she's gonna want her mum, yeah? So you gotta be there ready to be the mum you were born to be." Ronnie's betrayal was Archie's fault. Roxy had to remember it and had to be there for both her sister and her niece. Ronnie was, apart from Amy, the most important person in Roxy's life and would always be the one she loved.

"She needs you Ron. She's gonna love you." Roxy pressed a kiss against the apple of Ronnie's tearstained cheek before turning to her niece,

"Come on Dan. You're a Mitchell girl." A knock at the door broke apart the three women curled together in their sorrowful embrace. Roxy got up to answer the door. Ronnie unconsciously clung tighter to her daughter, not wanting to let her go even though she knew it was to help.

The paramedics bustled into the room and began to examine Danielle, Ronnie didn't relinquish her hold, instead she remained clinging vehemently to her. It was all a blur of movement, everything happened so quickly, Roxy pried Ronnie off Danielle and soon they were being rushed into the back of an ambulance. As was the custom of Albert Square, the moment that an ambulance had pulled up outside the flat, curtains began to twitch and soon a crowd was formed around the vehicle.

"DANIELLE!" A scream echoed from across the road as Stacey's eyes clapped onto the figure on the gurney. The arms of Max Branning flew out to Stacey, restraining her, stopping her from approaching the ambulance as she tried to run towards it.

"Get off me!" Stacey struggled against Max's grip. "What have you done to her?!" She screamed at Ronnie as she saw her walking shakily into the ambulance after Danielle, ushered in by Roxy who followed closely behind. Ronnie's eyes met with Stacey for a split second and the anger and accusation of Stacey made Ronnie pause.

"I…Stacey should go with her. She won't want to see me." She looked at the floor and then up at Roxy, anywhere that was not Stacey or Danielle.

"Are you kidding me? I could hardly prise you two apart. You're her mother Ronnie. She won't want to see anyone else." Roxy had begun right in her sister's face, angry and not understanding how she could even think about leaving Danielle, but she softened as she had seen the fear of rejection and the guilt that Ronnie was feeling. Roxy quickly led Ronnie into the ambulance and the two sat side by side facing Danielle, the paramedic sat beside Danielle's head. Roxy clasped Ronnie's hand as a sign of consolation, Ronnie attempted to give a smile in return but it was empty.

The ambulance had started its drive to the hospital. Ronnie and Roxy sat silently in the back, neither knew what to say. The paramedic had wrapped Danielle's wrist tightly and had it held high above her, he had muttered something about keeping it elevated above the heart to stop any bleeding but neither woman registered his words. There was an oxygen mask that had been fixed onto Danielle's face, Ronnie had gasped when it had been put on, hurt to not be able to see her face any longer and frightened at the true severity of Danielle's condition. Sporadically the paramedic would lean over to take Danielle's pulse and each time he did Ronnie's eyes would widen in fear, each time she panicked that he would find nothing.

The ambulance drove steadily onwards, away from the Square, away from everything that had happened and on towards the future, whatever it may hold. All that Ronnie could pray was that, that future included her baby girl. Her beautiful baby girl, the baby she had given birth to, the child she had pined for, the young women she was killing.


	20. Chapter 20 I Never Noticed Lil' Chris

The jolting stop made Ronnie's head snap upwards from where it was bowed staring down at Danielle. She hadn't been able to touch her, the entire agonising journey she had been just out of reach both physically and emotionally. The doors were thrown open and the paramedics swirled into flurried movement once again as they moved Danielle out of the ambulance and into the hospital. Ronnie allowed Roxy to guide her, following closely behind her daughter. She moved as though she was sleepwalking, things were happening around her but they felt far away, even Danielle seemed to be fading, moving further and further away from her. Like the footsteps up the stairs, Danielle was out of reach, being pulled away from Ronnie, no matter how hard Ronnie tried she would never be able to reach her.

As Danielle was wheeled into a room a nurse stepped in front of Ronnie and Roxy, stopping them in their path.

"I'm sorry, we need to see to Danielle and we'll need to ask you some questions about what happened and fill in some forms with Danielle's details." The nurse spoke out to the women, knowing that neither really listened. Ronnie was craning her neck to look over the woman's shoulders towards her daughter but the doors swung closed and Danielle was blocked from her view. Taken from her once again.

"I can sort all that stuff out. Can my sister go in with her?" Roxy asked, she knew that every second away from Danielle was killing her sister, even if she wouldn't show it.

"I'm afraid not, I'm sorry," the nurse said, her face trained and still, she was used to these situations, this was nothing new for her. "If you could come with me to the curtain are just, here," she continued, leading them only a few feet to behind a curtain. Both Ronnie and Roxy were directed to the bed where they sat side by side.

"We'll try and get this done quickly and get you back to Danielle as soon as we can, alright?" She smiled at the two blondes in front of her. Both with tearstained faces, both looking dazed and upset. She gave a comforting smile and placed her hand on Ronnie's knee, as she looked the most distressed of the two. Ronnie looked up into the face of the nurse, her eyes narrowing, nothing was making sense, all she could think of was the motionless body of her little girl, the blood that flowed relentlessly, Danielle's face as she had screamed at her on the platform.

"I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU!" Those had been Danielle's words. Ronnie's eyes closed as she remembered Danielle's voice. She had looked at the tracks. Ronnie had seen it, she had felt a panic as Danielle's eyes had purposely stared at those tracks, as though she was daring Ronnie, daring herself. How could Ronnie have not noticed it? How had she just let this happen.

"Ronnie." She was snapped from her thoughts by Roxy's voice. She looked at her sister who gestured towards the nurse with her head. The nurse repeated herself,

"Could you give me Danielle's full name and date of birth?" The nurse's voice softened even more, seeing Ronnie's confusion and disorientation. Ronnie gave her answer distractedly, the name she gave was Danielle Jones. The nurse didn't ask for a middle name and Ronnie didn't give one. But the truth was she didn't know. She didn't know if her own daughter had a middle name or what it was. It was a difficult thing to admit to herself, how little she knew her, how little she had tried.

"Right. Can I ask your relation to Danielle? Are you friends? Family?" The nurse was looking at them expectantly. Ronnie's mouth went dry.

"I'm…" Ronnie gulped. _"You aren't a mother to me. You never were."_

Roxy squeezed Ronnie's knee in encouragement.

"She's…I'm her mother." Ronnie muttered, looking resolutely at the floor below her.

"And I'm her aunt." Roxy said, far more confidently than her sister. The nurse gave them a smile, her eyes flicking concernedly towards Ronnie before returning to the forms on her lap. She continued to ask mundane questions like Ronnie's full name, the addresses of both Ronnie and Danielle, but as the questions continued Ronnie felt more and more pressure on her. She had no idea of the answers.

"Is Danielle on any medications?" Ronnie stated that there were none that she knew of but she couldn't be sure. The nurse had given her a strange look.

"Is Danielle allergic to anything? Any medications that she's had a reaction to in the past?" The nurse sighed. A tear came to Ronnie's eye,

"I don't know. I don't think so but I don't know."

"Does Danielle have any medical conditions? Has she had any serious injuries or illnesses in her childhood?" The nurse was now frowning at Ronnie, she understood that the woman was probably in shock but these questions needed to be answered and Ronnie seemed to know very little about her own daughter.

"I don't know. I don't know! She didn't live with me as a child. I…" Ronnie abruptly stopped talking. She had let her emotions get the better of her. If she admitted how little she knew Danielle, if she admitted how Danielle would rather have killed herself than be her daughter then they'd never let her see Danielle. She couldn't risk it. Lies or not, she wouldn't let them keep her from her baby.


	21. Chapter 21 Shadow Maria Mena

Countless minutes passed with both Ronnie and Roxy answering seemingly endless questions about Danielle. They had reached the part of the questions that Ronnie had been dreading. The nurse had asked if Danielle had been showing any signs of depression…she asked if they knew what may have caused Danielle to try and take her own life.

"We had a fight. She ran off. I thought she'd left. Then I found her in the flat. She was upset…because of me." Ronnie's voice was cold, reeling off the facts. It was unnerving to hear Ronnie so detached about her daughter.

"Don't blame yourself. For somebody to do this, it builds up for a long time. One argument wouldn't cause her to do something like this, Ms. Mitchell. You can't blame yourself. You clearly love your daughter very much." The nurse tried to comfort Ronnie, she had seen enough careless teen suicide attempts to know that the parents suffered greatly and guilt was their first reaction, this it seemed was no different.

"Has anything happened recently which may have effected Danielle? A loss of any kind? Any troubles at work? Boyfriend troubles?" The nurse had her hands folded over the forms and looked up into the eyes of both Ronnie and then Roxy.

"No, shes…" Roxy had started to talk, she meant to say that Danielle was happy, she was a sweet girl who took care of her cousin and worked diligently at several jobs, went for nights out with Stacey, that she was a normal girl. But Ronnie interrupted her. It was time for Ronnie to be honest and she knew it. She had let Danielle down enough times, the least she owed her was to put her own guilt aside and let the people who could help her know the truth.

"We fought a lot, I…I said some awful things. But she had an abortion a couple of months ago. I went with her. She…I don't think she forgave herself for it…or me." Ronnie spoke the words quickly, wanting to stop as soon as she could. She had told Danielle to abort the baby, she had told her that her own baby was the biggest mistake of her life. That was what made Danielle do it. She knew. Danielle had asked her if she ever thought of her daughter, she had answered that she didn't anymore, that she had got over it. Her words twisted and deformed themselves into cruel barbs as she realised how it all must how sounded to Danielle. The abortion was her fault, the rejection was her fault, the suicide attempt was her fault. She begged to herself and to any deity she could that there would not be a death on her conscience, that she wouldn't lose the little girl she had only just found.

"Ms. Mitchell, we see a lot of cases like this. More often than not it's a cry for help. She'll need support around her but you can't blame yourself. Something like an abortion will obviously be playing heavily on her mind. Parent's tend to blame themselves in cases like this, don't let yourself." The nurse spoke almost sternly, admonishing Ronnie for her guilt like a child. "I'll go and speak with the doctors and find out what I can. Feel free to wait here or you can make your way to the waiting room down the hall to the left." She gave one last smile to the women and left.

"You never said she'd had an abortion. Why did you go with her?" Roxy asked, dumbfounded by her sister's revelation. But Ronnie wasn't listening,

"She said Danielle would need support. She said that didn't she? That means she'll be ok. If she needs support that means she's going to be ok. She's not going to die, I'm not going to lose her. You heard her? She said she'll be ok?" Ronnie was babbling, her words tripping over each other as she was hanging desperately to a shred of uncertain hope. Roxy looked away from her sister to take a breath and then forced a smile onto her face.

"Yeah Ron. She'll be fine. She's a Mitchell isn't she? She's just like you Ronnie, she's stubborn." She tried to joke to cheer Ronnie up but Roxy knew that the nurse's careless comment had meant nothing, she hadn't seen or known any more about Danielle than they had.

Ronnie and Roxy were sat in silence on the bed, curtain closed around them as they waited for any news about Danielle. Roxy had briefly wandered around poking at machines and trying to make jokes, mostly dirty ones, to Ronnie to lighten the mood but Ronnie had just sat like a zombie, simply clasping her locket tightly in her hand, her eyes closing every few minutes as she made pleading prayers, beseeching any force that she could that everything would be ok.

"I hate bleedin' hospitals." Roxy moaned , jumping up and pulling the curtain back enough for her to see out into the corridors of the A&E. "Oi, what about telling us about my niece?" She called out to a passing doctor who continued on his way without an upward glance. She rolled her eyes and huffed, folding her arms over her chest when nobody seemed to listen to her.

"Excuse me!?" Roxy sang out "Am I invisible here or can I get some answers?" She huffed again and turned back to Ronnie who was staring at her with a mortified expression on her face, she looked both disgusted and afraid. In truth, despite how much Ronnie wanted to see Danielle she was terrified of any doctor coming to talk to them, afraid that they would tell her the worst and break her once and for all.

Roxy silently moved towards her sister and wrapped her up in her arms. It felt strange and sorrowful to Roxy to be supporting Ronnie, their whole lives it had been the other way around. But it was as if Ronnie was a child again, as if Roxy was finally seeing the scared teenager that had had her child snatched away all those years ago.

"She'll be alright Ron." Roxy cooed into Ronnie's hair as she cuddled her, she was treating her sister like a child but it was so surreal to have her sister back, the little girl beneath the ice queen façade, Roxy was quite sure how to act. "She asked me about you, you know. Every time I saw her she used to ask about you. I never thought anything of it but she loves you Ronnie. She'll pull through for you." Ronnie seemed to relax slightly in Roxy's arms, just for a moment, until another voice pierced through the quiet they had surrounded themselves in.


	22. Chapter 22 The Miracle Of Love Eurythmic

"No, I don't wanna wait. I wanna see Danielle." The voice of Stacey Slater seemed even louder here in a hospital than it did normally, it rang through the corridors. Roxy felt Ronnie flinch and tense in her arms at the sound.

"I'm sorry Miss but the doctors are still working on Miss Jones. You can wait with Danielle's family in here if you'd like or go to the waiting room down the hall." Some nurse or porter was speaking to Stacey and they were standing right outside the curtained area. Roxy kept thinking to herself, why the hell were they shoving them all in this area, do they have no other patients that need the bed? And why would they let Stacey in? This was all Ronnie needed. Roxy sighed and pulled away from Ronnie stoking her hair, now was a chance for Roxy to protect her sister when she really needed it.

"Fine but I want some answers." Stacey demanded, pointing her finger at the man in front of her.

"Of course. I'll find out what I can and report to the family and to yourself if Danielle's next of kin is happy with having the information shared." The man scuttled off quickly, holding handfuls of charts, dealing with several patients himself.

Stacey pulled back the curtain and walked towards the two blondes. The look of fury on her face was evident and she marched straight up into Roxy's face, trying to pass her to speak to Ronnie.

"Stacey calm it yeah? We're all worried so don't start anything." Roxy threatened Stacey, she spoke under her breath trying not to let Ronnie hear, she didn't want anything else to upset her sister right now, the situation was fragile enough.

"No, I need to start this for Danielle. The whole Square's talking about it. First you chuck her out of the Vic screaming at her then what? You beat her up? Pushed her? What did you do to her Ronnie?!" Stacey had pushed Roxy out of the way, hard enough to make her stumble and was shouting in Ronnie's face. Ronnie flinched backward at Stacey's words and couldn't meet her eyes.

"She didn't touch her Stacey. She's her bleedin' mother she wouldn't lay a finger on her so shut up and leave it out." Roxy shouted back in Stacey's direction. So much for not making a scene.

"Her mother?! What kind of mother have YOU ever been?" Stacey barked bitterly in Ronnie's face. "She tells you she's your daughter and by the end of the night she's in hospital! I'm not asking you again Ronnie what did you do!?"

Ronnie looked up into Stacey's eyes for the first time, tears glistening in her blue eyes,

"I'm sorry," she whispered under her breath. All at once Stacey's hand slapped across her face with a sickening clap. Roxy sprang forwards and pulled Stacey away,

"Ronnie didn't touch her! Danielle tried to kill herself!" Roxy screamed at the irate Stacey. All three women were red faced and breathing heavily. But all the commotion stopped when the doctor solemnly walked in.

"Ms. Mitchell. I'm doctor Barton, I was treating Danielle. I'd like to speak to you about your daughter. Would you like to come with me please?" The doctor spoke directly to Ronnie, he had glanced at them all trying to work out which of these women could possibly be the mother to the nineteen year old but Ronnie had moved slightly, her eyes clamping on to his and she slowly rose from her perch on the bed. A shiver travelled down her spine and her breath came quickly as she realised that they needed to talk to her in private. She dreaded what he could say that he needed privacy for. The doctor saw the hesitation and put his hand on Ronnie's shoulder,

"Ms. Mitchell we just need to discuss Danielle's condition and due to confidentiality we can only release information to the next of kin without Danielle's express permission." Ronnie nodded sadly.

"She's her next of kin?" Stacey said disgusted. "No, Danielle's family should know. What gives you any right?" She was getting worked up as she spoke. Stacey knew that Danielle wouldn't want this. But after Ronnie had rejected her at the reception who could know what Danielle would want. Stacey felt guilty suddenly as she caught the doctor's suspicious look towards Ronnie, she may have just stopped Danielle seeing her mother.

"Stacey I'm her mother. If you think that Danielle would want anybody else there then tell me now and I'll call them myself. But I'm her mother, I love her, I would do anything for her. So tell me now, would Danielle want somebody else there?" Ronnie held Stacey's hands as she spoke, her voice cracked with emotions as she tried vehemently to keep them inside and stay strong. She feared what Stacey may say even as she beseeched her for her forgiveness. But she was being honest. If there was somebody else who Danielle would want there then she wanted to let her daughter have them. Archie had kept her from Danielle, she could never keep somebody away from Danielle like that.

Stacey could hear the pleas in Ronnie's voice and she thought about Danielle. All Danielle ever wanted was for Ronnie to care, yeah she had her Dad, but after the abortion their relationship had fallen apart, she knew that if she kept Ronnie away now that Danielle would never forgive her. Stacey looked over to the wall catching Roxy's eye as she looked on anxiously.

"No, no there's no-one else. She'd want you here. I think she's stupid but she'd only want you." Ronnie let out a shuddering sigh of relief at Stacey's words. The doctor who had looked on mutely seemed satisfied by this exchange and put his hand forwards to Ronnie's back to lead her out of the room.

Ronnie was directed into a small room, the blinds were closed in the windows and the room was so dark after the fluorescently lit hallways and curtain areas of the A&E. She remembered a damp room, a skylight. She sat down on a cold chair, her hand not leaving her locket. She watched the doctor sit opposite her, he leant forward mirroring her position.

"Ms. Mitchell, your daughter has been seen by the doctors and is still being treated. She's stable and although she's caused a significant amount of damage to herself we have every reason to believe she should be absolutely fine." The doctor tried to allay Ronnie's fears as soon as he could to relax her and be able to talk more about Danielle. At his words Ronnie let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding.

"She's going to be alright?" Ronnie asked, "Can I see her?" Ronnie didn't move from her seat like she wanted to, she already knew the answer she would receive.

"Not yet I'm afraid. When Danielle was brought in she was in a lot of distress. The amount of toxins in her blood were effecting her breathing and her heart rate. And the damage to her wrist was very severe. She lost a lot of blood and the blood supply to her hand was severely impaired." The doctor watched as Ronnie leant back in her seat, her hand never leaving her locket as she prepared to listen to what her baby had done to herself. She felt her stomach turn as the doctor described it to her. She didn't want it to be true.

"We neutralised the toxins with activated charcoal." Ronnie nodded at him, the images of what they had, had to do ran through her, she didn't want to accept it but she needed to know.

"Her breathing is still suppressed but her heart rate and blood pressure have returned to normal. There are still traces of the drugs in her system and we have her on a drip to try and combat their effect. Unfortunately the sedative effect of the toxins will keep her unconscious and it could be a while before she regains consciousness." The doctor took a breath and kept his eyes trained on the blonde woman opposite him, watching for her reactions. Ronnie was breathing heavily but keeping her attention focused to hear about Danielle.

"The cut on Danielle's wrist severed the arteries and caused a large volume of blood loss. We've given her a transfusion to replenish the loss and she's in theatre at the moment to repair the wound. As I said, she should be fine and should most likely wake up within the next few hours. However, the amount of pills she took had put a lot of strain on her body and her liver in particularly trying to break them down. We will need to test her liver function as soon as possible. There's also a chance that her hand has been damaged as the blood supply was severed and there could be long term effects including reduced function and nerve damage, we are still waiting for test results and again it will be easier for us to determine when she wakes up." Doctor Barton took a breath and then continued, he noted the distress on Ronnie's face and although he felt sympathy towards this scared woman it was his job to inform her of any possibilities.

"There's a strong chance she will be distressed and angry when she wakes up. If her intention was to take her own life then there could be a lot of resentment towards the people who stopped her. So you need to prepare yourself for that. What she says could be hurtful and may be difficult to hear."

"I understand. I just want to see my daughter." Ronnie stated, honestly. The doctor gave her a small smile, satisfied that she was informed as much as she could be.

"Of course. It shouldn't be much longer. Of course when Danielle has woken and settled we will need her to see our on call psychiatrist. The severity of her injuries are worrying and we feel she may benefit from counselling and depending on how she is feeling perhaps some inpatient treatment." Ronnie looked horrified as the doctor realised to her the possibility that Danielle could have to be taken away once again.

"Inpatient? But I can look after her. I'll be there for her. She needs to be with her mother." Ronnie gasped at the doctor.

"Ms. Mitchell, we won't be able to make any decisions until we speak to Danielle. If she felt in enough distress to try and take her own life, she needs to be treated and if she still has intentions of harming herself then she will need to be in a place where she can be kept safe. It is all dependent on Danielle. She's over eighteen and so if it's determined that she is of no serious risk to herself it will be her decision of whether to admit herself or return home. Please understand that this is purely for Danielle. We're aware that she has people around her that love her but her safety is our primary concern."

Ronnie listened reluctantly to the reasoning of the doctor, it was another blow. The relief she had felt hearing that Danielle would be alright was being replaced by a new fear that she would be taken, snatched away again. Ronnie was torn between wanting to have her baby back at any cost and wanting to do what was best for Danielle. She knew it was selfish but she just wanted to be a mother, she would gladly watch Danielle every second of the day, never let her out of her sight, move heaven and earth for her just to have her back in her life.


	23. Chapter 23 Give Unto Me Evanescence

After the doctor had spoken to her Ronnie had been directed back to the curtain area to once more wait for further information about when she could see Danielle. It had been awkward explaining Danielle's condition to Roxy and Stacey and when she had mentioned the possibility of inpatient treatment the two women had fallen silent. Ronnie didn't know what Roxy had said to Stacey since she had left but the young girl was now sat looking guilty and her mouth was kept firmly closed. Ronnie watched as Stacey began to cry and Roxy fiddled with the buttons on her cardigan nervously, nobody knowing what to say.

"Stace, do you think she planned this?" Ronnie asked nervously, daring to ask the question she feared. Was this something Danielle had done in the spur of the moment or was she really in enough pain to want to end her life? Had she purposely done it in Ronnie's flat, to hurt her?

"What?" Stacey replied, looking up shakily at Ronnie, "No. She wouldn't want to hurt anyone. And she wouldn't give up. She's been here for seven months and she never gave up on you. She wouldn't just give in. Danielle wouldn't have done this at all. It doesn't make sense." Stacey said, tears gracing her eyes. Like Ronnie finally the bolshy mask that Stacey wore was being ground down. Danielle's actions seemed to be slicing through the defences of everyone around her. Suddenly people were raw and open, like the wounds Danielle had caused to herself, she had opened up Stacey and Ronnie letting their emotions gently flow like blood from their veins.

"But what about how she's been? I haven't given her a chance, not since the…since that month. How has she been since? Has she been upset? Has she seemed different?" She didn't want to blame herself. Maybe, just maybe something else had happened. Maybe Stacey had fought with her, maybe she had had bad news from home. Ronnie wanted to hear anything that would make Danielle's hurt somebody else's fault even if it would break her heart to know that there had been even more pain thrown upon her little girl. She just wanted somebody else to blame, to know that she hadn't almost killed her baby. But she knew that nothing said would ease the guilt. Deep down she knew why Danielle had come to Walford, why she stayed, why she was always around, why she cared so much and why she had done this.

"I don't know. No. I mean, since the abortion she changed. She got more angry, more desperate. When you cancelled like that, you broke her heart Ronnie. Then she went back to Telford and came back just different. She said it wasn't her home anymore, that everything had changed. But I don't know. I've hardly seen her for the last month. She's been living at the B&B, if I had been there, made her come back…" Stacey breathed deeply ready to confess her best friend's secrets. She felt guilty and incredibly uncomfortable doing it but Ronnie had been lied to for long enough.

"She got a bit weird…" Stacey muttered quietly.

"What do you mean weird? How was she weird?" Ronnie jumped on Stacey's words.

"Well, the wedding. When I asked her how she was she said she was great, that she was going to be a bridesmaid and be there with you as your daughter." Ronnie and Roxy exchanged glances, Roxy's concerned and Ronnie's guilty.

"Well I asked you about it in the Caf and you said it was just you and Roxy. She's always made up perfect fantasies in her head, like ways to tell you, how you'd react, what the two of you would do, she even planned what you'd have for lunch together." Stacey paused, smiling slightly, but it was a sad and almost bitter smile as she remembered her friend's plans, her ridiculous dreams and how Ronnie had let her down once again.

"Well she was different when she talked about the wedding. She'd been different for a while. She never lied before but she started keeping everything to herself. I hardly saw her. The only time I ever saw her was when she was walking around with your dad or going 'round with Amy. She didn't want to talk. She just shut down." Stacey didn't know what else to say, what else to tell Ronnie. Stacey herself had told Danielle that nobody wanted her around. She had been just as bad as Ronnie.

"It was Dad." Ronnie blurted out, venom dripping from every syllable. "I...I saw them. They were upstairs in the Vic, she looked scared. But I yelled at her, she'd just vandalised my door, I thought…but he lied to her." Ronnie didn't want to think about her father and how much he had put Danielle through but she was suddenly realising just how much time he had had with Danielle, just how much he had done to her.

"She told me who she was and she said he'd already told me. He told her that I didn't want her. He told her I knew and I didn't want her." Stacey and Roxy felt the sadness wash over them at Ronnie's words. Danielle had been through so much, been lied to so many times, had been rejected and hurt by everyone. Each of the three women began to reflect on how they had each mistreated Danielle, how they had all let her down. Even Roxy felt a guilt at how she had taken advantage of Danielle's good nature to use her at her convenience to look after Amy, she had never bothered to find out anything about Danielle, never even gave her a second thought. The room was silent once again as each became lost in their own guilt.

Ronnie knew that she had let Danielle down, if she hadn't found out that Danielle was her daughter she still would have been abusing and berating a sweet and vulnerable young girl. The fact that Danielle was her Amy made her want to change everything, but she realised that if Danielle hadn't been Amy she still deserved nothing that Ronnie had put her through. She deserved so much more than what she had been given. Seeing the tears rolling down Stacey's cheeks Ronnie moved cautiously towards her and wrapped her arms around the young girl, doing what she should have done for Danielle a long time ago. She let Stacey weep into her chest and her own tears were held back, she would protect her daughter's best friend in the way she hadn't protected her baby.

"hem, hem," Doctor Barton cleared his throat as he came past the curtain to alert the women to his presence. They all looked up towards him, Ronnie stroking Stacey's hair as Stacey wiped her eyes roughly with her sleeve. There were small damp patches on Ronnie's jumper from Stacey's tears, the jumper was already smeared with blood matching the smudge which still remained on Ronnie's chin and cheek.

"Ms. Mitchell, would you like to come through to see Danielle?" Doctor Barton extended his hand outwards, pushing the curtain to one side. Ronnie hesitated, a lump growing in her throat, this was it. Roxy pushed her back gently encouraging her to go. Ronnie looked at Stacey who gave a small smile, sad not to be the one who could go in to see Danielle.

"Can we see her?" Stacey said meekly.

"It's best if just her mother comes in at the moment. But as soon as Ms. Mitchell has had some time she can bring you both in." Doctor Barton said kindly to Stacey, also sparing a glance towards Roxy who was stood looking out of place in the corner.

"I'll come and get you soon." Ronnie said purposely to Stacey. She then walked out through the curtain and followed the doctor as he led her to see her baby girl once again.


	24. Chapter 24 Run Snow Patrol

Doctor Barton had led Ronnie into the surgical ward, she was relieved when they had passed the intensive care, panicked when she thought Danielle may be there. They bypassed some open wards and came to a private room at the end of the corridor. The doctor pushed open the door with one hand and let Ronnie walk in first.

The room was dim, dawn was beginning to break outside the windows but any light was blocked out by blinds hanging loosely down. A lamp hanging over the bed was switched on illuminating the ivory pale face of Danielle. Ronnie couldn't help but think she looked like a broken angel, her blonde hair framing her face like a halo spread out over the pillow.

A nurse was hovering over Danielle taking her pulse, checking the ventilator and injecting something into the cannula in her arm.

"The doctor in charge of Danielle on the ward is Doctor Kerwood so she should be in to check Danielle as soon as she shows signs of waking." Doctor Barton said.

"I'll give you some time alone." The nurse, hearing this, finished reconnecting Danielle's drip and walked quietly out of the room, sparing a sympathetic smile for Ronnie as she passed. Ronnie nodded slowly and heard the door click shut behind her. She stood motionless for a moment before creeping slowly towards the bed, her footfalls soft, almost tiptoeing across the room, wary to approach Danielle.

Ronnie stood beside the bed looking down at her little girl. She was so still, her body laid out completely straight, her arms neatly placed atop the blankets which were pulled up to her chest. Wires were attached to her chest and hand, the drip in one arm and the ventilator tube protruding from between her lips. She was almost a parody of herself, Ronnie's beautiful little girl, so full of life now laying still, wires protruding like some grotesque machine, persistent beeps and puffs signalling every breath, every heart beat. The noise was both a comfort to Ronnie and another brutal stab. Her daughter's heart that was so full of love and kindness for anybody was now only signified by a series of bleeps, her whole life reduced to noises, statistics, machines, cold and clinical. No warmth, no love, nothing like Danielle.

There were black smears on Danielle's lips and all around her mouth from the charcoal and her arm still held traces of blood. Ronnie reached out and touched her daughter's cheek. She was so longer cold and clammy but her skin was warm, and as Ronnie ran her fingers down the smooth skin it brought back the memories of her first moments with her baby. She felt the same.

Ronnie brushed Danielle's fringe out of her eyes and smiled tenderly at her. She sat down gingerly on the chair at the bedside and slowly slid her hand under Danielle's letting her fingers curl around her daughter's palm. Once upon a time that same hand had gripped her finger. She'd held it so tightly, with a tiny, pink, little fist.

"Hi, Danielle." Ronnie said awkwardly.

She had waited and longed to see her daughter but now that she was in front of her, now that they were alone, she had no idea what to say. This wasn't some girl who came to find her, some girl on the street that turned out to be her daughter. This was Danielle, she knew her, they had chatted, fought, gone through the abortion together. Ronnie was conflicted, this girl was her daughter but they still felt separate, her Amy and Danielle. The two were the same and yet Ronnie couldn't get her head around it. Part of her wanted to pour her heart out to her little girl and to Danielle who she had hurt so much, so deeply but as she saw her lying motionless it drowned any words she may have had. This was harder than she had thought it would be. She wanted Danielle to just wake up, to make things easier. It was selfish but it was also love.

"I never meant to hurt you." Ronnie said hesitantly, "What I said upstairs in the Vic was true, one of the only times I ever told you the truth, I am sorry if I _ever_ hurt your feelings." She paused for a second before continuing.

"I'm sorry if I ever made you doubt yourself. I'm sorry that I made you ashamed. I'm sorry I lied to you, that I said I regretted you. I never have, not for one second. Having my baby…you…was the most amazing thing I have ever done and I have missed you and wanted you every second since the day you were born." Now that she had started talking, Ronnie couldn't stop. There was so much to say, nineteen years worth of promises and affirmations and seven months worth of apologies and explanations.

"When I found the locket I…I don't even know how I felt. It all happened so fast. But I knew that you were telling the truth and as soon as I did all I wanted was you. All the lies, all the times I yelled at you, the pain I must have caused you. I just wanted to find you and make it all go away. Never let anything hurt you again. Then I saw you on the platform." Ronnie sniffed quickly, her eyes watering, but no tears fell.

"You looked so lost. You looked like a little girl and I realised I hadn't missed my chance. I always wanted to be with you and there you were, still so young, still my baby." Ronnie sighed, she almost reached to hold her locket with her free hand, it was habit. But she didn't need the locket to be close to her daughter, she was right in front of her. So instead, Ronnie shuffled her seat closer to the bed and ran her fingers reverently along Danielle's face, letting herself brush the edge of her hair back with every stroke.

"You looked at the tracks. I saw you. If I'd known that you meant…if I'd known. Danielle, I would have given my life to stop you from taking yours. I would die just to stop you having to feel one ounce of pain. You have to know that. If you can hear me, I hope you know." She let her hand still on Danielle's face to tenderly hold her.

"I'll tell you again, I promise. Now that I've found you I'll tell you every day. I'll tell you every day how proud I am of you, of the person you've become. How much I admire you, for being so strong, so kind, so loving. I'll tell you every day how beautiful you are and…and how I can't think of a better daughter than you. I'm so happy I have you Danielle. If you'll let me…if you give me the chance, I will try to be everything you want me to be. I'll work every day to be the kind of mother you'd want. The kind of mother that you could love."

Ronnie wiped away small teardrops that had escaped her. She let out a small watery laugh and let both hands fall around Danielle's smaller one. She lifted it and pressed a kiss to her daughter's knuckles.

"We'll talk when you wake up. There are so many things I want to tell you. So many things I want to ask. We have almost twenty years to catch up on." Ronnie jokily scolded her daughter.

"Danielle…what you said on the platform…that you can't forgive me." Ronnie took a deep breath, trying to force the words out of herself,

"Please don't mean that…I don't think I'd survive losing you again. I was so scared when I saw what you'd done, sweetie. I'm still scared. I thought you were going to die, Danielle. I know it's my fault, but if you let me…I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will spend every day being everything you have ever wanted me to be. Nothing else matters, just you."


	25. Chapter 25 About You Now slow Sugababes

Ronnie kept talking to Danielle, telling her everything she should have done at the reception, on the platform. Soon she was interrupted when a nurse came in to replace the IV drip and check the machines. As the nurse worked, Ronnie explained to Danielle what she was doing, she didn't want Danielle to be confused if she was alert enough to feel what was happening. The nurse had told Ronnie that it probably comforted Danielle to hear her mother's voice. Ronnie couldn't suppress the proud smile that formed as she was referred to as Danielle's mother.

As the nurse left, Ronnie asked her to bring Roxy and Stacey in. She had promised to go and get them but couldn't stand the thought of leaving Danielle's side, even for a minute. She couldn't bear the thought of Danielle waking up alone.

The nurse assured her that she would bring them in and Ronnie thanked her before turning back to Danielle.

"Stacey and Roxy are going to come in and see you. I wish you could see how much, people care about you. You've even had me and Stacey hugging. They've been so worried about you Danielle." She said whilst she ran her fingers through her daughter's hair, trying to take out the knots that had formed.

"I'm glad you've had Stacey. She's made mistakes and let you down but she loves you. And you have Roxy too now, god help you. It probably means you'll spend half of your time looking after Amy and the other half draining your bank account or getting blind drunk and taking home anything with a pulse." She whispered conspiratorially to Danielle, her smile showing as she imagined the possibilities that lay ahead, the things she could do with her daughter.

"But don't think I'll let you get away with it. It's stone cold sober and completely celibate for you." Ronnie laughed, shaking her finger in mock admonishment.

The door quietly creaked open and Roxy's face appeared around the side. Ronnie looked up and nodded, gesturing that it was ok for them to come in.

"See Danielle, Stacey and your Auntie Roxy are here." Ronnie said, kissing her knuckles once again.

Roxy walked behind Ronnie and wrapped her arms around her chest, placing her chin on her shoulder. Stacey seemed to hesitate across the room. She was just stood staring at Danielle. She didn't know what to do or say, she hadn't seen Danielle since she had been crying in the living room after the reception. She hadn't seen how pale she was, how lifeless and the true extent of what Danielle had done to herself was hitting Stacey. She just stood and watched as Ronnie adjusted her blankets, kissed her hand, stroked her face. Ronnie looked like a real mother and Danielle was missing it all.

"Dan?" Stacey croaked. She moved towards the bed and stood on the opposite side to the two other women.

"Dan, I…" She looked up to see Roxy looking at her, Ronnie's gaze switching between her and Danielle, who she stared at lovingly. "I don't know what to say," she admitted.

"There's a first!" Roxy joked, with a smile to Ronnie, "Dan, you're a miracle worker you. You got Miss Frost Pants over here smiling, Gobby Slater there, speechless…"

"Yeah and you've kept your knickers on for more than five minutes, that's a record isn't it?" Ronnie added to Roxy.

"Yeah, I think it is." Roxy answered laughing.

Stacey let herself smile at the pair of them. She didn't know if she had ever seen Ronnie so relaxed, it was like something had clicked, a missing part of her was somehow restored. She looked back at Danielle, extending her hand to take Danielle's but stopped as she saw that the hand next to her was bandaged. She was scared to touch it.

"Come here Stace," said Ronnie, loosening her grip on Danielle's hand and holding it out for Stacey to take. She waited for Stacey to take her daughter's hand and moved herself to stroke Danielle's chin and cheek whilst Stacey sat on the bed by her friend's legs.

"Danielle, I know you probably can't hear me. And I know if you can you'd probably rather hear Ronnie still, but I'm here Dan." Stacey tried to forget that the Mitchell sisters were still in the room, listening.

"I don't know why you did it or anything, I can't pretend to but I know what it's like to feel alone Dan and to not know what to do anymore. When Sean was gone and Mum was falling apart, you kept me together. I should have done that for you too. If I hadn't been drinking tonight, if I'd listened to you, not let you leave. If I'd done that maybe this wouldn't have happened." She looked down at Danielle, her chest rising and falling, her face still.

"I've been saving up you know. I thought you and me could go away somewhere. Get away from everything…I was gonna book somewhere to go clubbing, I know you'd go but…when you get better you can choose yeah? We could go do a skydive somewhere, go paragliding, you said you wanted to do them. You always do what other people want. You always try to make people happy. I'm sorry I wasn't more like you."

Ronnie had been transfixed on Stacey. Stacey knew Danielle's dreams, she knew who Danielle was. It was sad to once again realise she knew nothing about her but also Ronnie felt a wash of excitement as she thought of all the things she could get to know about her daughter. All the things that Danielle ever wanted to do, Ronnie would make them happen.

"I'll pay for it." Ronnie said determinedly to Stacey. "As soon as Danielle's well enough she can do it all, anything she wants and I'll cover her, both of you. And if she wants…I'll go with her too." Stacey didn't reply, just looked at Ronnie in surprise.

"You're going to be spoilt rotten Danielle!" Roxy exclaimed. "And your Auntie Rox here is going to make sure Ronnie doesn't turn you into an old prude like her. It's going to be big nights out for us, get you a fit bloke too!" Roxy laughed.

"Oh, because your choice in men has proved so successful!" Ronnie jumped in.

"God Dan, they're gonna try and turn you into a Mitchell! You're still a Slater too yeah. I'm always here, and Uncle Charlie and Nan too. You'll always be welcome as a Slater, yeah?"

"Thank you." Ronnie said to Stacey, her voice strong as she tried to convey how genuine she felt. "I'm glad she has you. You're a good friend to her."

"If I was that good she wouldn't be here would she?" Stacey replied, not looking at Ronnie.

"Well we all let her down. But Stacey, you couldn't have known. But you've been a good friend to her and I mean that. Could you…would you bring some things in for her? Things she'd want, clothes, toiletries, and anything she'd want to have around her."

Stacey nodded. It was a while before she and Roxy were ready to leave but they soon made their way out together, Roxy planning to drive herself and Stacey back in as soon as they had collected Danielle's things. She hoped that she could persuade Stacey to get some sleep first and that she could see Amy and talk to Peggy. She would collect some things for Ronnie too, as much as she could try she knew that there would be no way to get Ronnie to leave Danielle.

And so in the dark room, lit by a single lamp, Ronnie was alone with her precious daughter. All was silent, all was still and as Ronnie held her daughter's hand, the missing piece of her heart was at long last filled. This was her, this was her Amy.


	26. Chapter 26 Wild Horses Rolling Stones

"I didn't have my first scan until I was five months gone with you."

Ronnie was sat on the side of the bed, facing Danielle, she had Danielle's hands in each of hers and was caringly stroking her thumbs over her daughter's upturned palms.

"Nobody knew until then. I suppose I tried to pretend it wasn't happening. I was so young." Ronnie shook her head sadly as she remembered the fear, the denial that she had gone through.

"I wore baggy clothes, started hiding myself away. I knew I didn't want to have an abortion, right from the start I knew that, so don't think that I only had you because I left it too long. I truly wanted you, as soon as I found out I was pregnant I wanted you but I was scared, I didn't to face the truth. Having a baby was…it would change my whole life, I'd have this little person to take care of. I remember thinking that if I didn't tell anyone that it wouldn't really happen. But, well, there was only so long that could last." She gave a small sighing laugh.

It had always been painful for Ronnie to think back to that time, to her pregnancy and the birth, to holding her little Amy. But now that she was here, really here, she realised that she didn't have to hide it away like her dirty secret. Ronnie didn't have to mourn those times, now she could celebrate them. Share them with her daughter.

"I remember seeing you for the first time on that scan. My mum had me go but I went in alone. It was just me and you. The nurse started the ultrasound and I saw you. You were so tiny, your little legs kicking. And then the sound was on and your heartbeat…I've never in my life heard anything so breath taking. There was this second heart inside me, beating away. I couldn't stop looking at you. You were sucking your thumb, this tiny little hand up to your mouth. This hand," Ronnie said dreamily, lifting Danielle's left hand ever so slightly.

It was just a twitch, the smallest tap of Danielle's little finger against Ronnie's palm but Ronnie jumped as she felt it. She clasped her uninjured hand tightly, giving it a comforting squeeze before lifting it to kiss once again. At this, she saw Danielle's eyelids flutter. She watched intently, her hands both grasping one of Danielle's. She watched as Danielle's brow creased slightly, her eyelids flickering and suddenly she began to cough through the tube, her chest no longer moving in a steady rhythm but fighting against the ventilator.

Ronnie pushed the emergency call button beside Danielle's bed. She watched her daughter's eyes as they half opened and closed again.

"Come on sweetie," Ronnie whispered, she knew that over the noise of the machines Danielle wouldn't hear her, it was a wish, willing her daughter to be alright.

"Danielle, can you hear me?" Ronnie asked, holding her daughter's face in both hands even as she watched her throw her head back in a spluttering fit against the tube.

"Sweetie, I'm here." Ronnie called out to her.

A nurse rushed into the room, she moved over to the bed and even as she reached Danielle, another nurse entered. She ushered Ronnie out telling her that she couldn't be in the room while they dealt with Danielle.

Ronnie was out in the corridor before anything had registered. She stared at the door, angrily, desolately. Her daughter was awake and the first face she saw would be a stranger's. She stepped back slightly, not knowing what to do with herself. A doctor moved past her into the room, she said nothing, just watched her enter the room. Whilst the door was open she could see her little girl, her eyes open, the ventilator had been unplugged and she could see the nurse talking to Danielle before the door once again swung closed in her face.

Ronnie turned around, she looked for a seat, somewhere close to Danielle where she could wait but there were no chairs around. She ran her hands through her hair distractedly registering that it was still slightly damp and hadn't even been brushed since her shower. That felt like weeks ago now.

She stood in the corridor, just waiting, aimless and bemused. Her arms hung loosely by her sides, hands clenching and unclenching into fists just for something to do with herself. It was mere minutes before a nurse emerged from the room but to Ronnie it had felt like an eternity. How many eternities had passed in just one night?

"Ms. Mitchell," The nurse began. Ronnie's entire body was poised in attention.

"Ronnie." She corrected. She was tired of being spoken to so formerly, so distantly.

The nurse looked confused and Ronnie smiled, answering that they should call her Ronnie.

"How is she? Is she awake? And breathing alright?" Ronnie questioned, anxious to know what was happening.

"She's doing well. Come this way, into the relatives room and I'll talk you through things quickly." The nurse placed her arm on Ronnie's back and guided her down the hall. This time Ronnie walked with certainty. Her daughter was alright.

As Ronnie sat in the small room she looked at the nurse sat opposite her, she looked around the same age as Ronnie and yet at the same time she looked so young. She didn't have the sadness in her eyes, the years of pain.

"Right, Ronnie. Your daughter is absolutely fine." Ronnie smiled once again at those simple words. Words she hadn't ever thought she'd hear, not since her father had told her, her Amy was dead.

"She's awake and we've taken the tube out, so she's off the ventilator. Her breathing is controlled, still a little weak so if she finds it too much strain we can put her on an oxygen mask. She seems to be coping alright though." The nurse smiled warmly which Ronnie returned. She felt like a mother. It was surreal but she was being treated like a mother, like when she had been in labour, it was the first time since then but she was being treated like a real mother. She could hardly contain the elation that was building inside her. Danielle was her daughter, her Amy wasn't dead, she was Danielle, Danielle was going to be alright, everything would be alright.

"I'll take you in to see Danielle in a moment," the nurse continued, "she's only just regained consciousness so she won't be making much sense, she won't be fully aware of things yet. It's best to let her rest as much as you can." Ronnie nodded before rising to leave the room. She and the nurse made their way back to see Danielle.


	27. Chapter 27 No one Alicia Keys

"Would you like a drink? Some coffee, tea, water?" The nurse asked as she and Ronnie entered Danielle's room. They were both stood quietly by the door as the doctor and the other nurse finished their checks on Danielle.

"Coffee would be good…"

"Nicola, and it's no problem. Once Vicky and Doctor Kerwood are finished they should call you over. Don't worry, they're just doing routine checks and seeing how alert and aware she is."

"Thank you." Ronnie smiled. The nurse stepped behind Ronnie and let herself out of the room. Ronnie stayed where she was stood. Now she felt less confident, though still brimming with nervous anticipation. She was watching Danielle, her eyes were open but drooping. She was mumbling something in a raspy voice and the doctor, Doctor Kerwood, Ronnie remembered, was asking her questions, just gentle ones like how she felt, was she in any pain.

"No." Came the whimper from the little girl in the white gown before she broke down into tears. The nurse began to comfort her and Ronnie couldn't stop herself from moving forward. She wanted to be the one there for Danielle, it was her hand Danielle should be holding, her that should be wiping away her daughter's tears.

Doctor Kerwood looked up at Ronnie's approach and smiled at her,

"Don't worry, she's just a bit disoriented, a little confused and groggy. She's not in any distress. Crying is often how patients react when they regain consciousness. She seems to be gaining awareness quite quickly though so we'll leave her with you, Veronica." Ronnie corrected Doctor Kerwood, on her name, she found it odd when the doctor had replied with an "Aaah", a noise as if suddenly everything made sense.

"She'll probably need to sleep again soon so it's best to let her rest as much as she can but I know she'll want to see you. The first thing she said when the tube was out was your name." Doctor Kerwood couldn't help but smile at the tears of happiness she saw forming in Ronnie's eyes.

"The nurses will be in and out for observations but if you need anything just press the call button." Doctor Kerwood turned back to Danielle and wrote some initials on the board above her bed before leaving the room.

Ronnie strode over to Danielle and stood over her smiling down into the wide hazel eyes that were staring openly back at her.

"Oh, Dani. It's ok. Sweetie I'm so glad you're awake." Ronnie cooed as she sat down on the bed next to Danielle's outstretched legs. She used the pad of her thumb to brush away the tears on her daughter's cheeks.

"Ronnie…" Danielle spoke softly, it was almost curiously that she said Ronnie's name. The sound make Ronnie smile.

"Yeah, yeah it's me. I'm here." She watched as a confused look grew on Danielle's face.

"They took her." Danielle's voice croaked through her soft tears. She didn't look upset, simply dazed and sleepy.

"What? Took who, sweetie?" Ronnie asked, her brow creasing as she tried to work out what her daughter could be talking about. She glanced over to where the nurse had been stood to see if she could shed some light but found the space empty, she had left at some point during their exchange.

"Musty." Danielle stated emphatically, even though her words were slurred as she began to drift off into sleep once again.

"Who's Musty?" Ronnie questioned gently, not quite being able to understand if even Danielle herself knew what she was talking about. It was like talking to a sleepy toddler. Danielle's eyes opened wider again and she looked at Ronnie in adamant bewilderment.

"My cat!" She stated. Ronnie held back the laugh that threatened to spring from her. Danielle looked like a child having a tantrum, a child who had just had their sweets stolen and couldn't understand how the whole world wasn't on red alert. As much as Ronnie tried to keep the smile off her face she didn't manage. She barely kept her laughter inside her. She leant forward to stroke her baby's face, it was strange to have these moments. Danielle was nineteen years old but right now she was nothing more than a child, Ronnie somehow felt that she was being given the chance to see how her daughter had been when she was little, like a snapshot of the childhood she would never have known.

"We'll get you another cat, sweetie," Ronnie whispered. But Danielle's eyes were already long closed. The only reply Ronnie got was a little sigh and a whispered "ok". Ronnie let out a small chuckle. She couldn't believe how perfect it all was. It was better than she could ever have imagined, she thought it couldn't have got any better. That was until she heard a small groan and mumble from Danielle who had cracked her eyes open again. Ronnie looked back at her questioningly and Danielle lifted her uninjured arm outwards to her mother.

The grin that spread over Ronnie's face was one she hadn't felt herself smile in so long. She leant herself down to embrace Danielle, careful not to put too much pressure on her chest, she was still worried about her breathing. She felt Danielle's arm wrap around her back. This was it. This was everything Ronnie wanted. This was home.


	28. Chapter 28 I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

Ronnie sat clutching her coffee with both hands. The nurses Nicola and Vicky had been in a couple of times. Danielle had slept through it all. Ronnie had been out into the corridor to call Roxy. Her and Stacey wouldn't be in until late afternoon, it was only just coming up to midday. Ronnie sighed as Danielle remained asleep. She had spoken to her daughter for a while as she slept but Ronnie didn't want to risk disturbing her when she clearly needed the rest. There was also a part of Ronnie that didn't want to have to talk to herself anymore. She wanted Danielle to be awake, she wanted her to hear the things she had to say.

Ronnie was slumped in the chair by Danielle's bed. She thought about how every moment she had been close to her daughter had been in a hospital. The birth, the abortion…well that had been a clinic, Ronnie thought, but still, and then there was this. She couldn't wait to just get Danielle out, to sit together and just talk, somewhere real, not this foreign environment, not with the suicide attempt hanging over them.

She began to wonder what would happen after the hospital. In a way they were in their own little bubble here. They were away from the outside world, away from reality. They were together here. She wondered what it would be like when Danielle was ready to leave. Would she go to the Slaters'? Would she come back with Ronnie? Maybe she would want to go back to Telford. Then again there was always the possibility that Danielle wouldn't even be leaving hospital, if she was made to, or if she chose be an inpatient.

She couldn't imagine not having her daughter around her every day, seeing her working on the stall, going to dinners out, cooking for her, going shopping. The simple, little things that Ronnie had let enter her head and now wouldn't leave. But she wondered if she could really ask Danielle to live with her. She didn't know if it would ever work, it was so soon. She didn't know if Danielle would even talk to her let alone spend their lives together in each other's pockets. God, she wanted that. To see her baby every day, chat over breakfast, watch her laugh at soppy films, know when she slept that she was just metres away.

The coffee in Ronnie's hands was cold, it was almost gone anyway. Ronnie felt herself yawn despite the caffeine. She tried to remember when she had last slept. It was the night before the wedding, it had been a late night after the hen party. She'd only really got a few hours. Now it was midday, the day after the wedding. She tried adding in her head how many hours that was but her sleep deprived mind gave up quickly. She was used to numbers, running the books of the club, but deprivation and stress, worry and all that had happened had drained her more than she'd let herself think. It was finally beginning to catch up with her now, now that the adrenaline had stopped, the panic had subsided, it was all catching up.

Ronnie let her eyes close a little as she slumped further down in her chair. It felt so good to let her eyes shut. Her head began to drop and her hands loosened around the paper cup. She was just drifting off when she heard a moan coming from Danielle.

"Believe me. You have to believe me. Ronnie." The words were mumbled almost incoherently but Ronnie knew exactly what was going through Danielle's mind in her sleep addled state. She hurriedly placed her coffee cup onto the table next to her and clambered onto Danielle's bed to sit beside her. She stroked Danielle's face and gently whispered to her,

"I believe you. Baby, I believe you. I'm here." She knew that Danielle was still mostly asleep. She wasn't really asking anything. But Ronnie had to answer, she had to comfort the dreams of her baby. Stop the nightmares that she'd caused. Ronnie could feel Danielle beginning to stir next to her, she grabbed the remote control for the bed and with one hand pressed in to raise the head of the bed to lean against. In the other arm she held Danielle to her. Soon she was comfortably leaning back on the bed with Danielle tucked into her side. She felt Danielle nuzzle into her in her sleep. Ronnie rubbed her thumb over Danielle's shoulder creating small circles absentmindedly as her other hand played with Danielle's fingers.

"You've grown up so well." Ronnie sighed. Both proud and regretfully. She looked over to Danielle who was once again opening her eyes. Ronnie couldn't work out if Danielle was completely aware of her presence.

"I still can't believe you're mine." Ronnie fussed at Danielle, looking down into her drowsy eyes. Danielle was looking back at her,

"I remember the first time I noticed you, the first time I felt you kick. I was in my room, it was night. I could hear mum and dad fighting, I felt so alone. And then I felt you. I thought I was just hungry at first," Ronnie smiled looking down at Danielle who was still staring at her, "You felt like flutters, like a butterfly. I remember smiling, putting my hands over my stomach, thinking that it was just me and you, forever." She had been staring into space by the end of her words but looked down at Danielle again. She noticed her wide eyes, Ronnie realised Danielle was properly awake.

"Ronnie!"


	29. Chapter 29 What Hurts The Most slow Casc

Danielle had woken up. She had no idea what was going on. She was in hospital. Ronnie was holding her. Why was Ronnie holding her? Suddenly it all came back. The reception, the platform, the voicemail, her call to Ronnie, what she had done. There were hazy memories of the blood, of Ronnie cradling her crying. Roxy yelling. Just flashes, the more she tried to remember them the further away they slipped. It was like trying to remember a dream.

Danielle felt sick that Ronnie was holding her. She had tried to kill herself, she'd done it in Ronnie's flat, Danielle couldn't believe what she had done. But Ronnie had rejected her, screamed at her and when Danielle had come back, desperate to take care of her mother, Ronnie had been out, laughing and having fun. She wanted to hate Ronnie. She certainly hated herself. But one look at Ronnie's face melted Danielle. Ronnie was looking at her with such a nervous awe. She recognised that face, it was her. She saw herself in Ronnie in that moment. The need to be loved, the fear of being rejected, the pure love.

Danielle's head felt a mess. She wanted to scream, push Ronnie away and just not face her. But another part wanted to cling to her and never let go. Everything she had wanted and had been looking for was being given to her from that one look in Ronnie's eyes. But too much had happened. Danielle wanted to forget it all. To just start from here, now. She knew it wasn't possible.

Ronnie swallowed thickly, not knowing how Danielle would react to her words, to the fact that she was holding her. The two just stared at each other for a while before Danielle looked away uncomfortably.

"Sorry," Ronnie mumbled as she felt her heart sink and began to move away from Danielle, to give her some space. She was surprised when Danielle's hand clasped around hers and she felt Danielle snuggle into her more.

As much as Danielle knew that she might never forgive Ronnie, she didn't want this moment to slip away. She decided to just bask in her mother's love and curl like a child in her arms like she had always wanted to. There was so much to deal with. Maybe she didn't even want Ronnie in her life. But now, this minute, she wanted.

"No…keep talking." Danielle said. She wouldn't meet Ronnie's eyes but her words were enough. Ronnie smiled and leaned back, relaxing into the bed, letting her daughter be everything.

"Well, when you got bigger you kicked a _lot_. Usually when I was trying to sleep. And after a while, near the end of the pregnancy I could see little feet or elbows sticking out when you kicked. Roxy felt it a couple of times. She kept telling me it was like the scene in alien and you were trying to burst out." Ronnie laughed, she could feel Danielle's small chuckle against her as Danielle curled herself onto her side to lie in her mother's arms. Her injured wrist laid out straight down her side. Danielle couldn't bring herself to move the arm anywhere closer to Ronnie, she didn't want to remember what had happened, she didn't want Ronnie to be disappointed again. She just didn't want to accept anything from the wedding day. It didn't go unnoticed by Ronnie who began to worry about whether Danielle's arm was causing her pain.

"Is it hurting, swe…Dani?" Ronnie asked, placing her hand over Danielle's bandaged one. She took it in hers and held it. She felt a shiver go down her spine at the slightly cooler temperature, but she held it firmly nonetheless, trying to reassure Danielle that everything was ok.

"No, it's fine." Danielle said uncomfortably, shaking her head. "Just, keep talking? Please Ronnie?" Part of Danielle just wanted to block out the last couple of days. She didn't even know how long it had been since she had been in Ronnie's flat. It was all a blur, but the other part wanted to listen. Ronnie was talking so lovingly about her, she was finding out about what it had been like before she was born. She wanted to know it all, to know Ronnie better, to know how Ronnie's past and her own.

"Well, I used to talk to you a lot. Usually late at night when you wouldn't stop moving. I'd talk to you. Make up stories, tell you about what had happened that day, just talk to you until you'd settle down." Ronnie said. But she stopped and just stared at Danielle. Her eyes misted over as she looked at her daughter. Danielle looked back at her, feeling a bit exposed and shot her a questioning look.

"Sorry," Ronnie added. "I just can't believe you're really mine, that you're my baby. You're so beautiful...I can't believe I made you." The awe in her eyes was so strong and Ronnie looked like she could hardly breathe. Danielle didn't know what to say. She had been looking at Ronnie but she couldn't hold her gaze, Danielle didn't feel she deserved Ronnie's love, not after what she had done. There was also a slight resentment that Ronnie would say all this a yet she'd given her up, treated her awfully, rejected her, laughed at her. Danielle closed her eyes firmly, trying to block out her thoughts. She just wanted to be happy, and to be with her mum, with Ronnie.

Ronnie saw Danielle close her eyes harshly and felt helpless again. She didn't know if Danielle was in pain or if she was upset, she wished she knew Danielle better, wished she knew her well enough to read the signs. Instead she just did what she could, she pushed aside her own feelings, forced herself not to put up the shield that was second nature to her.

"I carried you for nine months…right here, you grew right here," Ronnie said, bringing her hand to rest over her stomach. Danielle's hand was held in hers and Danielle opened her eyes as she felt her hand being placed on Ronnie's stomach.

"I spoke to you earlier," Ronnie continued, subtly trying to edge into a new conversation, Danielle seemed calm with their hands wrapped together on Ronnie's stomach so Ronnie wanted to make the most of the moment and say the things that she needed to most.

"When you were asleep I was talking to you. Danielle, I will never forgive myself for what I've done to you but," She felt Danielle tense up and her whole body seemed to flinch away from Ronnie's.

"Danielle, if you let me I will be everything you have ever wanted me to be. I'll spend every day making it up to you. I just want to be your mother. I said all that to you when you were asleep but I wanted you to hear it. I want to be the mother you wanted me to be. I've dreamed of my little girl, of you every day Dani, I want to be the perfect mother. I _will_ be." Ronnie had tried to keep eye contact with Danielle, to try and show her exactly how much this meant to her but both kept looking away. Ronnie felt frustrated that this was so hard. She brushed small circles into Danielle's hand on her stomach and let her other hand move from Danielle's shoulder to play with her hair as the silence lingered.

Ronnie wished Danielle would say something, she opened her mouth a couple of times to say more to her daughter but no words came, just small exhales. She stared straight ahead waiting for a response.

Danielle heard Ronnie's words and they floored her. Here she was, the Ronnie that only Danielle could see, the Ronnie that she had always dreamed of, saying more perfect things than Danielle could even have imagined. It was too much. Too much and too soon. Danielle couldn't even work out her own thoughts about herself let alone about Ronnie. She felt like every possibility, every feeling she had, threw her up against a brick wall. She couldn't understand how she could love someone so much, more than anything else in the world and hate them so much at the same time. She felt like hitting Ronnie, just pounding her fists against her with everything she had and screaming "why?!" but instead she just spoke quietly, her voice shaking,

"I can't do this right now. I'm sorry Ronnie." Danielle hated herself for saying it. But it was true. She couldn't talk about it. She hated Ronnie for bringing it up. Why did Ronnie have to ruin things again?

Danielle pulled her hand out from under Ronnie's, flinching as the pain of moving it shot through her. She carefully rolled herself over so that her back was turned to Ronnie. She didn't see the tears come to Ronnie's eyes or the look of anguish that came over her.

Ronnie sat frozen, not knowing what to do. She couldn't give up again, but she didn't want to push Danielle more than she already had. She once again moved to leave the bed, but Danielle's uninjured hand reached backwards and grasped hold of hers, pulling it up to her chest so that it wrapped around her. Ronnie let her head rest daughter's hair as they lay there together. The mixed signals were too much for Ronnie to keep her composure. She realised now that this was how Danielle must have felt the whole time. She felt her daughter's body shake with tears. Though they were together, they were still miles apart and still both alone with their pain.

Mother and daughter lay together, Ronnie's one arm draped over Danielle's side and their hands clasped together to Danielle's chest. Danielle hated Ronnie, but she loved her too much to let her slip away.


	30. Danielle's Interlude My Skin

_**A/N --- Hey...I forgot to say...this is a musical interlude. The song used is "My Skin" by Natalie Merchant. I love the song and always thought of it for Ronnie but then I realised that in my fic it fit perfectly for Danielle. **_

**_I really suggest listening to the song when reading this chapter or reread it with the song as it is a beautiful piece of music and is truly moving. I think it works really well for both Ronnie and Danielle._**

_**

* * *

**_

_**Take a look at my body,**_

_**Look at my hands.**_

_**There's so much here that I don't understand.**_

Danielle looked at her arm, the bandages wrapped tightly around her wrist. She stoked one finger along the bandage, tracing the unseen cut underneath, it must have been stitched but she still saw it open and gaping as it had been. She closed her eyes wanting to shut out the image. She didn't feel herself anymore. It was like her body wasn't her own. It looked like an image in a house of mirrors, it was her, but it wasn't somehow. It was different, it didn't make sense.

Danielle didn't understand why she had done it, she felt scared of herself, she didn't feel real anymore. She didn't understand.

_**Your face saving promises,**_

_**Whispered like prayers,**_

_**I don't need them.**_

Ronnie was here, Danielle thought about all the things Ronnie had said; how she wanted to be there, how she'd live her life making things right between them. It was so sudden. One minute she'd said "who would want a daughter like you" and the next…this. The words felt empty, obligatory. Danielle wondered if Ronnie was just trying to make herself feel better, just trying to pretend that they meant something to each other. It felt like lies. All hollow promises, saying what should be said. Danielle didn't know how she could believe those words. She didn't know how she was meant to believe or trust Ronnie.

No, the words were nothing. They meant nothing. Ronnie meant nothing.

'_**Cause I've been treated so wrong,**_

_**I've been treated so long,**_

_**As if I'm becoming untouchable.**_

All these months, all the insults, the threats, the cruel barbs that Ronnie had stabbed her with. Danielle couldn't forget them.

She thought about the first time Ronnie had spoken to her, she'd been kind in her way, or at least that was how Danielle had seen it at the time. But now she could see how manipulative Ronnie had been, using her.

In the club, Stacey had thrown water over Ronnie. The first person Ronnie had even thought to blame had been Danielle. She'd called her a freak. And nothing had changed. Ronnie had called her that again, so recently it still stung.

Everything Ronnie had put her through, every day she had felt herself changing, becoming more angry, more frustrated, more desperate and more bitter. More like Ronnie herself.

In the end Danielle had been alone. Completely alone. In the Vic, she had begged Ronnie to believe her and nobody, not a single person had shown any sign of sympathy. Nobody had helped. Nobody had been on her side. They had all sat, staring, like she was an oddity, a dangerous, poisonous creature. Untouchable.

_**Well contempt loves the silence,**_

_**It thrives in the dark,**_

_**With fine winding tendrils,**_

_**That strangle the heart.**_

For so long, Danielle had been alone with all of these feelings. The secrets had been locked away inside her, seeping into every nerve, building them to tension, to a painful peak. Secrets that crept into every pore, every vein. Wrapping her heart and mind in vines, dark threads of isolation that slowly constricted, crushing any hope, any happiness she had once had.

Everything Ronnie had said and done was locked away with the secrets. A darkness kept deep inside. Danielle's silence just let it grow. So much pain in such a fragile spirit.

_**They say that promises,**_

_**Sweeten the blow.**_

_**But I don't need them.**_

_**No, I don't need them.**_

"Oh sweetie, Dani, come here. It's all going to be ok. I promise, I promise, everything's going to be ok."

Back in Ronnie's flat, what seemed now like a lifetime ago, Ronnie had spoken those words. But it wasn't. Danielle had had the abortion and she hated herself for it. She hated Ronnie for it too.

"I want to be the mother you wanted me to be…I want to be the perfect mother. I _will_ be."

The words should have been a comfort, they should have made everything better. Isn't that what mothers do? They are meant to take away all the pain, dry their child's tears, protect them from being hurt. And yet the affirmations, the vacant vows didn't ease the ache. They didn't make the rejection fade away like Danielle prayed that it would.

She closed her eyes and willed the words away. Both the bad and the good. It was too much. She couldn't let herself believe. Not now. All Danielle could do was to wish it all away.

_**I've been treated so wrong,**_

_**I've been treated so long,**_

_**As if I'm becoming untouchable.**_

_**I'm the slow dying flower,**_

_**I'm the frost killing hour,**_

_**Sweet turning sour and untouchable.**_

What ever happened to the sweet, naïve, bubbly and happy girl that had come to Walford? Danielle could hardly recognise that girl now. She was just a memory. Like a character from an old film, time had distorted her, the blemishes on the reel cracking and distorting the image until there was nothing left.

A black and white image of the carefree existence, of the girl who had come to find her mother. Of the dreams she had had. Danielle could almost see it running through her mind. When she had first walked into the Vic, asked Roxy for a job. Her first day on the stall. The first time she saw Ronnie. She could see her own expressions flickering through as the film played on. The slow destruction, step by step, brick by brick closing in on her. Leave an image under the light too long and it burns.

Nobody could hurt her now. Everybody already had. The girl that Danielle once was felt so far away, perhaps she had died along the way. Unnoticed by the masses, unnoticed by even herself.

_**Oh, I need,**_

_**The darkness,**_

_**The sweetness,**_

_**The sadness,**_

_**The weakness.**_

_**Oh, I need this.**_

Danielle took comfort in her hatred, in her resentment both of herself and her mother. Also of anybody else, Stacey, Archie, Peggy, Jack, her Dad, Gareth; everybody who had hurt her. It was all she could cling on to. The sadness was certain, reliable. Nothing else in her life was.

Part of Danielle wanted Ronnie to hurt her again. She wanted to push Ronnie, see how far it would be, how long it would be until she snapped again. That was she was justified. That way it was all lies and Danielle's guilt at what she had done to herself would go away.

In Ronnie's flat she had welcomed the silence, the sadness, everything that those little pills offered. A salvation.

It should have been Ronnie. That should have been her saviour. But instead…it was just the silence.

_**I need a lullaby,**_

_**A kiss goodnight,**_

_**Angel, sweet love of my life.**_

_**Oh, I need this.**_

But through it all. Through all of the haze, all of the agony, the anger, two words echoed through Danielle, haunted her mind.

"Baby." Danielle had heard Ronnie say it on the platform. She'd seen Ronnie's face, the realisation, the love, the guilt.

"Mum". It was all Danielle wanted to say. She wanted to fall into Ronnie's arms and let her take away the pain. Let her hold her so close it would hurt. Let her fulfil her promises and make some of her own. To be the daughter she always wanted to be. Through it all Danielle still wanted her mum, Ronnie. Always. Forever.


	31. Chapter 31 Cannonball Damien Rice

The two women lay there ensconced in their silence. Danielle clutched Ronnie's hand to her, it was like the clinic. She had grabbed Ronnie's hand and immediately had to let go, but now she could hold on, she could never let go. So why wasn't everything ok?

Ronnie kept as still as she could. The arm that Danielle wasn't holding was pinned underneath her and was beginning to fall asleep quite painfully. But Ronnie was afraid that if she moved, if she disturbed this little bubble they were wrapped in that it would all be over and Danielle would reject her once and for all and she would never get her daughter back. She could feel that Danielle wasn't happy, she felt the shakes as Danielle silently sobbed, she could feel Danielle's heart pounding viciously against her hand.

After a while Danielle's crying subsided and Ronnie's breathing was slow and even as sleep had taken hold of her. Danielle felt Ronnie's hand relax in hers as her body fell victim to its exhaustion. Danielle let out a sigh. She warily and very lightly let go of Ronnie's hand and held her wrist instead. She pressed their hands together palm to palm. Ronnie's hand was slightly bigger, and slightly more slender than Danielle's but other than that they were the same, right down to their little fingers which stuck outwards ever so subtly. Danielle smiled at the resemblance before carefully unwrapping Ronnie's arm from around her and turning over to face her mother.

She looked at her mother's sleeping face. She was so unguarded in her slumber, so vulnerable without the hardened shell. It would be so easy to hurt her. So easy to wake her up and tell her she means nothing. Tell her that she's heartless, that she doesn't deserve love, that they will never, _never_ be mother and daughter.

Danielle sighed again. She wanted so much to hurt Ronnie, to break her like she had been broken. The laughter, the laughter had been the last chance, the final nail in the coffin. Danielle had actually gone back to be with Ronnie, to forgive her everything. And then she saw the other Ronnie, the Ronnie that everyone in the Square saw. The hard, cold woman, emotionless, untouchable. But she had loved Ronnie from the very start, from the day she had been told she was adopted, that she had another mummy out there. It was irrational and illogical to love some stranger, somebody she had only ever seen in a picture. Irrational and illogical…what love isn't?

The door opened and a nurse walked in. Danielle turned her body away from her mother to sit up slightly and look to see who the intruder into her reveries was.

"Ah, Danielle. You're awake," said the nurse brightly. Danielle immediately put her finger to her lips and shushed the nurse, she didn't want Ronnie to wake up. Partly because she knew that Ronnie needed sleep, she looked so drained, Danielle wanted her to rest, she didn't want to put her through more strain. But at the same time there was a selfish desire to keep her asleep as long as possible to put off the time when she would have to face her again.

The nurse smiled and gave a small hushed laugh.

"It's good to see you awake," she spoke quietly to Danielle as she sat on a chair next to her. "How are you feeling? Any breathing troubles? Any pain?"

"No, I feel alright, just tired I think. And a bit fuzzy. How long has it been?" Danielle whispered back, her face scrunched as she tried to work out for herself how long it had been since she had sat in Ronnie's flat, swallowing pill after pill, blood gushing from her open wrist, just praying for the hurting to stop; praying she could forget Ronnie's face.

"The ambulance brought you in late last night, you were in theatre by the early hours of the morning and it's now…three fifteen. You started waking about midday." The nurse smiled again.

"Your mum's been with you the whole time, she hasn't left your side, you've had her very worried about you Danielle." It wasn't admonishment, but the words sparked a guilt in Danielle nonetheless.

"She cares a lot about you. She clearly loves you a lot." The nurse continued, seeing the way that Danielle's face turned to watch her sleeping mother. Almost as if she hardly knew her.

"I'm going to check you over if that's, alright? I'm Nicola by the way." Nicola started to check Danielle, asking her to take deep breaths, checking her pulse and moving to examine her hand and the movement and sensation she had. The whole time she asked Danielle questions about how much she could remember, how she was feeling. Nicola tried to comfort Danielle, telling her how her three visitors cared for her, that her mother clearly doted on her. She knew that no matter what Danielle chose to do from here, she had a mother who loved her and she would need that support.

The observations took a while, Doctor Kerwood had come to check Danielle's wrist and hand. Through it all Ronnie had remained asleep, dead to the world. Though when Danielle had edged further away from her to let them check her breathing, Ronnie had responded by unconsciously throwing her arm back around her daughter and clinging vehemently, a scared pout gracing her features. The reaction made Nicola and Doctor Kerwood laugh and Danielle, after she had jumped from the surprise had finally smiled, a real warm smile towards Ronnie. Knowing. Knowing that now, Ronnie really wouldn't let her go.

"Right, your hand is doing brilliantly. Keep moving it gently but don't push yourself. If it's causing any pain let the nurse know." Doctor Kerwood smiled kindly at Danielle as Danielle shuffled over the bed closer to Ronnie and brushed her mother's fringe out of her eyes.

"Now, Danielle, the on call psychiatrist will want to talk to you soon," the doctor sat down on the chair beside Danielle. She watched as Danielle flinched violently and stared at her.

"What? A psychiatrist? No. I'm fine. I just want to go home. I don't need to see a psychiatrist." Danielle's voice was rising in pitch and volume as she felt anxiety bubbling up within her.

"It's just somebody for you to talk to. You did some pretty serious damage to yourself." Doctor Kerwood kept her voice even and calming, trying to get through to Danielle. "We both know what would have happened if your mum hadn't been there. I think you need to just talk some things through, don't you? No pressure, you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to at the moment. We all just want to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine. I'm alright. Really. Please I don't want to talk to anyone. Can I just go home?" Danielle pleaded feebly. She was adamant that she didn't want or need to talk to anyone. Mostly she just didn't want to even think about anything that had happened. Let alone share those thoughts.

"Danielle, it's policy. When somebody comes in with anything self inflicted we need to have them see a psychiatrist. Plus, it might help for you to get some of those feelings out." Doctor Kerwood said, giving an encouraging smile.

"It was an accident. I didn't mean to do it. It was just an accident. I'm really ok now." Danielle's voice had become desperate. Everything was happening so quickly. It hadn't even been a day since she had told Ronnie the truth at the reception.

"Just have a little chat with them to make sure you really are alright? They should be here soon ok?" There wasn't any question in Doctor Kerwood's voice. Danielle knew she couldn't argue. She watched as everyone left the room, leaving just herself and Ronnie.

Danielle looked over at Ronnie once again. The thought of having to see more doctors, to have to tell some strangers her deepest, darkest secrets and fears solidified things in Danielle's mind. She wanted her mum to make it go away.

Danielle could see Ronnie was beginning to wake up and she waited with bated breath to see how things would unfold. She still couldn't forgive her. She still didn't even know if she wanted to be anywhere near her. But in Ronnie there was a safety that she needed.


	32. Chapter 32

Danielle watched Ronnie open her eyes and look blearily at her. Ronnie was surprised when she awoke to see hazel eyes staring back at her expectantly from just inches away. She was just registering the situation, wondering how Danielle was feeling within herself and also towards her when Danielle gave her a small but welcoming smile. She returned it instantly, feeling herself relax at the gesture.

"How long was I asleep?" Ronnie asked, her voice scratchy from sleep. She stretched her arms out and let the tensed muscles in her shoulders unwind.

"Mmm…an hour or so? I don't know really." Danielle replied with a slight nervous laugh. She was always nervous around Ronnie and through everything that still remained.

"How are you feeling?" Ronnie questioned, sitting up from where she had slumped on the bed. She kept her hands folded in her lap, a new awkwardness forming. After Danielle had said that she wasn't ready to talk Ronnie didn't want to do anything to push her. She didn't want to push any boundaries and as much as Ronnie wanted to reach over and hug Danielle, play with her hair like she did to Roxy, just hold her, she couldn't. Not until she was sure that Danielle was ok with it.

During the abortion Ronnie had just acted on instinct, hugging Danielle, holding her hand. She had done the same over the last night, it was all instinct, what she had to do, but now there was a barrier. She could think rationally and it had to be Danielle's decision.

"I'm fine. I want to go home. I just want to forget everything that's happened." Danielle shifted uncomfortably as she spoke.

"Do you want me to go and ask how long they need to keep you in?" Ronnie asked kindly, her voice was high, light. But it was a mother's tone and this didn't go unnoticed.

"No, they, the doctor came in, I have to talk to a psychiatrist." Danielle said, through a long exhale. Her hands were clasped in her lap. Both women sat side by side, not touching, their positions mirrored in each other. It was as if there was an invisible wall down the centre of the bed mirroring one person to become two. They were an exact copy of one another and yet they were separated, the glass between them impossible to penetrate.

Ronnie brushed her fringe out of her eyes.

"Maybe it will be good? It might help, to talk things through?" Ronnie enquired gently. She turned her head to look down at Danielle who just looked at her bandaged wrist, a finger stroking up and down some invisible line. Ronnie swallowed nervously when she realised that Danielle was tracing up and down where the cut had been.

"Yeah." Danielle replied unconvincingly. Her voice was flat as her head nodded.

"It'll be ok, I pr…I promise," Ronnie spoke, she remembered saying the words to Danielle before. They had turned into lies. Things hadn't been ok that time. She didn't want to make her any more promises because more than anything she never wanted to break any. But Ronnie made the promises anyway. Because it had to be. She couldn't accept any other option.

"They'll talk to you, help you feel better." Ronnie could sense Danielle's disbelief at her words but carried on anyway, "and they'll see how much we all care about you and you'll be home before you know it."

"Yeah…home." Danielle muttered resignedly. Ronnie looked at her sadly. They both knew what Danielle meant. What was home? Ronnie wanted her back at the flat, never leaving her again but she knew that Danielle might not be ready. She may never be ready for that. Ronnie wanted to ask, to implore Danielle to try it, just to give her the chance, to give them the chance to be a proper mother and daughter. But she stayed silent. She didn't know where Danielle thought of as home, with her, with Stacey and the Slaters or back with her father in Telford. Danielle didn't know either. She wanted to be with her mum, but right now nothing felt like home.

"Danielle…I was thinking…"

As Ronnie began to speak the door opened, the nurse walked in, closely followed by another woman.

"Hi, how're you feeling? Still alright?" the nurse, Vicky asked cheerily. Danielle was still staring at Ronnie who was now looking at the nurse. Danielle could feel that Ronnie was about to say something important, she felt angry that she had been interrupted again. She turned her attention towards the nurse.

"Yeah." The reply was clipped, harassed. Danielle looked suspiciously at the other woman who had come into the room. She was sick of so many people being around all the time, especially when she was just in a hospital gown. It made her feel more exposed than she otherwise would have been. She also hated the fact that so many people felt the need to ask her how she was, constantly. She just wanted everybody to shut up and mind their own business.

"Hello Danielle," said the woman stepping closer. She was dressed casually, so not a nurse or a doctor. Danielle was eyeing her warily and Ronnie had her eyes narrowed suspiciously. Ronnie knew that people were trying to help Danielle but anybody who had the power to take Danielle away from her felt like a threat, no matter how well intentioned. It also didn't escape Ronnie that Danielle was uncomfortable in the presence of this new woman so she felt even more protective.

"I'm Christine. I'm the on call psychologist with the hospital. I wondered if you'd like a quick word?" She spoke perkily, Ronnie wanted to roll her eyes but instead simply scowled at the woman. Of course Danielle didn't want a 'quick word'. Ronnie hated the false cheeriness. But she knew that Christine was just trying to keep things casual to put Danielle at ease.

"I don't really have a choice do I?" Danielle gave a false laugh, she didn't want to do this. Ronnie knew that the laughter was from nerves and she looked down at Danielle to give her an encouraging smile. Danielle however wasn't looking at Ronnie, instead choosing to stare at the blanket on the bed, picking at it with her nails.

"Don't worry Danielle, nothing to be scared of. We just want to see how you're feeling." Christine continued, laughing slightly. Danielle scowled at her, she wanted to scream that she was fine, to tell people to stop asking the same question over and over. She looked up to Ronnie who gave her a sympathetic look, extending her hand out, palm upwards for Danielle to take if she wanted.

Danielle gratefully slipped her hand into Ronnie's who gave her a soothing smile, squeezing her hand softly in encouragement.

"Can R..my…can anyone be with me?" Danielle was confused, what did she call Ronnie to other people? The nurses would all be suspicious if she called her Ronnie but there was no way she could call her 'mum' so she settled with nothing. For now. She looked up at Ronnie and leant into her side slightly. Ronnie couldn't believe she wanted her to be there she felt like maybe they could have their future.

"I'm afraid not Danielle. I'm sorry, it's just best if we just have a private chat. Let you get anything off your chest, talk openly." Christine gave encouraging smiles to Ronnie as well to try and ease the tension. She knew from what the doctor had passed on that Danielle's mother was very protective and in a huge amount of worry about her daughter. She wanted to be able to reassure her as much as Danielle.

"I'll have a chat with you and then a chat with your mum if you want and then if it would help I could speak to both of you together? It's all up to you Danielle. It's all your choice. We will take this at your pace, ok?" Christine's subtle irish accent made her voice lilt as she spoke.

Danielle still looked warily at her but was starting to feel more comfortable. It could have been the thought that finally she could get everything out into the open, but Danielle couldn't help but feel it was the comfort of feeling Ronnie's hand on hers and Ronnie's shoulder under her head as she leant on her.

The door opened again and everyone in the room turned to watch as the figure entered.


	33. Chapter 33

"Dan! You're awake!" Stacey practically shouted as she dropped the bags she was carrying and rushed over to the bed pushing her way without concern past Christine and Vicky. She stood in between Vicky and the bed, right by Danielle's side, not caring if she was rude, it didn't even enter her mind.

Danielle laughed slightly as she saw Stacey's determination but then looked down and the smile was wiped from her face. She felt embarrassed that Stacey knew, that anybody knew how weak she had been. She felt ashamed of what she had done. Her hand twitched in Ronnie's as Ronnie watched Stacey uncertainly, not sure if she was going to cheer Danielle up or say something that would upset her.

"You're one for drama I'll give you that," Stacey said trying to keep things light. "I should've been there Dan. I should've stopped you." The conversation was sobering and Stacey didn't like the turn she had made in the atmosphere so she quickly moved on.

"I think I've got almost half of Walford in those bags for you. I put a few things in off the stall too. And oh…mum tried baking you biscuits this morning. God knows why, but they're in there somewhere. I wouldn't eat them if I were you but could use them as frisbees or something, or weapons, knowing mum's cooking." Stacey was babbling, but it made Danielle smile. At least Stacey wasn't tiptoeing around her. She was just being Stacey, albeit the nicer and more thoughtful side of her.

"Tried to sneak in a few bottles of vodka for you too. Thought they might help drown out Ro…umm…the doctor's voices when they annoy you." Stacey joked, Danielle chuckled, but frowned slightly when she picked up on the fact that Stacey had been about to say Ronnie's name. Ronnie noticed it too and shot an icy stare in Stacey's direction who was stood looking a bit guilty.

Vicky and Christine looked between each other, sharing a meaningful look, Ronnie frowned at them making Stacey turn to look.

"Oh, keep your hair on, I was joking. Danielle can't even hold one drink let alone a bottle. She ain't got a drinking problem so don't you go getting any ideas about her, alright? Sorry Dan." Stacey glared angrily at the two women before turning back and giving Danielle an apologetic smile. Danielle just stared at her, not sure whether to laugh or be horrified. Ronnie however was smirking slightly at how protective Stacey was of Danielle and how shocked Christine and Vicky looked at the outburst. Ronnie was glad Stacey had said it though as the two women were clearly making assumptions and Ronnie would have snapped at them herself if Stacey hadn't beaten her to it. She may, however have been a tad more tactful.

Christine cleared her throat purposefully,

"Danielle were you ready to have that chat?" She chanced a friendly smile towards Stacey who simply glared at her.

"Uh, yeah, yeah fine. Can I put some clothes on though?" Danielle asked nervously.

"Of course. Then we can go off to one of the family rooms to talk. Your mum and your friend can wait here until we're done ok?" Christine was chirping to the room, trying not to make anything sound too serious. She didn't want Danielle to become more nervous now that she had calmed down a bit about talking to her.

"Stace, could you grab some of the clothes you brought?"

Stacey went rummaging through the bags trying to find some of the most comfortable clothes in them. Vicky unhooked Danielle's drip to enable her to get changed and told Danielle she would reattach it when she was finished talking. Ronnie was still sat holding Danielle's hand as Danielle leaned against her. She felt like she should be the one taking charge and helping her daughter but she wasn't, it was everybody else working around them. Danielle however, felt comforted by the fact that Ronnie was there by her side still, not saying or doing anything, just being there, like it was the two of them, not just her.

When finally Stacey had managed to pull out some jogging bottoms, an oversized hoodie and underwear out of the bag she laid them on Danielle's bed. Vicky and Christine said they would wait outside the room while she got changed. Danielle acknowledged them briefly before wriggling herself to the edge of the bed. Ronnie leapt off the other side and rushed around to help Danielle stand.

"I'm umm…I'm ok. Could you both…" Once Ronnie had helped Danielle up she looked awkwardly at both Ronnie and Stacey not wanting to be any more exposed than she already was.

"Yes, of course. We'll be right outside if you need us, ok?" Ronnie said, rubbing Danielle's shoulder before walking out of the room with Stacey.

The two stood awkwardly, not making eye contact outside the door for a while. Stacey leant casually against the wall like she owned the place while Ronnie crossed her arms over her chest. Her own little shield, her posture radiating tension at being separated from Danielle, even by just one door.

"Stace…" a shy call from Danielle sounded through the door.

"Yeah?" Stacey shouted back, not bothered about how loud she was being.

"Uhh…could you come in and help?" Stacey glanced up at Ronnie, she saw the jealousy and rejection on her face before the expressionless mask slipped back over. Stacey opened the door just enough to walk in, leaving Ronnie in the corridor, the door shutting in font of her.

"Sorry Stace." Danielle mumbled, feeling awkward.

"Oi, shut it you. You ain't apologising for nothing. I'm your mate and I'm here no matter what yeah? You and me against the world." Stacey said as she picked the top up off the bed where Danielle had left it after not being able to manoeuvre it over her bound arm.

Danielle smiled gratefully whilst at the same time wondering if that was what she wanted, it wasn't. She didn't want to just have Stacey, as much as she loved her there was another person she wanted by her side to fight the world.

Soon Danielle was dressed and Stacey threw her arm around Danielle's shoulders as they walked out of the room together.

"You go and tell those stuck up cows that you're just fine. Then you can come back with me and we can have a night to celebrate you coming home yeah?" Stacey laughed. Danielle knew Stacey was trying to help but she was worried, again there was that word 'home'.

As they walked out of the door, Ronnie unfolded her arms, wanting to be approachable to Danielle. Danielle however kept her eyes fixed on the floor.

"Right, Danielle, shall we go?" Christine asked, gently.

Danielle nodded but stepped towards Ronnie instead of Christine. She looked up at her mother for comfort, Ronnie tried to convey through her eyes all the comfort that she could offer. She took Danielle's hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly before Christine put her hand on Danielle's shoulder to lead her off to talk. Danielle looked back at Ronnie before she turned a corner into the family room.

Ronnie and Stacey turned to each other and for a second exchanged a glance before they made their way one after another back into Danielle's room.


	34. Chapter 34

Ronnie and Stacey sat in Danielle's hospital room, each on opposite sides of the bed, each not looking at the other. The room was bright now, it had been for hours, Ronnie reached up and clicked off the metal lamp that was over the bed. She started to neaten out the sheets and blankets. Ronnie was fussing and doing anything to keep herself occupied. Working, keeping distracted, it was all she could do.

"She alright?" Stacey finally asked. She had watched Ronnie bumbling around for too long and there was something she couldn't shake, a feeling that Dan wasn't being honest with her and neither was Ronnie. Her tone was a bit stronger than she had meant and she saw Ronnie looking a bit surprised.

"She'll be fine. I'll make sure of it." Ronnie replied, trying to avoid the question slightly. The truth was she didn't know if Danielle was alright. They had made some progress but she hardly knew Danielle, she didn't know how to read her, how to work out the truth behind the lies.

Ronnie wasn't sure how to act around Stacey, she wasn't exactly fond of the girl, but over the last twenty four hours things had changed between them. In their shared pain and guilt there had been a connection made. Ronnie felt her barriers that had crept back up as usual and how exposed she had been with Stacey didn't help. It made her want to shut the girl out even more. She sighed slightly, knowing that Danielle would need everyone around her, and fighting with Stacey would stop that. In fact, she needed Stacey on side to help get Danielle to trust her, to give her a chance.

"Nah, I don't buy it. She looks a mess…" Ronnie interrupted Stacey, shocked at her assumptions,

"What do you expect?!" She shrieked, almost knocking over the IV stand as she flung her arm out.

"Don't you start with me Ronnie Mitchell. I'm her best mate and I deserve to know what's happened. I'm not taking her away from you so you can stop looking at me like that and all." Stacey snapped sarcastically at Ronnie. Leaping up from her seat and pointing her finger accusingly at Ronnie.

As much as Stacey was glad that Ronnie was treating Danielle well, knowing it was all Danielle wanted, the overprotective mother routine was grating on Stacey. She sort of wanted to snap that Ronnie had no right to act like this after everything she had done. But she couldn't deprive Danielle of the mother she had looked for, for so long. But Stacey wasn't about to let herself be shut out either. She was going to be there incase the ice queen let Danielle down once again.

"Leave it alone Stacey." Ronnie said, rolling her eyes to the side. Not wanting to have to go into this any more than she had to.

"I'm not the bleedin' enemy. If you won't tell me then I'll have to ask Dan again, yeah? 'Cause I'm her mate and I need to know just as much as you do. I'm the one who's been around for the last seven months. I'm the one who's had to listen to her cry every night after YOU said something stupid to her." Stacey demanded. She wasn't going to take any nonsense from Ronnie. She wanted to slap her again for acting so cold as if nothing had happened or changed. She was starting to wonder why she was even bothering to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"I can't change the past Stacey, I wish I could but I can't so drop it. And…" Ronnie sighed giving in. She sat down in the seat and waited for Stacey to do the same opposite her.

"I don't know how she is. She held my hand. She won't talk though. I don't want to push her. I just want to put it all behind us and move on." Ronnie said, the uncertainty evident in her voice.

"It ain't gonna be that easy Ronnie. I mean, are they even gonna let her come home? After mum did stuff like this…I had to watch her every day, make sure she didn't do something stupid." Stacey spoke worriedly, concerned both for her friend and that Ronnie was maybe not understanding what Danielle's actions could result in for Danielle and for Ronnie herself.

"Well if that's what I have to do then I'll do it. I'll be there every second if it's what she needs. I wouldn't, I couldn't let her go again now anyway." Ronnie spoke quietly, her mind deep in thought.

"When, not if, _when_ she is allowed home then I'll make sure I'm with her to protect her." Ronnie's voice hardened with determination. She sat with her arms folded and was an image of strength that she didn't feel. But she resonated a defiance not to be crossed.

"You? Ronnie I don't think that's a good idea." Stacey said worriedly. She hadn't even really considered that Ronnie would want Danielle living with her. Stacey had already moved all of Danielle's things from the Bed and Breakfast back into her house.

"What? She's my daughter, she should be at home with me." Ronnie spat out, disgusted and shocked that anybody could even suggest that Danielle belonged anywhere else, even though she knew in her heart that she couldn't really blame them. She couldn't really make the choice for Danielle but she wanted to.

"You hardly know her." Stacey spat out. She didn't know how to get through to Ronnie. "If she really meant to do it then she'll want to do it again. Sorry but it's true. You really think you can be there to stop her? What about your work? And she's gonna need to talk about it. I'm her mate I know her, she talks to me."

"I don't _care_ about work!" Ronnie yelled angrily, abhorred that Stacey could even think that she'd put something above Danielle. Ronnie hadn't even thought of the club, not since she had found the locket. Nothing had entered her mind except Danielle.

"Look she came to me about the abortion. And I know who she is now. It might be hard but we're going to get through it together." Ronnie exclaimed adamantly. She looked towards Stacey as she spoke, her expression challenging, but she softened it as she once again had to put her emotions in check to think about Danielle. "She's going to need you. I'm not denying that. She needs you a lot. But I can't not be there for her. I can't not be with her now. I've wanted her my whole life and I can't just push that aside."

"What about what Dan wants? She might not want to know you." Stacey retorted, she was angry at how short sighted Ronnie was being, only thinking about herself. She was just like Danielle with their stupid fantasies. It was like when it came to each other they were both blinded, unable to even consider any option that didn't fit into their perfect dreams.

"She's my daughter. She came looking for me. She wanted to know me." Ronnie seethed as her own fears were being voiced angrily at her.

"Yeah and look what happened when she told you. You've messed this up Ronnie and if you think I'm letting you do it to her again." Stacey left the open threat, she didn't need to finish it.

"Letting me? I would never hurt her…" Ronnie began to bite out towards Stacey.

"It's all you've done to her!" Stacey sat forward challengingly on her chair, the bed separating the women. "You could have killed her. She doesn't need you now. You don't deserve to be around her." The venom in Stacey's voice cut through Ronnie like a knife.

"You're wrong." She prayed that this was the truth, despite her own uncertainty. "She's mine Stacey. Not yours, not anyone else's…MINE!" Ronnie yelled like a selfish child. But these feelings that she had kept locked away for so long had to burst free.

"No she aint!" Stacey shouted, her voice echoing around the room. She was disgusted at Ronnie's claim over Danielle. If she cared so much then where had she been for the last nineteen years. "She's not some possession, a toy you can just pick up. You broke her heart and made her do this. The worst thing for her would be to have to be anywhere near you now." She pointed her finger angrily at Ronnie as she got up from the chair fast enough that it was knocked backwards.

"No. You aren't going to take her from me. I won't let you. She should be with me, where she belongs. With her mum." There was an edge of hysteria in Ronnie's voice as her worst fears crept in. Losing her baby. She wasn't just speaking to Stacey but to her father, to Danielle's adoptive father, to anyone and everyone who could even think about keeping her and Danielle apart.

"And you," Ronnie continued, rising from her chair and rushing towards Stacey, her outstretched finger just inches from the younger girl's face. She jabbed it forward furiously, "You are pathetic. You can't just keep her to yourself because you think you know what she wants. You can't just make up for everything you've done by keeping her with you."

"Neither can you!" Stacey screamed, batting Ronnie's hand away hard enough that she knew it would hurt.

"I LOVE HER STACEY!" Ronnie yelled the words, wanting everyone, the whole world to know that Danielle was all she cared about. Her arms moved wildly as her emotions took over and took control. "I love her more than anything in the world. You can't keep her from me. Please."

"You're keeping her from you. Not me. Who'd want a mother like you?" Stacey emulated Ronnie's voice as she repeated the words that Danielle had confessed being subjected to by her mother.

"What?" Ronnie stepped back, the breath knocked out of her as she heard her own words once again, but this time aimed at her.

"She told you?" Trembling, Ronnie only just managed to get the words out. As Stacey looked on angrily Ronnie moved towards her again, she felt like sobbing, wailing to Stacey that it was all a mistake but there were no tears, she had no tears left for herself.

"Stacey I didn't know. I thought my daughter was dead. I thought she was dead. My dad, he told me she was dead. You have no idea just how much it hurt whenever I thought about her, how I let her down, lost her. All I want is a chance with my baby." The hysterical pleas that Ronnie gave, made Stacey look away. She couldn't face being the one to hurt the pair again.


	35. Chapter 35

"Dan wouldn't want this," Stacey said, sadly, shaking her head as she tried for what felt like the thousandth time to remember that Danielle was the important one here. Nobody else's opinions mattered. And Ronnie wasn't yelling at her, she was begging. The complete disregard for any dignity was unnerving, the complete opposite of Ronnie Mitchell.

"Even when I called you a cow she'd tell me to shut up. Say you weren't like that." Stacey almost laughed as she remembered the hundreds of times Danielle would stick up for Ronnie no matter what she had done. Danielle could hardly stand up for herself but she was always standing up for Ronnie.

"I know that in her heart she wants to be with you. She don't want nothing else." Stacey spoke slowly, almost sad to be telling Ronnie how strongly Danielle felt. But she didn't know why.

"But now…I don't know if she could handle it. I mean she's gonna have a hard time getting her head around the fact that you even know. She's been keeping it a secret for so long." She kept her voice calm and leant back against the end of the bed, crossing her arms over herself.

"I know." Ronnie's voice croaked slightly. The emotions, the lack of sleep, the stress. Her body was taking the toll. She coughed trying to clear her throat.

"If she wants to stay at mine I want her there and I'll take care of her. If she doesn't want you in her life right now I'm going to respect that." Stacey said with certainty, this wasn't a topic up for discussion, it was what would happen. No question.

"But…" Stacey continued loudly before Ronnie could interrupt. "I'll try yeah? I'll try to get on with you for Dan. And I'm not saying I like you or nothing!" Stacey's defiance made Ronnie smile slightly.

"But you and me need to get on for her. And I know she's gonna want you and need you in her life so if she turns into a stupid cow and shuts you out then I'll make sure when she's ready that I talk her round." Stacey's voice sounded almost defeated when she spoke but she didn't feel it, she felt like she could finally be helping Danielle. Doing something real.

"But not before she's ready." Stacey reiterated her point.

"Thank you," Ronnie said, moving to stand next to Stacey, leaning herself against the footboard of the bed. She brushed her fringe away from her eyes letting her breathing return to normal after their fight.

"I want my daughter back but I do want to do what's right for her. If she wants to stay with you then I can't stop her, but I want to be able to be there for her. And if she'll come with me then you're welcome there too." She briefly leant her shoulder in to make contact with Stacey's as she willingly let her into her life. The contact was merely momentary though.

Stacey sighed, there was so much to work out in all of this. What she and Ronnie each wanted was barely the tip of the iceberg.

"Ronnie…I know you don't want to hear this, but what if she wants to go back to Telford. I mean if she does…her dad doesn't even know what she's done. He wouldn't know to watch out for her." Her concern for Danielle brought out the mother in Stacey just like her concern for Jean had always done. She walked past Ronnie to take a seat on Danielle's bed. Despite having caught an hour or two of sleep, Stacey was still exhausted and slightly hung over. She could see from the large circles under Ronnie's along with the smudged makeup all over her face and the distant remnants of a bloodstain across her cheek and chin that Ronnie wasn't exactly in the best state either. She moved up on the bed, making sure Ronnie knew she made space for her, without explicitly welcoming the woman.

Ronnie moved to the bed to join Stacey, despite her muscles aching from being still for so long, they hurt to move as well. She looked down at her hands moving one of her rings around in circles on her finger.

"I was going to call him. But last time I did that…well, it didn't end well. Danielle deserves to make the choice about whether he knows. But if she does go back," Ronnie breathed deeply, not wanting to accept it even as a possibility, "then I guess I'll have to tell him. And if she hates me for it then I'll have to live with that." Ronnie's voice shook as she uttered the words, the mere thought terrified her. "I'd rather her hate me than risk losing her."

"If she goes home, I'll tell him. I'll take the blame for that." Stacey offered, she knew that Danielle would likely lash out at Ronnie for going behind her back.

"No, it's ok. If it comes to it I'll do it. I'm her mum, it's my job. Plus, she needs someone who she can trust, I want it to be me but at the moment she needs it to be you."

"So where did Roxy get to? I thought she was bringing you back in?" Ronnie asked swiftly, she was glad of the truce between the two of them but she was beginning to need some support of her own.

"Uh," Stacey looked away awkwardly, "She needed to settle Amy or something. Uncle Charlie brought me in. She said she'd be in as soon as she could. She's bringing some stuff for you too."

Ronnie picked up on Stacey's avoidance and didn't know whether to press it or not. She wondered what she was hiding about Roxy. Ronnie almost laughed. Of course Roxy wouldn't stick to her word and be here. It would mean thinking about somebody other than herself. No, Roxy was probably making good use of the fact that Ronnie was away to go and see Jack after all after what she had said at the wedding it was clear she didn't care about how Ronnie felt about him. Ronnie felt bitterness towards Roxy for everything, but she couldn't bring herself to care enough, and not at all about Jack. The only thing Ronnie needed was the girl just a few rooms away.


	36. Chapter 36

Dark clouds started to thicken in the sky, looming and threatening rain. Roxy walked out from Ronnie's flat, a large bag slung over one shoulder and phone pressed to her ear. She shut the door firmly behind her and walked back towards the Vic.

"No, look I want someone out today…is it really that hard to understand?" Roxy spoke determinedly down the phone, snapping at the inept and unhelpful woman who continued to drawl at her.

"Fine tomorrow. Yeah, whatever. I want someone there before ten. I'll be there to let you in. By ten o'clock." She continued to snarl down the phone. She just wanted to sort out the bloodstains in Ronnie's flat before Ronnie got home. But everyone was useless. Roxy snapped her phone closed and wrapped her long coat around her as the clouds drew in yet further, blocking any warmth out from the Square.

Roxy had already spoken to Stacey, told her to go to the hospital without her. That she needed to sort Amy. It was true in a way. The truth about Danielle's identity made her feel more protective over her own daughter. She had taken Amy out of her cot the second she had returned to the Vic and ended up falling asleep still holding her to her chest. But Roxy also wanted to sort Ronnie's flat for her. She didn't want there to be any reminder of what Danielle had done, seeing it once was hard enough. She didn't want Ronnie to dwell on it more than she already would, and Roxy knew she would.

But there was also another reason for Roxy's reluctance to go back into the hospital with Stacey. She didn't want to see Danielle. Roxy felt awful about it but she couldn't stop the feelings. Danielle was just some kid, a slightly full on but sweet girl who looked after Amy. But now she wasn't. Now she was Ronnie's daughter. That was hard enough to get her head around and that much she was happy about. But what she had seen when she had gone into Ronnie's flat. The image of Danielle and Ronnie both covered in Danielle's blood wouldn't leave Roxy. She felt uncomfortable just thinking about Danielle now. Danielle wanted to kill herself. Roxy didn't want to see her because she wanted to be able to care and be an aunt, but she didn't know how to act. She felt uncomfortable at just the thought.

Danielle suddenly held this power over Ronnie as well. There were very few people that had that. And Roxy was afraid that if either made a wrong move then both of them would be broken. And Roxy didn't want to put her foot in it by mistake and say something that could affect Danielle. She felt like she would have to walk on eggshells, Danielle was fragile. Danielle's fragility and tenuous mental state worried Roxy, she didn't want to see her because she didn't know how to handle someone like that.

Roxy paled slightly as she realised that she had pretty much voiced this opinion to Stacey in her traumatised state as they had arrived back on the Square. It hadn't exactly gone down well. Stacey knew from experience the stigma that was involved with anything like this. Jean had suffered hugely from it and with Danielle being Stacey's best friend too, she was possibly the worst person for Roxy to have blurted it out to. She worried about what Stacey might have said about it to Ronnie and Danielle. Roxy thought to herself, trying to work out her own resistance towards Danielle. It wasn't that she didn't care or thought less of her. But she saw her differently now, she couldn't help feeling that Danielle was dangerous, not to anybody else but to herself. She didn't want to treat Danielle differently but at the same time perhaps it was just concern that she would ruin everything, that she would say or do something to Danielle and end up hurting her.

Roxy sighed as she walked down Turpin Road, her eyes set in a glower, tired, fed up and just sick of people. She hated being the responsible one. Roxy was a free spirit, responsibility didn't suit her and even though she cared deeply and wanted to help, it showed in her face that all her helpfulness had severely diminished her mood.

Roxy could feel people's stares boring into her as they watched her. The whole wedding saga was the hottest gossip of the Square. Add to that the ambulance at Ronnie's flat with not Ronnie but Danielle emerging unconscious and it culminated in stares, whispers and not so subtle jibes. Some people were being subtle and others were flat out wanting her to hear them. Roxy felt anger towards Ronnie and Danielle for making her feel like this. Their issues had put the whole family into the spotlight.

"Yeah Ronnie probably tried to kill her or mess her up for what she said at the wedding…she'll turn up dead I bet. That old cow and her slapper of a sister probably planned it together." Roxy turned around quickly as she heard the claims. She saw Lucy Beale smirking at her, obviously proud of herself.

"Shut your face you little brat. Or you want to come and say that to my face yeah?" Roxy snapped back. She wanted to yell out to the whole of Walford that Danielle wasn't mad, she really was Ronnie's daughter. And Ronnie didn't hurt Danielle, it was all just a big mess.

Instead she just watched Lucy falter as she threatened to approach her, the girl turned on her heel and walked away.

Rain began to fall in heavy splatters and Roxy was practically boiling over with anger and frustration about the whole situation. People would learn the truth soon enough and they'd feel guilty, just like Ronnie. Roxy felt ashamed for her blame of Danielle and Ronnie but she couldn't stop her selfish streak from coming out. She was angry at them for getting themselves into this mess and angry at them for getting her mixed up in it all too.

As she made her way past the club to turn onto Bridge Street she heard her name being yelled. She considered just giving whoever it was the finger and telling them to stick their gossip where the sun doesn't shine. But as the voice boomed again she turned around slowly, her scowl set on her face like stone.

"Oi, where's Ronnie?" Jack barked angrily at her. Roxy almost flinched back as he growled out his words.

"What haven't the rumours reached you yet?" She replied sarcastically, loudly enough for anyone around them to hear. She shot an icy glance at Bianca and Mo who were busily engrossed in obvious talk about Ronnie and Danielle and were daring sickened looks her way. Mo scurried off quickly when she realised she had been caught by Roxy. Roxy felt disgusted, Danielle had been staying with the Slaters, she trusted them and they weren't even asking about her, just using her as good material to spread around.

"What, about the ambulance or about that kid mucking her around? Either way I don't care this is about the club." Jack snarled in Roxy's face. She wasn't used to Jack talking to her like this, at least not since Christmas. She wasn't in the mood. Not for any of it.

"That _kid_ is her daughter and Ronnie is in hospital with her now. Ronnie's in a complete state, Danielle could have died. So now is really not the time Jack." She dug the heel of her hand into her eyes as she spoke. Truly sick of all the hassle.

"Well tell her I'm sorry alright? But what the hell happened in the club last night? The office was trashed and the only person who was in there was Ronnie. So tell her she can pay for it to be sorted. And she can clean up her own mess." Jack felt angry towards Ronnie, partly for the office and for her refusal of him at the wedding. He knew he should be worried and feel sympathetic towards what she was going through but he instinctively resented Danielle. She felt like another obstacle. Another thing taking Ronnie away from him. He knew that if Ronnie had her daughter back then she wouldn't need anything else. She wouldn't need him.

"Jack, she's in hospital taking care of her daughter. Can't you just sort it out?" There was an almost whining tone in Roxy's voice as she just wanted to forget about everyone else, even her sister and Danielle and just go home.

"No, this is Ronnie's problem not mine." He turned abruptly and left Roxy standing there as he made his way back into the club.

"Yeah thanks Jack! And Amy's fine by the way." She yelled after him sarcasm lacing her words, knowing he wouldn't hear anyway.

She looked down to Bridge Street where she was heading and saw all eyes on her. She stared them down as she hastily made her way towards the Vic. It was raining in earnest now and it just made her mood worsen. She had managed about four hours of sleep at the most before she had been woken by her daughter's cries then spent the rest of the day with Amy or out trying to sort things for Ronnie. It was exhausting.

Roxy walked into the Vic, defiantly ignoring any looks or whispers that grew from her presence before she left the street. She had time to yell at them later, she reasoned, when she'd sorted herself out. She walked to join Peggy behind the bar in the empty pub and poured herself a large glass of vodka, knocking it back in one gulp before starting on another.

"Slow down darling," began Peggy, putting her hand on Roxy's arm. "You heard any more from Ronnie love?"

Roxy sighed and smiled towards her aunt. Peggy was putting on a brave face after the truth had been shown about her new husband.

"Yeah I spoke to her a little while ago. Danielle's awake. She was still out of it when I spoke to Ron though. She said she'd talked about a cat and then fallen back to sleep." Roxy breathed out her words as she walked around to sit by the bar. She smiled slightly, the relief present in her over Danielle's improvement.

"Aw poor darlin'. She'll be back home with Ronnie soon just you see." Peggy said.

"Yeah, I hope so. Will you watch Amy for me in a bit? I'm going to take Ronnie's things in for her." Roxy ran her fingers around the rim of her glass before knocking back her fourth vodka.

"'Course I will. You go and take care of Ronnie. She needs to keep herself well too. Get her here for some proper food and sleep. And Danielle when she gets home, well she'll get a proper Mitchell family welcome." Peggy beamed, though her smile didn't reach her eyes. Everyone was suffering. Archie being everything Ronnie had said, Danielle being Ronnie's daughter, the suicide attempt. All of it had rocked the family's foundations.

"Thanks Auntie Peg. I'll try and get Ron back but I don't think she'll leave. You know what Ronnie's like when she digs her claws into something." The two women exchanged a smile at Ronnie's maternal instinct, and her stubbornness.

"I'm going to grab a shower and see Amy, then I'm heading off." Roxy moved from her seat and climbed the stairs. She made a note to herself to pick up some makeup and magazines from her room. She was good at the girlie things. She would make some proper time with her niece. And hopefully give Ronnie time to get herself sorted.


	37. Chapter 37 Brave Idina Menzel

**A/N --- Right...firstly. Thank you ALL for your amazing reviews. Although I have the story worked out for several dozen more chapters, all your reviews help me shape how those chapters are written. Let me know the good or bad bits etc. so that I can keep improving.**

**Now...I am starting a new aspect to this fic. MUSIC!**

**Each chapter will have a title and the title will be a song title and artist. I have spent AGES working out the PERFECT songs for each chapter.**

**They can either be listened to and read and the lyrics fit perfectly to the action and emotions of the chapter. And/or can be played as you read and the music acts as a score to add atmosphere.**

**I've got a couple of people who have been helping me make sure all the songs are perfect and I really hope all you guys will enjoy the music, I think it really adds to the dimensions of the fic.**

**Not all chapters have been sorted with music but they will be asap. So please if you can, reread and see how the fic is changed by the music.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Danielle shifted again in her chair. Her muscles felt uncomfortable, heavy and yet restless. Her eyes were sore, she rubbed them again, her fingers dripping with tears as she did. Her whole face felt swollen from the amount she had cried.

"I think that's enough for today don't you." Christine smiled at Danielle. She leant forward and put her hand on Danielle's knee. Danielle smiled back at her. She liked Christine, she reminded her slightly of Ronnie, just the way she moved her hands and the way she dressed, but it was enough to make Danielle feel more open to her.

"You'll probably be in here for a while won't you? Until you feel strong enough." Christine joked as she rolled her eyes mockingly at the doctors' keeping Danielle in. She got another watery chuckle from Danielle.

She had been honest. The whole time they had talked Danielle had tried to be as honest as she could. It had taken time though. To begin with she had simply slouched in her chair, folding herself as small as she could and letting her baggy clothes envelop her. But as Christine had talked, she had made her smile, asked her stupid things about television shows, joked about Stacey's dramatic entrance. She had managed to fall into an ease with Christine and soon found herself opening up.

She told Christine about the fight she had with her mother at the wedding, the things that Ronnie said on the street, she told her about leaving her mother crying on the platform, about how her dad didn't even have time for her, about coming home to find Ronnie not there. She spoke about the abortion, about Paul and Stacey. She opened up and let it all out. It was awkward and painful but soon Danielle had been sobbing and howling out the words that had haunted her since the abortion, everything that had been said or done flowed out and she hated herself for saying it all. After keeping the secrets for so long, she felt weak that she was spilling them once again.

There was the biggest sense of relief that everything was out of her head, there was somebody to help her make sense of all the feelings, everything that had happened. But Danielle couldn't trust anyone completely. There wasn't a single person who hadn't let her down. Why would this stranger be any different.

"Right. Do you want me to talk to your mum?" Christine ventured. She had grasped that their relationship was more than slightly tenuous but from talking to Danielle she realised that this was what Danielle wanted more than anything. A real relationship with her mother. She could feel slightly wary about trusting Ronnie with Danielle after all that they had been through but Danielle wasn't in any immediate danger, it was clear that what she had done had been through panic, through sudden pain and confusion. It wasn't planned. It wasn't more than it was.

Danielle put her head in her hands and closed her eyes. She didn't know what she wanted. She didn't know what to do to make things better. Everything seemed such a mess. For so long she had just wanted Ronnie to know the truth, know who she was. Now she just wanted to shove the stupid cat back in the bag and unsay everything that had been said.

"I don't know." Danielle said shaking her head which still lay in her hands. "I don't know if I should do it or…I don't know. I want things to just be alright. I don't want it to be so hard."

"How about I speak to her with you there? You two can try and talk and if things get tough I'll be there to help you out?" Christine suggested. Although she felt confident that with ongoing counselling Danielle would be fine to go home, she felt a bit uneasy about her leaving the hospital with so much unresolved between her and her mother.

"No. I just…I need to do this myself. Or not do it. It's my choice. And it has to be on my terms and when I'm ready." Danielle spoke emphatically but mostly to herself.

"Ok. But Danielle, I do think that you two need to work things out. And it might help to have somebody there to help you both." Christine continued as she closed her notepad.

"But it's always going to be your choice and at the moment our main focus and your main focus has to be you, ok?" She watched as Danielle nodded, not catching her eye.

"And Danielle. You said that you just want to hold your mother?" Christine added, she didn't want to miss the chance to help Danielle before she shut down completely again. But Danielle just flinched uncomfortably, clearly embarrassed about what she had said in the midst of her emotional outpour.

"Danielle, she's your mother. She wants the same thing. It's a natural instinct for both of you. You'll both probably want to be as physically close to each other as possible. The feelings can be overwhelming but don't let yourself feel that they're strange or wrong." Christine implored her words to Danielle.

She had worked with a few cases of young people finding their adoptive parents. She had worked in family therapy with them and knew that it was often the case that both parent and child worried that their feelings were 'dirty' or 'wrong' because for two adults to want to cradle each other, hold each other, sleep in the same bed, those were usually actions of lovers, not parent and child. But missing out on the intimacy of childhood was often something that both parties would want to recapture. She wanted to make sure that Danielle could truly acknowledge and accept this. And hopefully Danielle would feel comfortable enough soon to bring Ronnie to sessions to help them work through things together.

It took another fifteen minutes for Christine to talk Danielle through the issues and when she felt comfortable enough that Danielle understood not to question anything that she felt, Christine let the subject rest.

"As soon as the doctors are happy with you physically I see no reason to keep you here. But I think some counselling for a while would be good." Christine said. As she spoke Danielle slumped down in her chair again. Christine knew that Danielle was shutting down again. But she could see how much both mother and daughter cared for each other and she felt confident that once they got things into the open and cleared the air that although it could be a while, they could have what they both wanted.

"I don't need it." Danielle said, her voice showing her frustration. "I just want to put this whole thing behind me. If I need anyone to talk to I've got Ronnie." It was a lie. She knew that right now she could barely look Ronnie in the eye, let alone talk to her about how she felt. But there was a part of Danielle that just wanted to hide away.

"Well then we can talk about tv, music, anything you want. But you're going to have to see me once a week for a while. Just to make sure everything's going well and nobody's causing any problems…Stacey said her mum baked you weapons didn't she?" Christine asked raising an eyebrow jokingly. Danielle barely smiled at her in response.

"Ok. Can I go? I'm feeling really tired." Danielle almost whined. Every time Christine questioned about her and Ronnie, Danielle shut down more. Danielle felt like she had said too much, like she had betrayed Ronnie by telling this stranger about them. She felt more guilt as she began to think of how Ronnie would react if she knew.

"Yes. Yeah, I'll come and see you before you're discharged to work out our next session alright?" Danielle nodded and mumbled in response as they both rose to their feet and made their way out to the corridor.

Danielle paused as she got to her hospital room.

"You'll be fine." Christine said, laying her hand on Danielle's shoulder which Danielle promptly shrugged off. She didn't want support now. It was too hard for somebody who reminded her of Ronnie to be so sweet to her when Ronnie wasn't.

Danielle watched as Christine walked away over to the nurses' desk and behind it to speak to Nicola.

She walked over to Christine quickly. Feeling slightly dizzy at the sudden action, Danielle stumbled slightly and watched Christine turn to her.

"Thank you." Danielle said, Christine smiled in return before Danielle turned back and made her way across to her room.

She took a deep breath and pushed down the door handle to face Stacey and Ronnie again.


	38. Chapter 38 Hear You Me Jimmy Eat World

**A/N --- Right...I haven't been able to put the song title to this chapter yet as the song list is on my laptop at home and I'm in London at my sister's place.**

**For the same reason I'm not able to do much writing or posting while I'm here so please bear with me. Hope this long chapter makes up for the chapterless days lol.**

**Please keep reviewing and giving feedback it really does help. There are a lot of plans I have for this fic...it hasn't even really started yet lol. But I am on a slow burn with the R&D relationship (as it's how I feel it could and should have been on EE) and I want to keep as close to realism in terms of how they would have/could have handled it as I can. And that includes both drama and the more slow and development scenes/episodes.**

**Arg...that made no sense...but it's 3am and my head is full of "Wicked" (saw Kerry Ellis's last show...phenomenal!)**

**Anyway...please let me know if you think it's getting boring or dull or too OOC etc. Or just let me know good/bad lines, what you would like to see, who you like/don't like etc. Anything really lol. I just appreciate the feedback, it lets me know if I'm doing well or badly lol.**

* * *

Danielle walked meekly into the hospital room. She felt lighter somehow, perhaps getting those feelings out, letting out everything she had kept inside since she had arrived in London, really had helped. But it was still nervously that Danielle entered the room. She immediately felt eyes on her. She looked up, blinking nervously but saw only one set of eyes looking back; Stacey's.

Danielle didn't know whether to feel relieved or crushed that Ronnie wasn't there. Instead she kept her focus on Stacey, her eyes drifted away though once she saw Stacey's composure. Gone was the loud, smiling, Stacey and here was the Stacey that so few people knew. Danielle briefly wondered how it was that everybody had a front, a bitter shield in place hiding their heart. Danielle had always worn her heart on her sleeve. Perhaps that was part of her problem, Danielle mused.

Stacey worried her bottom lip between her teeth roughly, her brows were creased in concentration. She had been through this with Jean. She'd been through the therapists' appointments, the wondering if this time, just this time maybe they would help. She'd been there when he mother had resented her and pushed against her for just trying to save her. She wondered now how this situation would go.

Stacey locked eyes with Danielle and risked a smile, she knew that if Christine had decided that Danielle was ill that it meant she had truly let her friend down. Stacey began to wonder if it was her, that maybe she did this to people. First her mother, then what happened with Sean and now Danielle.

Danielle looked around for evidence of Ronnie. Had she left? Was this Ronnie's way of escaping, rejecting her once again? There was nothing to suggest that Ronnie had even been in the room, nothing but an empty coffee cup on the table and a lingering, resentment laced affection left within Danielle.

"Was it alright?" Stacey ventured, snapping Danielle from her painful musings. Her face concealed none of her apprehension no matter how hard she tried. Stacey was always strong, always pretending nothing fazed her. But for the people she cared about, she was an open book.

"Yeah. It was alright." Danielle nodded briefly, making her way over to the bed. She sat crossed legged over the freshly made blankets, leaning back on the pillows. They smelt like Ronnie. She tried not to notice.

"The bed's made." Danielle said absently. She was desperately trying to stop her mind from thinking of Ronnie, wondering why she left and what had happened. Stacey began to chuckle slightly as she moved from slouching on the chair to sit sprawled casually at the end of Danielle's bed. Both girls facing one another.

"Yeah, Ronnie was fussing around with them for ages. Then the nurse came in the change the sheets. Ronnie's face was a right pout. Like she'd spent so long making it for you and the nurse messed it all up." Stacey smiled at Danielle, feeling somewhat disheartened when the look wasn't returned. But she carried on regardless.

"So Ronnie just went ahead and remade it all after the nurse left. She's been doing my head in Dan. Can't keep still for more than a second. She unpacked all your things too and started organising it all by colours and stuff." Danielle looked up slightly in surprise at Stacey's statement as Stacey continued to pout jokingly about being annoyed by Ronnie.

"_I'm like that when there's something on my mind. I once organised my whole wardrobe into colours."_

The words shot through Danielle's head. They weren't good or bad particularly. Just a memory, a faint connection, a similarity that she and her mother had shared. It had been comforting then, when she had shared that connection with Ronnie. It still was, Danielle realised. She let herself have a small smile, bowing her head and feeling herself flush at the fact that Ronnie made her smile. It didn't slip past Stacey however, who felt herself relax more at the gentle smile she saw from Danielle.

"I finally managed to get rid of her by telling her to go to the bathroom. She hasn't gone since the bleedin' wedding. She's still in there now. Think she's sorting herself out. Gives us a bit of peace though. I don't know if I could have handled any more of her fussing." Stacey reached out to shove Danielle backwards playfully when Danielle didn't look at her but just kept smiling to herself.

Danielle couldn't believe how much more relaxed she felt. It was like everything was organised in her mind. Nothing was resolved and nothing was easy but instead of a jumbled mess with every different thought and memory screaming at her for attention it was more like a list, every emotion, every doubt with its own checkbox to be sorted and worked through as it was reached. Danielle just hoped it would stay that way. It was still painful, still confusing and she still didn't have any answers even for herself let alone anybody else. But things were clearer. Things were easier. And she could smile.

"Why didn't you tell me Dan? I would have been there. I…" Stacey stopped herself before she went any further. In truth she didn't know what she would have done if Danielle had told her. Probably would have physically held her down to stop her. But she didn't even know how Danielle ended up at Ronnie's flat.

"I don't know Stacey. You weren't there, I just…it just happened." Danielle shuffled slightly and looked aimlessly around the room, her eyes darting as they did when she felt guilty. Stacey recoiled as she heard Danielle's words.

"I would have been there though. I didn't even know where you were let alone that you wanted to do that. Why Dan? How did you even end up at Ronnie's? What happened?" Stacey was almost shouting but there was no anger in her voice, just confusion and a desperate need to know, to appease her own guilt, to be the person her friend could rely on. She had leant herself forwards to grab Danielle's shoulders, putting pressure on them to try and get Danielle to respond.

Danielle just sighed and looked up at Stacey, tears in her eyes. Not of sadness but of guilt. She had put everyone through this.

"I was on the train. I wanted to get out, just get away, forget everyone and everything about this place and start fresh somewhere else. I just wanted to get away, I didn't care where." Danielle admitted, her eyes becoming vacant as she once again relived the events of the night before. She saw Stacey look away from her, she knew she was hurting her friend by telling her she wanted to escape from her too. But she needed to be honest. She didn't know if she could be honest with Ronnie yet. Stacey was easier and Stacey deserved the truth. She was trying, really trying.

"I called my Dad. He didn't even want to talk to me Stace. Him and Gareth and Gareth's fiancé were all having this family meal. They didn't even think of me. It's not my family anymore. I love them but…it's not the same." Danielle said sadly but she was composed. She shook her head wearily but didn't break down. It was strange but her family in Telford didn't break her heart. Not in the way they should. Maybe they weren't the ones with the key to it anymore, Danielle thought.

"It felt like I'd lost everything. I didn't know where I was going to go. I had no-one Stace, nobody. I just wanted someone to want me." Danielle looked deep into Stacey's eyes, willing her to understand. The tears that had gathered in Stacey's eyes surprised Danielle. She hadn't expected them.

"But you had me. I know I was in a state but I would have been there Dan." Stacey threw her arm out, her voice raising as she felt unable to understand. Her own guilt beating her down. She breathed heavily and took Danielle's hand in hers waiting for her to finish. She tried to remember that it wasn't about her. Just like with Jean, this went deeper than just one mistake.

Danielle cleared her throat gently, not knowing how to go on. She didn't want to upset Stacey but if she was honest, Stacey had been the last person on her mind last night. She hadn't wanted Stacey. She hadn't wanted anyone and at the same time she had.

"I know. I know now but I wasn't thinking. Everything was just this huge mess and I just didn't want to feel it anymore. I just wanted to get as far away from Ronnie as I could. I wanted to…I don't know what I wanted. There was so much going on." Danielle let her head drop to her hands, pulling them from Stacey. She was feeling overwhelmed again. Going over all of the emotions, she couldn't figure out what she had wanted on the train, there were so many things. She breathed deeply to pull herself out of the moment. She didn't want to get dragged back into confusion.

"Then I listened to the message you left. And there were all these calls from Ronnie and she'd left me a voicemail and…I thought she needed me. I was so worried about her and I just wanted to be back with her. It felt like nothing else mattered." Danielle kept shifting around as she spoke. She went on to tell Stacey about the journey back, about getting to the flat, finding Ronnie not there, and finally the phonecall. Danielle felt tears burn into her eyes despite herself. Not enough to fall, but enough to blur the image of Stacey in front of her.

"She laughed at me. She was laughing…and happy and I just felt sick. It was…I'd begged her to believe me and then I thought I couldn't take it so I left but she sounded so alone and I wanted her to want me so much and then she just laughed and it felt like everything just fell apart. I just did it Stace, I didn't mean to. I didn't even realise what I was doing until I'd done it." She watched the tears fall from Stacey's eyes and Danielle reached out to clasp her hands tightly.

"Dan I'm here for you. You and me. If that's what you want then we don't need nobody else. Anything you choose then I'm here ok? Ronnie, me, whatever you want to do with it all. However long it takes you've got me." Stacey implored, her hands pressed against each of Danielle's cheeks.

"Stace I didn't mean to do it. You have to believe me I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted it all to stop. I didn't want to be sad. I just wanted my mum." The tears sprang once again to Danielle's eyes and the two girls wrapped their arms around each other as they cried into each other's shoulders.

Neither noticed when the door had opened. Neither had noticed the pale woman standing in the doorway. Neither noticed how long she had been there, how much she had heard. Neither noticed the tears she had shed. Ronnie closed the door gently, trying not to let the pair know she had been there. She needed time to compose herself before going back in. Only thinking of her little girl's tears, as she had finally let out the truth.

"_I just wanted it all to stop. I didn't want to be sad. I just wanted my mum."_

"_I just wanted my mum"_

"…_my mum"_


	39. Chapter 39 Trouble With Love Kelly Cla

Ronnie sat numbly clutching her coffee. She was sat in the hospital café on a hard and uncomfortable, plastic chair. She wondered how many cups of coffee she'd had in the past few hours. It was surely more than could be healthy. And yet still she could feel the exhaustion burning behind her eyes, her body was utterly spent. But she knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep even if she had the chance. Her mind was racing, it had been since Danielle had left to talk to Christine and even before then, but now there was more added to the equation, more to process. The words she had overheard. The truth and tearful admission that she had unknowingly intruded upon, she tried to work out what Danielle had meant.

"_I just wanted my mum."_

Had Danielle been talking about her or about the woman who had raised her? The woman who had been 'kind', full of comforting words, everything that Ronnie hadn't been. The woman whom Danielle had lost and had grieved for so very recently. It would make sense for her to be the woman that Danielle had wanted. That had been Danielle's mother for eighteen years. Ronnie herself had never really been any support to Danielle. She had never given Danielle real advice or support, because she had not for one moment been honest with her. Their relationship was built on rejection and lies. There was once…but Ronnie couldn't bear to think about that. Yes, she had been there in the beginning but what she had done…it made her sick. And in the end she had left her then too. Abandoned Danielle to save herself. A mother? Hardly.

And yet still, when Ronnie thought of Danielle longing to be held and comforted by anyone but her, it sparked such a bitter and selfish jealousy. She was Danielle's mother. Nobody else. Not anymore. Not ever. Nobody else should have had that right, that privilege. And yet they had. It was Ronnie who hadn't. It was she who had lost that chance, those years, that life.

But what if? What if Danielle had been talking about Ronnie? Did that make the situation better or just a lot more painful?

'Mum'. A simple syllable. Just one word. Three little letters. Oh but the power they hold. So much meaning, so much responsibility behind that one little word. Once that word is uttered there is an unbreakable contract, both parties sign away their souls and their hearts to one another. And even if they are torn apart, even if there is little more than hatred burning between there pair they will always have that bond. One little word and it could change Ronnie's world. Her world had in reality already changed. But the word cemented it. She wasn't sure why. But somehow that word made it all real.

'Mum', so much meaning. Danielle had been right about what she had said at the station. A mother was supposed to be the protector but all Ronnie seemed to have ever done to Danielle was cause her pain. She was the one letting Danielle down at every turn.

"_I just wanted my mum."_

Ronnie blinked heavily, the corner of her mouth twitching slightly as it did when she was uncomfortable or afraid. She felt drained of all tears. It had been such a long day and there seemed to be little hope of any reprise in her stress or guilt. She wouldn't be happy until Danielle was happy, healthy and back in her arms. Ronnie resigned herself to the possibility of being unhappy for a long time. She didn't realise that she would ever have the patience for this. Having her own emotions completely tied to another's. To be so controlled, so willingly. She never would have thought it was possible for her to allow. But she supposed that perhaps, when you loved somebody enough, even the impossible can be defeated. Right now she felt like there was nothing, not a single thing that she wouldn't do for Danielle. And yet…last night…she hadn't been there.

After all of the promises that Ronnie had made at the station, Danielle had come back, believed in her enough to return, loved her enough to try. And Ronnie, she had just given up hope and wallowed in her own pain. Stacey had been right, she shouldn't have been there in the club. She should have been trying to get Danielle back still, just like Stacey had done. She had been right about another thing as well, something far more painful for Ronnie to admit. Ronnie didn't deserve Danielle.

Danielle had been all alone in the cold, dark flat. Completely by herself. Bleeding, weak, in pain and scared. Ronnie hadn't been there. The guilt was agonising. There had already been so much guilt but now it felt as though she was drowning in it. Even a mere twenty hours back she could have said that she hadn't known. That all those times she had hurt her baby and let her down, abandoned her and pushed her away when she just wanted her mum. She could take a small comfort in the fact that she hadn't known. It didn't erase the guilt or the pain but at least she could still tell herself that now she knew who Danielle was, she would never make those mistakes again. She could convince herself that now she knows…she would be a proper mother. But she had known who Danielle was last night and still Danielle had ended up all alone, frightened and lashing out. Just wanting her mum.

For the first time since Ronnie had discovered the truth about Danielle, she began to wonder if she really could do this, if she was good enough, if she deserved the chance, if she could trust herself to take care of her little girl. Perhaps it would be better for Danielle and for herself to call Andy and let him take Danielle home. Back to where she had been happy and people had looked after her. Back to where parents were people who could be trusted, people who protected her, people that didn't let her down.

She wondered what life had been like for her little girl growing up. Danielle was polite, sweet, well mannered and cared so deeply about people. She had been brought up well, sheltered. She had none of the downtrodden guile that came with being raised as a Mitchell. As proud of Danielle as Ronnie was, she still couldn't stop the anger that came as she imagined somebody else bringing her up, teaching her values. Hearing her first words, teaching her to read, to ride a bike. Being there for her first day of school, the first time she got her heart broken. Being the one she ran to, the one she leant on, the one she called 'Mum'.

"_I just wanted my mum."_

Ronnie began to think that those words were engraved, branded onto her mind. Could Danielle really have thought of her as her mum? Despite the guilt, Ronnie's heart fluttered at the prospect. All her life she had been dreaming of hearing that word, she had been dreaming of her little girl. Even though she knew it was dangerous and foolish, just setting herself up for disappointment, Ronnie began to think of all the things that she could do with Danielle. She hadn't been there to teach her to ride a bike, but she could teach her on the motorbike. She hadn't been there for Danielle's birthdays or Christmases, but she could be there for the rest. Holidays, shopping, nights out, anything and everything. She would give it all to her baby.

Ronnie wondered if Danielle would want the same things. It all rested on the meaning of that one word. If Danielle had meant her then she had let her baby down even more than she had imagined. There was a new poignancy, a new level of heart break for the fact that Danielle had been looking not for Ronnie but for 'Ronnie, her mum'. But it could give Ronnie hope.

"_You aren't a mother to me. You never were."_

If Danielle had, even after saying that, still seen her as her mother then maybe there was some hope. But if she had meant her adoptive mother, NO!

It didn't matter who she meant. She wanted her mum and Ronnie was her mum. She still wanted, still needed to be mothered and looked after and protected and Ronnie vowed there and then to herself that no matter how hard it would be, no matter what it would take, she would live up to her promises and be the mother that Danielle wanted and needed.

A tray crashing to the floor a few tables away snapped Ronnie from her lament. The coffee she was nursing was all but empty. She couldn't even remember drinking it. She ran a hand through her hair and let the other place the cold cup on the table. It was still afternoon and the hospital was bustling with people coming and going. Doctors, nurses, visitors, patients. Some were obvious, some indistinguishable. Ronnie found herself trying to work out their stories.

The couple sat a few tables away, holding hands, their faces pale, both looking shaken. Were they parents? Was their child injured or worse? Or perhaps they were family and a parent or relative was ill. Maybe it was one of them who was ill. The man being pushed along in a wheelchair, his arm in a sling, his leg in cast. She wondered how it had happened. A fight? A fall?

Ronnie had spent so many years, so very long, wrapped in her own pain, so busy pushing people away that she couldn't remember the last time she had thought about strangers this way. Really looked at them. If only she had given a second, just a second to think about Danielle. The girl who was always wanting to be close to her, the girl who had seemed so alone, the girl who had come to her for support, the girl who had slept rough, had an abortion, the girl who just wanted her mum. The girl who she had turned away time after time. If only she had looked closer. It was all there. Asking her about her baby, wanting her advice, her friendship, being close with Amy, so many times missed, so many signs.

If only she had noticed. And once again, here Ronnie was, realising she was losing herself to her own thoughts, her own guilt. She pulled herself up from the chair so suddenly that the young couple close to her jumped.

Ronnie couldn't let herself think, couldn't let herself wallow or try to protect herself or her own feelings.

"_Be kind to yourself."_ That's what Dot had said. And yet by thinking of herself, Ronnie had in one action lost her grandchild and set herself on the road to almost losing her daughter as well. Well this was it. No more games, no more hiding, no more 'Ronnie Mitchell, heart of glass'. Everything had to be put aside for Danielle, at least for now. Now Ronnie had to truly look at her daughter, know her story and do anything she could to become part of it. To become 'mum'.


	40. Chapter 40 Only You Matt McHugh Yazoo

Stacey kicked Danielle's legs out of the way as both girls sprawled out on the hospital bed, one at each end, their feet curled under slightly to meet in the middle. They had both calmed down after their talk and had fallen back into their usual routine. Stacey had told Danielle about seeing Ronnie in the club, about the state she was in. Partly, Stacey felt that it was Ronnie's responsibility or right perhaps to tell Danielle this herself. But there were so many misunderstandings, so many missed opportunities, so many secrets that Stacey wanted to at least allow them the chance of some truth. She wasn't sure that Danielle believed her but again, it was another step towards Danielle being happy again.

Back in their old routine both girls were laughing again. It was so easy. Both were shocked by how easy it was to just be happy together. It wasn't over, far from it, there were still questions that both wanted to ask, answers that neither could find. But as it was, it was just easy to be there for each other, just be mates as they were.

"Oi, your hogging the whole bed, god knows how Ronnie managed to stay on it all day." Stacey joked, kicking Danielle's legs once again. Danielle's drip was back on her arm, the clip back on her finger and wires still measuring her heart rate. The nurse had come in to reattach them all, Danielle first had Stacey help her to the bathroom, they went out of the room together and it felt almost normal again. It had been that which had snapped Danielle and Stacey out of their tearful moment and back into relaxed chatter.

Stacey had been surprised when she hadn't seen Ronnie in the corridors. The woman had pretty much refused to leave Danielle's side and now she was nowhere to be seen. Stacey just hoped that Danielle hadn't noticed or if she had that she could distract Danielle enough from it to stop her worrying.

Stacey mentally kicked herself, realising that she'd mentioned Ronnie once again. She didn't mean to but all she could think was how much Danielle still needed her, the state they were both in and the fact that if Ronnie had abandoned her again she would kill her. Where was she?!

"Yeah well it's my bed isn't it." Danielle said, smiling at Stacey and kicking her back. "Get your own," she laughed. But she couldn't stop her mind from wondering where Ronnie was. She tried to stop the anger and desertion bubbling up, that now she felt ready to face Ronnie she was gone once again.

"What? In here? I'll pass thanks," Stacey said sarcastically, still kicking at Danielle teasingly. "Did they say when you can come out then?" She sighed, resting her legs over Danielle.

"No. But it's as soon as the doctors say I'm sorted really and I already feel better, just a bit dizzy and sick still." Danielle's shoulders shrugged slightly and her hands fell into her lap. She was fooling herself. She felt awful and her head still wasn't clear. But she didn't want Stacey to worry. She did feel happier, it wasn't a complete lie. Mostly she just wanted it to be true.

"Right. I'd better start planning your big night out then?" Stacey grinned at Danielle. "A few drinks, some lads, get you back in the Square in style, eh?"

"I dunno Stace, I think I could sleep for a year." Danielle laughed nervously. The thought of going home was so alluring and yet so terrifying. In hospital she could almost pretend that nothing else was real. That nothing over the last seven months, the last nineteen years had happened. But as soon as she was out in the big wide world she would have to make a choice, face everyone, start to live again.

"You serious? You're always the one waking me up. Dunno how you manage to get through the day, even when we go out you're still up before I even get off to sleep." Stacey joked, wriggling against the hard footboard of the bed that she was leant against. "Oi, chuck me one of them pillows you lazy cow."

Danielle laughed and threw a pillow from behind her at Stacey who followed up by just using it to hit Danielle's legs. She was careful not to hit any other part of her friend, still unsure about how stable she was.

The pair were laughing still. Both were looking suspiciously at a Tupperware box full of biscuits on the bed between them. Stacey was busy breaking apart a biscuit by hitting it against the edge of the Tupperware as hard as she could.

"I dunno what Mum was thinking trying to bake. You're the only one 'round ours who can cook." Stacey said as she threw a bit of biscuit at Danielle which landed in her hair. "One of these and you'll be unconscious again."

"You think Ronnie can cook?" Danielle asked nervously. She bit her lip and cursed herself for slipping back into this. Even through the hatred she was still fawning over Ronnie. Stacey rolled her eyes dramatically. She was in a way incredibly relieved, Danielle was mooning over Ronnie Mitchell again…it was just like old times. It was like a step in the right direction, Stacey thought. If Danielle still idolises her and thinks about her so much, things might just work out.

"Ronnie? Pfft…bet the only things she knows how to make is reservations," Stacey laughed. "She ain't exactly Jamie Oliver is she. Closest she's got's probably putting olives in a martini."

The door had clicked open. This time in their happiness, they looked up to see Ronnie leaning against the door frame smiling warmly at them. Her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and her face was washed clean of any bloodstains, though it was still clear that she had been crying.

They both stared at her for a second before Danielle's smile dropped and she looked away, curling her limbs inwards from where she had relaxed. Ronnie wanted to put Danielle back at ease. She'd looked almost like normal Danielle for a minute.

"And who do you think cooked for Roxy all these years?" Ronnie asked, raising her eyebrow at Stacey as she walked over to the bed.

"Just can't imagine you…cooking." Stacey finished stupidly. She had been about to say "as a real mum" but had managed to stop herself at the last minute. She didn't want to upset Danielle. But also, she had seen Ronnie as a real mother. Almost everything she had done in the hospital had been natural, protective, like a mother.

"Right." Ronnie said, giving Stacey an odd look before turning to Danielle and smiling weakly at her. "Speaking of food. I thought…well, it's been a while since you ate anything and hospital food is never good so I just got some things from the shop." She lifted the bag she was carrying, slightly higher as she spoke, gesturing at it. She wasn't sure where to go. She wanted to be close to Danielle but from her daughter's body language she couldn't help but feel a bit rejected.

Ronnie wheeled the table over to the bed and lowered it so that it was level. She could feel Danielle watching her intently and she let her, pretending she didn't notice so that Danielle wouldn't feel awkward. She felt herself becoming self conscious though as she knew how closely her daughter was watching her every move, drinking in every feature, every action. She wanted Danielle to be proud of her, to be the sort of woman that Danielle would want as a mother. She brushed her fringe back out of her eyes wishing that she could look better, look more composed, more like she thought she should.

Danielle couldn't stop herself from staring at Ronnie as she nervously fussed with things. It was like she was seeing her for the first time. Even her clothes were far from the usual smart and neatly accessorised beauty. Gone was the glamourous ice queen and in her place was a frightened fourteen year old, broken and worn down by time and grief. A woman who was weak and scared, just wanting to impress her child, a woman who just wanted to prove herself worthy of being loved.

"Got enough food there?" Stacey exclaimed, her eyebrows up by her hairline as Ronnie emptied the bag's contents onto the table. Half a dozen packets of sandwiches were tipped from the bag along with pasta salads, crisps, drinks and cereal bars.

"How much do you think she eats?" Stacey asked sardonically, one eyebrow raised at Ronnie.

"Well I didn't know what you liked," Ronnie admitted hurriedly, shaking her head and looking at Danielle who simply stared at her bemused, "so I just got what looked good." Her head tilted to the side almost to meet her shoulder as she shrugged.

"_You could ask me."_Back in the kitchen at the Slaters' on that painful day before the abortion, Ronnie had looked the same. She was once again offering herself up. Shyly she was pulling down the guard and showing how scared and alone the real Ronnie Mitchell was. Something so simple as buying Danielle food was exposing how insecure Ronnie was around Danielle. How afraid of getting things wrong, of being turned away.

"It's great. Thank you." Danielle smiled as she spoke quietly. She couldn't believe how anxious and scared Ronnie looked. It was so strange but Danielle felt oddly drawn to being able to comfort her. She shuffled over to the far side of the bed, leaving a big space next to her. A clear invitation for Ronnie to fill it.

Ronnie smiled and sat herself on the bed next to Danielle, stretching her legs out towards the end of the bed. Stacey made some sarcastic remarks about shoes and rolling her eyes Ronnie kicked her shoes off and relaxed back against the bed, she could see Danielle still staring at her from the corner of her eye.

"So, what do you fancy?" Ronnie asked, dragging the table over the bed for Danielle to survey the food. As Danielle picked a sandwich out, Ronnie followed and gestured to Stacey to help herself. The three women were in an awkward silence which Stacey sporadically tried to fill with random chat and sarcastic jokes.

The atmosphere was awkward. Ronnie wanted to talk to Danielle but she didn't even know how to begin. She didn't want to talk about anything serious but she couldn't think of anything trivial to say. She had known Danielle for months but they hadn't ever really talked. They had no shared jokes, no common ground. There wasn't an ease like Ronnie could see that Danielle had with Stacey.

Ronnie kept shifting uncomfortably. She felt like she couldn't keep still. With Stacey there she didn't want to start talking to Danielle so she felt restless. She wanted to do something, to keep herself occupied, stop herself from just grabbing Danielle and not letting go.

"If you keep kicking me I'm going to throttle you." Stacey finally snapped at Ronnie after around ten minutes of Ronnie's foot poking her in the side every time she moved.

"I just…" Ronnie began, looking at Danielle, wanting to make excuses for her discomfort.

"I'm like that when I have something on my mind." Said Danielle with a significant smile at Ronnie, her hand reaching out to take Ronnie's. She didn't know where she was getting the strength to reach out like this but she was scared of losing Ronnie again. The guilt she felt about what she had done and about telling a stranger such personal things seemed to drive her into wanting to make things better.

Ronnie almost laughed at the reference to their old conversation. It had been friendly and easy. She grinned at Danielle.

"Yeah, I once organised my whole wardrobe into colours," Ronnie said dreamily, still beaming and watching Danielle's expression mirror hers as they quoted their words back to each other. Stacey looked on puzzled by the exchange happening before her. She had no idea what was going on and just rolled her eyes, leaving the room. She had expected them to at least notice her leaving but the women's eyes never left one another.


	41. Chapter 41 Breathe Faith Hill

Ronnie stared into her little girls eyes and for just a second she saw the spark there that Danielle had always had. The hope, the innocent dreams of someone so unjaded. But it was gone in the merest blink. Because Danielle was jaded. And it was Ronnie who had jaded her. The spark was gone but Danielle's eyes remained on her. The smile drifted but was still a smile.

"I can't believe you're my daughter." Ronnie whispered, her words lilting on a sigh. Their hands were still held gently together on Ronnie's leg and she stroked her thumb over Danielle's hand.

"I know," Danielle replied, her own smile still there as she gazed upwards at Ronnie. "I can't believe you really know." Ronnie reached out to brush her fingertips against Danielle's cheeks as they continued to not break their gaze. She hesitated though, her fingers mere inches from Danielle's face. She couldn't be rejected again, Ronnie just wanted to be a mother, she wanted to have her baby, to hold her and make everything alright. But she was scared. She didn't want to rush Danielle, to force her to move too fast. She was too scared. Too scared of Danielle snapping, pushing her away. She couldn't hurt Danielle again.

Ronnie pulled her hand back slowly and watched Danielle's smile drop and eyebrows furrow. Danielle's hand darted out and grabbed Ronnie's and pulled it back onto her face. She held Ronnie's hand against her cheek, her eyes tightly screwed shut. Ronnie felt Danielle pressing her cheek against her hand, Danielle's hand still over hers, holding it there as if she was afraid that if she let go, so would Ronnie.

"I'll never let go. I won't." Ronnie breathed. She brought their other hands which were still clasped together upwards to kiss Danielle's palm. She mirrored their position, holding Danielle's palm to her cheek and holding it there.

Still Danielle could not open her eyes. Still she was so scared and unsure. If she opened her eyes Ronnie wouldn't be there. If she opened her eyes Ronnie would look at her full of hate once again. If she opened her eyes it would all slip away. If she opened her eyes she would be ashamed. She wanted to tell Ronnie to never stop holding her, to never let her go again. The words Ronnie had just given her speared through the shield around her heart, she wanted this so much, so very much.

"_You pathetic little freak. Who'd want a daughter like you?"_

Danielle shuddered as the words murmured on each breath she took, on every sigh Ronnie gave, there they were again.

"Ronnie it's so hard. I want it to be ok, I want it so much but…" Danielle still hadn't opened her eyes but she could feel the lone tear that escaped, she felt it as it trickled down her cheek and onto Ronnie's hand. Her own hand felt a matching tear falling on it from her mother's eyes.

"I know. I know." Ronnie whispered, almost too afraid to speak any louder for fear of everything crashing down around her. She swept her thumb to wipe away the dampness lingering on Danielle's cheek, her hand still unmoving under Danielle's on her face, her own still holding Danielle's hand to her own face.

Ronnie stared at her daughter, seeing the fear and denial etched on her face, her tightly closed eyes blocking out a million things that Ronnie couldn't even begin to guess. She wished she could see into Danielle's mind, she wanted to go into her and pluck away all the pain, take out any doubt, any fear anything that could hurt her baby. She wanted so much to just wrap her up in cotton wool and never let anything touch her, not ever again.

Danielle felt like screaming. She wanted to just reach out and grab Ronnie, to hold her and forget everything. But she couldn't. There was too much holding her back. She had betrayed Ronnie by telling every dark secret to some stranger. She had hurt Ronnie, rejected her and then the shame of what she had done to herself. And then there was Ronnie. All the things said and done which just wouldn't go away.

Danielle's face suddenly broke as she burst into sobs. Neither moved from where they were, their hands pressed against each other's faces. Both wanted so much to be closer, to be as close as they could, to lose themselves in each other's arms. But they couldn't move. Their own fears holding them back.

"Danielle. It's all going to be ok. Let me help. I'll do anything, anything that you need. I just want you to be ok. I want us to be ok." Ronnie murmured softly to Danielle, trying beyond anything to forge this connection with her. It was already there, burning between them but it was distant, stretched and frayed at the edges.

"I want…I…I don't know how to make it ok." Danielle's eyes cracked open to face Ronnie. She knew she had to. The look of adoration and awe that was spilling from Ronnie gave her the strength to attempt a weak smile.

"We need to work this out Ronnie. To talk. I want to work this out…I mean if…if you…" She stumbled over her words, her eyes darting away from Ronnie's as the shyness and apprehension overtook her once again. She was always like this around Ronnie but she was fighting so hard to be brave, to take control of how she felt and work for what she wanted more than anything. Ronnie didn't want to watch Danielle struggle so she jumped in.

"I do want to. I want to be your mum. I…" Ronnie shook her head and exhaled heavily as she squeezed Danielle's cheek and hand in each of hers to show her how emphatically that it meant everything to her. "I want us to be mother and daughter."

Danielle nodded, letting her fingertips stray slightly to brush Ronnie's face. This was the closest Ronnie had ever let her study her. Danielle couldn't help but think that this was the closest Ronnie had been seen in a long time. The real Ronnie.

"We'll talk it through. Talk about anything you want. Whenever you're ready." Ronnie said, closing her eyes and leaning into Danielle's hand.

They were brushing over the past, letting it slip away for just the moment, the shared moment that they held each other within. Fingertips brushed across faces, tears were swept away reverently, hands clasps within hands, smiles etched in wonderment.

Time passed and still it felt too soon when a knock at the door broke into the cocoon they had created. With a gentle smile Ronnie sat back against the bed and let Danielle decide what to do. Without even a thought, out of pure instinct, Danielle leant back onto Ronnie. Her head on Ronnie's shoulder and back against her chest. Ronnie beamed, knowing that Danielle couldn't see how happy she was at the new bond forming, she didn't want to seem too eager. But she wrapped her arm around her daughter's shoulders and felt a wash of pride at her beautiful little girl.

Danielle couldn't believe that she had just without even thinking, thrown herself backwards onto Ronnie pretty much. But she didn't have to see her face. That made it easier. She could feel the warmth of her mother's embrace without having to deal with Ronnie. It was an odd distinction, one that wasn't real but helped.

Nothing had really changed and yet everything was different. The two looked to the door expectantly, both knowing that although they were still so distant, they were together now. Ready to fight for each other, for them, for the most important people in their lives, for being together.


	42. Chapter 42 Any Lucky Penny Nikki Hassman

Roxy poked her head around the door of Danielle's hospital room. She had bumped into Stacey in the hall and they had gone for a coffee, Stacey saying that Ronnie and Danielle needed some time. After a while though Roxy had become restless and tired of Stacey's accusations. She knew that the blurted confession she had made wasn't going to be easily forgotten by Stacey but she was trying and the mouthy teenager's angry assumptions and warnings were causing Roxy's last nerve to snap. Finally Stacey and Roxy had come to a stalemate in their catty comments and Stacey had asked Roxy to say bye to Danielle for her and left.

Seeing the smiling faces, relaxed, close to each other put Roxy's mind at ease when she entered the room. Both pairs of eyes fixed on to her but Danielle's soon skittered away, choosing instead to focus her attention on a ring on Ronnie's finger that she began to play with. Roxy saw Ronnie jump slightly and give a relieved and surprised little laugh at Danielle choosing to seek comfort from her as the awkwardness of facing Roxy hit her.

"Sleeping beauty's awake. It's a miracle" Roxy exclaimed cheekily trying to put Danielle at ease. She was trying to put herself at ease as well. Looking at the pair, she was so happy to see Ronnie smiling this way, to see her truly lit up with adoration. But it was frightening. Danielle was holding Ronnie in the palm of her hand. After only a day, Danielle had Ronnie's heart and she could rip it apart with a snap of her fingers. Roxy was almost afraid of her. Nobody held this power over Ronnie, perhaps Archie had but Roxy still wasn't sure about that. After the reception everything had happened so quickly, soon she had been rushing to Ronnie's flat and dealing with Danielle. She hadn't even spoken to her father yet.

Sweet, naïve Danielle, the girl from Stacey's stall. The girl who helped out with Amy. The girl who was so gentle, so happy and bubbly. Or Danielle the unhinged daughter. Danielle the girl who had caused mayhem at the wedding, who had hidden her identity from Ronnie for months. The girl who had tried to take her own life and left Ronnie devastated. The girl who right now held far too much power for somebody so fragile and tumultuous.

That was the dilemma that Roxy found herself faced with as she stared at the two blondes cuddled on the bed. Was it jealousy? If Ronnie was happy and had the chance to be a mother to her daughter, she would no longer need to mother Roxy. Roxy did wonder if Ronnie would still be in her life now.

In the past Roxy had hurt Ronnie, she knew she had. Every hurtful thing she did, every selfish act she knew she could get away with. She knew that Ronnie could never leave her because she was all Ronnie had. But now…could Ronnie still overlook all the betrayal when she didn't need Roxy anymore?

A little niece. So perfect, so disturbed. Roxy had no idea what the truth was about either woman she was looking at. But something about Danielle's scared eyes gave her pause. She didn't look strong, in control. She didn't look like somebody who had a whole life wrapped around her finger. She looked like a little girl who had the world on her shoulders. A solitary child who lost her way. The young woman so torn she just kept dreaming. Who despite being grown still wanted her mum.

"Got something for you." She said, looking at Danielle as she made her way over and sat on the foot of the bed, dumping her bags on the floor by her feet. She rummaged around in her coat pocket before bringing her hand out, Danielle's locket dangling from her fingers.

"Ron handed it to me to look after when she went after you. Thought you might want it." Roxy said, placing it in Danielle's outstretched palm. She saw Danielle catch her eye, an appreciation shown there for Roxy having known the importance of such a keepsake. Having her locket back in her hand was like a piece of her returning for Danielle. So many years had been spent using the locket as her comfort, even though she had Ronnie now, she still didn't really have the mother that she had always seen in that locket and having it back was like the hope of that mother returning.

"Thanks." Danielle muttered, smiling at Roxy but still feeling awkward. People coming to visit her here, people who had previously never given her a second glance, it was odd. It made her feel like she was on display.

"Ron, I brought you some clothes from yours." Roxy said, kicking the bag slightly towards Ronnie. She watched her sister nod in acknowledgement. There was a lingering silence as nobody spoke and all women sat uncomfortable.

"Right, this isn't awkward at all." Roxy laughed, saying the words that all three were thinking but none had said. Danielle looked up guiltily at Roxy, feeling bad that Roxy had given up her time to come and visit. She knew that had it not been for simple genes, neither woman beside her would even care.

"You look better." Roxy smiled at Danielle, after her last comment had done nothing to break the ice. "You scared us. Scared the hell out of us. You look better though." She coughed, not quite knowing how to talk to Danielle. "Ron you still look like hell."

"Thanks Rox. Always nice to see you too." Ronnie said sarcastically, unconsciously running her free hand through her fringe at the comment. Moving her hand away meant that Danielle no longer had anything to distract her and she looked up at Roxy seeing the wink that her aunt shot her conspiratorially about Ronnie.

"So, you're Ronnie's kid? You're my niece." Roxy asked as if she was trying to get the facts straight in her head. Danielle nodded slowly, looking a little dazed. So much had happened that she almost forgot that the news of her identity would be so new and confusing to people back in Walford.

"Well I guess this explains some of why Amy's so attached to you. She always liked you." Roxy sighed casually.

"How is she?" Danielle asked, happy to take the attention off herself for as long as she could. Roxy was being friendly enough but Danielle could sense the tension in her and by Ronnie's firm grasp on her shoulders, Danielle guessed that she could as well.

"Yeah, yeah she's alright. Had a right fuss when I got in this morning, think she's teething." Roxy was starting to settle down, talking about Amy put Danielle back into the role that Roxy was comfortable with. The sweet girl who looked after Amy. Simple, not complicated. "You'll have to come spend some time with her when you get out of here, yeah?" She put her hand on Danielle's knee as she finished speaking and Danielle grinned up at her.

"Really? I'd love to. She's beautiful." Danielle gushed. Her old enthusiasm seeping back into her, she looked lit up again. Ronnie and Roxy both laughed at her sudden shift in mood and Danielle felt her face flush but kept smiling.

"Well, she's your cousin. God it feels weird saying that." Roxy laughed, "She's named after you, you know? Seems a bit weird now you're here and all." Roxy's face fell into an bemused puzzlement causing Danielle to laugh. Roxy had always been warmer than Ronnie. Never perfect, never truly welcoming but she had always been warmer and kinder than Ronnie had been and Danielle relaxed, remembering that Roxy had never treated her badly, never seemed to judge her. She began to think that perhaps things with her aunt would be relatively easy, of course compared to Ronnie anybody would be relatively easy.

"You're a wonderful cousin to her." Ronnie whispered against Danielle's hair. Danielle shifted her head away from Ronnie by a couple of inches. She hadn't even meant to, it was unconscious, just the voice, feeling Ronnie so close to her and hearing her words reminded Danielle that this wasn't some dreamt up mother, this was Ronnie. Nobody missed the action but Roxy tried desperately to gloss over it.

"Well you're on official babysitting duties from now on. And don't expect to be getting paid any more either. You're her cousin, it's your job." Roxy joked. Danielle nodded at her still grinning. Ronnie felt how comfortable Danielle was becoming with Roxy. She was comfortable with Stacey which was fair enough, but she hardly knew Roxy and still they were building an ease between them and Ronnie felt jealous. She wanted to grab Danielle and shake her, tell her that she wasn't allowed to love anyone else. She wasn't allowed to talk to anyone else. It was just them, the two of them and Danielle had to love her. She had to. There had been a moment just minutes ago when it seemed like they were getting somewhere but then it all became so intense that now it was over it once again brought the embarrassment and nerves and fears. Such painfully intense feelings that were so hard to hold back but letting them bubble over seemed to be getting Ronnie nowhere.

"Rox, did you bring my laptop?" Ronnie asked, she knew very little about Danielle but she would use any slight knowledge that she had. She wanted Danielle to warm to her, to chat to her, to love her. Just to love her more than anything else in the world.

"What? You want to do work? Ronnie…" Roxy looked at Ronnie like she had just dribbled on her shirt. But Ronnie quickly interrupted her.

"No I thought if you'd brought it then me and Danielle could watch some films…chick flicks." She smiled down at Danielle and watched her daughter's face form into a smile, though bemusement was still present and something else. Something Ronnie couldn't put her finger on. Sadness? Anger? There was something behind Danielle's eyes. Something she had seen in the interview and again at the clinic. A pain deeper than Danielle would ever let on. Now creeping gradually to the fore. Ronnie had brought it there.

"Do you like those sorts of films?" Danielle asked, glad to once again find something to talk to Ronnie about. Something that wasn't about declarations and promises, something that she wouldn't have to question or doubt.

"Ha, she's a headcase for that sort of thing. She used to fancy Hugh Grant!" Roxy laughed pointing at her sister, enjoying the unspoken truce that had formed since Danielle's revelation at the wedding. Danielle burst out laughing as Ronnie's face turned red.

"I didn't fancy him. I just…thought he was nice, alright? Plus…you aren't much better. When you were about eighteen didn't you have a poster of Peter Andre?" Ronnie grinned at Roxy, making Danielle burst into laughter and repeating the name in amused surprise.

"Yeah, well, I liked his body ok. Come on then Dan, embarrassing crush…go." Roxy was smirking at Danielle, Ronnie was happy at the playful atmosphere but was slightly worried that putting Danielle on the spot even in such an innocent way could make her back away.

"Well…I like Jake Gyllenhall?" Danielle suggested but Roxy smacked her across the leg instantly.

"Doesn't count. He isn't embarrassing. I think all of us would have a go on him given the chance." She laughed dirtily and received a shocked and embarrassed exclamation from Ronnie who was clearly mortified at any mention of her and sex around Danielle. But Danielle couldn't hold back the burst of laughter that came forward from Ronnie's humiliation. Ronnie gave her a playful glare and Danielle turned away still laughing at her mother's misfortune.

"Go on then. If it's oh so funny…embarrassing crush young lady!" Ronnie demanded jokingly.

"Ok, I might, MIGHT have had a little, tiny thing for Simon Cowell. Sort of." Ronnie and Roxy both fell into unstoppable laughter at Danielle's admission. Roxy was practically in a full guffaw whilst Ronnie was slightly more reserved.

"I think you win most embarrassing crush, although Roxy's close." Ronnie said to Danielle, glad to have the little moment, to know such a simple piece of information about her daughter. It felt like a step towards friendship and their private moment had felt like a step towards being mother and daughter. It was slow but it felt like everything was coming together.

Danielle continued to smile, albeit with her face scarlet from embarrassment. She felt like this was how it should be. Her, her mother and her aunt. All smiling, laughing, together. But it wasn't real. Her mother had rejected her, thrown her onto the street. She had rejected her mother right back and then she had taken those pills. They weren't sharing some happy moment, she was in hospital. They were there out of obligation, DNA, genetics. Any happy moment, any step forward Danielle could feel was overshadowed, tainted by everything that had happened. She tried to remember Christine's words. That it wasn't her fault, it wasn't Ronnie's fault and that they needed to pull together and work through it all. She tried to remember.

"Oh I almost forgot," Roxy said, bending over to dig around in the bag by her feet. She brought a smaller bag out from within it and started digging around before bringing out a bag of grapes. "Aunty Peg got them for you. Said no-one bothered to get her any when she was in hospital. I think it was a not so subtle jab at me and Ron." She smiled, rolling her eyes as she dumped the somewhat squashed fruit on the table beside the bed. "I'd be careful though. She's already talking about giving you a 'Proper Mitchell Welcome' or something like that." Roxy continued, putting on a voice as she quoted her aunt's words. She saw the anxious look that came over Danielle almost immediately and Ronnie felt her shoulders shiver under her arm.

"Danielle, are you alright?" Ronnie questioned, her tone firm as she let her fingers stroke under Danielle's chin in an attempt to persuade Danielle to look at her.

"Yeah, I'm, uh, fine. Just don't think I'm ready for all that, you know?" Danielle lied. She gave a false laugh which neither sister were convinced by. Danielle was nervous about Peggy and the rest of the Mitchells but she was really shaken by the prospect of having to leave hospital, face the truth, actually accept that all of this was real. Everything had been a secret for so long that it was more than overwhelming to suddenly find it out in the open. She didn't want to face anybody. She knew that news travelled quickly in the Square and what she had done would surely not be a secret even now, not even a day later.

"She was joking, Danielle. Look at me," Ronnie said, turning Danielle's face to make eye contact. "Everything, every single thing is going to be on your terms. As slow or fast as you want to take things." And there they were again. Perfect words, the exact things that Danielle wanted and needed to hear. Ronnie seemed to without even trying, know exactly what Danielle was feeling and what she needed to hear.

Danielle nodded meekly but turned her head away from Ronnie not trusting herself to be able to look at her any longer without breaking down. Awkward silences began once again but soon Roxy had pulled some magazines from her bag along with nail polish to use on Danielle and the three fell back into meaningless chatter about television, celebrities, films, all of which Roxy seemed to follow without fault. After Danielle seemed happy and comfortable with Roxy, Ronnie interrupted the talk.

"Do you mind if I go and get changed?" she questioned, not wanting to leave Danielle but also feeling that she really wanted to make herself feel presentable and she hadn't even brushed her hair since she had put it up for the wedding. As it was, she had simply pulled it back and tied it roughly. She wanted to look like she normally did, to give herself some normality and also give some for Danielle. She didn't realise that seeing her this way, Danielle felt almost more drawn to Ronnie. It was like, the bedraggled and tired composure was easier to handle. Ronnie appeared so much more human that way, less 'Ronnie Mitchell – untouchable' and more like a worried mother.

Danielle shook her head, leaning forward to let Ronnie move from behind her.

"You sure? You'll be alright without me?" Ronnie asked as she leaned forward with Danielle, trying to catch her eye once again.

"Yes. I'm fine." Danielle urged, not liking the focus that Ronnie was putting upon her and her state. She wanted to forget that she was still ill, forget what she had done. Ronnie treating her like an invalid wasn't helping.

Ronnie sighed, still smiling, although concerned by Danielle's harsh tone. She put her hand on Danielle's knee and squeezed it as she used her hands to push herself off the bed. She raised her hand to Danielle's face to brush the hair out of her eyes and Danielle flinched away from the touch before it even reached her. She hadn't meant to, she didn't even realise that she was doing it until it was done and she saw Ronnie's hurt face. She averted her eyes, feeling bad for upsetting Ronnie yet again.

"Well, I'll be right back." Ronnie said discomfited by Danielle's behaviour. Every step forward they took seemed to lead them to two steps backwards. She attempted a smile at Danielle but she was resolutely avoiding her eyes. Ronnie turned and walked out of the room, taking the bag with her. She didn't spare a glance for Roxy. She didn't want to see the pitying looks. Sympathy would make it harder. As the door closed on Ronnie, Danielle and Roxy were alone to discover what they were all about.


	43. Chapter 43

Roxy watched the door, waiting until she knew that Ronnie would be a fair distance away before she turned back to Danielle. The way Danielle had flinched away from Ronnie. Well it wasn't really that surprising given how Ronnie had treated her at the wedding, she had viciously shaken her, screaming that she was wrong. Roxy hadn't seen that sort of anger from Ronnie, perhaps ever. Even when Ronnie had discovered about her and Jack there hadn't been a violent outburst like that. Roxy herself had been a little afraid of Ronnie at the wedding, she couldn't imagine how frightened and hurt this little girl must have been. Yet still, the way Danielle was reacting to Ronnie unsettled Roxy. One minute they seemed fine and then the next it was uncomfortable to even watch them.

"So what was all that about?" Roxy hadn't meant for her tone to be so accusing but there were still issues lingering within her about Danielle. She planned to push them aside and ignore them but she still felt some resentment towards the girl. She had lied to Ronnie, to all of them for months, she had taken away Roxy's father, yes that was unfair on Danielle but Roxy still felt it, and she had tried to kill herself. It was a lot to take in as well as the hold Danielle had on Ronnie and the risk of this child taking Ronnie away from Roxy.

"What do you mean?" Danielle asked, feigning ignorance, trying to avoid having to address the strained relationship which Danielle wasn't even sure was there with Ronnie. She really didn't need or want the pressure of anybody else involved.

"You know what. Jumping away from Ronnie like she's going to smack you." Roxy stated, not breaking her stare from Danielle despite the fact that Danielle was prepared to reciprocate in the slightest. Roxy tried to work out her niece. Was she playing Ronnie, toying with her, trying to hurt her? Or was she just scared? Part of Roxy suddenly wondered how she could be so callous to her niece. She had just hours ago, not even a day ago, seen this very girl lying unconscious drenched in blood, the girl was barely stable and Roxy was here interrogating her.

"Nothing." Danielle gasped defensively, "It's nothing, it's just difficult with her is all." Danielle admitted shamefully. She was starting to get tired now. Everything was being questioned and nobody seemed to understand that she didn't have any answers. It had only been a few hours since she had woken up and everybody expected her to be clear, to be able to fix everything. Why couldn't they understand that she needed someone to do that for her? Someone to make it all go away for a while.

"I know she was a cow at the wedding but hasn't she proved by now how much she cares?" Roxy was snapping again and she knew it, she could see Danielle edging away from her, the numbers on the machines steadily rising as Danielle's heart began to beat rapidly in panic.

"It's…it's not like that. It's not that easy. There's a lot you don't know. I don't even know what's going on, I don't know how I feel, I don't know how she feels. It's not like you think." Danielle's words rushed out in her confused panic. She had always got along with Roxy but now she felt that this was not just the Roxy she knew, this was Ronnie's sister.

"Since she gave her baby up she's been miserable. What you did to yourself last night scared the hell out of her. It scared me too but Ronnie, she thought you were going to die. She thought it was all over." Roxy blurted out. "Do you remember it? Like any of it?"

Danielle rubbed her hands through her hair, she could feel how matted it was becoming and could tell that it was hanging limply and greasily after the night. If she was honest with herself there was very little that she could remember. It was so hazy, even the wedding was becoming hazy as Danielle's exhaustion began to grow. But since the pills, nothing was clear. The drugs had caused large black holes in her memory.

"Not really. I remember…taking…I remember doing what I did. Then the lounge. Ronnie being there, you shouting. And that's it." Danielle said. She was intimidated by Roxy but Roxy had always been honest with her, she had always been kind and Danielle tried to give her the same courtesy.

Roxy sighed. Ronnie had completely opened herself up to Danielle, and Danielle remembered none of it. None of the tears, the promises, the love that Ronnie had shown. Perhaps she couldn't blame the girl for being messed up, after all the last significant thing before the attempt that Danielle would probably remember was how Ronnie treated her at the wedding. Roxy knew that Ronnie had always had it in for Danielle. Those cruel comments Ronnie had made about her at the family meal before, the way Ronnie always shot her down. What if it was Amy? What if Amy had done what Danielle had done? Roxy would hate to think that Ronnie would treat Amy as harshly as she herself was now treating Danielle.

"She loves you alright? I know it's hard to see sometimes, but all last night, she never left your side. She didn't want to let you go. Your whole life she's been miserable without you. Give her a chance yeah?" Roxy emplored, her voice now softened. She cocked her head to one side as she spoke to Danielle.

"I can't imagine how hard this is for you, I know I can't pretend to know but you can do it. I think you can." Roxy was pushing herself to think of nothing but Danielle and Ronnie. It was so recently she had seen Danielle so close to death. Now wasn't the time for anything else but them.

"At least you did what I said. You got in her face and told her!" Roxy laughed, sensitive situations never stayed that way for long with Roxy, she didn't like things getting too emotional. She watched Danielle look both amused and still scared.

"'S'what Mitchell's do, like I said. I can't believe you didn't say anything though. How could you have kept quiet so long? If it'd been me I would've just blurted it out straight off. Wasn't it hard?" Roxy questioned, feeling curious as was typical of Roxy. She wanted the gossip, the secrets, all the inside information.

"Yeah. But I just wanted to get to know her. For her to maybe like me and then I thought it would be easier to tell her. I thought if we could be friends then it would be easier," Danielle stuttered. Talking to Roxy was getting easier but talking about Ronnie was always hard. Roxy interjected,

"But she just pushed you away?" Roxy guessed, a sympathetic smile playing on her lips. She watched as Danielle nodded, seeming surprised that Roxy had apparently read her thoughts.

"You got to understand Dan, that isn't about you. No matter how nice you are or how much she likes you, she doesn't let anyone in…." Roxy tried to explain her sister's guard, the fears of being hurt, the way that Ronnie was but she barely understood it herself so trying to explain it to somebody else wasn't exactly easy. She was saved though from having to delve deeper by Danielle.

"Can we talk about something else? It's just all too soon. And me and Ronnie, we have to work this out, just me and her." Roxy was taken aback by the strength of Danielle's voice. She still sounded scared but on this point she seemed sure of herself. She cared about this girl, despite all the doubts, but she couldn't hold back what was about to spill from her lips. Perhaps it was because she cared, or perhaps it was protective jealousy, not wanting to share Ronnie,

"Why did you do it? I don't get it. You almost died. How could you put us all through that when we only just found you? How could you let Ronnie lose you again? How could you do that to yourself?" Roxy exclaimed. She just didn't understand, couldn't comprehend how Danielle could have hurt herself in that way, how she could be selfish enough to hurt Ronnie so much. Danielle's actions were so difficult for Roxy to even fathom. She couldn't imagine ever being in a place where she would consider doing that. And considering the things Roxy had done in her time, especially the destructive things, it was a feeling which was foreign to Roxy.

"Because everything fell apart. I didn't know what I was doing. She broke…she…a lot happened. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I didn't. I'm sorry. I am Roxy." Danielle's hands were moving wildly as her eyes crinkled and it looked like she may break into tears. Her words were rushed and her breathing becoming more rapid. Roxy immediately regretted being so demanding with her so quickly. Despite the fact she kept telling herself to think of them she had still kept pushing.

"Alright, ok, look it's alright. I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry alright? It's ok, yeah?" She wanted to take back what she had said. Everyone had let this girl down, if Roxy should be there for anybody it should be Danielle right now. She put her hand on Danielle's knee to settle the shaking girl.

"Sorry yeah? I'm just worried you know? You're my niece after all and I want you to be safe, alright? I don't want to lose you again. I'm going to have to keep an eye on you. You seem to make a habit of going missing!" Roxy joked, bringing Danielle into a loose one armed hug. Danielle pulled back at first, reluctant to give herself over to anybody but Roxy soon playfully shook her and forced her into a joking hug.

Soon the two women fell into a little routine, it wasn't without it's moments of awkwardness but they had been happy and comfortable with each other before the revelation and they soon fell back into it. Roxy was surprised at how much she was enjoying playing the aunt. She had already painted Danielle's toenails and soon moved onto her fingernails, making sure to leave one unpainted underneath the hospital clip. They talked about Amy, about men and about nights out they had each had. Roxy regaled Danielle with drunken tales of herself and some of Ronnie in Ibiza, Danielle told Roxy about all the nights out with Stacey, she had never been a drinker before then.

"You know where I am yeah?" Roxy ventured, letting the conversation take a more serious note but she didn't drop her smile. She watched Danielle's wide eyes look up at her questioningly before she yawned widely. Roxy laughed at her.

"You know, if you need me or just want to chat or a night out or whatever, I'm there yeah? And so's Amy. Just remember that, yeah? Whenever." Roxy finished determinedly. She was glad to have been able to say it before Ronnie got back. She knew how difficult Ronnie could be and had finally sorted out her decision. Her sister and niece, both happy; that was what was important. She was an aunt now, and Amy had a cousin, she'd try and make it up to Ronnie, make up for all the mistakes and make sure her niece would be happy now. After everything she deserved it.


	44. Chapter 44 Said It All Take That

It was beginning to get dark outside. The lamp had been turned on a while ago in Danielle's hospital room. Ronnie had returned, still dressed down, not a touch of makeup on her face despite Roxy having brought some for her. For some reason, Ronnie didn't want to fix herself up, partly though being so tired and partly because it felt like putting on a mask, something she was trying determinedly not to do.

The three had been sat in comfortable small talk for a while as the sun had dipped below the skyline of East London. Streetlamps were lit outside and the noise of the hospital was winding down as patients began to relax into the night routine of the ward. Roxy was humming quietly to herself under her breath as she held Ronnie's hand in hers, delicately painting each nail as Ronnie watched her, studying her, a softness in her eyes. Danielle was curled up on the bed trying to keep herself awake but happily silent, just taking in the company of her family. Ronnie kept telling Danielle to sleep, that they would still be there when she awoke, but Danielle would just mumble that she was awake, she wasn't tired. She didn't bother opening her eyes as she spoke.

The head of the bed was still propped up and Ronnie was leant against it. Danielle had moved a pillow down where the bed was flat, beside Ronnie's hip and was curled there. Her knees hunched up and were against one of Roxy's where she sat cross legged on the bed.

"Do you want us to move so you can get some sleep?" Ronnie asked sweetly to Danielle, leaning slightly to look into her face. Danielle's eyes didn't open but her head moved in tiny movements from side to side. Ronnie knew that Danielle was drained and wanted to ensure that she would get rest and get better as quickly as she could. She wasn't sure though what to do to make her sleep, every few minutes Danielle would clench and unclench her hands which were up under her cheek, as if she was purposely trying to keep herself awake.

"No, m'fine. Not tired. I'm awake." Danielle drawled in a bit of a slur. It was like a sleepy toddler denying they needed a nap. Ronnie smiled down at her, watching her still closed eyes. Danielle let out a large yawn, her nose crinkling and her face going pink as she did. It wasn't a toothless yawn but the whine at the end was still present, much smaller and more clipped but enough to shoot the memories back through Ronnie.

Danielle tried to stifle her yawns but to no avail, all that did was make the end of the yawn squeak. She would have been embarrassed if she could have summoned the energy.

"Oh, yes, you're bouncing off the ceilings alright. How could I have missed that?" Ronnie joked back to Danielle, her hands still trapped by Roxy painting her nails. Ronnie focused her attention back on Roxy who was silently smirking at them as she worked and missed Danielle opening her eyes to give a fake scowl.

"Hello, how's everyone doing?" Beamed a nurse as she walked into the room. None of the women recognised her, although Danielle hardly made the effort to look, a small turn of the head and one eye cracked open before settling herself back to her original state. Ronnie guessed that there must have been a shift change. The nurse quickly confirmed this and introduced herself before checking Danielle's pulse and rates.

"Visiting hours ended a while ago I'm afraid and Danielle should really get some rest," the nurse said as she changed the bag on Danielle's drip. "Any pain Danielle? You're still dehydrated and we'll need to take some more blood to check your levels soon I'm afraid." The only response from Danielle was a groan as she put her hands in front of her face. The nurse was middle ages and quite matronly. She was obviously kind and a very motherly woman but was at the same time quite brisk and definitely not one to stand for any nonsense.

Ronnie placed her hand onto the bandage on Danielle's wrist and brushed her thumb back and forth to comfort Danielle whilst still looking between her nails being painted and the nurse as she poked around at the needle in Danielle's other arm. Danielle gave sleepy noises of pain and annoyance.

"Can you be a little gentler please?" Ronnie frowned at the nurse who looked up in surprise. She apologised but was obviously in a rush. She spared a few minutes to talk to a fairly unresponsive Danielle before turning back to Ronnie and Roxy.

"How about you two get yourselves home?" She began as Roxy put away the nail varnish and Ronnie blew on her newly painted nails.

"No, I'd like to stay. I'm staying with Danielle until she's better." Ronnie replied, not looking up from her nails. She would not let anybody in the room see her eyes, she knew they would show how scared she was. The thought of leaving Danielle all alone deeply saddened her, she had been alone for so long. She didn't want to leave her again. But she didn't want to be alone herself either. The last time in a hospital that she had lost sight of her baby it had been nineteen years until she had her back. She was afraid of losing her. Afraid to let go.

"Visiting hours were over about two hours ago," the nurse continued awkwardly. It was clear that she didn't want to separate the trio but rules were rules and she could also see that Danielle needed rest and wasn't getting it with the two blondes sat in there with her.

"I'll keep an eye on Danielle. You don't have to worry," she tried to placate the mother of the girl who was clearly ignoring them all. "But Danielle needs rest and it's best if we let her settle for the night now. Visiting hours start again at 9am."

"Excuse me, she is my daughter and I plan to stay with her. She's injured and you think I should choose now to leave her?" Ronnie barked at the nurse, feeling desperate to make up for all the time that she had missed and knowing that the nurse was right was frustrating her.

"I'm sorry Ms. Mitchell, Ronnie isn't it? Honestly this is just the hospital rules. Tell you what, if you want another half an hour and then pop in half an hour before visiting times tomorrow, I'll be on shift and I'll let you straight to see her?" The nurse ventured her deal with Ronnie, she really hated separating families. It would be so much easier if they could stay, but the rules were there for a reason.

Danielle wanted to sit up and confront them both. She wanted to scream that she was still in the room. They were talking about her as if she wasn't even there. Did nobody care what she wanted?

Ronnie finally conceded and agreed with the nurse that she'd go and get some rest and come back the next morning. The nurse quietly left the room, telling Danielle that she would be back to take blood before Danielle slept.

"Danielle? Sweetie? You still awake?" Ronnie whispered as she bent low to speak to Danielle who hadn't bothered moving since the nurse had relented in her prodding. Roxy was busy sorting out things to leave for Danielle and things to take back. There wasn't really much to sort but Roxy didn't want to be involved in Ronnie and Danielle's moment so she made it last as long as she could.

"Yeah." Danielle sighed, opening her eyes. The situation with the nurse and Ronnie had seemed to ruin her comfortable lethargy and now she felt angry and restless although she wasn't quite sure why. But she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep any time soon.

"Are you ok with me going? I'll be back in the morning as soon as I can. If you want me to. Or…?" She trailed off not sure what she was even planning to say. She didn't want to leave. Tearing herself away from Danielle right now was like tearing off a limb to leave behind. She shuffled herself down to half lie, half sit on her side, her head propped on an elbow facing Danielle.

"Yeah I'll be fine." Danielle replied. "Have been for nineteen years haven't I?" She added under her breath. She didn't know if Ronnie heard it all but she definitely caught some if the shocked look on her face was anything to go by. Danielle felt immediately guilty. She didn't know where these things kept coming from, but it was like now that she knew how to hurt Ronnie, now that she had that power she couldn't help but use it. There was a strange pleasure in hurting Ronnie, making her feel the way she had made Danielle feel for so long. But Danielle didn't mean to and it frustrated her that she seemed to have no control. No control over her emotions or her actions. There was just so much bubbling under the service, so many emotions and so many things that had happened. It was like the more she held in the more anger spilled out at Ronnie.

"You know I don't want to go. You know that don't you?" Ronnie ventured. She chose to ignore Danielle's earlier comment, it would hurt too much to acknowledge it and there was nothing she could say back anyway. Now wasn't the time to talk things through. She reached out and ran a single fingertip down Danielle's cheek as if tracing a tear which was not there, before brushing it under her chin angling her head slightly to line up their views. She wanted Danielle to look into her eyes, to see that she meant it.

"Ok." Replied Danielle. She held Ronnie's gaze but didn't want to. She wanted to look away, she tried to tear herself away but felt as if Ronnie was pulling her in, she couldn't force her eyes away from Ronnie. She didn't believe Ronnie. Ronnie hated her, wanted the phantom child she had lost, not Danielle. That was true wasn't it? The more Danielle stared into Ronnie's eyes the more the earlier feelings of love and comfort came forward. The dichotomy frustrated Danielle, she was tired. It was enough for now, she blocked Ronnie out the only way she could, she reached to squeeze Ronnie's hand and closed her eyes. She had meant the gesture just to placate Ronnie, just a way to get rid of her. Once again she was surprised by how right it felt, how complete it made her feel to be connected with her mother. Still, she blocked it out.

Ronnie appreciated the gesture and stroked the little hand held in hers until she felt it pull away. It was enough for now. It had to be. She lifted herself from the bed, allowing herself to smooth down Danielle's hair gently before she turned away from her tired child. Roxy was stood silently by the door pretending not to be there. But seeing Ronnie moving towards her she smiled.

"Right kid, I'll get this one back to you as soon as I can, yeah?" She joked, knowing that she was unlikely to get a response but trying for one anyway. Danielle gave a falsely cheery goodbye but didn't crack her eyes open. Roxy couldn't help but think she just looked like some stroppy teenager. If she was at home and not in hospital, Roxy would be getting some shock tactics to get her out of bed and to stop being a pain.

"Do you want me to bring anything else in for you?" Ronnie asked as she stood beside Danielle's bed, bag in hand. "Anything you want at all? Food, books, films?" Ronnie continued, searching her mind for any knowledge at all of what Danielle liked. There was very little.

"No. Thanks." Danielle muttered, turning slightly and catching her arm under herself, the IV tube getting tangled. She huffed in frustration and chose to sit in pain rather than open her eyes to sort it out and face Ronnie. However, she felt Ronnie taking her injured arm and placing it delicately beside her face, untangling the IV tube as she moved it.

"I lo…" Ronnie began to whisper her words but Danielle loudly and suddenly interrupted. She stopped her from saying the words. She couldn't let her say them.

"Bye. Ronnie." It was forceful enough to stop Ronnie's words and cause Ronnie to turn away in pain, walking towards the door. She was met with Roxy's unreadable stare. Roxy just stared at Danielle. She couldn't believe how she was behaving. If Danielle hadn't been so fragile and probably more importantly if Ronnie hadn't been in the room, Danielle would definitely be getting an earful from her aunt.

Danielle felt guilty about snapping at Ronnie and suddenly she felt terrified that she had pushed her too far. She didn't want to hurt her, not really. Now she was scared that maybe Ronnie would take this as a sign to give up, a sign to leave Danielle all over again. Danielle didn't want that. She just couldn't let her say those words. Her eyes opened like a shot and turned towards the two blondes who had their backs to her, almost out of the door.

"Ronnie," she called out. She watched as her mother turned back towards her, Roxy allowing her only a turn of the head. "Tomorrow right?" she asked weakly, attempting a scared smile. Ronnie just beamed back and replied,

"Tomorrow. I promise."


	45. Chapter 45 Someday Britney Spears

**A/N --- Right...this chapter is dedicated to my reviewers both the faithful and the occasional. This includes but is not limited to:**

Yorkshiregal, McIzziefan, Dodger5339, AngelicAmi, DZ, Katrin1989, ysowl, Eduble, BeckiieEE and Kates2787.

**There are loads of people not mentioned there that should be but writing you all in...well...my typing hands need to be kept strong! lol! ;)**

**Particular thanks though to Yorkshiregal, McIzziefan and JennyK05 for helping me overcome many blocks on my writing, Eduble for CONSTANTLY bugging me asking for spoilers and when I'm going to update! And Kates2787 for her amazing insight into things which have helped me write this so far. **

**All your reviews make me smile so much and they really do mean a lot to me. I love hearing what you all think, your guesses about the plot, your opinions, every word you guys write I read and appreciate and that is ALL reviewers, not just the ones mentioned. **

**So thank you everyone and I really hope you guys carry on reading and reviewing and letting me know how this story is going. I have been worried lately that the quality is slipping a bit so if it is, please let me know.**

**Anyhow...in this chapter (if you have read the spoilers I gave a while back)...Ronnie's ally in the Square comes into it!**

**Enjoy! And thank you all again!**

* * *

As the jeep pulled up in the Square, Roxy took another look over at her sister. Ronnie had alternated between looking panicked and smiling dreamily to herself throughout the journey back. As they had driven away from the hospital Ronnie had almost grabbed the wheel, shouting that she had to go back and that she couldn't leave Danielle. Roxy had had to pull over for fear of crashing the car, and reassure Ronnie that it was just a few hours and Danielle knew that she would be back.

Roxy didn't quite know how to broach the subject of Danielle. Instead she had babbled about how she was looking better and how Ronnie needed sleep. The one thing she didn't talk about was Danielle's behaviour, her emotions. Ronnie asked a few times for Roxy's opinion on how Danielle had seemed and Roxy kept her comments strictly on Danielle's physical condition. Danielle loved Ronnie, but the way she was treating her, Roxy didn't want to get Ronnie's hopes up and at the same time didn't want to be the one to shoot them down.

"You coming in?" Roxy asked as she turned off the engine and turned towards Ronnie, gesturing with a flick of her head towards the Vic. It wasn't really a question even though Roxy had voiced it as one. Roxy had no intention of leaving Ronnie alone and given that the flat wasn't going to be sorted until the next day she didn't want Ronnie going back there yet.

"No." Ronnie sighed. As she looked at the Vic all she could think about were the words that she had said to Danielle in there, not just at the wedding but every time she had been with Amy. Ronnie had yelled, told her to get out, to stay away. So many cruel words spoken in that place. So many things she wished she could take back.

"I'm just going to go home and try and sleep." Ronnie finished. She didn't sound sure of herself though, she was so much quieter than usual. In truth Ronnie didn't find the prospect of her flat much more inviting than the Vic. Everywhere seemed to be linked to memories of Danielle and none were good. Ronnie had her little girl in her life for months and over that entire time she had built not one good memory with her, at least not a substantial one and definitely not one that could come close to cancelling out even a second of the bad.

"No, Ron I want you to stay with me tonight. I don't want you to be on your own." Roxy said, smoothing Ronnie's fringe out of her eyes, the way Ronnie had always done to her.

"I'm fine Rox." Ronnie replied but she knew from one look at Roxy's face that she was having none of it. "I just need some space."

"Well fine," Roxy interjected, "You give yourself a bit of space and then you'll come back here with me alright? Come on, Amy's teething. She needs her Aunt Ronnie to make her feel better yeah, then we can all go and see Danielle together in the morning." Roxy spoke, hoping against hope that playing the Amy card was going to go down well now that Ronnie had Danielle and wouldn't just make her more jealous and upset as it had done pretty much ever since Roxy had got pregnant. Having Danielle back would bring them together, Ronnie, Roxy, Danielle and Amy. That was the hope anyway. Roxy wanted her sister back. She wanted to be an aunt but she also wanted Amy to have her aunt. She knew that up until now Ronnie could never be in Amy's life, not really, but now, now there was hope and Roxy knew she was pushing it but seeing the smile on Ronnie's face she knew it had worked.

"Danielle will like that." Ronnie said absently. Roxy rolled her eyes when she realised that Ronnie was obviously only half listening to her, her mind still enraptured with thoughts of only her daughter. Roxy snapped her fingers just millimetres from Ronnie's eyes and earned herself a startled jump and the resulting glare from her sister.

"Right so you'll come back to the Vic in a bit yeah?" Roxy asked, opening her car door prompting Ronnie to do the same. Ronnie smiled a small and obviously false smile but conceded and agreed. Roxy rushed around the jeep and faced Ronnie. Without hesitation she put her hand to the back of Ronnie's head and pulled it down to kiss her forehead.

"Don't forget, you're coming here. I'm waiting up for you." And with that Roxy walked into the Vic. She knew that Ronnie would have to stay true to her word when Roxy realised that Ronnie's flat keys were still in her pocket.

Ronnie was sat down in the café. She had walked aimlessly through the park but was so tired that couldn't face walking any longer. She could feel Ian Beale's eyes on her even though her back was turned to him as she sat in the alcove behind the door. She could hear Jane's whispers faintly as she obviously either joined his gossip or chided him for it. Neither would have mattered. Ronnie knew that everyone must be talking about her, she could handle it, but she was worried about them talking about Danielle, worried about how Danielle would cope.

The café was quiet, it was getting late into the night and only a few faces still lingered at the tables, none particularly interesting. Ronnie sat poking her bacon sandwich with her little finger nail. She had thought she should eat something after only having had a sandwich but now it was in front of her it was far from appealing. Grease smeared itself onto her nail at each jab she ventured into the sandwich. She wished she hadn't already finished her tea. Tea, not coffee, Ronnie hadn't thought it was possible to have too much coffee but after the last twenty four hours she couldn't face another cup.

As the night ticked on Ronnie stayed sat, staring into her untouched sandwich picking apart the polystyrene cup into a pile on the table in front of her. Her mind was on Danielle, what was she doing, was she managing to sleep? Would she have nightmares? Had she had them when she was small? When she did who did she call out to? Did she ever want her mum, her real mum? Was she still ok? What if her breathing had become depressed again? She was all alone. Ronnie ran through all of the things that Danielle could be doing or feeling. It always came back to one thing though. She was alone, just like before, when the only place she should be was with Ronnie, by her side, with her mum.

"Thought you could use another."

The voice barely broke over Ronnie's thoughts and she blinked upwards at the intruder. Tanya stood holding out a cup of tea, a sympathetic smile on her face. Ronnie blinked and her lips twitched upwards at the edge, it wasn't a smile, just a twitching attempt at one. After a long moment of the two women staring at one another, Ronnie blankly, her eyes lost to the situation seemingly not knowing what to make of the world and Tanya with a gentle smile to Ronnie. Slowly, Ronnie accepted the cup and wrapped both hands around it, taking in the comfort of heat from the tea.

"How's Danielle?" Tanya asked cautiously. She had heard about what had happened at the wedding and from Max she had heard about the horrific state that Danielle had been in as she had been carried by the paramedics out of Ronnie's flat. But since then nobody had heard a whisper of Danielle's condition, despite Ian's best efforts and the efforts of others in the Square, some caring, but most just looking for gossip.

Ronnie looked up at her once again, squinting as if trying to work out her motivations. Her and Tanya had never been close but they had had their moments of genuine acquiescence. She sighed and slumped down on her chair.

"Better. She's doing better. Thanks." Ronnie sighed, slouching slightly in her chair and looking towards the empty chair across from her which, seeing her glance, Tanya promptly moved into. Tanya gestured at Jane for herself to have a tea as well and then looked back towards Ronnie who was eyeing hers as if daring herself to drink it, daring herself to accept kindness.

"Did you really not know?" Tanya ventured. It was risky, Ronnie Mitchell was always a person not to be crossed and her personal life was kept vehemently private, but Tanya wasn't trying to push for information, she was worried about Ronnie. "Sorry, that's none of my business." Tanya corrected, shaking her head slightly as she realised that it was probably the last thing that Ronnie wanted to talk about.

Ronnie had her eyes narrowed at Tanya but slouched back even further in her hair, her armed stretched straight out before her on the table, playing with the string of the teabag poking out from the fresh cup.

"No, I really didn't." She sighed resignedly. "Do you really think any of it would have happened if I did?" She snapped before looking down, unsure of how many ears were now trained on their conversation. Tanya looked at the floor awkwardly.

"She's a nice girl. You should be proud Ronnie. Really." Tanya implored but quickly closed her mouth when Ian came over with her tea, choosing to linger on a nearby table under the pretence of cleaning it to try and listen in on what was being said.

"Uh, excuse me. Private conversation here, Jane get rid of him will you?" Tanya called across the café, watching as Jane came over and tried to drag Ian off, back to behind the counter. Ian put up a fight, ranting about how he owned the place but he soon gave in to whatever Jane had whispered to him. Tanya smiled over at Ronnie again who through the entire exchange had kept uncharacteristically quiet.

"She's always got a smile on her face, Danielle. See her on Stacey's stall a lot. She seems lovely." Tanya said, not sure where she was even going with what she was saying.

"Yeah, she is. She's perfect." Ronnie said, allowing herself an indulgent smile which Tanya was glad to see but it faded almost instantly. "Not really down to me though is it?" Ronnie muttered almost to herself, admitting that no matter how perfect Danielle may be, Ronnie had had no part in that, as much as she may have wanted to.

"I can't imagine going through what you have. I mean Lauren, Abi and Oscar, I can't imagine not knowing them, being away from them for so long. I mean now with Lauren is hard enough." Tanya ventured. It was hard for Ronnie to listen to, a 'real mother' talking about children she had raised, Ronnie wanted so much for that to have been her and Danielle but it never could be, she could never change the past. But she realised as Tanya spoke that she was missing Lauren as much as Ronnie herself was longing for Danielle. It was an understanding between the two women, two mothers who's children were away, alone and who wanted nothing more than to have them back.

"I know it's not the same, but with Lauren away, it's hard. Every day wondering if she's alright, if she wants me there and knowing that she probably doesn't. I can't imagine what it's been like for you all these years but now with Danielle in hospital, I mean, you know now, she's in your life. That's got to be good hasn't it?" Tanya searched Ronnie's face for any acknowledgement as she sipped her tea.

Ronnie's eyebrows raised and she nodded, still staring at her tea rather than at Tanya.

"Yeah, yeah it's good…if she still wants me." Ronnie admitted, each word delicately enunciated.

"I heard about what happened at the wedding," Tanya began slowly, not sure how to broach the subject. She saw Ronnie's wry smile and Ronnie gave a small laugh as if to say 'who hasn't'. "But I mean, Danielle wanted you to know who she was? Have you spoken to her about it yet? Is she awake and everything?"

The two women carried on their conversation, Ronnie's tones muted and hushed as they both knew to keep quiet, away from anybody eavesdropping on the conversation. Ronnie surprised herself as she began to tell Tanya about finding Danielle, about what had happened on the platform and about how the two had interacted since Danielle had awoken. Ronnie was never one to open up but suddenly, when she needed it, Tanya was there, a fellow mother, somebody else missing their child, someone else who didn't know if their own daughter would want to see her again. It was a delicate friendship, one that was very new and foreign to both women but each was finding a small comfort in the words of the other, an unspoken bond forming over the shared pain, a mother's pain.

Seeing Ronnie in this way, as a grieving mother made her seem so much more human to Tanya. She had never been much intimidated by the woman as others had been but now she saw Ronnie as so similar to herself, and the smiles that Ronnie gave as they chatted, completely changed Ronnie's face, she looked so different now. And yet still so fragile. She couldn't believe how much Ronnie had been through, her behaviour made so much sense when you unravelled the years of pain and mistrust, the broken dreams and shattered heart of Ronnie Mitchell.

"Roxy's going to bring Amy in to see her to. Danielle loves Amy, she's the perfect cousin to her, always looking after her." Ronnie spoke, both women now sharing more warm details of their children. It was an amazing feeling for Ronnie to be able to speak proudly about her little girl.

"Ah, I'll have to get her to come and take Oscar off my hands for a bit. And Abi while she's at it." Tanya joked. She saw Ronnie's face melt into an almost awe at her. Tanya was almost scared by how sweetly and admiringly Ronnie was looking at her, it was so unlike Ronnie, the hard and untouchable Ronnie Mitchell.

Ronnie was so touched by the fact that Tanya, even after knowing what Danielle had done to herself, would offer to trust Danielle with the most precious things in her life. Ronnie still saw the flawless angel that was her little girl, the bubbly and happy young women who had first shown her face on the Square but she was afraid that others would just see the damaged teenager who had screamed down the Vic and then hurt herself so grievously. She was so glad for even one person still seeing the Danielle that she saw.

"She would…if you wanted,I think. She's great with kids. She's brilliant with them." Ronnie smiled, staring into space for a second before turning back to the remnants of her tea, grimacing as she realised that the dregs she was drinking were cold.

"Yeah, I do mean it you know. If she wants to earn a bit more cash and saddle herself with trouble then I could always use some help with him when I'm working." Tanya smiled, she was strangely enjoying her newfound relationship with Ronnie, they seemed to be on the same wavelength, they had more in common that they had ever thought, especially with Lauren and Danielle both away, both breaking their hearts unknowingly.

"If she stays." Ronnie muttered, once again her own thoughts and fears pushing to the surface. The doubt, the uncertainty of their future was hanging over her and she knew that it always would. Until Danielle was safe in her arms, living with her, having their perfect relationship, the fears would always haunt. Having a child torn away from you would confound these doubts and make them live on. It could not be forgotten and Ronnie knew that she would always fear losing Danielle again, no matter how close they became.

"Ronnie, I can't talk for Danielle but just be there for her, be what she's been looking for. Let her do everything when she wants, at her pace and on her terms and…I really think she'll want it all as much as you. You'll be a great mother Ronnie. Danielle knows that or she wouldn't have stayed." Tanya reached her hand out tentatively to touch Ronnie's. Ronnie flinched slightly at the touch but smiled back at Tanya, grateful for a friend, especially now. Ronnie Mitchell doesn't do friends, a voice in her head reminded her. But she wasn't the same woman anymore. She was Danielle's mother.

"I hope so." Ronnie replied with a soft smile. "I'd do anything for her."

"She'll see that. You got to be honest with kids, especially teenagers. Unfortunately they see right through the lies. They have this way of knowing, digging out the truth, all the things you want to keep from them." Tanya laughed. "She'll see that you mean it. She's a good kid as well, she won't let you down."

"Maybe," Ronnie sighed sadly, "But maybe I hurt her too much for her to forgive me. I just want her back." She was once again shocked by her own honesty, especially as she felt her eyes welling up. "Sorry." She began to laugh embarrassedly, "Sorry, I don't know why I'm saying all this."

"No. It's alright. It's nice to hear. It's good to know that me and Lauren…well there's someone who feels the same." Tanya said. "Tell you what, how about something a bit stronger than tea? And a bit further away from Ian Beale?" Tanya laughed, watching as Ian once again edged his way closer to them to try and get the inside information. Ronnie joined Tanya in laughter. It was nice to feel understood, it had been so long, so many years since Ronnie had felt like she had an ally, somebody on her side, somebody that saw beneath the shield.

"Yeah, I promised Roxy I'd go back at the Vic," Ronnie said rolling her eyes at her little sister's sudden protective streak.

"Well then, a couple of drinks at the Vic it is." Tanya beamed.

The two women moved from their table and Ronnie attempted to pay Jane, who told her in no uncertain terms that the drinks were on the house, much to Ian's disapproval. He could still be heard shouting the odds about people trading on his sympathy as Ronnie and Tanya walked side by side down to the Queen Victoria. It wasn't a firm friendship, it wasn't a magical and perfect union of souls but it was a small bond, an understanding and the beginning of the mutual support that both mothers needed.


	46. Chapter 46

Wind rushed over the Square, sweeping debris in its path, the morning light was brightening as the sun began to show from behind clouds. The stalls were just beginning to open and Stacey was busy shouting at Mo over her lack of discretion about Danielle. Stacey had already been approached by four different people since she had left the hospital the day before, all wanting the latest updates about the not so secret Mitchell.

Archie stood on the sidelines, he watched the Square coming to life and couldn't believe how wrong things had gone. His girls had all turned their backs on him. When Ronnie hadn't returned to the Vic with Danielle, Roxy had tried to call her. So had Phil but no reply came. Soon Peggy had just demanded that Archie was removed from her sight and Phil had promptly obliged. He had appealed to Roxy, to his little princess and she had simply looked away, unable to look him in the eye, tears rolling down her cheeks. Oh, how the mighty had fallen. Archie had once been the hero in Roxy's eyes, once upon a time he had been in Veronica's as well. Now, well, he wasn't going to give them up without a fight. Not either of them.

It had been a fitful night for Archie and the next day he had spent away from the bustle of the Square, hiding his face, working out his next move. He had been thrown from the Vic and walked aimlessly for an hour or two before moving into the Bed and Breakfast, his mind working in overdrive to try and assess the damage done and work out how he could get back in control of the situation. Any sleep he tried to get was soon shattered as the noise of sirens filled his ears. He was still in his morning suit from the wedding, he hated being like this, unshaven, same clothes as two days before. This was not his life, he had worked too hard, come too far to resort to this.

He had passed Veronica's flat twice and she had not emerged from its confines, he had seen no light on, no movement within. Archie guessed that she may be at the Queen Vic or perhaps had even gone to the Slater's with Danielle. The Bed and Breakfast he had stayed in had been the very same one that he knew his granddaughter had been staying in, he had heard Stacey come to collect her things, informing the landlady that Danielle would be staying with her now, but he had not shown his face, choosing instead to plan.

Now he stood, at the edge of the Square, looking in. He kept his distance, no plan was formulated yet, he was out of ideas, no clue as to how to set things straight. He watched Stacey setting up the stall, Danielle was nowhere to be seen. Odd as she had been almost joined at the hip with her before Archie had begun his little chats with the girl. Still, it was only to be expected he supposed. Now that Danielle and Ronnie knew who they were and what they meant to each other, Danielle had a new hip to be attached to.

Archie made his way through the market stalls, he was careful to avoid too many people and definitely avoiding the Vic and Stacey also, it was too soon to face them yet. He stopped suddenly when he heard Danielle's name being mentioned.

"…Danielle causing all that commotion at the wedding reception. Yeah well that was only the start wasn't it!" Archie tried to look around subtly to find out who it was saying the words but his views ended on a stall trader he didn't know. They were talking to somebody who was the other side of the stall blocked from his view, he recognised the voice but couldn't quite place it, not that he tried much. The important part was what was being said.

"Well yeah, not only is she a Mitchell…what you didn't know? Yeah, Ronnie Mitchell's the girl's mum. Gave her away though as a baby. Don't even want to think about how young Ronnie must have been when she had her, no more than a kid herself I'd say."

Archie laughed mirthlessly to himself, 'no more than a kid herself' well that was right. He felt ashamed that his family was being spoken about like this. He had known from the second he had discovered his little angel was pregnant that they would face this, the shame, the dishonour. A child getting herself pregnant, it wasn't what he wanted for his Veronica and she had let him down.

"Well there she was shouting the odds at the woman, saying all this, that she was her daughter and all and that Mitchell woman threw her out. Well, no-one knew what to say. Only later, she found out Danielle was telling the truth, that Archie had lied to her or something, told her the kid was dead didn't he? I don't know. Well she ran out of here and that was the last of it, or we thought it was…"

Archie craned his neck trying to listen without drawing attention to himself. He was glad for all the stalls, he stood pretending to be interested in something on the stall closest to him that had just been set up. As far as he knew, the gossip ended at the wedding but apparently he was wrong.

"Well, a couple of hours later and there were sirens everywhere and Danielle was carried out of Ronnie's flat. Covered in blood she was, completely unconscious and then out comes Ronnie Mitchell, head to toe in blood too, walks into the ambulance with that sister of hers by her side and it drove off. Everyone thought Ronnie had done something to the girl, God knows Danielle wouldn't have been able to defend herself, not against a Mitchell."

Archie felt himself unconsciously moving closer, Danielle had come out of Ronnie's flat unconscious, how had he not been aware of this?

"Turns out the girl tried to off herself, in Ronnie's flat no less. Well story goes that Ronnie came home to find her that way. Poor kid, those Mitchells really did a number on her. She was a sweet girl."

"Was?" Archie heard the market trader asking the question that he himself wanted to ask. Was Danielle still around? He didn't actually know what answer he was hoping to hear.

"She ain't going to be a sweet girl for much longer is she, not with them Mitchells around her all the time. Ronnie hasn't left the hospital since she went in. Danielle's awake now though. Nobody knows what made her do it exactly. Only that there was all that stuff at the wedding, a couple of hours goes by, Ronnie's out at the club getting herself into a proper state and then poor Danielle being taken out of her flat. Been trying to find out what happened in those hours to Danielle, I'd put money on those Mitchells having done something else to her though. Bad bunch, the whole lot of 'em. Heard Ronnie's changed though when it comes to Danielle. Apparently she's acting all like a real mother to the girl. What that family put that poor girl through just doesn't bear thinking about."

Archie's face cracked into a smile for a second, only a second. So Danielle had tried to kill herself. Looks like he wasn't so wrong when he'd said she was disturbed.

"Ronnie! Ron get out of the bathroom I'm bursting!" Roxy shouted through the door to her sister, banging her fist on the frame and wiggling the handle as she fidgeted from one foot to the other. She slammed her fist against the door once again. "RONNIE!"

Peggy walked out from her bedroom looking much the worse for wear in the early morning. "Keep it down love, you'll wake the whole Square. What's all this about anyway?" She muttered. It had been hard for Peggy to accept what had happened at the wedding and if it hadn't been for what was happening with Danielle, Peggy would have gone when Sal left, just to get away from it all. But with the family in tatters she knew that her place was there, holding them together. It didn't mean however, that she was willing to endure a loud and grumpy Roxanne Mitchell first thing in the morning.

"I'm bursting for the loo, I'm covered in baby sick," Roxy began ranting. She had never been a morning person and with Amy having been up most of the night teething and her morning feed having had a somewhat explosive ending she was less than impressed at how the day was going. She turned towards the door to carry on shouting at Ronnie, "and _Ronnie_ won't get out of the bleeding bathroom!"

Peggy looked at Roxy about to speak when the door flew open to reveal Ronnie, holding a towel tightly around her and giving a sarcastic smile to her sister.

"All yours." She smiled, tapping Roxy's cheek with her open hand, knowing full well that she was winding up an already flustered Roxy. Old habits were hard to break.

"About time." Roxy huffed, peeling her baby sick covered top off her before she even got into the bathroom.

"Planning on giving Jay a show are you?" Ronnie joked as she stood in the doorway to Roxy's room, watching Roxy begin to reach behind her back to undo her bra. "He was up early this morning, he's around here somewhere, just waiting to catch a glimpse." Ronnie joked. Roxy gave her a strange look before Ronnie closed the door behind her. Roxy wasn't sure why Ronnie was so cheery but despite being glad to see Ronnie finally smile, the overly happy attitude at this time in the morning was grating on Roxy.

When Roxy emerged from the shower she made her way into her room and found Ronnie curled up against the headboard of the bed, a sleeping Amy in her arms. Ronnie was still dressed in loose fitting, comfortable clothes that she had managed to dig out of Roxy's wardrobe. It was clear she was better after a good night's sleep and a shower but she still looked different, more laid back, less preened to perfection. Roxy wiggled her knickers on under her towel and turned back to Ronnie.

"Oh, so she chooses now to sleep. Little madam kept me up half the night." Roxy growled, watching Ronnie stroking Amy's babygrow covered tummy. "You manage to get any sleep through it? I tried to take her out to the lounge but it's like having a banshee in the house."

"Well she gets her lungs from you doesn't she." Ronnie said sarcastically, looking up at a half dressed Roxy. "She's gorgeous Rox, your little girl. You're lucky." There was a deep sadness in Ronnie's eyes as she thought of everything she had missed, but not only that, there was still the fear that she would not only have lost the past but wouldn't get the chance for the future either. Danielle could still leave her.

"Yeah well, doesn't feel lucky sometimes. But Ron, Danielle…she's beautiful, she's kind, she's bleeding stubborn like her mum, she's wonderful Ron, and she's yours. She's really yours." Roxy spoke her words as she sat down on the bed and shuffled next to Ronnie, resting her head on Ronnie's shoulder after kissing Amy's tiny foot.

"She is isn't she?" Ronnie smiled. Roxy burst out laughing, not quite sure which part Ronnie was agreeing with. "Are you going to put anything on over those knickers or are you just going that full out to find yourself a doctor?" Ronnie asked as she realised that her sister next to her was clad only in a t-shirt and some all too small knickers. Roxy gave a very dirty grin and waggled her eyebrows at Ronnie.

"That's your mummy Amy, you tell her to behave herself." Ronnie cooed down to the babe in her arms.

"Ah, tough break kid, I'm your mum and you're going to have to deal with it." Roxy replied to her daughter. "Anyway," she began to add to Ronnie, "it's not just me who's a mum is it? You've got a daughter to think about now. No more getting drunk or taking any old guy home for a quick…" Roxy was quickly interrupted by Ronnie.

"Never stopped you has it?" Ronnie bit back with a wry but good humoured smile as Roxy climbed from the bed in a very unladylike way and pulled on some of the smallest shorts she owned. Obviously, she _was_ trying to find herself a doctor.

"Yeah, well my daughter's too young to be embarrassed. You though, you've got yourself a fully grown teenager. Your very own mini you. God help the world." Roxy was busy adjusting her cleavage, bending down to get a better lift as she arranged herself in her bra.

"She's not much like me. She's so much more than me." Ronnie said as she stared at Amy. She wasn't sure if she was talking to herself or to Roxy but admitting these things was easier when she didn't have to look Roxy in the face, when she could pretend to be talking to Amy. Ronnie made a note to herself to maybe try the tact with Danielle, not force Danielle to look at her as they spoke. It was worth a try.

"You'd be surprised." Roxy huffed, still busy arranging her chest as high in her top as it would go. She looked back at Ronnie in the mirror who was giving her a searching look. "Well it's obvious she's like you isn't it? She's stubborn, she's hiding everything she feels, not letting anyone in. I mean she hid who she really was for god knows how long. Only other person I know who could do something like that is you." The comments were meant well but were slightly cruel at the same time. Ronnie wasn't sure whether to be glad that Roxy was saying that she saw some of Ronnie in Danielle or angry at how her daughter was being spoken about, how she herself was being spoken about.

"But she's great, Ron. I mean it. Her and you are more alike than either of you think. I meant what I said, she's just like you, I can see the old you in her too. How you were before you had her, before…" Roxy sighed and turned around either happy with her efforts of her chest or having given up on it, "I said before. She's yours, all yours. You made that girl Ronnie and she's beautiful. So stop being a right old pain and get yourself out of that door to see her. Let_ her_ deal with the little demon child for a bit."


	47. Chapter 47 I Miss You Darren Hayes

Ronnie and Roxy walked out of the Vic, busily chatting over the wriggling baby in Roxy's arms. They could both tell that Amy was over tired after her antics of the night before and both knew that it wasn't going to be an easy day with her. The only hope was that the car journey would get her off to sleep.

"I need to make a stop before we go to the hospital, a couple of stops actually." Ronnie spoke as she took Amy's nappy bag off Roxy's shoulder, letting Roxy bundle Amy into the car seat.

"Yeah well you can take madam here with you then and I'll kip in the car." Roxy grumbled, the lack of sleep beginning to show through in her attitude already. After the wedding and Danielle she felt like it had been months since she had properly slept.

"Give me a minute and I'll do one of the things here instead ok?" Ronnie asked. She received a curious look from Roxy. Ronnie was glad of the chance though as she walked off leaving Roxy struggling with Amy who's face was becoming redder by the second, signally the imminence of either a screaming fit or the need to be changed.

As Ronnie finished her errand she was told by the woman on the stall to give her a few minutes to get things sorted. Ronnie chose to go and speak to Stacey. It felt strange to choose to converse with Stacey Slater but at the moment she actually felt like a welcoming face, unlike the rest of the Square. It had been hard enough the night before, but now that the Square was coming to life, Ronnie could feel eyes on her, she could hear the whispers as she passed. She prayed that this would blow over by the time Danielle could come back. It would be the last thing Danielle needed, all the petty gossip and if Ronnie was honest with herself she wasn't entirely sure if her daughter could handle it.

"How's Dan?" Ronnie had been about to bring up some idle pleasantries about the weather or Amy but as soon as Stacey had seen her approach she had beaten Ronnie to it.

"She's alright. The same as when you saw her really. You coming in today?" Ronnie asked, knowing that Danielle would want to see her.

"I can't. I want to but I have to run the stall and without Dan here to help it's just me and mum and…well…" Stacey didn't finish the comment but Ronnie nodded, understanding what she meant.

"What does she like Stacey?" The words rushed out of Ronnie's mouth before she had even registered saying them.

"What?" Stacey, who had already turned to sort more of her stock onto rails turned back to Ronnie, wearing a frown, not sure what on earth the woman was on about this time.

"What things does she like? What's her favourite chocolate? Favourite animal? Type of music she likes, television, books, magazines, anything." Ronnie rattled off a list of things that came into her head that she could pick up for Danielle but didn't know about. She shrugged and shook her head as she spoke, one hand open in front of her. Stacey stared at her blankly before shaking her head.

"I don't know do I?" Stacey exclaimed, rolling her eyes. She saw Ronnie's hurt face and huffed. "Ronnie it's not even eight o'clock yet and you're quizzing me about Dan's favourite chocolate? Do you know how mad you sound?" Stacey laughed slightly but then saw that Ronnie was completely serious and wasn't planning on having to ask Stacey again. Stacey sat down on some of the boxes. This wasn't what she had planned for the morning.

"Fine. Right. Dark, she likes dark chocolate. She used to have this cat she hid from Uncle Charlie but she had a dog up in Telford so I guess she likes those animals but you know, it's never come up," Stacey said sarcastically. She was finding the whole exchange frankly quite ridiculous. Danielle loved talking about stupid trivial things, surely Ronnie should just ask her. Ronnie was frantically storing all the information in her mind, any knowledge about Danielle was vital to her.

"She likes indie type music and weird, boring stuff." Stacey muttered, not knowing how to describe the torturous singing of melancholic music she had been subjected to by Danielle at various times. Stacey was a dance girl, club music all the way, and each morning she had been woken to the sound of Danielle singing to herself in the shower some slow, easy listening type song. It wasn't the kind of wake up Stacey enjoyed. It was preferable to this interrogation though. If Stacey was honest she missed Danielle already. She had been in the Bed and Breakfast before the wedding and it felt like a lifetime ago that she and Stacey had shared a room. Stacey already missed having her around and even the early morning singing was something she felt a little sad without.

"Telly, well she usually watched whatever Mum had on. You'll really have to ask her. She has the box sets of 'Sex and the City' though and 'ER' too, though that's probably not exactly a good choice right now." Stacey grimaced jokingly to Ronnie, realising she had put her foot in it a bit. Ronnie's mouth quirked up at the corner, slightly amused by Stacey's comment but it wasn't exactly funny, just a friendly moment.

"I really don't know what else you want me to say Ronnie," said Stacey as Ronnie still watched her expectantly. "You know, I'm her mate and yeah I know stuff about her but I don't get why you don't just ask her all this yourself. Dan loves talking about all this kind of stuff. She never shuts up about this stupid sort of thing. Well, when she's not talking about you." Stacey had been joking and she saw a sad smile come across Ronnie's face at the comment but she noticed how desperate Ronnie seemed about all of this information. "Look, Ronnie seriously just ask her. She'll be glad to talk to you about it. You ask her, she'll tell you, then you can tell her about you, you'll share stories, laugh, talk. That's how conversations work you know." Stacey was back to being sarcastic. She worried that the more she told Ronnie, the less Ronnie would ask Danielle and Stacey knew that Danielle wouldn't want to miss out on those chats.

"Tell her I'll come by and see her tomorrow yeah? And let me know how she is too." Stacey finished, standing from her perch on the pile of boxes and grabbing another handful of clothes to put out.

"I will." Ronnie spoke simply, her reply clipped. She knew that she was being stupid and it wasn't fair on Stacey to try and force information out of her, even such simple and innocent things. "Thanks Stacey. Have a good day yeah? I'll buy you a coffee when I get back. You look like you could use one." She smiled, hoping to form at least a shallow connection with Danielle's best friend, it would make things easier on Danielle. She quickly realised though that she may just have insulted Stacey and hastily tried to back step.

"You should see Roxy, she looks like she could collapse any second and I guess I don't look much better." She tried to be honestly self deprecating to take back her comment. She watched Stacey eye her suspiciously, clearly untrusting of her new friendliness.

Ronnie made her goodbyes and moved swiftly back over to the flower stall, she picked up the oversized bouquet that the woman had made and glanced across the Square as the woman sorted her change. Nothing had changed and yet the whole world looked different. It was an exaggerated view but it was how Ronnie felt, her whole world had changed since she had last been in the Square.

"RONNIE!" A loud blaring car horn that accompanied Roxy's angry shout snapped Ronnie out of her daydream and she laughed as she walked back, seeing Roxy's angry face poking out of the window. The closer Ronnie got to the car, the more clearly she could hear Amy's furious wails and the source of Roxy's aggravation became clear.

Ronnie climbed into the car, the huge bouquet of flowers between her knees as she fastened her seatbelt. She turned to Roxy who was simply staring at her.

"She's not dead, Ron!" Roxy exclaimed, staring at the flowers. Ronnie knew she had gone over the top but nothing was too good for her daughter, especially when Ronnie herself didn't feel anywhere good enough.

"Oh, just drive." Ronnie shouted over Amy's screams. Roxy soon turned the keys in the ignition and they made their way out of the Square towards the hospital.

"She'll love them Ron. But she'll love you anyway. Stop trying so hard." Roxy said, laughing at Ronnie's over enthusiasm when it came to Danielle. The poor girl wouldn't know what hit her with Ronnie constantly on her back. It needed to be said though. It was what Ronnie needed to hear.

The curtains twitched upstairs in the Vic as Peggy looked outwards onto the Square. She watched her nieces drive away and felt a sadness come over her. Just days ago she had been engaged to the man she loved. Ronnie was rebuilding her relationship with her father and everything had been perfect. Now what did she have?

Ronnie was crushed over what had happened with Danielle and had eyes for nothing but her newfound daughter. Roxy was busy spreading herself between her sister and niece and her own fractious child. Billy and Jay were keeping to themselves mostly, but Jay had been suspiciously absent recently, sneaking out in the early hours of the morning and keeping far more too himself than usual. Phil and Ben were all Peggy felt like she had now.

She watched the figure of her husband moving across the Square. Their eyes met and locked onto one another. She glared at him before closing the curtains and letting a tear roll down her cheek. When had their perfect family fallen apart? How could she have missed what Archie had been doing? He had humiliated her and torn apart their family. Peggy wanted him out of Walford and out of their lives for good. But she couldn't stop the ache in her heart when she thought of the man that she still loved.

"Gran? Where are Ronnie and Roxy? Have they left already? I wanted to ask if Danielle was any better." Ben's sad little voice reminded Peggy why she was still there. Too much pain had been inflicted upon them all. She was there to make it better, to protect her family like she always had.


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N --- Thank you all for your great reviews. They honestly do help me write as it's good to know what people are liking and responding to and what they aren't. I appreciate ALL feedback, good and bad. Any comments people have are appreciated greatly!**

**This chapter I had big trouble with and want to thank McIzzieFan for kicking me up the bum and helping me out of my writer's block! It was Ian as a pigeon comparisons and a rather explicit scene revolving around Archie...I think I was scared into writing lol!**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Here we start the beginning of Roxy's story...the catalyst is in this chapter. All the characters I am trying to keep true to how they are in EE and also develop them further and with more depth and complexities so a lot of characters will have their own stories (all involving or affected by or affecting the main story of course.)**

**Let me know what you all think.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Well they're all women aren't they." Roxy moaned as she pulled into the hospital car park. "If I wanted to turn lesbian, some stuffy old matron wouldn't exactly be my first choice, Ronnie." Roxy joked sarcastically. Both women were smiling and Roxy in particular was glad at the quiet that had formed since Amy had fallen prey to the gentle movement of the drive lulling her into sleep, finally.

"Might be someone who could keep you in line," Ronnie laughed, her eyebrow raised at Roxy. She watched as Roxy adjusted the mirrors in the jeep to check her cleavage once again. "Checking they're still there?" Ronnie asked with a simple straight face and a single eyebrow raised.

"Yep." Roxy replied. "You know a bit of show wouldn't hurt you either," Roxy continued, reaching over and pushing up Ronnie's breasts through the large jumper she was wearing. "Just because you've got a kid doesn't mean you shouldn't be getting some." Roxy kept pushing up Ronnie's chest and becoming annoyed when it didn't stay. Ronnie just stared at her icily before slapping her hands away eventually.

"'Getting some' as you so delightfully put it is the last thing on my mind right now. All I care about is my…is Danielle." Ronnie opened the door as she spoke. She picked up the flowers and the large and overflowing bag of things she had picked up for Danielle on the way to the hospital. She was more than slightly weighed down by it all as she made her way through the hospital, Roxy at her side clutching a fast awakening Amy.

"He's a bit of alright." Roxy whispered to Ronnie over her shoulder as she scanned the corridors.

"He's got both his arms in cast Rox!" Ronnie said, exasperated that Roxy seemed to be in heat and was on the prowl for any man she could find.

"It's not his arms I need." Roxy said in a husky voice. Ronnie wasn't sure whether to laugh or cringe at Roxy's behaviour. Though she supposed it wasn't anything unusual. And after Ibiza she had seen her sister do far, _far_ worse.

"You're disgusting." Ronnie laughed, rolling her eyes and speeding up her pace forcing Roxy to skip slightly to catch up with her, still looking over her shoulder at the man she had chosen.

"You're supposed to be here to see your niece, not pick up other patients!" Ronnie admonished as Roxy bounced along beside her still staring back at the man as Amy began to fuss.

"What?" Roxy asked having not listened to a word Ronnie had said since 'arms'.

"Your niece. You know, blonde, about five foot three, answers to the name Danielle. Ring any bells?" Roxy stared at Ronnie blankly, not having the slightest idea what Ronnie was talking about. But as they got closer to the ward she could see Ronnie's shoulders slump slightly and the tension return to her body.

Ronnie had been so happy, she had her little girl back. Danielle was perfect and she was hers just like Roxy had said. But now going back in to see her she had to face the truth that Danielle was hurt and confused and was just as likely to reject her as to welcome her. It was a lot of pressure on them both. Ronnie had hidden in the love for Danielle whilst they had been apart. But now she had to face whatever Danielle was going to throw at her.

As they entered the corridor they were stopped at the nurses desk. There was a bunch of nurses stood hovering around, some with backpacks obviously ready to go home. Nicola called over to Ronnie and Roxy as they walked past.

Ronnie looked harassed at being called over before she was able to reach Danielle's room but she remembered the nurse and it was one that had been friendly, but the look on her face forced a panic to build up within Ronnie.

"What's wrong? Is Danielle ok? What's happened?" Ronnie exclaimed, her voice rising as the worries overtook her.

"She's alright, don't worry. Just, Danielle had a hard night and she's only just fallen asleep, it's best if you don't disturb her for now." Nicola said, her face sympathetic as she watched Ronnie's fall. Ronnie looked down to the bag and flowers she was holding. She'd bought it all for Danielle and now she couldn't even see her.

Amy began to cry, the tension of the situation obviously being felt by the infant. Roxy stood jiggling the baby over her shoulder, her face set with eyebrows down into a frown as she tried to concentrate on what the nurse was saying about Danielle.

"What do you mean a hard night?" Ronnie asked suspiciously as Nicola's words sank in. She had to practically shout to be heard over Amy's wails.

"Why don't we go into the family room quickly?" Nicola said, placing her hand on Ronnie's shoulder. Ronnie glared at her, not wanting to be led away or fobbed off. Amy's insistent cries piercing through her. She shot a look at Roxy who was grimacing at the screams that Amy placed straight into her ear.

The three women walked along the corridor down to the family room but Ronnie stopped as they moved past Danielle's hospital room. Looking in through the window of the room she saw Danielle lying still in the bed, her face red and blotchy, an oxygen mask placed over her mouth and nose.

"What's happened? Why's she on oxygen? What happened to my baby?" Ronnie didn't move from her place at the window, one hand pressed up against it, the other arm holding flowers and bags, her eyes never left Danielle.

"It's really nothing to worry about," Nicola began, she tried to keep her voice down as patients were still sleeping and they were right outside Danielle's door but Amy was drowning out all other noises.

"Ron, come on it's probably nothing." Roxy shouted, trying to angle Amy so that she wouldn't disturb her even more by shouting. She quickly moved back to rocking Amy and shushing her irritably.

"No, I want to know what's going on. What happened? She was fine. When I left she was fine. I didn't want to go, but…" Ronnie's hands rubbed angrily through her fringe and over her face before she trailed off, turning back to place her hand on the window and watching Danielle, her eyes flickering over every part of Danielle that she could see, checking her for anything else wrong.

"Danielle just had a bit of a difficult night but she's fine. If you just come into the family room…" Nicola tried her best not to shout over the screaming child but she needed to be heard as Ronnie wasn't moving, wasn't even looking at anything but Danielle.

"No! No, I want to see her. I should never have left…" Ronnie was shaking her head as she spoke to anyone and no-one.

"Ronnie come on! She's fine just hear what the nurses say, yeah?" Roxy yelled over Amy.

"No! I want to see her. She's alone. She was alone. I left her." Ronnie was completely shouting now, her glares directed at Nicola, Roxy and even Amy.

"Ron, Amy's going mad here, can we just go and sit down? You need to calm down and…" Roxy was cut off in her shouting.

"If Amy won't shut up then you can take her outside." Ronnie snapped harshly at Roxy, her eyes blazing at anyone who could even suggest her taking a mere step away from Danielle.

"Please, if you could keep it down as much as you can, we don't want to wake Danielle." The nurse tried to placate Ronnie and with a hand on her shoulder tried once again to lead her to the family room. This time Ronnie allowed herself reluctantly to be led away, all the while her head turned looking back to the room where Danielle lay.

Amy cried. The screams echoed through the corridor and as the women entered the family room the cries just seemed to get louder. Roxy jostled her and paced back and forth as she tried to quiet the howling baby.

"Why don't you sit down?" Nicola offered, her face flicking from Ronnie to Roxy and the crying child.

"Can you just tell me…" Ronnie began but she was drowned out by Roxy and Amy.

"Shhh…Shhh…Amy what's wrong…come on, shhh." Roxy tried as hard as she could to settle her daughter but the wails just intensified as she paced.

"Danielle is fine, I can assure you there are no problems at all, she's on the…" Ronnie couldn't hear the words that Nicola spoke over the crying of her niece and she held her head in her hands, a dull ache forming in her head and ears at the sound and the stress.

"Why's she on oxygen? What happened?" Ronnie shouted. Roxy was hanging back from her, trying to settle Amy as well as hear what was happening with her niece. She put her free hand on Ronnie's back trying to calm her anxious sister.

"Well she started getting pain in…" Nicola was once again almost unheard as Ronnie strained to hear her over Amy's cries and Roxy's cooing in her ear. Finally Ronnie snapped. She wanted to know about Danielle, she only cared about Danielle and Roxy wasn't a support in that. She turned and her face was stony as she looked at Roxy and Amy. Roxy and her daughter, the baby Ronnie never had.

"For God's sake Roxy, just get out. I can't hear anything over that racket and I just want to know about Danielle." Ronnie screamed, her face getting red as she leant forwards, pointing her finger at both Roxy and Amy, accusing them both. Her anger directed itself at both of them, Roxy for not being the support Ronnie needed, for having a baby in the first place, the baby Ronnie couldn't have and Amy for causing the noise, for being Jack's for not being hers.

"Ronnie, Ron she'll calm down. It's ok, I want to hear, I want to know too…" Roxy was flustered and red as she tried desperately to calm Amy who just wouldn't stop crying. She had never cried like this, never so violently and Roxy was beginning to worry about her as well as Danielle and Ronnie. Tears formed in Roxy's eyes at the anger on her sister's face, the frustration, the worry about everything and the useless feeling that began to come over her. It felt like everybody was falling apart and she was stuck in the middle.

"NO! I want Amy out. Get her out. Get out! GET OUT!" Ronnie screamed violently at Roxy, her hands shook as she vented her rage and fears onto her sister. Roxy's face fell and she looked crushed, looking at the nurse who quickly directed her eyes to the floor, not wanting to become involved in such a delicate and volatile family situation.

Roxy took one more look at Ronnie who was still shaking and staring daggers at her sister and niece. Roxy picked up Amy's nappy bag from where she had dropped it on a chair.

"Fine. You want to be alone in this then fine. Saint Veronica. Always the martyr." Roxy shot her words at her sister, her own anger and frustration at the whole situation spilling out as she watched Ronnie push everyone away again, just like always. Perhaps she was foolish in thinking that Danielle would bring out the best in Ronnie. Maybe Ronnie would never really change.

Roxy stormed to the door but gave one last look back to her sister,

"Me and Amy. We're not the ones you're mad at yeah. Sort it out Ronnie 'cause if you don't you'll push her away too. You want to be alone Ronnie? Well…you will be!" Roxy opened the door and stamped out of it leaving Ronnie stood frozen, her worst fears being thrown back in her face by the one person she had been relying on.

Roxy flew down the corridor still trying desperately to quieten the baby still screaming in her ear. She viciously wiped away a tear as it slipped down her cheek. She stopped as she reached Danielle's room, placing her hand delicately on the window just as Ronnie had done.

"I'm sorry Dan. Me and Amy will see you soon. I'm sorry she's not better. I'm sorry she's not the mum you deserve." Roxy stared for a few minutes, shushing Amy softly before making her way off the ward and out of the hospital.


	49. Chapter 49

"Right. Tell me what's going on with Danielle." Ronnie shot at the nurse, trying to keep her emotions in control and managing mostly, she once again just came across as the 'Ice Queen'. Cold, calculated, vicious.

"Ronnie, take a seat. Please. I know you're worried about Danielle. She needs you to be strong for her. She needs her mum to be calm and to look after her." Nicola's voice was calm but also stern, she was taking her authority and letting Ronnie know wordlessly but in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't be seeing Danielle until she was calm. Ronnie reluctantly sat and wrapped her arms around herself waiting for the details to be given to her.

"I, I understand. Please, I just want to know Danielle's alright." Ronnie stumbled over her words as she suppressed her urge to threaten the nurse if she didn't tell Ronnie what was happening with Danielle immediately. Her fists clenched and unclenched in her lap, fingers turning white, crescents becoming indented into her palm where her nails pressed in to her flesh in fear and frustration.

"Danielle got quite distressed during the night. I've just come on shift so it was the night staff who looked after her then but I'm her named nurse for today," Nicola began. She was speaking slowly and carefully making sure that Ronnie didn't miss a word, if she was honest she was worried about how the woman would react to even the smallest thing given her outburst at her own sister. As a nurse she had dealt with families in all sorts of situations and on the whole it got easier, there were few situations that still put Nicola on edge but somebody with such a temper, someone so volatile was likely to, even if they did it with the best of intentions.

"What do you mean distressed? Why's she on oxygen? Did she do something? Did…did she…" Ronnie's hand roamed the air and she searched her mind for possible explanations. Fingernails picked at her cuticles as she sucked in a breath, knowing she was not the one with the answers.

"Well she started getting pain in her arm from the surgery but there are only certain pain relief methods that we could give her because of the overdose. It meant that she was still feeling some pain in her arm and I think she's still quite confused and upset about a few things." The nurse paused for a moment, her eyes flickering back and forth between each of Ronnie's looking to see how she was reacting to the situation. Nicola had braced herself to perhaps have to get others involved.

"So you just left her in pain?" Ronnie barked, her tone was accusing and disbelieving at the things she was being told. She felt like some sick irony, almost twenty years ago she had let her baby leave her sight and look what had happened, all the pain, all the heartache and now once again in a hospital she had let others talk her into letting her daughter go, just like before and once again only pain had come from it. Ronnie felt like she could trust nobody, that there was no-one on her side.

"We gave her a localised anaesthetic into her arm and she had gas and air until that took effect. But she was, well she was feeling quite guilty and distressed about what she had put herself and everybody else through. She's quite confused and feels a lot of pressure on her. She expects herself to have answers for everybody and she got quite upset that she doesn't have them." Nicola spoke carefully once again, making sure to word her replies and details carefully, she had learnt in her time working with families that no matter what has happened parents are likely to blame themselves and she had to work against this, try to form her responses to place as little blame as possible.

Ronnie listened intently to the words, holding herself back from lashing out like she wanted to. Although Ronnie knew the nurses, the hospital, they were all there to help Danielle she still felt anger towards them, they were keeping her from Danielle, keeping details from her, keeping them apart and filling the role that should be hers.

Ronnie's mind was reeling with thoughts of Danielle upset and in pain all over again. The confusion, the pressure, that was yet again something Ronnie was placing on her. She wanted to have been there to comfort her, to stop the pain, to take away all the fears and make sure that Danielle knew that nothing, not a single thing was her fault.

"Did anyone talk to her, did you tell her it's not her fault?" Ronnie asked meekly. It almost sounded like a plea. "Is she alright?"

"Yes, the nurses on shift made sure to talk to her and yes she's fine. She just worked herself up and because her breathing was still shallow and repressed from the overdose, her panic made it more difficult for her. There was still a high level of slow acting toxins in her system so we increased the IV and had her on oxygen. She's settled overnight and has just fallen asleep about an hour ago. The oxygen isn't necessary any more but it just makes her a little more comfortable so we're leaving it on whilst she's asleep." The nurse smiled as she finished, trying once again to reassure Ronnie that Danielle really was in no danger.

Ronnie's mind suddenly turned on the offensive once again. It wasn't true anger, it hadn't really been true anger at Roxy either. With Roxy though there had been an underlying resentment, Amy, Jack, all the past, but now it was merely to stop her mind from focusing on guilt and worry. Anger was so much easier.

"Why didn't anybody call me? I should have been there with her? If she was upset or more ill. I wanted to be here but…I should have been here. Why didn't anybody call?" Her voice sounded pleading but by the end had become cold as Ronnie shut down her emotions, they were too hard. Keeping her guard down for Danielle, it was needed and what she wanted to do but she didn't know how much more she could go through in such a short time. It wasn't just Danielle who was in pain and as much as Ronnie cared more about Danielle than herself, not being with her meant that Ronnie's own pain came to the fore.

"Uh, the nurses offered but Danielle asked that they didn't call anybody." Ronnie's face immediately fell into one of rejection. Danielle had shut her out again. Danielle didn't want her. Ronnie wondered how she could ever fix this, she wanted so much to make it all better but Danielle wouldn't let her in. She wouldn't let her help even though Ronnie knew that Danielle needed her help. She needed somebody.

"I think she just didn't want to worry you," Nicola said reassuringly. She had no idea if it was true but knew that the woman staring into the middle distance, locked in her own head, needed to hear the words.

Ronnie cleared her throat trying to compose herself. She wanted to ask more questions but there were none to ask. Her questions were all for Danielle but how could she ever ask them now? How could she ever put more pressure on her fragile daughter when she had reacted this way? Ronnie's eyes fixed themselves on the window. Outside she watched as cars passed along the road outside, a group of teenagers in school uniform standing beside the bus stop across the road. Normal life, all passing by, moving on and Ronnie was powerless to stop it, powerless to do anything.

"So when can I see her?" Ronnie's gaze didn't move from the window, she just stared, her face emotionless.

"Well it's best not to wake her as she needs rest to recover. Hopefully getting some rest will help her sort out her feelings as well. We've asked Christine, the psychologist Danielle spoke to before, to have another word with Danielle today." Nicola paused for a moment and watched as Ronnie sighed resignedly as she stood from her chair, arms folded and facing to look out of the window.

"Maybe you and Danielle could speak to her together, I know that Danielle was speaking about you and I know that she's feeling guilty about upsetting you." Nicola couldn't see Ronnie's face as she remained staring out of the window, her back to Nicola and arms folded across her chest.

Talk to a psychologist, let out her darkest thoughts and secrets to a stranger? Ronnie blanched at the thought. Revealing her emotions to Danielle, Ronnie had prepared herself for, she almost welcomed it. But another person, a stranger being added to the equation wasn't something that Ronnie had really considered. If she honest with herself she was frightened of the prospect. For Danielle? She'd do it. No question about that. But Ronnie was only now realising that this could be as much about repairing herself as it would be about repairing Danielle and their relationship.

"I won't wake her. But I'd like to be with Danielle please." More a request than a question, but Ronnie turned herself to look at Nicola as she spoke. The flowers she had brought for Danielle were laid on the table where Ronnie had placed them. Both reverential and discarded in equal degree, a strange parallel with Ronnie, herself both reverential and discarded by her beautiful daughter. Well meaning, but perhaps unwanted.

Nicola gave a small smile and told Ronnie that she would go and check Danielle quickly and speak to the ward sister. In reality none of it was needed and she wanted mother and daughter to be able to spend their time together, but for Danielle's sake she wanted to give Ronnie some time to calm down.

Left alone in the room Ronnie reached into the bag of presents she had brought for Danielle, she brought out the large stuffed cat that she had bought, after all Danielle had had a cat, she had asked for her cat in her drugged up daze. Ronnie wanted to prove to Danielle and to herself that she was trying, that she knew her baby, even if it was only in tiny ways. She hugged the cat to her chest, the beanie cat under her chin and down onto her stomach, she wrapped her arms around it. She was desperate to find comfort somewhere.

No tears, just a fraught struggle for comfort and hope from anything at all. Whilst Ronnie couldn't hold her little girl to her chest she would still try to in an indirect way, in any way. She held the toy like a newborn, the memories spilling forward, brought up by their miraculous reunion, of the day of their painful separation, their first separation.

So much held inside, not just for Danielle but for Ronnie too. They were both perilously close to the edge and they needed each other to cling on to, to heal each other, to save each other, to keep each other hanging on. But the past, for them both could destroy everything, they could destroy each other.

"Danielle's still asleep but why don't you go and sit with her?" Ronnie hadn't even noticed Nicola coming back into the room. She stood to go and rejoin her child once again. This time she wasn't letting go. This time she wasn't letting anything come between them. Not even each other.


	50. Chapter 50 Answer Sarah Mclachlan

**A/N --- Here is chapter 50! Dedicated to Evrik who saved me by telling me how to fix my laptop when it died...or I would have lost the whole thing. Hopefully this is a good milestone chapter.**

**I am also taking this story and making it into an audiobook for youtube, meaning that people will be able to listen to the story as well as read it. I need people who can or can try to sound like any of the EE characters or anybody who would like to take part at all. Please contact me on: _AdiaRose (dot) Ballinger_ _(at) gmail (dot) c o m._**

**I hope everybody thinks that this chapter is exciting. It was actually meant to include more things but it sort of ran away with me and was so long that I had to push a few things into the next chapter!**

**Anyway...Enjoy and any feedback is greatly appreciated.**

* * *

Ronnie was sat on the chair beside Danielle's bed. She checked the time on her open laptop which lay on the table in front of her, she had been sat with Danielle for three hours and twelve minutes. And every one she had counted, every one felt like an hour. Ronnie sighed to herself. She was so desperate to talk to Danielle. She knew that she shouldn't wake her up but not being able to touch her or talk to her for fear of waking her was getting too difficult.

For the first half an hour Ronnie had simply watched Danielle sleeping. She'd taken in every detail of her sleeping child, every twitch, every breath, every movement. After no sign of Danielle waking Ronnie had then read through each and all of the trashy magazines that Roxy had brought in for Danielle. As she'd turned each page or switched magazines she had looked back towards Danielle to watch for any signs of her waking up, also she seemed just incapable of keeping her eyes off Danielle for too long. After all the magazines had been read, Ronnie had turned to her laptop and started working on the accounts for the club. She'd managed to get a surprising amount of work done, punctuated by quick games of solitaire when Ronnie's thoughts became too much for her to be able to concentrate. Still she was watching the clock, measuring each minute that Danielle slept.

Ronnie's eyes flicked back onto Danielle. She lay on her side, her injured arm curled up, hand on the pillow in front of her face. Her other arm was stuck out straight in front of her, stretching off the bed, the tube from the drip trailing from her elbow up to the machine that was still mending her fragile body. The oxygen mask was still firmly over Danielle's face, obscuring it from Ronnie's view. The sight of it was almost like a physical pain for Ronnie. She wanted to look at Danielle. But to have the proof of how close she had come to being lost was hard to bear. It was just another thing cementing the fact that the pair were far from alright.

Ronnie closed her most recent game of solitaire and opened up her emails, making use of the hospital's wireless. She scanned through the messages, mostly junk, an email from a friend in Ibiza with pictures from when she had been there in February. She stared at the images of her false smile, her cold eyes and for the first time she truly saw the ice queen that she had become. The 'holiday' was right after she had taken Danielle for the abortion. It had been too much to handle and once again, like so many times before she had run, she had left the memories and run like a coward to a place where she could ignore Danielle, ignore the emotions and wallow in the sanctuary of isolated anonymity. She had let herself remember her baby, everything that Danielle had gone through brought up the memories of her own pregnancy, her own child and as Ronnie looked at the pictures, the snapshots of that time she could see the pain in her own face. It was painful to be reminded of, hurtful to see, but Ronnie couldn't help but feel relief. All that heartache, the grief over her baby, over her death and now she was here, alive and right here.

Finally, Ronnie cam to her most recent message, an email from Jack about the club. It had a list of damages and a blunt and angry message about him reluctantly sorting it out so that they could still work but that Ronnie would be paying for all of the repairs and replacements that would have to be made. Ronnie narrowed her eyes at the screen, angry that such trivial issues were being pushed on her. It was as if Jack didn't even register what was going on. Ronnie wondered how anybody could expect her to care about a few broken chairs and phones at the club when her daughter had almost died right in front of her. 'Ronnie Mitchell, heartless', Ronnie wondered at that moment how anybody had the audacity to say that with how they were all acting towards herself and Danielle. Gossip and a mere burden, that's what it seemed to be to most people back in the Square. Although Ronnie had only eyes for her daughter she still couldn't help being hurt at Jack's lack of compassion. It was Jack, love of her life and he hadn't even asked if she was alright. Jack was a father himself and yet hadn't said a word of Ronnie's daughter.

Ronnie slumped back in her chair, a frown set upon her face as she realised that even reality and the outside world provided no respite from her feelings. She rubbed her temple feeling a headache starting before slouching slightly further down into her chair and glancing over to Danielle. To her surprise Ronnie found large hazel eyes staring back at her. She hadn't expected it but the second her eyes met with her little girl's, her face melted into a warm smile. She tried to judge Danielle's expression but could glean very little, all thoughts of Jack Branning, the club, accounts, the outside world, simply fell away as she gazed at her daughter.

"Hi," Ronnie breathed with a smile. She tilted her head to the side to look at Danielle who was still lying on her side. She couldn't see the smile that swept across Danielle's lips, obscured by the oxygen mask, but Ronnie could see it in her eyes. The relief and love that blossomed within Ronnie at the sight of the spark back in Danielle's eyes was unbelievable.

Danielle hoisted herself up and shuffled back on the bed to sit up, she pulled the oxygen mask off her face getting herself tangled in all the wires and tubes attached to her slightly. Ronnie's instinct told her to jump in and help, she tried to hold herself back, not wanting to be too overprotective and do too many things, smothering Danielle. After only mere seconds however, Ronnie couldn't fight her instinct and moved forwards perching herself on the edge of the bed, wordlessly and delicately taking the oxygen mask from Danielle's hands which dropped down gently, allowing Ronnie to take over for her.

Ronnie carefully pulled the mask off over Danielle's head, smoothing down her hair once it was off. She untangled the wires and placed the mask on the bed next to Danielle incase she needed it. Ronnie placed her hands gently in her lap and turned to face Danielle who was looking at her searchingly, almost confused.

"You came." Danielle said in suppressed awe. She felt so surprised that Ronnie was there. Despite all the promises that had been made, the moments that had been shared, Danielle found it hard to accept that Ronnie really knew the truth, that she really wanted her. The past was so easy to believe, the present was too hard, the bad things are always easier to believe, no matter how much you want the good. The whole of the previous night Danielle had worried that she had pushed Ronnie too far, that her own fears would destroy her last chance with her mother. Danielle didn't even know if she could ever forgive Ronnie but she knew that she loved her and she knew that she didn't want to lose her, if she lost Ronnie again, she didn't think she would cope.

"Of course I did." Ronnie exclaimed softly. She couldn't believe that Danielle would have been surprised, she hadn't even wanted to leave, she never wanted to let Danielle out of her sight again. "I couldn't wait to get back to you this morning. I'm not leaving you Danielle. Never again." Ronnie whispered her final words as she stared down at her hands. She was almost ashamed of how much she was doting on Danielle. It was a new experience for Ronnie and these feelings, this openness was difficult to manage even though she knew she couldn't stop.

Danielle let herself smile. The last night had been so hard, the paralysing fear that Ronnie had gone, that she had pushed her mother away had been crippling. Even though Danielle had rejected Ronnie, had left her forever just days ago, she still wasn't prepared for it, she never could be. It was a sort of breakthrough, being without Ronnie, having to deal with the fear of losing her, it made Danielle realise just how much she wanted this to work.

"Ronnie…" Danielle's voice was tentative, shy. Now was the time for her to make a gesture for Ronnie, she had spent the night thinking about everything Ronnie had said and done in the hospital, Ronnie had reached out time and time again. The past couldn't be forgotten, couldn't be brushed over but Danielle wanted to move forward, she needed to try. She watched intently with wide eyes as Ronnie turned to face her, scanning her face. They both just stared for a minute trying to work out the emotions of the other, both trying to read the expressions they were faced with. Danielle's eyes fell back downwards as she bowed her head, too embarrassed and bashful to hold Ronnie's gaze despite the smile that her mother was showing her.

"I…I'm really glad you're here." The words held as much conviction as was possible whilst Danielle continued to stare downwards. She heard Ronnie's breath hitch and summoned her courage to raise her eyes. She did so slowly, not raising her head from where it was bowed. Ronnie's face was lit up in a smile, tears glistening in her eyes but not falling. Danielle seeing Ronnie's warm but reserved reaction found the courage to raise her head and form eye contact. Her face split into a smile to match Ronnie's.

"How are you feeling today?" Ronnie asked. She wanted to make a thousand promises, cry and weep and tell Danielle every single thing she loved her for but she knew that Danielle's admission hadn't come easily and it was too soon for anything more so she let it stand at what it was and moved on. As she spoke to Danielle she wanted to say 'sweetie' or 'baby'. Her instinct was to endear Danielle, to mother her, to love her completely with everything she was. Holding back was, she knew, the right thing for Danielle, it all had to be Danielle's choice. But fighting her instincts was getting harder by the second. Danielle nodded, still holding her smile. She was so glad Ronnie was there, all night she had been certain that she had seen her mother for the last time, that she had pushed her away.

"I'm alright. I feel like a mess though," Danielle laughed, slightly embarrassed as she ran a hand through her hair which was greasy and matted, sticking up in odd directions from her restless night. Ronnie breathed out a small laugh but her eyes were serious. She knew that the night had not been easy for Danielle and she wanted her to open up.

"The nurses said last night was a bit rough. You want to talk about it?" Ronnie tried not to push Danielle, not to expect too much from her. Nicola had told her that Danielle felt pressured, Ronnie tried so hard not to put anything onto her but at the same time she desperately wanted to be there, wanted to be the one that Danielle could turn to.

Danielle felt her smile fade slightly but was glad that Ronnie cared, that she was offering herself up as support. It wasn't easy though, after all, most of the hurt that Danielle was experiencing revolved around Ronnie. Danielle didn't know how she could tell the warm welcoming woman before her that the pain was all about her. It felt so strange to have this side of Ronnie. She had only seen glimpses of it before but now, now this seemed to be the norm. It was so strange but Danielle couldn't wish for more. Still, it was so hard to be able to believe the present when she couldn't forget the past. Danielle knew that the past would have to be dealt with before the pair could ever be truly alright.

"It was hard. I just got confused and scared. And my arm hurt and then it hurt to breathe and I…thought…I thought I might have…that you wouldn't come back." Danielle forced her words out. She didn't want to let down her guard, to make herself vulnerable to Ronnie again, it would just hurt more if Ronnie hurt her. She was so scared that Ronnie would change again, that the warm side would shrink away and the cold, callous and heartless woman would emerge once again. However, at the same time she was so desperate to let Ronnie in, she loved her so much even though she didn't and maybe never would trust her or even be able to say the words to her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm sorry for so many things." Ronnie took a deep breath knowing that these words wouldn't erase anything, they wouldn't make things better, she moved on quickly. "But nothing was going to keep me away Danielle. I know you can't trust me yet and I hope we can work at it and that I can earn your trust back one day. But please believe me, I am never going to turn my back on you no matter what you do, no matter what happens, nothing could ever take me away from you." Ronnie's arms were still clasped together on her lap. She had her nails digging slightly into her hands as she stopped herself from reaching out and just pulling Danielle to her chest. "Don't bottle things up alright? Keeping things to yourself, it doesn't help. It just makes everything worse. It's what I've always done and it eats you up inside. You don't have to be afraid, you can shout at me, anything you want to throw at me I will take it and I won't leave. You won't lose me Danielle. You won't. I couldn't lose you now." Ronnie shrugged and snapped her mouth shut realising that she could be smothering Danielle. The room was uncomfortably silent for Ronnie as she waited to hear how Danielle would respond. She knew that she had stopped speaking abruptly but still she hoped that her daughter would understand. The silence lingered. Danielle's voice broke it so suddenly that Ronnie actually jumped.

"I'm sorry. For everything." Danielle spoke, beginning to express her own guilt. "I never meant to do what I did and I didn't plan it. I'm sorry you saw it. I'm sorry for yesterday too and for everything. I am." Danielle was shaking her head, trying to shake her own thoughts into order. There was so much in the past, not telling Ronnie the truth, stealing the letter, the graffiti, not telling Ronnie she helped abort her grandchild, believing Archie, rejecting Ronnie, what she had done in the flat. It was difficult because as much guilt as Danielle had, she knew that Ronnie had done awful things as well. Ronnie had done much worse, except for the overdose…that was Danielle's biggest regret. Despite everything that Ronnie had put her through, Danielle tried to see her own mistakes as separate, she wanted to apologise for them, no matter how justified any might have felt.

"Hey," Ronnie said soothingly, reaching out her hand to close over Danielle's which was gesturing towards her, "None of that matters. Honestly. Look at me," she ducked her head slightly to look into Danielle's eyes. "I am not angry at you. Not for a single thing. Everything that has happened has been because of me." Danielle's eyes flicked away at this, Ronnie could see that she hadn't said the right thing.

"No, don't make excuses for me. Please. It doesn't matter what you did. That's a whole different thing. I did things and I want…I need to say this." Once again Danielle couldn't meet Ronnie's eyes but she saw Ronnie mirror her motion by lowering her head before slowly nodding to Danielle. "I'm sorry. I didn't ever want to hurt you. The things I did were because I was hurt and…and scared and they weren't to hurt you. And I still don't want to hurt you. I just want to be your daughter and I'm not saying I forgive you, I might never forgive you. But I can't lose you." By the end of her words Danielle was staring at Ronnie, her guilt wasn't fading but the truth and meaning was conveyed in her voice. Ronnie's face was serious despite the smile and her eyes which brimmed with tears. She mouthed "Thank you," to Danielle, not trusting her voice.

"I already lost one mother and I'm not losing you too. I can't. I don't want to ever lose you. I can't lose you Ronnie." Danielle finally let out the fear that she had been holding in and as she did she threw herself forwards onto Ronnie, letting her whole body collapse into her mother's warm embrace as her arms wrapped around Ronnie's waist and fingers dug into her shoulderblades. Ronnie reacted instantly, wrapping her arms tightly around Danielle and holding her tightly as Danielle sobbed into her chest. Ronnie let her hand stoke Danielle's back and she soothingly shushed her daughter as she rocked her gently back and forth. Ronnie held Danielle so tightly, she was so relieved, so in love. Despite Danielle's tears Ronnie shed none, she was too happy, her heart too full. She felt her breaths hitch and stutter at the joy, shock and utter awe at the moment. Danielle could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest as she wept into Ronnie's chest but as she turned her head to the side to press closer into Ronnie's arms her ear was pressed over her sternum and she could hear Ronnie's heart pounding in time with her own.

As Danielle continued to let her sorrow and pain pour out of her in trickling torrents of tears she still smiled from ear to ear. Finally mother and daughter were embracing each other for the first time. This was first time that they had both held each other willingly, with the knowledge of their true identity, but more than that they now knew what they meant to each other.

"Shhh…I'm here. You won't lose me. I'm never letting you go Dani, I promise sweetie, I'll never leave you." Ronnie continued to rock Danielle back and forth and quietly comforted her before pressing her lips firmly to the crown of Danielle's head.

"Ok." Danielle replied, her voice was small and watery. She knew that she sounded like a child but surprisingly in that moment she didn't care, just let out a tiny watery chuckle and sighed as she grabbed more of Ronnie's back and relaxed completely into her arms.

Back at the Queen Victoria pub Roxy was curled on a chair in the lounge alone. Amy had finally settled back in her cot and Roxy was left in the silence of her own company. Since the wedding everything had been so hectic that her mind hadn't had chance to even process what had happened but suddenly with only her own thoughts to dwell on, Roxy realised just how much her world had fallen apart. She felt so alone. Her father, her perfect daddy had destroyed Ronnie's life. He had lied to them all and Roxy's illusion of her infallible father was shattered.

Roxy was scared about what would happen now. Ronnie had always been there, she was the most important person in Ronnie's life except for Amy and despite all of the pain that Roxy put her through, despite all of the betrayal Roxy had always known that Ronnie would never and could never leave her. Now though, now it was different. Ronnie had her own daughter, she didn't need to mother Roxy anymore, that safety net was gone. The tether, the dysfunctional tie to each other in their strange co-dependent relationship was gone and for the first time, perhaps ever, Roxy had to face the fact that she really may lose her sister, her saviour, her best friend.

There was so much that was changing and all so suddenly. Roxy realised that perhaps she had been foolish and naïve to believe that having Danielle back would allow Ronnie to accept her and Amy. Since Amy was born, Ronnie had held her only a number of times, even looking at her seemed too much for Ronnie to bear on occasion. She was a painful reminder of what Ronnie had lost but also how she had been betrayed. Everything had seemed to be better that morning. Ronnie was holding Amy, Roxy and Ronnie had been laughing and it was almost like they were back to how they used to be, unbreakable. Then suddenly, with the smallest trigger Ronnie had turned on them both. Roxy allowed a small tear to fall as she thought about Ronnie's screams. She had wanted them both out and Roxy wondered if Ronnie had meant more than just out of the hospital. Maybe Ronnie wanted them out of her life. A small resentment and jealousy bubbled to the surface as Roxy thought about the person who would essentially be replacing her in Ronnie's heart.

Danielle. Roxy suddenly sobbed loudly as she thought about her. She felt awful for being angry at the poor girl. She had almost killed herself. The reality of the situation was crashing down as Roxy faced the fact that Ronnie had almost lost her daughter, her own niece had almost died and she had been there, watching her slip away. At the wedding she hadn't helped and all the times Danielle had been in her life, looking after Amy, she had never bothered to ask even the smallest things about her. Roxy didn't often feel guilty about her actions but the gravity of the situation made it hit home like a sledgehammer. She felt horrible.

The things she had said to Ronnie. Roxy buried her head in her hands as she remembered. They had all been true and she had been angry, she had said the words that Ronnie had needed to hear to break down that ridiculous guard or Ronnie would only have been hurting herself…no, she would have broken Danielle. But still, Roxy realised that at the time when Ronnie could reject her the most Roxy had just let Ronnie push her away and she had only made it worse. She had said it for Danielle. For the time Ronnie got her arrested, for the way Ronnie had said "good riddance" about her, for the way Ronnie had treated her at the wedding, for the way that Ronnie, even in the hospital was holding back.

Roxy punched the pillow she was holding, into her chest more. Despondent and sorrowful tears were falling one after the other, steadily down her cheeks. The whole family was falling apart. Roxy felt trapped in it all. She had never been the responsible one, never had to sort any problems because she always had other people there to do it for her but now she realised that she had lost the very people who she had always relied on. Her father was out of their lives, not welcome in the family, Ronnie was with Danielle and after this morning Roxy had no idea if Ronnie would even see her again. The two people Roxy could always rely on couldn't fix this problem, it was a lonely feeling. Even Peggy was so broken up over Archie that she was living in what seemed like a trance. Roxy cuddled the pillow in to her and cried. She didn't want her niece to be ill, she didn't want her sister to leave and forget her, she didn't want her father to be what he now seemed to be.

Roxy didn't want to be selfish, she was genuinely scared for Danielle and Ronnie. She missed them both already, she missed her Dad too. Nothing was certain anymore. Roxy may not have had the life shattering time that Ronnie or Archie or even Peggy had had but still her world had been turned upside down. She needed someone just to tell her it would be alright.

She stared sightlessly out of the window from her position curled up on the chair and clutched the pillow to her like a lifeline, like somebody to love her. A hand fell comfortingly onto her shoulder.

"Hello, love." Roxy startled when she felt the touch and heard a voice break the silence. She looked upwards into the face of the person so welcomingly bringing her from her lament.

"Dad…"


	51. Chapter 51

"What are you doing here?" Roxy sniffed, hurriedly brushing tears from her cheeks, not wanting to appear weak or vulnerable. Her voice was thick and choked from crying. She remained staring at the window, too afraid to look at her father for fear of falling apart.

"I've come to see my girls." Archie simpered as if it was his right, as if there should be no explanation needed. He stood at Roxy's shoulder, hands in his pockets, he tried to appear genuine, caring, the daddy that Roxy had always relied on but there was something too casual in his stance. As much as Archie was desperate and downtrodden by the exposure of his lies and his manipulations he had found his way back in and he would use it for all it was worth. "How's Peggy? Can I speak to her love?"

"How did you get up here? Phil wouldn't have let you up." Roxy's voice was demanding but weak. She sniffed, trying to quell her tears as she remained clutching the cushion to her and resolutely refusing to look at Archie who was shifting from one foot to the other beside her.

"I still have my key for the back. This is still my home love. Peggy's my wife, this is all just a misunderstanding Roxy, love." Archie spoke with gentle, manipulating determination. He could see that Roxy was weak and he knew that now was his chance to play on that weakness, to get his little princess back in his life and begin to rebuild his shattered family, all for himself. Roxy grunted slightly in response, not willing to let down the wall she was putting up against him. She closed her eyes wanting to block it all out. She wanted things to go back to how they were, where her daddy was perfect and Ronnie could never leave her.

"A misunderstanding? You lied to her, you told Ronnie her baby was dead. You told Danielle that Ronnie knew who she was. You lied to us Dad, you lied to everyone. It's not a misunderstanding. You knew and you kept them apart." Roxy whispered her words, not feeling strong enough to put any conviction behind them. With anybody else, with any other situation she would be fighting, shouting the odds and standing up for her family. But this was her dad, everything that had happened had just taken the fight out of Roxy. She was disgusted by everything but mostly she was lost, sad and afraid. She choked on her words as she tried to get them out over the lump that was in her throat and tears that were still pouring silently down her face despite all her efforts to stop them.

"I did it for them, for Veronica…and for Danielle," Archie implored. Roxy exhaled sharply, shaking her head slowly in disbelief as her lip quirked up at the side almost forming the sarcastic and wry smile she felt. "Roxy, sweetheart, you have to believe me. I'd never want to hurt them, that's my V and my little granddaughter. I tried to see them yesterday, to explain," Archie lied. Roxy continued to stare out of the window refusing to believe the words that were being spoken to her.

"They wouldn't want to see you," she sniffed. Archie was like an irritating buzzing in her ear, a disturbance, something she wanted to just shut up. But it was more than that as well, it was tearing her apart. She was being made to chose between her father and her sister. Tears kept falling, soaking Roxy's face as she had to push her own father out of her life. "But I guess they must have been out, getting to know each other." This was the bait, would Roxy take it? He saw Roxy's brow crease in confusion and allowed himself a small smile of relief, knowing that she couldn't see.

"How are they darling?" Archie cocked his head to the side, leaning slightly around Roxy, a silent request for her to look at him, a request which she denied, simply turning her head further around to stare at the wall sightlessly. Roxy thought about his question, the tears fell more heavily as she was reminded once again of how much both were falling apart.

"What do you want me to say? What do you want?" Roxy wept, her voice finally conveying her hopeless situation. She sounded completely defeated as she wailed the words.

"I just want to see them, to explain." Archie exclaimed as he turned to sit on the sofa waiting to make the next move. He chose his words artfully, knowing exactly how Roxy would read each one. She wasn't like Veronica, waiting to judge him at every turn; to pick apart his words and see the manipulation beneath. But after the wedding he knew that Roxy would be trying her hardest to do the same. "I just want to talk to them, where are they darling?"

"Somewhere safe," Roxy exclaimed, her words laced with pain and bitterness. She couldn't believe that he didn't know what had happened. It felt like everybody in the whole of Walford knew what had happened that night, or at least parts of it. Roxy was surprised that Archie had somehow not discovered it yet. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or more exasperated by his ignorance. Knowing that he had no idea where Ronnie and Danielle were, that he couldn't go and make things worse, push Ronnie further towards her breaking point was definitely something to be thankful for. But at the same time, he had no idea about what he had done, the devastation that his lies had caused. He had no idea and Roxy didn't want to be in this situation of deciding whether or not to tell him. She didn't want to expose Ronnie and Danielle's vulnerability but she also felt that Archie deserved to know what had happened.

"I went to Veronica's flat and they weren't there. I just want to know where they are so I can make things better. Make everything alright, like it used to be." His tone was persuasive, gentle as he finished speaking. He could see how confused and upset Roxy was and he knew that she would want somebody to make it all stop, make things easy again. "Just tell me where they are so that I can talk to them. They'll come round Roxy darling. You know what V's like, she jumps to conclusions."

"They don't want to see you!" Roxy shouted through her tears, the sound muffled by the lump in her throat. She threw her hand up and down as she cried out her words whilst the other still clutched the cushion to her. She pulled her legs tighter in towards her chest and forced a calm over herself, she knew she needed to be strong or at least appear that way. "Just leave. Nobody wants you here."

"What's happened Roxy? This isn't like you darling. I know how it looked but…It's Danielle isn't it?" His voice was perfectly measured, the shock dripping from his last statement was a credit to any manipulation he had ever made. He made out that he had no clue what was happening but he knew his next move, it was like an elaborate game, one that he would not lose. He saw Roxy's eyes widen in response to his words and he knew that she was believing him, it would only be a matter of time before she was hanging on his every word.

"She did it didn't she? She hurt herself?" Archie watched with bated breath as Roxy turned to him with wide eyes still brimming with tears. Her mouth open slightly as she tried to take in what was happening. Roxy was trying to sort it all out in her head, her father hadn't known about what had happened and yet…he knew Danielle would hurt herself. She tried to ask, to speak, to say something but it only came out as garbled noises before she snapped her mouth shut once again.

"I tried to warn Veronica, I tried to stop this happening." Archie proclaimed as he rose from his seat and began to pace the room. He stopped as he came close to Roxy and turned to face her.

"Don't you see darling? I'm your Dad, V's my little girl and Danielle's my granddaughter. I wouldn't have kept them apart. But Danielle, the things she said, she threatened Veronica, she said she would do this. I never thought she meant it but I had to be sure. You see that don't you Roxy sweetheart? Everything I was doing was to protect them, to protect them both." He was convincing, Roxy stared at him and had no idea what to believe.


	52. Chapter 52 Feels Like Home Chantal Krevi

In the hospital Ronnie and Danielle had settled themselves carefully against the head of the bed, both still wrapped in each other's arms. Danielle was curled up against Ronnie, her head tucked under Ronnie's chin, legs folded up with her knees across Ronnie's lap and her arms locked around Ronnie's waist. Ronnie held one arm securely around Danielle's shoulders, the other held one of Danielle's ankles, her arm stretched across Danielle's front, resting against her legs and holding as much of her as she physically could.

The two were completely enraptured with each other, Ronnie whispering reassurances that she would never leave and Danielle in turn muttering assurances that she never wanted her to. Comfortable silence had fallen between them, both happy and contented to simply be with one another. Ronnie looked down to see if Danielle was still awake when she heard her breathing settle into a heavy and deep rhythm. She saw Danielle's eyes softly closed, a smile set onto her face. Ronnie laughed softly and remained watching Danielle as she slept, or perhaps just rested. Ronnie wasn't entirely sure if she was asleep or not. She leant her head to the side to rest her head atop Danielle's and breathed her in, her baby girl.

Danielle waited until she knew that Ronnie wasn't watching her and gently cracked open first one eye, then the other. Her view was of Ronnie's shoulder, but seeing and feeling Ronnie holding her made Danielle's grin widen and she mouthed her words carefully, a whisper quiet enough that she knew Ronnie wouldn't hear, "I missed you. So much."

It was a good hour or two later that Danielle awoke. She noticed that her head had slipped down from Ronnie's shoulder onto her breast, Danielle's face on Ronnie's ribcage, her mouth open. She was thankful that she hadn't dribbled in her sleep as she slowly opened one eye. She noticed that at some point Ronnie must have lowered the head of the bed back down as Ronnie was almost horizontal. She let out a large yawn and felt herself squeak at the end. She stretched herself, feeling an ache in her legs from having them curled under her for so long. As she stretched her legs out and off Ronnie's thighs she let herself roll sideways onto her back. She let out a moan as her head collided with Ronnie's arm.

Looking sideways she saw Ronnie staring at her, trying not to laugh at her sleepy state. She sniffed slightly and turned away from Ronnie to look out of the window, it had started to rain and droplets were winding their way in small streams down the glass. Out of the corner of her eye Danielle caught a glimpse of white and bright pink. She felt Ronnie's palm brushing the hair off her face and fingertips tucking it behind her ear as she tilted her head up slightly to look at what had caught her eye. She turned back to Ronnie quickly, her eyebrows raised questioningly.

"Who are those from?" Danielle asked, twitching her head backwards slightly, gesturing to the oversized bouquet of pink and white flowers that Ronnie had managed to persuade the nurses to find a vase for.

"Me," Ronnie said, her lips forming a tight smile as she waited for Danielle's response to her gesture. When Danielle didn't respond but turned to look at the flowers again, Ronnie continued, "I know they're a bit much but I thought you deserved it. Plus this place needs some brightening up for you."

"Thanks. They're gorgeous," Danielle smiled before turning back to Ronnie who she saw still looked worried. "Really, I love them. How did you know what to get? I love those pink ones, I always have," she continued, pointing to some of the flowers, a kind she had always liked. Ronnie's face relaxed into a smile again as Danielle turned back to her, each lying on their sides facing one another.

"They're some of my favourites. I put in ones that I liked and hoped you might like the same and I put in some that just reminded me of you." Ronnie shrugged as she spoke but kept grinning, she was finally getting things right with Danielle, even if it was as simple as flowers that she liked.

"I love them." Danielle beamed. "Those pink ones, and the white roses. I've liked those for years, they're my favourites I think. I got some for my eighteenth, I never got many flowers but I like getting them." Danielle was rambling slightly, her usual self emerging as Ronnie clung to her every word. Ronnie listened to her baby girl's voice, her words, learning a little about her past but also just the way her voice sounded. The tone, intonation, where she breathed, the way her eyes moved to the side slightly as she thought back. Ronnie drank in every detail until Danielle had finished.

"I got some other things for you too. Not much, just little bits I thought you might like." Ronnie rolled herself over, sitting up just enough to grab the bag from beside the bed and pull it onto her legs. She put her arm out for Danielle, hoping she would fill it which she promptly did, curling herself into Ronnie's side once again. Ronnie passed the bag over to her and Danielle looked up into her mother's face nervously.

"You didn't have to do all this Ronnie." Danielle glanced away from Ronnie, once again feeling the guilt creeping up on her. She had done such awful things, she'd almost died because of her stupid mistakes. She didn't understand how Ronnie could just forgive her suddenly. There was also the doubt, the anger. In the back of her mind Danielle wondered if Ronnie really meant any of the gestures she was making and if she did was it just out of obligation, or out of her own guilt? Danielle wondered if Ronnie was just trying to buy her off, to placate and distract her with 'things'.

Danielle remembered the money that Archie had held up towards her and his words, the words he had said Ronnie had spoken of her _"Get rid of her!"_

"I wanted to do it." Ronnie answered quickly, sucking in a breath as she watched pain flash across Danielle's face. "I just wanted to get some things for you." She was speaking almost defensively, starting to worry as Danielle seemed, without moving a muscle, to be pulling away. She pushed Danielle's fringe softly behind her ear, the soft gesture a deliberate counterpoint to her tone when she realised she had been fairly harsh in her voice. She let her fingertips stay on Danielle's jaw, slightly turning her child to face her. She didn't know what else to say, after Danielle had vehemently refused the day before to even let her say that she loved her Ronnie was cautious about making any sort of declaration so she just smiled at Danielle and pushed the bag slightly towards her, rolling her eyes jokingly to make Danielle smile.

Danielle couldn't help but be taken from her fears as Ronnie's smile and joking gesture pulled her into the hazy cloud of contentment that seemed to surround Ronnie. She grabbed the bag and looked into it, pulling out a huge stuffed, beanie tabby cat. She immediately began to laugh and looked enquiringly at Ronnie, one eyebrow quirked up.

"Well, you mentioned your cat." Ronnie chuckled, glad to see Danielle laughing. The sound was like music to Ronnie, hearing her little girl laugh. It was a sound that Ronnie had dreamt about so many lonely nights but one that she never thought that she would hear. It was the most amazing sound she had ever heard. "You were just coming round, you said my name and then you told me that someone took your cat. So I thought I'd get you a new one. One from me. Our cat." Ronnie knew that she was being silly and possibly embarrassing Danielle. She had been so lost in all of her excitement that she hadn't really registered the depth of meaning behind her words or the fact that she was informing Danielle of things that she wouldn't remember, an awkward position to put her daughter in.

Danielle thought for a second about Ronnie's words. She could feel herself going red, the blood rushing to flush her cheeks as she was told that she had obviously been rambling about god only knows what before she had completely woken up. But Ronnie wanted her to have something from her, something permanent for her to hold on to from her and only her. But more than that, she had called it theirs, such a huge gesture in such small words. Just two words held images, dreams, hopes, an entire future unfolding before them. It wad daunting, something Danielle didn't know if she was ready for or could accept but she knew she wanted it and more importantly Ronnie was telling her, in her own guarded way, that she wanted it too.

Danielle hugged the cat into her with the arm closest to Ronnie and threw the other across Ronnie, closing her eyes as she hugged Ronnie securely across her waist. Ronnie kissed the top of Danielle's head, taking the chance of the movement because of Danielle's firm grasp on her. She had her arms wrapped around her daughter the second that Danielle had moved towards her. "Going to give him a name?" Ronnie knew she was treating Danielle like a child but she had missed those days and couldn't help herself for babying her child. And Danielle had always seemed so much younger than she was, she had a beautiful innocence and naivety about her that still screamed out for nurturing and Ronnie was the person who needed to fill the void there.

"You need to help me choose one if he's our don't you?" Danielle asked teasingly as she still laid unmoving on Ronnie's torso. She felt Ronnie's laugh before she heard it from her position. It was so rare to hear Ronnie laugh and Danielle revelled in it. She had made her mother laugh. She had done that. She had said something that made Ronnie smile, that had made her laugh. Another tiny, incremental moment that was a leap in both women's hearts.

"Let me look at him then," Ronnie said in a small voice, loosening one arm from around Danielle and pulling the cat out from between them. She held the cat out in front her of, giving him a suspicious look before turning his face to Danielle. "Hmm…looks like a Bob to me." Ronnie continued to feign distrust of the cat as she moved it's paw out to swipe Danielle's nose.

"Bob? You can't call a cat Bob. Why Bob?" Danielle laughed as she let herself be hit on the nose repeatedly by the cat's bean filled paw. She loved the fact that such a tiny and silly thing made Ronnie laugh each time she did it. It forced a new wave of awe and affection form inside Danielle.

"First name that came into my head," laughed Ronnie. Danielle sat up snatching the cat off her and held it out in front of her with both hands. Still leaning back into Ronnie's arms. "I think he looks like a Slipper." Danielle said definitely. Ronnie burst into raptures of laughter which in turn made Danielle laugh, just loving the sound of her mother so happy.

"Why," Ronnie tried to quell her laughter to be able to speak, "did you choose slipper? How?" Ronnie continued to laugh, bringing her daughter closer to her, overwhelmed by how adorable Danielle was in that moment. Her bemused smile shining up at her mother's face.

"There's two of them. A pair." Danielle said simply, with a small shrug. Ronnie at once stopped laughing, although her smile remained. Subtle words, so simply, just tiny words strung together holding more meaning than Ronnie thought possible. Two of them, together, a pair.


	53. Chapter 53

"What are you talking about?" Roxy asked, her eyes wide and her words not coming easily as she battled her own thoughts, trying to comprehend what she was being told.

"Danielle. That girl, you must have noticed there was something not right about her. I've been trying to look after her, get her some help before she told Veronica who she was." Archie stated, he knew that playing it this way, skipping over what he was really accusing her of would confuse Roxy, it would drag her in.

"No, I don't understand. She was odd yeah but not like that, she was just a bit full on, just like a kid. What did she say to you? If she's such a danger to Ronnie then tell me how." Roxy wiped away the remnants of tears lingering on her cheeks. How could her dad be saying this about Danielle? She was just a child, a lost teenager who wanted her mum. She had been stupid and she had made a lot of mistakes but she wasn't some cold hearted manipulator, was she? Roxy herself had had doubts about Danielle's intentions but she had never thought it would be this cold blooded. No, Danielle wasn't like that. Roxy needed to work out what Archie meant, what he knew.

Roxy slowly and apprehensively turned her body slightly towards Archie, a small gesture but one that showed she was ready to listen to him, that she was letting him in. And Archie began. He pulled the footstool over and sat on it so that he could be close to Roxy as he spoke, letting their proximity unconsciously put more pressure on her. Roxy had never handled pressure well, or confusion, she usually just crumbled. And Archie loved her dearly for it.

He began at when he had found the locket. Danielle had just scrawled graffiti onto Ronnie's door. Archie of course tried to speak to her, to find out what she had against his precious Veronica but Danielle was angry and hostile. He had tried to persuade her to stay, to talk to Veronica, give them both a chance to clear the air but she had fought against him, physically pushing him in a bid to leave. That was when he had found the locket. That was when he had learned the truth.

Roxy looked at the cushion clutched in her arms as her father told her of the moment he had discovered who Danielle really was. Roxy tried to take in his words. Danielle had always been so timid, at least until the wedding and then she had just seemed desperate and out of control. Such calculated measures, such anger didn't sit right in Roxy's mind. Then again, Danielle hadn't exactly been too kind to Ronnie in the hospital, she had a guard like Ronnie's, she had hidden her true identity for months it wasn't exactly impossible that she could be hiding more.

"Well then it all came out didn't it. It was frightening how she talked. I…I didn't expect it. I thought maybe she was scared or just wanted to choose the right time to tell Veronica but, no, no the girl was cold, she just stared and said that I was spoiling things, that she never wanted us to find out." Archie's voice cracked with feigned emotion. He knew that he needed to seem shaken by Danielle's words. He had used the same tact with Danielle when he had told her about Ronnie's words of rejection. It had worked so well on the girl, even Archie himself believed in what he was saying to some extent. His desperation for control was stronger than any conviction to truth or lies.

Roxy frowned, her eyebrows knitted together as she tried to imagine Danielle speaking so callously. Another tear slipped down her cheek as she despaired, her confusion overwhelming.

Archie carried on speaking, he told Roxy the way that he had pleaded with Danielle to tell Ronnie. But Danielle had been too angry to listen and soon the girl had broken down, telling him everything. All her life she had been different, felt isolated, unwanted, detached and she had over time grown to believe that it was all because of being adopted, all because of being given away when she was just a baby. Every problem that Danielle had, she blamed her birthmother for. After her own mother had passed away it had been a step too far for Danielle and she couldn't cope anymore. She had so much anger inside her and she needed to find the woman who had set her on the path to such pain.

As Roxy listened to her father speak she found herself hanging on each word he was speaking. Since the wedding, somewhere in her mind Roxy had constantly been trying to piece together the life of Danielle, all of the unanswered questions, what had led her to Walford, what had made her decide to find Ronnie, why she had hidden the truth for so long, even just what her niece's life had been like for the last nineteen years. Now a story, an explanation for everything was being offered to her on a plate. In the back of her mind Roxy wondered how Archie could possibly know so many details, would Danielle really have given away so much? Would she, if she was really as angry as he said, have delved into childhood memories and even her adoptive mother's death? It all seemed just a little to perfectly explained. But then again, it was an explanation and any certainty at the moment felt welcoming to Roxy.

"But she loves Ronnie, she was around her all the time. She tried to tell Ronnie. She loves her. I saw her, yeah, I spent months with her, she took care of Amy. I saw how she was around Ronnie, how she is around her. She doesn't hate her, not like that." Roxy was wracking her mind to work out whether she had any proof behind her words. She knew that they were words she desperately wanted to believe but she could find very little to prove or disprove them. Danielle had always given Ronnie smiles and looked at her a lot. Roxy had never noticed it at the time but the more she thought back to any time that they had been together, the more she remembered them. They seemed shy and warm, surely they weren't satisfied and cold. Roxy thought back to when she had found Danielle in Ronnie's flat. She had held Amy, seemed sweet and quiet but nice. She had joked with Roxy, she seemed so genuine. But she had asked if Ronnie wanted children, and the whole time she knew that she herself was Ronnie's child. She hadn't let on, she hadn't even blinked as she had spoken. Roxy covered her eyes with her hands.

"Roxy, darling, I know it's hard to hear, it was hard for me too. But she's not well Roxy love, she needs help and Veronica is too hurt to be able to help her. You need to be there darling. To help Veronica and to help little Danielle." Archie was talking to her like a child, his intentions seemed perfect, caring, honourable. He was speaking to Roxy like she was a little girl, hoping that she would respond to him in the way she always had in those days.

"How?" Roxy croaked before suddenly shaking her head, she had to make sure she knew all the facts. He had said that Ronnie's daughter was dead, she wasn't going to just trust him now, she owed Ronnie more. "No, I still don't understand. What has she ever done to Ronnie? Ok, so she might be angry at her, that doesn't mean that she's damaged, yeah?"

Archie shook his head sighing. He looked awkward as if there were things he didn't want to say, things that were just too hard and Roxy believed every movement, every subtle look that he made. "Roxy, the girl…she said she wanted to hurt Veronica, to make her feel the pain that she felt about being given away. I asked her if she thought Veronica deserved that, if after getting to know her she still wanted to do it, asked her if she ever felt anything for V." Archie sighed as his voice softened to sadness.

"She said that yes, yes there were times where she felt something, that there were times when she just wanted to forget everything else and tell Veronica who she was, times when she wanted to try being Veronica's daughter. But then something would happen, Veronica would 'let her down' in some way. Stupid things Roxy, things that shouldn't matter. She said if Veronica didn't smile at her then that was enough for her to not care anymore. I know I should have told Veronica then, when I found out but she came in and Danielle she just ran out. I didn't know the girl, not really so I didn't want to get V's hopes up. What if Danielle had been lying or wrong? We had the letter from the adoption agency. I had to know if she was telling the truth before I told V anything." Archie looked at his hands, acting out the perfect picture of shame and innocent guilt. The oxymoron perfectly played out in every fibre of his body.

"So I phoned them. I called them up, gave them Veronica's details, told them about the letter. They asked all these questions about the baby and it was hard darling, it was hard having to remember. But they told me there had been a mistake. Veronica's little Amy, she never died. There was another little girl, same date of birth, adopted through the same agency. The letter had gone out to the wrong people, 'human error' they called it." Archie tutted as if in saddened disapproval. "I knew then that Danielle was telling the truth, but after what she had said, how could I tell Veronica? The girl had made me promise not to tell her. And she is my granddaughter, I didn't want to let her down anymore than Veronica. I was stuck in the middle sweetheart, you can see that can't you? And you know how Veronica can be. I couldn't know how she would take it if I told her. No, I thought it should come from Danielle. So I went to see her didn't I?" Archie felt another shift in Roxy's views as she let the cushion drop slightly lower, still holding it tightly to her but having it shielding less of her. It was significant.

"She wanted me out the second I walked in the door didn't she," Archie was in the middle of a breath, ready to continue destroying and desecrating his granddaughter's character to her own aunt but Roxy interrupted.

"I've never seen you at the Slaters'. Stacey would've said something." She was trying desperately to believe in Danielle, to believe in Ronnie, they both needed each other so much. She didn't want to believe that Ronnie's world could come crashing down on her all over again. If all this was true, if Ronnie would never get her daughter back in her life, Roxy didn't know if Ronnie would survive it.

"The Slaters'?" Archie asked, as if Roxy was clearly misinformed. This subtle condescension was placed so accurately. Roxy immediately felt stupid, she felt like she knew nothing, like she had been taken in yet again. "She hasn't lived there for months, sweetheart. No, they threw her out. She never said why. No, she was at the bed and breakfast wasn't she." Roxy remembered Stacey saying she would move Danielle's things from the B&B back to her place. Archie knew, he was right again.

"I talked her round, she agreed to talk to me. I asked her why she was so angry at Veronica and she wouldn't tell me, just said that she was 'making them even'. It was awful to hear. She said that at first she did small things, just wanted to mess with V a bit. Stealing letters, sending her anonymous notes, messing with things in the club, just small things, she called them harmless," Archie said with raised eyebrows, as though he didn't think them harmless at all. "But she said that it wasn't enough," he sighed, "said that nothing she did seemed to get through to Veronica, none of it seemed to bother her. So she wanted to push her, see what would happen. I couldn't believe what she told me next, she said, her voice so calm that it was wrong sweetheart, she said that she got herself pregnant, she wanted to remind Veronica of the past, so she purposely got herself pregnant and went to Veronica for support. She told me that finally she was breaking Veronica down, getting her to show some emotion and that it was all worth it. But she said she didn't want a baby, never had and letting Ronnie know she was pregnant was only the first step. Do you know what she did Roxy? She took V with her to get rid of it." His voice was layered with shock and sorrowful pity and disgust. He looked into Roxy's eyes as he had spoken the last words. He spat them out as he claimed that Danielle had done. He watched her face as it had slowly drained of all colour. She had done some awful things to Ronnie but hearing somebody purposely hurting Ronnie like this was so painful that she could actually feel the sadness of Ronnie as an ache. She felt sick at what she was hearing.

"Well that was when I realised that something was really wrong. You should have seen the look in her eyes, sick, she was. It hurt me just to hear it. She said she took Veronica with her to get an abortion and then started talking about Veronica's baby, calm as day she told me all this, like it was the most normal thing in the world. She took your sister to abort her own grandchild and she didn't even tell her. It broke my heart. So you see I couldn't tell V, I didn't know what else the girl was capable of. She threatened things. Said if I told Veronica then she'd kill herself. Said that she wanted Veronica to suffer like she had and if V really loved her baby like she claimed to then that would be what would hurt her the most. I begged her, tried to reason with her but what could I do? I had to keep quiet, for Veronica and for Danielle." He took Roxy's hands in his and was pleased when not only did she not flinch away but she clutched her fingers tightly around his.

"It's ok love, we just need to help them both. Danielle's a troubled girl. But she's not bad. She's not evil sweetheart, she's just sick. She needs help. Trouble is…" He sucked in a breath as he carefully considered his next words, "well until she gets that help who knows what she'll do to hurt Veronica. I don't know why she chose to tell her at the wedding, she had been so adamant that Veronica not know who she was. I suppose there were odd signs a few days before, she kept saying she wanted me to talk to Veronica about her or about her Amy. She said that nothing was getting through to V anymore. I should have told Veronica from the start and I made a mistake Roxy darling, I should have trusted my instinct and told Veronica and maybe this wouldn't have gone so far." He held Roxy's hands tighter in his and was thrilled when he felt her squeeze his hands in return.

"It's not your fault," she whispered, tears still tracking down her face.

"Veronica, you know what she's like, when she gets something in her head, that's it. Now that she's found her little girl, well, there'll be no talking to her. No matter what anybody says she won't be able to see how ill Danielle is. And I know she loves her, but Veronica hasn't been a mother has she, she's not like you, not like my Roxy, she hasn't had to deal with being a mother and you know how she can be. She'll push the girl, then shut her out, and that'll just push poor Danielle even further over the edge. She'll snap, she's always done it. She'll end up shouting at the girl, hurting her…" Roxy remembered the way Ronnie had screamed at her just hours ago. He was right. Already Ronnie was hiding herself from Danielle, pretending to be happy when Roxy knew that inside she was terrified. How long would it be before the shield went up completely?

"No, no, what I think, what I know is that those two need each other. I think Danielle is only trying to hurt Veronica because she wants her. And Veronica, well we both know how much she'll love that girl. But right now, being together is the very worst thing for either of them. They'll just hurt each other and then they'll never be able to have each other, will they?" He reached up and wiped the tears from Roxy's eyes with the pad of his thumb.

"Don't cry, Roxy, darling. We're going to help them. You and your old dad, we can work together and help them." Roxy looked at him and nodded slowly, it was almost as though she was mesmerised, in truth she was completely lost, horrified and destroyed by what was happening around her. But at least now somebody was there, somebody had a plan to make everything alright.

"How?" Roxy's voice was choked and hoarse.

"It'll be hard sweetheart, they're both so stubborn and they can't see what's going on. Don't blame Danielle though, she's sick but she's vulnerable too, she needs you, she'll need her aunt Roxy won't she?" Archie waited as Roxy slowly nodded again, she was in the palm of his hand, ready to agree with anything that he said.

"You can't let on that you know. If you do then Danielle will just shut down and we want to help her don't we? And Veronica, well she wouldn't accept the truth, she'd take it out on you, then she'd take it out on poor Danielle. They're both so fragile right now aren't they. They aren't good for each other. They can't be together right now Roxy. You can see that. They will hurt each other and, I worry darling, I worry that Danielle will actually do it next time, that we'll lose her for good." The loving grandfather, he played the role surprisingly well.

"Little Amy's going to need her cousin around when she grows up. We need to make sure that Veronica and Danielle stay well away from each other so that Danielle can be properly looked after. Now that she's been in hospital there'll be doctors taking care of her. And Veronica, she's bound to be emotional over this, she needs time to sort her head out and come to terms with everything. No, they need to sort themselves out properly, don't they? But V wouldn't listen to me. She wouldn't understand that I'm trying to help. You need to help them Roxy, for your sister?" He waited for an affirmation from Roxy but saw her simply close her eyes tightly as painful tears fell. Hurting Roxy wasn't what he intended but it had to be done for now. From now on everything would be on the right track.

"Danielle needs people around her, people she can rely on. You and her friend, Stacey, you two can be there but I think she needs to be with her family who brought her up. She should go home to Telford for a bit, get herself sorted, have some therapy and when she's ready and when Veronica's ready they can meet again and they can be happy. But letting them be together now, they'll destroy each other. You have to get Danielle to leave, Roxy. For her own sake and for Veronica's. And you have to keep Veronica away as much as you can so that she doesn't get hurt and so that she doesn't hurt Danielle any more than she already is. You can do that can't you, Roxy darling?" This was it, all he needed, just one word.

"Yes," she croaked. Roxy immediately fell with her head in her hands, curling herself tightly inwards.

"Good girl. Tell you what, I'll get my things for a bit and leave you to it. I know you must want to go and see them, eh? You're saving your sister Roxy and you're saving Danielle's life. Don't forget that." Archie kissed the top of Roxy's head as she sat in floods of tears. He left the room, the smile growing on his face with every step. He had his little princess back. And Veronica and Danielle were going to be torn apart.

* * *

**A/N --- Ok, what do people think?**

**I basically had to somehow rewrite the past 7 months of Danielle's life...and her life before Walford, in Archie's speech to turn Roxy. It was SO difficult to find all these ways he could make her look twisted and dangerous. I hope I managed it believably. Please let me know!**


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N --- Just a quick note to say thank you again everyone for all your amazing reviews. They really help me as it lets me know what you like reading and what you don't. And of course it lets me know that there are still people reading!!!**

**The last chapter...with the conversation between Archie and Roxy...just to clear up any confusion, everything Archie said about Danielle, it was lies. It was his way of manipulating the events that he knew about and making up Danielle's emotions about it to make her seem like the bad guy and him like the doting father and grandfather.**

**A special thanks to JennyK05 and McIzzieFan for this chapter as I got myself in a bit of a chaotic state about the fic when I realised I had made a bit of a mistake lol. They helped me work out a few things to get it back on track in my head.**

**So please let me know what you think of this chapter as it's been tough**.

* * *

Danielle and Ronnie were busy rummaging through the bag of goodies that Ronnie had brought into the hospital. Since the cat, 'Slipper', who was now tucked under Danielle's arm against Ronnie's stomach, Danielle had unearthed several bars of dark chocolate, more than a few DVDs, all of which were definite chick flicks, aside from a Disney film which Ronnie had been embarrassed about but confessed it was a childhood favourite. Danielle had laughed, smiling to herself when she had noticed Hugh Grant to be in more than one of the films but she said nothing of it to Ronnie, still not anywhere near comfortable or at ease enough with her to tease.

Danielle soon realised the significance of some of the DVDs. 'Mamma Mia', 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' and 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. She kept her head down as she held the three films in her hands. Ronnie had remembered Danielle's words, she hadn't expected her to, not really. One of the few times she'd seen Ronnie relaxed, seen her smile and Ronnie remembered it. But that day was so much more than Ronnie knew. That was the day that her own mother had told her to go home, that she didn't belong and yet it was the same day that Ronnie had first chased after her, come after her when she was just a stranger. Everything that had seemed so simple and perfect just seconds ago fell away and Danielle was forced out of her personal little denial. That was the day she had found out she was pregnant.

There were so, so many emotions and events linked to just that one memory and they all flooded back into Danielle. The softness of Ronnie, the nerves Danielle had felt in the interview, the common film they had shared, the rejection, the first of so many, the pregnancy, which led to the abortion which again had so many contrasting actions from Ronnie.

Ronnie hadn't failed to notice the shift in Danielle's mood. It felt as if the whole room changed with Danielle, everything was colder, everything more oppressive. Ronnie couldn't work out what had caused the change, she looked at the films in Danielle's hands. She had chosen them specifically, she knew Danielle liked them, it was meant to be a loving gesture, showing Danielle that she did know her, that she had listened, had paid attention even before she knew who she was. Ronnie quickly tried to shift the atmosphere but wasn't sure how.

"I know you probably have them already, after all, I know that they're your favourites," Ronnie spoke, trying to keep her voice casual despite the feeling that she was losing. "or I don't know, we could keep them at my flat if you already have them, as my copies so that I can…watch them. Or, you don't have to keep them."

Ronnie's tone was almost forceful as she tried desperately to stop Danielle shrinking away. Everything had been so perfect. Of course it couldn't have lasted, not with everything still unsaid, but the thought that those moments wouldn't last forever had never entered Ronnie's mind.

Danielle still remained staring at the films, completely unmoving. She was still leant against Ronnie and yet her body had stiffened and felt a million miles away. She didn't want to face any of the past yet and yet she felt completely detached from the moment she and Ronnie had just shared. She almost felt stupid and embarrassed for giving herself over so easily, for acting like such a child, for forgetting everything that had happened and just giving in to anything Ronnie asked of her. But she wanted to. Why, why the hell did it all have to be so hard?

When Danielle still didn't respond, Ronnie tried to pull her into her body only to feel Danielle pull away completely, Ronnie's arm pushed away from around her shoulders as she moved, letting Slipper drop to the bed between her and Ronnie. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, turning her back on Ronnie completely. She felt stupid for letting Ronnie mother her but she felt stupid for petulantly pushing her away as well.

"S..sorry Ronnie." Danielle stuttered as she felt like the same nervous wreck that she always had been around this woman. Was she apologising for turning away or for leading Ronnie on with the previous acceptance that she was now almost snatching back? She wasn't sure. The apology had just appeared, it was second nature to be the guilty party, the one apologising, even when others were the ones in the wrong.

"It's ok. You don't have to apologise." She sounded defeated despite trying to be supportive. Danielle was clinging to her one minute and pushing her away the next. Ronnie tried to remind herself that it had only been two days, there was a lot to work out, but they had made some progress, she had shared moments, happiness with her daughter. Even if it was all she would ever get, at least she had that.

"Do you want to go for a walk or something? You've been sat here for a while. Maybe I could ask the doctors if I could take you outside for a little bit, get some fresh air. If you felt up to it that is?" Ronnie tried to laugh casually through her stuttering words, she felt so nervous and out of control.

Danielle stayed turned away on the edge of the bed, "It's raining," she said simply as she held her gaze over the trails and streams of raindrops dribbling their way down the windowpane.

"Right. Of course it is." Ronnie let out an awkward laugh and leant forward, she couldn't see Danielle's face and it made her uncomfortable. She had no clue what Danielle was thinking or even if she was crying or smiling. "How about a walk down to the shop then? Or there's a nice café on the next floor, they have good coffee, or we could get some lunch. You haven't eaten anything yet today."

Danielle still sat, her head moving from side to side slightly as she wanted to block out Ronnie's voice, just for a minute, just to be able to sort her own thoughts, even one of them. Being so close to Ronnie made everything change. It was like Danielle lost all normal thought around her. A single touch from Ronnie and nothing made any sense. Everything became so intense, either the intense love and comfort or intense anger or just confusion between the two. That's how she felt now, like she had before, completely torn between love and hurt.

"Danielle?" Ronnie pressed further as she got no response, she stroked her fingers gently down Danielle's back nervously, not sure whether Danielle would flinch away or melt into her touch. She did neither. But Ronnie felt her sigh and saw Danielle's head turn to the side. "Danielle, have I said something? Did I do something?" Her pitch raised and she shrugged trying not to pressure Danielle but desperate to connect.

"Was Roxy going to come in?" Danielle's voice was thick and heavy, dull and detached. Ronnie was thrown back horribly to before the abortion, when Danielle had sat numbly in the office at R&R waiting for the taxi. She had the same lost and slumped posture. Ronnie panicked that something was seriously wrong before mentally kicking herself. Of course something was wrong, Danielle had tried to kill herself.

"She…yes. She was." Ronnie replied, confused. She couldn't help the ache that stung her heart at the fact Danielle had asked for Roxy and would not even look at her. What had happened in that moment to make Danielle pull away? Did she not want Ronnie to get to know her? Was she hurt that Ronnie had bought the DVDs? Why?

Danielle turned back to Ronnie, hurt lacing her every feature. "Was? Does…does she not…is she not coming anymore?" It broke Ronnie's heart to see Danielle so openly sad all over again but more so that it was over Roxy.

"Oh Danielle, oh come here." Danielle let herself be pulled slightly into Ronnie's hold but kept her body tensed against it. She wanted to cry over the confusion, not knowing if she wanted to hug Ronnie or hit her. It was strange to feel so let down by Roxy not coming in to see her. But aside from Ronnie, Danielle had thought a lot about seeing Roxy and Amy, her aunt and cousin. She wanted them in her life almost as much as Ronnie, and they held none of the pain and confusion that Ronnie did. They were easy to be around. She couldn't help but feel her fears being realised, everybody thought she was a freak, nobody wanted to know her. The novelty of her identity had worn off already for Roxy and she no longer cared. How long would it be before Ronnie felt the same? How long would it be before Ronnie got bored of her 'dead daughter' being alive and rejected her again?

"She doesn't like me does she?" Danielle whimpered. "She hates me for what I did." Her voice rose higher, as the fears began to reveal themselves.

"What?" Ronnie couldn't believe what Danielle assumed just by Roxy not being there. She realised that it was because of her. Ronnie saw how deeply she had crushed Danielle's self esteem. Because of her Danielle immediately expected rejection, she expected people to treat her badly and push her out of their lives for no reason. Ronnie made her feel this way and the guilt was physically painful. "No, Danielle, she was here this morning with Amy but you were asleep and…she was going to stay but I…me and Roxy…" Ronnie didn't know how to tell her daughter that she had screamed at Roxy to get out, that she had even screamed at her five month old niece. She was acutely aware of how much her outbursts and treatment of Danielle had affected her, how could she ever gain her trust if she told Danielle that she had treated her own sister in the same way just hours ago? But Ronnie didn't know if she could lie to Danielle. She didn't know what was worse.

"It's not to do with you Danielle. There were just…" She looked into Danielle's doe eyes and saw how much Danielle needed an answer that wouldn't break her further. Ronnie was sure that no matter what she said, it wouldn't be right. "We had a fight." She saw the slight fear come over Danielle's face. "It wasn't about you I promise." Still Danielle didn't look convinced and just sat in silence waiting for Ronnie to explain.

"I just…I wanted to see you and I was worried. We didn't know what had happened or why you were on oxygen and every time the nurse was going to say something Roxy said something and Amy was crying and I couldn't hear…"

"So you got rid of them." It wasn't a question. It was an accusation.


	55. Chapter 55 Carry You Home James Blunt

**A/N --- I wasn't sure if I was going to post this. People seem to be getting bored of the slow path and the hot and cold nature of the relationship between Danielle and Ronnie. **

**Basically the first few days of their relationship are where all of the important relationship building events happen. Danielle has just tried to kill herself, Ronnie has only just found out who Danielle is. The first few days of coming to terms with that...I basically just don't want to miss anything out. I feel I would be doing a disservice to the issues and the sensitive nature of them if I did.  
Danielle is a complete mess. It's only two days since she tried to kill herself. She doesn't even know how she feels about herself, let alone Ronnie. She is up and down, terrified, angry and completely in love.**

**So many ways that I could explain why I see it as so important to take the time and the proper, realistic approach but it would take far too long and I have a tendency to ramble.**

**I just wrote this chapter because I wanted to. I didn't intend to post as I was going to go on hiatus for a while to sort out if I was doing the story justice...but McIzzieFan guilt tripped me in to posting. I got far too emotional writing this chapter. I hope it comes across well as I really enjoyed writing it.**

* * *

Ronnie watched Danielle as she stood by the window. Her last words had cut straight through Ronnie and from her position kneeling on the bed she was completely frozen. Was that really what Danielle thought of her, that she just got rid of people? Of course she did, Ronnie had proved her point time and time again. Danielle had even said it to her before and it was that memory that was screaming inside Ronnie's skull. Ronnie had found Danielle upstairs with Amy and they had fought, Ronnie didn't even want to think of the words she had said to Danielle. But Danielle had then accused her of getting rid of anything and anyone that got in her way. The words had hurt Ronnie then, knowing Danielle was talking about Ronnie's baby as well as her own but now the words ripped Ronnie apart. Danielle had been talking about herself, Ronnie's daughter and about Ronnie's grandchild.

Ronnie felt bile rise in her throat as she thought to the appointment at the clinic, she had watched as Danielle raised the pill to her lips and despite every instinct screaming at her to stop Danielle, to pull her hand away and to demand, plead with her not to kill her baby, she had sat silently and said nothing. She lied to Danielle, told her it would all be alright, told her it was the right thing to do, told her that her baby had been the biggest mistake of her life.

Ronnie watched as Danielle moved from one foot to the other and back again in quick succession. Danielle felt the need to escape, to run and just get away, to get some space. Being close to Ronnie was all she wanted but it hurt, even being in the same room as her hurt because of everything that had happened, everything that had been said and all the things still left unsaid. As soon as she was near Ronnie it felt like a fog settled over her mind and brought all of her thoughts and feelings to life. It eradicated all calm and left everything in her head jostling, screaming, fighting for dominance. Sometimes it felt like her head was going to explode from all the confusion. Every minute spent with Ronnie just added another guilt to her already dying mind. If she yelled or pushed her away Danielle felt guilty for hurting her when she was clearly trying, but when she accepted her and let her in, Danielle felt guilty for ignoring the past and leading her into a false sense of security. Nothing was easy. She would have run out of the door when she had moved from the bed but the IV drip that was attached to her arm kept her trapped. She was like an animal on a lead, Ronnie as her master, her keeper.

Ronnie opened her mouth to speak and closed it again with a snap. She had no idea what she could say. Danielle was right, she had pushed Roxy away just like she had done with Danielle, with everyone.

"I don't mean to. I make mistakes." Ronnie had now taken up Danielle's abandoned seat on the edge of the bed. "Me and Roxy, it was about us, me and her. We're like that, we fight and then we make up." Danielle let out a snort of derision at Ronnie's disregard for how seriously she was taking her dismissal of Roxy.

"Ok, it's more than that. I do it. I do. I push people away." Ronnie squirmed as the situation began to feel more and more like an interrogation, more and more like she was being picked apart. It was taking all of Ronnie's control not to snap up her defences and shut down completely. Before she could say any more, Danielle interrupted.

"Why do you do it though? I don't understand. You got rid of me, I was just a baby, what did I do at a day old, not even that, to make you hate me so much?" Danielle stayed staring out of the window, desperately trying to cling to any semblance of composure. She didn't pause in her words, she knew she was throwing out too many questions but she needed to get them out while she had the courage, if she didn't say it now she might never feel brave enough again.

"And the abortion, you just left me, you promised you'd be there and you weren't. You just left me. And after that you hated me, you just got rid of me. Why?" Danielle folded her arms over herself as a shield as she continued her words, her back still to Ronnie. "I've watched you do it to everyone." Danielle's voice began to peak as her stress took over and control began to slip.

"At the wedding you didn't even bother to listen to me…the things you said…I hear them all the time." Danielle sighed, letting her arms wrap closer around herself, ignoring the pain that shot through her wrist. "Every time I try to sleep or it gets quiet or anything I hear what you said to me. And then suddenly you want me and you make all these promises and then you go and do to Roxy exactly what you did to me! How can I believe you? How can I trust you? How can I forgive you?" Despite lashing out at Ronnie, letting out her pain and fears, Danielle desperately wanted an answer to her question. She wanted Ronnie to tell her how to forgive her because Danielle wanted it to be alright. So very much.

"Everything I did, Danielle, everything was wrong. None of it was your fault, none of it was because of you. There's so much I need to explain." Ronnie swept her fringe out of her eyes viciously over and over as she spoke. The words didn't come easily. She didn't know how to explain twenty years of pain, all those years of building barriers.

"Danielle, sit down, please. I want to explain this. I want you to know, but there's just so much and I'm not making excuses, but there is so much that you don't know." Ronnie sat poised, waiting to see if Danielle would lash out or give in. Slowly she watched as Danielle turned.

"I don't know how to let you." She felt stupid for saying it but it was honest. Despite pushing Ronnie for answers she was scared to hear them. "Just you being here makes everything hurt but I don't want you to go." Danielle rubbed her forehead realising that she wasn't making any sense. She wanted Ronnie to explain, she wanted to hear what Ronnie had to say but she couldn't trust herself to listen, she felt so out of control that it scared her. She knew how fragile she was and she was afraid that one wrong word from Ronnie could push her over the edge all over again. She wasn't just frightened of Ronnie, she was frightened of herself, of what she had done and she felt terrified that something might happen and she'd do it again.

"Ronnie, can…can we talk about it with someone else?" When she saw the confusion come over Ronnie's face she continued, "My therapist, the nurse said this morning I'd be talking to her again and that maybe…maybe you…well that maybe you'd come and talk too?"

"Yes," Ronnie answered immediately. She didn't want to do it, opening up to a stranger was one of the last things she wanted to do, but she needed to move on with Danielle and talking about the past, as much as they both needed it, just wasn't happening on their own. "Yes, of course I will. I want to. To…to be able to talk to you." It was true and yet so difficult to admit to. Danielle had no idea just how painful and unheard of it was for Ronnie to give herself up like this. She knew Ronnie shut her emotions away but she didn't know the extent.

"This might not mean anything," Ronnie said meekly, "but I haven't spoken about any of it, I haven't been able to talk about what happened when I had you. I haven't ever let anybody that close Danielle. But you and me, we'll talk about it, about anything you want." She watched Danielle's frame relax slightly at her words as if the mere action of having a plan formed was enough to settle her at least slightly.

"But Danielle, you have to know, you have to know," Ronnie tried to grasp Danielle's hands from where she was sat on the bed but as Danielle backed away slightly she gave up, instead reaching for Slipped and clutching him tightly to her chest, "You have to know that when you were born…I wanted you. I never wanted to give you up. I was fourteen and I was scared." She bit back tears as her mind was taken back to that first separation. "I was a child myself and my dad, my dad said if I kept you that I'd be out on the street, that if I kept you I'd ruin your life too. I still begged to keep you but I couldn't." Ronnie frowned and her words came out rushed as she ploughed through the past.

"I never got any forms to sign, if I had I wouldn't have signed them. I barely remember the days before, just that I was with some relatives I hardly knew. My mum was at home with Rox and my dad…he couldn't even stand to look at me. I don't know why I didn't get the choice, I was just fourteen. Maybe it was normal then, I was a minor, I don't know. But god I wanted you." Danielle watched in a trance as Ronnie closed her eyes, losing herself in the memory.

"After the birth I held you. God, I remember holding you." Ronnie was unconsciously cradling Slipper's head to her shoulder as she spoke and Danielle watched on, silently, unmovingly drinking in every word, every feature. She felt her breath, she didn't know she had been holding hitch as she saw the teardrop caught on Ronnie's eyelashes as their eyes met.

"And then my dad came, he told me that there were people from the adoption agency there. I never saw them," Ronnie sniffed, "I just remember him taking you."

"I held you so close, I held you to me and I remember the way you smelled, I remember feeling the weight of you in my arms," Ronnie's free hand flew to her heart as she closed her eyes, "and I pulled away from him. I tried to pull away, I tried to hold on to you. I cried, I couldn't stop crying, trying to pull away from him so he couldn't touch you, so they couldn't take you. You were mine and you were perfect." Ronnie sniffed back more tears, craning her neck backwards as she looked at Danielle.

"You were mine and they took you." Ronnie exhaled heavily and shakily before beginning again.

"I begged him not to. I remember crying, crying so hard that I could barely breathe. Maybe it was because I was crying or I was holding you too tightly, but you started screaming. You'd been just staring at me, those wide eyes locked onto mine, I could have just looked at you forever. But it was like you knew, like you knew what was happening and you started crying so loudly. I can still hear that, for months, for years when I was asleep, that noise would haunt me. It still does, in the middle of the night, I'll wake up hearing you cry." Ronnie's shoulders sank as she let tears fall. Danielle was utterly mesmerised by what she was seeing and hearing and she felt wetness coating her own cheeks as she listened to her mother's heartbreak.

"You kept crying as he took you out of my arms. He didn't let me say goodbye. I tried to kiss your head as he pulled you away but he just took you from me and started walking away." Danielle watched as Ronnie reached her hand out by mere inches, it was unconscious, a subconscious grab for her child.

"I could still hear you crying as he left, it was the worst sound in the world, I felt like you were crying for me…and then the door closed and you were gone. It felt like my heart had broken in two. You were gone and I just wanted to run after you and my arms they felt empty. I just wanted you back." Ronnie took a deep breath, her hands shaking as she pushed her hand against her heart in a repeating motion. Danielle still remained staring at her. Ronnie had made no attempt to wipe her tears and a part of Danielle just wanted to brush them away, make all the pain stop…for both of them.

"I had two hours and twenty three minutes with you. Two hours and twenty three minutes. And I thought that was all I was ever going to have and it wasn't enough, nothing was ever enough because you weren't there, because he took you and nothing was ever right after that. He was my Dad, Danielle, he was my dad and he took you away, he was the one person I thought I could rely on and he took away the only thing that ever mattered to me. That's why I push people away. That's why I'm scared of letting anybody in. Because I don't know how to trust people and the pain, the pain of losing you…it changed me." Danielle almost jumped when she heard her name being spoken, she had been completely lost in Ronnie's words. Now she realised that she had been staring straight into Ronnie's eyes as they both cried.

"It doesn't make anything alright. It doesn't make what I did…what I do, ok. I let you down by what I've become. I promised myself that I'd make my baby proud and that one day I'd see her again and she'd be proud of me. But I broke that promise didn't I? You came and you found me and I'm horrible. I let you down. I'm not someone you can be proud of…But I'm not heartless Danielle…" Ronnie was trying to convince herself as much as her daughter. She was speaking in whispers, "I'm not. I'm not a monster, I'm scared and I'm weak and I'm sorry."


	56. Chapter 56 Forgive Me Evanescence

It was the most honest that Ronnie could ever remember being about herself and her past. She was completely exposed to her daughter and although she knew that it still didn't make up for or even explain how she had acted, she prayed that her baby girl would understand, that she would see how they were more alike that she knew. That they were both broken.

The pair were just feet apart, both staring at each other without even seeing. Ronnie broke the contact, her eyes closing, perhaps to hold on to the memory or perhaps to push it away, Danielle couldn't be sure.

"I didn't know." Danielle's words were whispered as quietly as Ronnie's had been. It was strange. She was uttering words that Ronnie herself had said. _'I didn't know.' _

Despite Danielle's love for her birthmother for so many years, the feeling of resentment, of not being good enough even at birth, had haunted her. Just like Ronnie's pain over that same moment. Ignorance and agony had clouded them both, had caused this rift. _'I didn't know'_, wasn't going to heal it. But it was a guilt they shared. A mutual guilt that oddly connected the pair.

Danielle could still feel the tears in her eyes and the wetness of her face. Ronnie's words were heart wrenching enough to listen to, she couldn't imagine what they would have been like to have lived. Ronnie was still sat with one hand outstretched, although it was now clenched tightly into a fist.

Gathering her courage and trying desperately to push her own pain, guilt and uncertainty aside for Ronnie, Danielle took a step forwards and tentatively laid her fingers onto Ronnie's hand, prising her fingers open with infinite care. Ronnie jolted instantly at the touch, so lost as she was to her own thoughts. But she willingly unfurled her hand and let the warm hand of her daughter fill it. Ronnie opened her eyes as she felt Danielle's fingers close softly around her hand.

Ronnie was afraid to hold too tightly for fear of doing something else unwittingly to push Danielle away but she had been lost in the memory of her daughter being ripped from her hands and then suddenly her baby girl's hand was back in hers. How could she not cling on?

Danielle felt her mother's hand gripping hers painfully and she moved awkwardly to the bed to sit beside her. The two sat side by side, there was merely an inch of space between them but it was one that neither were brave enough to cross. Their only link was their joined hands.

"I always thought you just didn't want me." Danielle shrugged. She avoided Ronnie's comments about being heartless. She wanted so much to comfort her and hold Ronnie like she had just minutes before, tell her that she wasn't heartless. But she couldn't, she just wasn't ready to talk about all of the rest yet.

"I never gave you a reason to believe otherwise." Ronnie said coldly, her self deprecation leaking through her words.

"Because it was too hard?" Danielle didn't know whether she was asking or stating but she posed it as a question because the desire to keep Ronnie talking, to break her out of the entropy she had slipped into was too much to ignore. She watched as Ronnie nodded silently. Danielle squeezed Ronnie's hand in encouragement and Ronnie finally let out a strangled affirmation.

Danielle felt Ronnie's thumb begin to brush back and forth over her knuckles. She looked down at their joined hands not sure if Ronnie was even aware of what she was doing, she still looked so lost.

"I understand," Danielle said in a small voice, now purposely looking at Ronnie, hoping for recognition. She was fast becoming unnerved and anxious by Ronnie's vacant behaviour. Danielle could almost feel her mother slipping away, how was she suddenly the one chasing again? Danielle was scared to push Ronnie any further, was this it? Was this as close as they would ever get? One second hugging and so completely in love and the next, both so far apart and so hostile. She was about to pull her hand away slightly, wondering if Ronnie needed the same space that she had but at the exact same second Ronnie pulled her hand up to her heart, taking Danielle's with it.

The back of Danielle's hand was pressed to Ronnie's chest, straight over her heart. Danielle didn't know if it was an intentional move or simply a mindless movement. But as she continued to stare at Ronnie, hoping to work her out, she realised that she could feel Ronnie's heart pounding at an almost terrifying rate.

"Ronnie?" Danielle began to feel scared by how Ronnie was acting. She had no idea what would happen. She wondered if Ronnie was getting ready to scream at her. No, no she'd just admitted that she wanted her. Danielle tried to remind herself of that, to not be scared of Ronnie when she was obviously just as afraid as Danielle herself.

"I…" It was barely a sound as Ronnie breathed it out. Danielle waited for Ronnie to say more but she didn't.

"I'm scared too," Danielle muttered, her eyes still trained on Ronnie's face waiting for a reaction. She extended her injured arm, crossing it awkwardly over her body to wipe the lingering moisture from Ronnie's cheek. "Doesn't mean I don't want to tell you things, I just can't at the moment." At her words Ronnie turned towards Danielle, pressing her cheek against Danielle's hand before taking it in her own, letting Slipper drop to her lap, no longer needing the substitute when her own baby was there to be held.

"But every time…when he took you…when I found…" Ronnie was flicking her eyes between Danielle's face and her bandaged wrist making Danielle feel once again under intense scrutiny. "When you pull away or stop talking it feels like that day all over again. I can give you space. I will give you anything you want. But I can't pretend not to care about it."

"And I can't pretend to suddenly be ok. I'm not. I'm not ok. I don't even know what's happening in my own head anymore." Danielle couldn't lie, she wanted to comfort her mother, she wanted it to all be ok and as easy as it would be to just fall into her arms and forget the pain, it would only break out later. The smallest thing was enough to push the resentment and fear back into the forefront of Danielle's mind and she owed it to Ronnie in this moment to tell her that.

"I know. I just want to help. I just want to be there for you. You asked me not to leave and I won't. Don't try to make me." Ronnie fixed her eyes onto Danielle's and watched her nod, sighing. There was still an undertone, still that dull ache in the pit of their stomachs telling them that things could go wrong at any second.

They sat in the same way for minutes, slowly each one creeping closer to the other. Danielle tried to let Ronnie know that it was ok to hold her, that it was again ok for now and Ronnie gladly accepted, to her it wouldn't matter what Danielle did. Danielle could throw whatever she wanted at Ronnie and at the end Ronnie would still be there wanting to hold her and make it all alright. As Danielle sat in Ronnie's arms, Ronnie tried to explain this.

"Right you," Ronnie sighed, kissing the top of Danielle's head, "I'm going to pop to the loo, will you be alright? Do you want to put a film on the laptop for us to watch?"

"Yeah, alright," Danielle grinned, it felt better to have got things off her chest, even if it was only the smallest of issues that they had covered. It was also more amazing than Danielle could even describe to start feeling the information sink in, Ronnie had wanted her, her mother hadn't wanted to give her up. She shuffled herself back into the middle of the bed and starting sifting through the DVDs. "Was there one you wanted to watch?" She asked, looking up at Ronnie who, despite Danielle's shuffling, had managed to keep contact with her by resting her hand on her ankle.

"Anything you want, I don't mind. You can sort the laptop right?" she said, rubbing Dan's ankle with one hand. "I'll give Roxy a call as well yeah? Apologise to her and get her to come in with Amy?" She watched Danielle's smile grow at her questions. She knew it wasn't just about seeing Amy and Roxy, she knew that by making the first move in apologising to Roxy, she could show Danielle the she wasn't getting rid of them, that she wasn't going to push people out.

"We'll get there Danielle." As she spoke, Ronnie lifted her hand to clip her finger gently against the underside of Danielle's chin. She rose from the bed, giving herself a moment to stretch and left Danielle busy fussing with the films, Ronnie wondered how long it would be before Danielle's next outburst. She wondered how long it would be before Danielle pushed her away again.

"In time, ok?" Danielle called as Ronnie was about to close the door behind her. She gave a nod, accepting her daughter's hidden question. "But we will," Danielle finished with a smile.


	57. Chapter 57 Innocence Avril Lavigne

Danielle sat back on the bed, a strange feeling of almost being at piece was spreading over her. Getting something out in the open, hearing Ronnie's side of things, having her mother be so open and let her in. It was all so new but wonderful. It was a weight lifted, even if it was just one of many that still remained.

She picked through the films, trying to work out which one Ronnie might like best, the truth was, as much as she had watched Ronnie and tried to get to know her, she had absolutely no idea what she would like. She knew Ronnie as a person perhaps but she still knew very little about her. Picking out a film, she made sure to pick one with Hugh Grant, just in case it would bring out some jokes and she made sure it was a film with a happy ending, neither of them needed any more sadness in their lives.

Grabbing the laptop with both hands, Danielle felt a shooting pain down her arm, she shook it off but it was yet another glaring reminder of what she had done. Trying to push the thoughts aside she put the disc into the laptop and waited. It was obvious that if Ronnie was going to go and call Roxy that she wouldn't be back for a while. She drummed her fingers on the laptop and wondered, this was Ronnie's personal computer, there must be a hundred things on there about Ronnie, pictures, emails, maybe Ronnie wrote things on there or…no, Danielle held herself back from invading Ronnie's privacy like that. She looked at the laptop from the corner of her eye before starting up a game of solitaire, something to keep idle fingers from doing things they shouldn't. Ronnie was here now and opening up as well. Danielle didn't want to betray that trust, no matter how tempting.

Grabbing some of the chocolate from the bag Danielle chose between the bars. Ronnie had brought quite the selection. Her mother was buying her films and chocolate, her mother, her mum. Entirely foreign, so new and completely wonderful. Danielle allowed herself a little hum of contentment. Whilst Ronnie wasn't in the room there was no pressure to be a certain way, no intense flurry of emotion, just the comfort of knowing that she was right downstairs and coming back, never leaving.

Ronnie wiped her face, a shaky smile refusing to leave as she made her way into the lift and downstairs. She'd splashed water onto her face but after days of crying she was starting to think her eyes would just stay red and blotchy now. It didn't bother her, she didn't care about trying to look a certain way for anybody, there was nobody she wanted to impress except for her daughter and Danielle had just seen her sobbing her heart out so a tear stained face hardly mattered.

Walking out into the air outside was refreshing. Ronnie took a moment to breathe, she had become so used to the smell of hospitals that she had forgotten how fresh real air could be, even in London. It was raining heavily still and she took shelter close to the building, she was still getting pelted with water but with her coat still up in Danielle's room, there was little choice. The smell of rain was oddly rejuvenating, like spring, like a new start. She watched a few people coming and going from the hospital, trying to rush in to avoid getting soaked. She smiled and held the door open for a couple, one struggling on crutches, trying desperately to stay dry. She caught their eyes as they thanked her and her smile was genuine, easy, she didn't even notice how rare the action was for her, it was reflexive. She sank back against the wall, shaking her head at the weather, so frivolously changeable, when would summer start?

Ronnie pulled her phone from her pocket, carefully scrolling through to Roxy's number. This could be awkward. "Ron. Well, what have I done to deserve this honour then?" Roxy's voice rang out in all its cutting sarcasm "Or you just called to yell at me again? Or should I put Amy on so you can scream at _her_ again?" Ronnie clenched her fist and sighed knowing that this wasn't going to be easy. She wanted to snap back but couldn't. It was hardly fair, Roxy knew what it was like to have a child in hospital, it eclipsed all other thought.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted ok. I'm sorry." Ronnie knew that her voice didn't really sound sorry but she still was, she hadn't meant to shout…not really. "Well you scared Amy half to death Ronnie," Roxy carried on as if she hadn't heard but her tone was lighter, obviously taking the apology on board. "If you've got your knickers out of a twist then there was something I had to talk to you about actually it's sort of…serious, sort of." Roxy's voice went quiet on the line, pausing for breath before she ran into another torrent of ranting. "Oh and you know what? Phil's got this dodgy stomach, ah Ron it stinks like a blimming sewer in this place, it's not right. It smells like something died in the bog, I can't even walk past it, I've had to keep my window open to stop Amy from being gassed. I swear I almost retched Ron, it's worse than that time in Ibiza, you know when…oh what was his name…" Ronnie couldn't help but laugh as Roxy carried on with her tirade.

"Danielle's fine by the way," Ronnie cut in after a while. She was only half scolding, but she had to say it. Her child was in hospital, Roxy knew there had been a problem and she hadn't even mentioned her. "Well I was_ going_ to ask wasn't I." Roxy said back, a little too casually. "Were you?" Ronnie cut in before Roxy could make any excuses. She listened to the slight silence on the line, the sound of Amy's contented gurgles vaguely making themselves heard. "This doesn't sound like much of an apology Ron." Roxy huffed.

"Look, Danielle's asking to see you. Are you coming down?" Ronnie swept in, trying to divert the conversation away from another fight. Roxy has always used Amy to get people to do what she wants, now it was Ronnie's turn to let her own perfect little girl sway people's decisions. "I don't know Ron. Amy's asleep and I don't really want to wake her."

"No she's not. I can hear her." Ronnie rejoined both confused and a little angry at her sister. This was Danielle, her niece, why was she lying? Had she upset Roxy that much? Maybe she was just being stubborn to try and get a rise, it wouldn't be the first time. "What's going on Roxy?" She voiced her question almost playfully suspicious but in her mind there was nothing playful about it. "Danielle's asking for you. You're her aunt. I'm not going to yell at you Rox, just come down."

"Yeah," Roxy breathed out, it sounded like the whole thing was a chore for her and Ronnie had no idea where this new attitude had come from. Roxy had been so supportive. But that was typical Roxy wasn't it. The first moment that things don't go her way and she gets stubborn and does what she wants, not thinking about anyone else. "Yeah, sure. I'll get Amy sorted and come down in a bit yeah? I'll get lunch here though first, that hospital food is rank."

Ronnie was soon back inside, she was dripping wet and her footsteps squelched wetly as she walked through the hospital corridors. Arriving back in Danielle's room she caught Danielle with a mouthful of chocolate and humming along to some music she had found on the laptop. Both giggled a little at the sight of the other.

"Still raining then?" Danielle smirked slightly, surprising herself by starting the conversation and poking fun at Ronnie's bedraggled person. "Just a bit. Yes. Didn't feel like sharing?" Ronnie said, raising a mirthful eyebrow and indicating the chocolate that Danielle had been trying, unsuccessfully, to hide from view. "I feel like a drowned rat, I must look a state," Ronnie continued, squeezing out her hair and noticing how soaked she actually was.

"Did you want to borrow some of my clothes? Stace brought me loads. I know they aren't the kind of thing you usually wear…" Ronnie interrupted Danielle when she sensed the nerves starting to kick in for Danielle. "That would be brilliant, if you're sure you don't mind?" She gestured to herself, smiling, "I think I could use them!"

Danielle told Ronnie to help herself and soon Ronnie was poking through Danielle's clothes, eating chunks of chocolate as Danielle handed them to her. With her mouth full of chocolate and a bundle of clothes in her arms, Ronnie leant over Danielle, placing a messy kiss on her head and ruffling her hair in the process. She had almost completely forgotten that there was anything wrong and that they hadn't been together for years. Eating chocolate and snooping through clothes, it just felt like her and Roxy. She looked down carefully to see how Danielle had taken her gesture but Danielle was still picking at chocolate happily and scrolling through songs on the laptop to find any that she liked. It was like a normal day.

"Right, let me go and get out of this lot and when I get back you can put that film on. We haven't got long before Rox and Amy arrive." Ronnie was already half way out of the door before she turned back.

"Oh and when Roxy gets here, whatever you do, don't get her started on Phil's dodgy stomach. Trust me. There are some things that not even family should know."


	58. Chapter 58 The One Skillet

As Hugh Grant got kissed in a communal, walled garden, Danielle let out an 'Aww', causing Ronnie to laugh softly at her. Sat side by side, the laptop on the wheeled table over the bed, it had taken until Spike had waddled across the screen in scuba diving attire for Danielle to lean into Ronnie's side, knowing that after snapping, it was her turn to make the move to let Ronnie know it was ok to be close. Cuddling in to her side, Danielle leant her head on Ronnie's shoulder, her own white hoodie under her cheek. It had been surreal for Danielle when Ronnie had walked back into the room in Danielle's own hoodie and jogging bottoms. It was strange enough seeing Ronnie so casual and undone but paired with it being Danielle's clothes was just …odd. Nice odd, but still, odd. As Hugh and Julia sat together on the bench, Ronnie wrapped both arms around Danielle, though when Danielle turned to her, her eyes were still trained on the screen. But her smile gave her away.

"What are you doing?" Danielle laughed, Hugh was busy pining for Julia after meeting her boyfriend, and Danielle had turned to glance at Ronnie to see her with her sleeve covering her hand and pressed up to her face. "Sorry, just smells really nice," Ronnie chuckled embarrassedly. Danielle laughed and started breaking off more pieces of chocolate, on the second bar, this one flavoured with chilli. Both women had made faces as they had first tried it but after the second piece it had begun to grow on them. "I have to stop eating this, we've got through almost two bars now," Danielle pushed the chocolate onto Ronnie but quickly took another piece even as she spoke. "Mm, probably not the healthiest thing but you can't watch this sort of film without chocolate. It's the law," Ronnie said with controlled importance as she broke the last row of chocolate squares in half, handing one side to Danielle before starting to break her own apart. "I think I need some real food though soon and I don't know how I'm going to manage it after all of this." Danielle proclaimed before taking a deep breath, clearly preparing herself and Ronnie could feel herself tensing slightly as she wondered what would come from Danielle next. When Danielle had to steel herself it was usually not a good sign. "We could have dinner in the café you said about before you go? If you have time? If you wanted to. But you don't have to."

"I'd like to Danielle. Stop worrying. Their coffees are awful though so probably best to steer clear of that." Ronnie absently twirled Danielle's hair around her finger as they both watched the film. Ronnie was fast becoming aware that it was more than just shyness coming from Danielle. Her daughter was genuinely scared of her, nervous around her since the day they met and the emotions clearly amplified with each passing interaction. "Like steering clear of Phil's stomach?" Danielle asked, grinning. Ronnie grimaced and the food in her hand dropped back to the packet. "Ok, and I'm done with the chocolate." Danielle stifled her laugh as Ronnie pushed her chocolate away.

There was a soft knock at the door and Doctor Kerwood walked in, clipboard in hand and a bowl of something Danielle couldn't see, in the other. "Ahh Danielle, you're looking brighter today," she smiled towards the pair, "how are you feeling? I heard there was some trouble overnight." She stood at the foot of the bed and placed the bowl on the chair next to her. "Uh, yeah but it's ok. I was just tired it hurt a bit." As the doctor sat and asked Danielle if she was in any pain, checked her drips and monitors and checked her breathing, Ronnie stroked up and down Danielle's arm, soothing her as she paused the film and let the doctor work.

"Right, I'm just going to look at the stitches from the surgery. Then we can check your range of movement in the hand alright?" Doctor Kerwood brought out surgical scissors as she spoke and began to cut the bandages off Danielle's wrist when she saw her nod. Neither Ronnie nor Danielle looked at her wrist when the bandages were peeled off. Ronnie didn't know where to look. She wanted to comfort Danielle but she didn't want to make her feel awkward or exposed. But it didn't work, Ronnie couldn't not look at what was happening. Seeing the long stitched wound took Ronnie's mind back to the moment she had lifted Danielle's arm from her lap. The blood spurting, the sight of her dress soaked in crimson. Ronnie squeezed Danielle tighter against her but neither said a word. Neither caught each other's eyes. Danielle just let the doctor work and Ronnie just held her child knowing this was a pain she could never kiss away.

"Right, well that all looks good. I'll just sort you out with some more morphine from the nurses as well." She said with an almost conspiratorial smile which Ronnie returned while Danielle stayed unreadable. "We'll keep you for observation over tonight but if there are no problems then I should think you'll be able to go home tomorrow and just come back in to outpatients to get the stitches out in a few days." Both women froze. They should be happy, excited, relieved but both felt more nervous than anything else as they realised their little safe haven, their joint solitude away from real life was being burst apart. "Oh, I almost forgot. Christine won't be able to speak to you today, there were a couple of emergency cases brought in. But she'll speak to you tomorrow before you're discharged."

"Oi Ron, are you going to help me with this?" Roxy's voice cut through the moment before anybody could say anymore. Her backside pushing itself through the door as she tried to manoeuvre Amy's pram into the room. Ronnie rolled her eyes and stroked Danielle's hair as she got off the bed and helped Roxy with the pram. "Danielle I'm just going to have a word with your mum outside, is that alright?" Danielle had been distracted by Roxy's not so glamourous entrance and turned back to the doctor who had sorted everything ready to leave the room. "I umm…ok." Danielle had been caught off guard but the doctors request and had agreed before even registering the question which soon sprang to mind. As she watched Ronnie walking out of the door with the doctor the question burned into her, what were they taking about?

"Ronnie isn't it?" Doctor Kerwood asked, Ronnie replied with a nod as she was lead into the family room. "I just wanted to have a quick word about Danielle as she'll most likely be going home tomorrow." Ronnie nodded and toyed with her locket, "It's a bit of a difficult situation. We have no medical reason to keep her any longer so and I'm sure you're anxious to get her back home but given the nature of her injuries, it would be good if Danielle could be looked after for a while. Ideally it would be good if somebody could keep an eye out for her. I know it's difficult with work and, Danielle being an adult." Ronnie nodded to show the doctor that she was listening but now she was starting to worry again. Not only did she have to broach the subject of where Danielle would call home with her but now she was being brought to the painful reality once again that this had not been some unfortunate accident, Danielle had tried to kill herself and Ronnie had no guarantee, no certainty that it wouldn't happen again. At that second Ronnie knew that she didn't want Danielle out of her sight for even a moment but the chance of that was frankly unlikely if not impossible. All Ronnie could hope to do would be to persuade Danielle to stay with Stacey if she didn't want to move in to Ronnie's flat and then she would have to make some sort of agreement with the difficult Slater, work together to take care of Danielle.

Ronnie refocused her eyes as she realised that she had been frantically running through possible conversations, ways of persuading Danielle, ways of keeping her safe and the doctor had still been talking. "Of course because of the wound on her wrist we'll need to send her home with some pain killers but because of the overdose it would be good if you could keep them and dispense them for her. She will only need them for the next few days. Is that possible at all?"

Ronnie felt guilty, she didn't know how to answer the question. "Yes. Well…she's not actually living with me," Ronnie said awkwardly. "She's been living with her friend so I'll see where she wants to go and if she goes back to Stacey's then I'll have a word to Stacey about it. But there'll be someone with her. My sister will want to be there too so there are lots of people around to support her." Ronnie wanted to play the part of the responsible mother, acting like she was in Danielle's life, knew her friends, would be able to look after her. In reality it was merely a hope.

Roxy and Danielle were left alone in the hospital room together, only a sleeping Amy as company. Roxy didn't know what to say. She had bonded a little with her newly found niece, but that was all before she had spoken to Archie. Now Roxy didn't know what to say to her. She didn't know what to believe. Sitting down heavily on the chair she tried to flatten her windswept hair, angling Amy's pram next to her. The silence was deafening and Danielle could feel that something had changed. She wondered if it was the fight that Ronnie and Roxy had had earlier in the day. She couldn't stop the nagging doubt though that Roxy's new frosty attitude was aimed much more at her than at Ronnie.

"You alright?" Danielle ventured, trying an encouraging smile at Roxy. She'd always got along with Roxy, they had never been friends exactly but she wasn't like Ronnie. Roxy was always up front about what she felt and Danielle hoped that it was maybe just a bad day. Her cheery tone was belied by her shaking hands as Danielle worried that she had been right earlier in the day and that her new aunt hated her already, hated and was disgusted by her because of what she had done.

"Why did you come to find Ronnie?" Roxy was never one to beat around the bush or even attempt subtlety and she glared at Danielle as she tapped her foot impatiently. "What?" Danielle was taken aback by Roxy's blunt demand for information. "Why did you come and find my sister?" Roxy replied instantly. Danielle felt her defences snap up "Because I wanted to know her. I wanted to find my mother. I just wanted to find her." Danielle could feel her voice squeaking, could feel herself pressing back further on the bed and yet she still felt confused more than anything. "Look, I'm not having a go Danielle but this is all a bit weird yeah. What about your family? Do they even know where you are?" Roxy rocked the pram back and forth as Amy started to wake and Danielle kept her eyes fixed on it rather than have to look at her aunt. She didn't know where all this was coming from and she worried that Ronnie must have said something, something must have happened. "It's….it's just my dad. He knows I'm in Walford." Danielle felt another regret as she thought about her dad. "But not that you're in hospital?" Roxy questioned, although it was clearly a statement. "Don't you think you should tell him? Get him to help you now? 'Cos my sister, she's got her own problems. She can't be looking after you right now. Ronnie loves you and all but it's just not a good idea."

Danielle just stared at Roxy. She didn't know what she was hearing. "I'm not saying you shouldn't be in her life or nothing, 'cause I want you to be and you know how Ronnie feels. It's just now might not be a good time for either of you. You need to get yourself sorted first yeah? And Ronnie, she needs to get her head around all of this." Roxy had softened and she placed her hand on Danielle's knee as she looked up at her niece with wide eyes, the doe eyes that usually got her what she wanted. "She thought her baby was dead and now suddenly you're here and it's a lot to take in babe. You two might need a bit of time apart. I mean I heard what the doc said, you can go home tomorrow. Do you know where you're going yet?" Danielle shook her head, sighing as she realised that she really didn't know where she was going to go. Now that she had Ronnie, she really didn't want to be apart from her, even if being near her was the most confusing thing she had ever experienced. "Well I want to make sure you're ok and all so you have to be in contact with me where ever you go." Roxy laughed. She couldn't help feeling such sympathy and warmth towards her niece but she knew that from what her father had said, that she needed to keep tabs on Danielle as much as befriend her. "Just, it might not be the best idea for you and Ronnie to get too close just yet, yeah?" At Danielle's puzzled and bewildered expression Roxy couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. It just felt wrong. She tried to remind herself that Danielle had tried to hurt Ronnie, she took her to abort her own grandchild, she had purposely tried to kill herself just to hurt Ronnie…but it just didn't feel right. A nagging ache began to build in the pit of her stomach and Roxy didn't like it. "Here, why don't you give Amy a hold?" Anything to not have to look her in the eye.


	59. Chapter 59

Ronnie walked into Danielle's hospital room and instantly sensed an atmosphere. Roxy was sat staring at her nails whilst Danielle rocked and whispered to Amy who lay cradled in her arms. She glared at Roxy who gave her a 'what are you looking at me like that for' sort of look in return. Ronnie raised her eyebrows gesturing towards Danielle with her head to which Roxy just shrugged. The two kept up their silent conversation, Roxy claiming innocence and Ronnie becoming increasingly suspicious. As Ronnie's expression turned to a sneer and Roxy looked away defiantly they both turned to see Danielle staring at them, obviously having watched the entire exchange between the pair.

"_You_ have a knack with her." Ronnie abandoned her silent argument with her sister to sit beside Danielle, her hand on her shoulder as she looked at Amy in her arms. Danielle smiled up at Ronnie before looking anxiously at Roxy to her side. She made a small hum of agreement before looking back down to Amy and moving a hand to play with her cousin's fingers. "Roxy was always telling me how good you were with her and how much Amy loved you. Weren't you Rox?" Ronnie smiled over to Roxy, adamant not to let anything spoil the calm atmosphere she had built with Danielle through the past hour. Roxy was pouting as she sat crumpled up on the chair, staring at the wall to her side purposely. "Yeah, well she does. Any time you're around, she just conks out or starts smiling. You've always been great with her." Roxy gave a smile to Danielle, one that she hoped looked genuine and not sarcastic. "Gives me some peace and quiet too. I love her and all but sometimes I just need a minute's peace." Danielle stared at Roxy wondering if those words were meant for her, meant to mean a lot more than they said.

"You're a great mum Rox." Ronnie was glad to see Roxy smiling and chatting to Danielle. Something still felt off but for now she chose to give the situation the benefit of the doubt and she gave a loving look to Roxy before leaning into her daughter and watching her play with a contented, sleepy Amy. "She's going to look just like Roxy," Ronnie grinned at Amy, talking to Danielle but also giving something far greater, she was talking lovingly about Amy perhaps for the first time since she had been born, almost certainly for the first time since she had found out about Jack. In such simple words she was giving a forgiveness to her sister.

"You think?" Roxy saw the look in Ronnie's eyes and she didn't know how long it had been since Ronnie had looked at her in that way. She didn't realise how much she had missed it until it was back. "Yeah, she's got your mouth and look at those eyes. Danielle's got them from you as well." Both women looked at Ronnie, surprised by the way she was speaking. She opened her locket and held it open to Danielle, "see? She's got the same eyes." She pointed at Amy and then back to the picture of a baby Danielle in the locket. It was the first time Danielle had ever seen the picture. The thought that Ronnie had kept it, had held it close to her heart for all those years. It was overwhelming. But Danielle couldn't stop glancing at Roxy who was still giving her and Ronnie significant glances when Ronnie wasn't paying attention. "Roxy's genes in you." Ronnie pulled a face at the thought to make Danielle laugh and got a reciprocated sneer from Roxy. "Oi, these are good genes. Irresistible that's what they are." Ronnie laughed sarcastically but the mirth was evident. Danielle realised how much freer Ronnie seemed with Roxy, she wasn't trying so hard. There was an ease, a relaxed freedom about their actions and their words. Maybe Roxy was right. Maybe she was putting too much onto Ronnie.

Danielle placed Amy in Ronnie's arms and started to swing her legs over the side of the bed before her arm was grabbed awkwardly by Ronnie. "Hey, where do you think you're going?" Her voice was soft but still firm as she questioned Danielle. Her worry was spearing through her voice but Danielle just turned back to her innocently, "Just to the toilet." She held her arm still waiting for Ronnie to drop it from her grip which she soon did but Danielle could feel Ronnie still watching her as she left the room, pulling the drip stand beside her.

"What've you said to her?" Ronnie snapped in a fierce whisper as soon as Danielle had left the room. Roxy was taken aback completely by Ronnie's accusation. Although it wasn't unfounded, she had been all calm and loved up a second ago. "I've not said anything! Why's everything my fault?" Roxy folded her arms as she whined sat pouting in her seat. Ronnie knew the look so well. This was Roxy's 'feeling put upon. I'm innocent and the world is unfair' expression. She'd used the same sulk since they were children and it still managed to get under Ronnie's skin. Mostly because it reminded her of all the times that it had been successful in getting her way. From Ronnie, from their father, from teachers, from men, Ronnie hated it and yet so often it still worked on her.

"Oh please. She was fine when I left and I come back and you two are sat in silence. You could've cut the atmosphere in here with a knife. So come on. What did you say?" Ronnie was jabbing her finger toward Roxy who was pouting but at least had the good sense to look intimidated. She didn't catch Ronnie's eye until she had stopped talking. The anger she saw there hurt. She was just trying to protect Ronnie. Danielle had come to find her for the sole purpose of hurting her. She was just trying to protect her sister. A righteous indignation flooded through Roxy as she felt pushed away once again. Pushed away in favour of a girl who could, and had even been trying to, destroy Ronnie. "That's right Ronnie. Blame me. 'Cause you're so innocent. And oh, Danielle's a little saint isn't she?" Now wasn't the time or place to try and tell Ronnie what Archie had revealed about Danielle's true intentions but Roxy couldn't hold in the exasperation. It seemed like the more she tried to help, the more angry Ronnie became with her. She didn't want to lose her sister. She didn't want to see Ronnie get hurt again. But she had no idea how to approach the subject with her. Ronnie seemed completely blind sided by Danielle and Roxy knew that saying anything bad would just push Ronnie over the edge and not with Danielle but with her. How could she protect her sister when Ronnie kept pushing her away?

Ronnie stared at Roxy for more than a moment just taking in Roxy's latest attack. She knew Roxy could lash out but what had Danielle don't to earn Roxy's disdain? Was Roxy jealous? Or had something deeper happened between the pair? "Grow up Roxy. I'm going to find her. So if you want to tell me what you did then tell me now or I'll just find it out from her." Ronnie had stood from the bed and placed Amy back into her pram, purposely making a display of not handing her to Roxy. She was about to step away to go and find Danielle when Roxy grabbed her wrist, her eyes were wide as she sighed and spoke in a small voice, "Ron, wait. Look, maybe you should just give her some space."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ronnie snapped, yanking her hand out from Roxy's grasp. Something in her words was hitting a nerve. Ronnie felt as though she was being trapped into a corner, her daughter so unpredictable and unreadable and her sister now saying to keep her distance. "Nothing." Roxy yelped defensively and a little too quickly before catching Ronnie's flailing hand once again and pulling her to sit on the bed so that they were face to face. "Ron, really I'm not being a cow, just give her some space, yeah? There's something I needed to talk to you about anyway. It's important, there's stuff you should know." Roxy's eyes skimmed over Ronnie before skittering away uncomfortably. She felt awful. What was she saying? Was she really going to tell Ronnie about Danielle purposely getting pregnant, intentionally trying to kill herself just to hurt Ronnie? Roxy had no idea how to tell Ronnie or even if Ronnie was strong enough to hear it. Would Ronnie even listen? It was doubtful. Danielle was infallible and nothing short of perfect in the eyes of her mother. She held Ronnie in the palm of her hand, wrapped around her little finger.

"Come on then. Talk." Ronnie demanded, but when she saw the nervousness in Roxy's eyes, the way she bit her lip and shifted under Ronnie's stare Ronnie froze. Her brows creased and she felt her own nerves set in. "What do I need to know? Roxy did she say something?" She stared at her sister, Danielle was fine wasn't she? They had been making progress, Danielle had asked her to never leave. They had promised. Both of them, they had promised.

"Ron, stop it. Not here yeah?" Roxy's eyes slid nervously to the door as she felt that sinking feeling in her stomach once again. She knew that she had to try and keep Ronnie and Danielle apart until Danielle agreed to get herself some help and until Roxy could find out just how exactly Danielle really felt about Ronnie. But breaking Ronnie's heart in the process, even if it was to save her from a greater pain, Roxy had done it more than once before, but doing it knowingly now, well that was different.

Ronnie looked back and forth between the door and Roxy. She narrowed her eyes as she saw the jittery way that Roxy was looking at the door and her out of the corner of her eyes, then resolutely avoiding looking at either. She couldn't work out why Roxy looked so flustered but she knew when Roxy was keeping something from her. Roxy was never a particularly good liar. "No. If she said something then I need to know." More secrets. She couldn't handle it. It was as if her very heart was trembling with anxiety and she had to know, she had to know what was going on. So many secrets kept for so long. Always in the dark. She didn't want to think that Danielle would keep anything from her, not now that she knew the truth.

"Yeah, yeah alright she might've said something." Ronnie's heart sank as the words left Roxy's lips. She felt a deep ache at the possibility that even now, when so much had been said, she could be unwelcome, unwanted. But still Roxy took a minute before she would look at her. "But that's not what I need to talk to you about. Why don't you come home for a bit? Give both of you a chance to clear your heads?" Roxy picked at her nail polish and examined the ends of her extentions to avoid looking at Ronnie. She just wanted to make things alright. If she let Ronnie get hurt and Ronnie found out that she had known all along, then she would certainly lose her sister. Look what had happened with Archie, he had explained that all he had tried to do was help but Ronnie had blamed him for it all. Thinking about the night of the wedding made Roxy stumble, even though it only entered her mind for a second. Was Archie really trying to protect Ronnie, Danielle hadn't seemed twisted…she'd seemed hurt. And then that night, seeing her bleeding, watching her lifeless body…

"No, I'm not leaving her." Ronnie's voice made Roxy jump. "How can you even ask me to? What's got into you? What's your problem?" She didn't want to believe that this was the truth, she didn't want to believe that Danielle would want her to leave. She didn't understand why Roxy would be asking her to. Nineteen years, nineteen years she had longed for her child, why would she ever leave?

"Nothing!" This was not going how Roxy planned. Not that she had managed to even think of a plan but if she had this wouldn't be it. All she wanted to do was get Ronnie home, try and tell her about Danielle, somehow and then have a chance to talk to them both…give them both a few days apart and then she could work out what was really going on. That was the plan, sort of. She didn't really know how she would do it or what she would say or even if she wanted to get herself involved. She just didn't want to see them both rushing in to something and then ending up ripping each other apart. Ronnie would never recover, Ronnie would never forgive her, maybe Danielle would succeed next time, she could lose her niece, Ronnie would die. She would lose them both. "Look I just think…you and her have barely spent a minute apart since she came in here and maybe she needs some space. Maybe you both do."

"Did she say that? Does she want me to leave?" Ronnie barely let Roxy finish speaking before she cried out her words. Her mind was repeating the same mantra as she beseeched herself to her sister _'Please let her say no. Please, please let her say no.' _Ronnie looked scared. It wasn't a sight Roxy was used to seeing at all. "I'm worried about you both. You need to know some things about what's happening with Danielle. And I can't tell you here, yeah." She needed Ronnie to stop asking her questions, she wasn't good under pressure, she wasn't good with secrets, she wasn't good at being responsible, she didn't want to do this. Her voice held a caring but still casual tone, she was trying, but she knew Ronnie saw through it. Ronnie stared at Roxy, forced eye contact, grasped her hands and demanded, "Roxy did she say she wanted me to leave?"

Danielle stood out in the hospital corridor. It felt nice to stretch her legs a bit. The muscles were aching, they weren't used to being kept still for so long. She'd gone straight to the ward bathroom, not wanting to let Ronnie or Roxy know that she had just wanted to get out. Looking in the mirror had been unpleasant. Not only did she look a complete mess but she remembered the mirror at Ronnie's, the anger and desperation she had felt, the disgust that had spread through her when she had looked at her own face and the complete despair as she had thrown her hand forward to smash it. The linger numbness that crept from her hand, through her body after. She'd moved quickly aware from the hospital mirror after that memory. She tried to sort herself out, running hands through her hair and washing her face but it made little different to her bedraggled appearance.

Standing by the window in the corridor, Danielle looked out onto the street below. Life went on in the outside world. The rain was stopping but cars continued to splash through the pools that it had left. Her back was turned to the room that she had been occupying, every few minutes she considered going back inside but her thoughts hadn't cleared in the slightest. A pigeon landed onto the windowsill beside Danielle. It cocked it's head, it's little eye turned towards Danielle. She leant down and ran her finger down the glass, watching the bird hop back along the ledge away from her, keeping it's eyes watching her intently. She leant down to level herself with the bird and watched it hop back and forth past her. She let her mind try to work out what she wanted now. Roxy told her not to get too close to Ronnie, to give Ronnie some space. Danielle began to wonder what Roxy and Ronnie's fight had really been about. She wondered what was right, she knew didn't want to lose Ronnie but if Ronnie needed space what did that mean?

A pair of forearms and elbows appeared on the windowsill next to Danielle's, leaning down next to her, mimicking her stance. She looked over into the face of Nicola, she was smiling. "We can take that drip out for you when that bag's finished." She said gently. Danielle nodded and placed her finger onto the window again next to the pigeon. "How's it going with your mum? She was worried this morning, almost ripped my head off when I wouldn't let her straight in to see you." Nicola tried to cheer Danielle up. Her joke earned her a single laugh. "She does that. She shouts at people. She's not easy to work out." Danielle sighed. "Why don't you come and get a hot chocolate? Give yourself a couple of minutes out of that room." The pigeon flew from the window, Danielle left for the family room, Nicola led her there, the corridor was left empty but for the daily hustle and bustle of the ward.


	60. Chapter 60 Stand In The Rain Superchick

**A/N --- Here we go guys it's the big six-oh!**

**Thank you all SO much for your reviews. I do appreciate every single one. I can't list all of you guys here but you all know who you are. Thank you especially to those reviewers who have stuck by me and reviewed every chapter. **

**I hope this chapter lives up to being chapter 60! And I hope you guys will all continue to read and review I really am so happy whenever I see a new review. As an aspiring writer...(forever aspiring it seems) it is just amazing to know that so many of you are reading and enjoying the story.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Danielle lay awake in the hospital bed. Hopefully, the last night that she would spend in that room. It was just before midnight and sleep evaded her as her mind dredged over the fears and choices she had to face the next day. Tomorrow everything became real again. She would be leaving hospital, Danielle just didn't know where it was she was going. Telford didn't feel like an option. Dawley was her home once upon a time but now, now it felt like a place she had grown up, nothing more. She felt foreign to it, an outsider. So it was Walford, it had to be Walford. The question was where? She didn't have the money to keep staying at the B&B, and if she was honest, the thought of staying by herself, being alone wasn't one that she welcomed. Two options then, Ronnie or Stacey. Danielle knew where her heart lay but it wasn't that easy.

She tossed and turned restlessly as she ploughed over everything that had happened, everything that had been said. Would Ronnie even want her? Would Stacey? Her mind span and riled as it tried to search through spoken words for meaning, any meaning that would help her to make the choice.

"_Danielle, if you let me I will be everything you have ever wanted me to be. I'll spend every day making it up to you. I just want to be your mother… I want to be the mother you wanted me to be. I've dreamed of my little girl, of you every day Dani, I want to be the perfect mother. I _will_ be."_

"_You were mine and they took you."_

"_Shhh…I'm here. You won't lose me. I'm never letting you go Dani, I promise sweetie, I'll never leave you."_

"_Oi, shut it you. You ain't apologising for nothing. I'm your mate and I'm here no matter what yeah? You and me against the world."_

"_My sister, she's got her own problems. She can't be looking after you right now. Ronnie loves you and all but it's just not a good idea."_

"_Just, it might not be the best idea for you and Ronnie to get too close just yet, yeah?"_

Danielle smacked her head back into the pillow. Ronnie was the one asking her to try, to make things work between them but Danielle wondered if she was being honest, or if she was, if she really knew what was best for them both. She didn't know why Roxy would tell her to keep a distance unless there was a good reason. But Ronnie…it took so long and so much pain for them to get to where they were now. Danielle didn't know if she could let Ronnie go even if she tried. Maybe it would be easier to be away from her though, it was so confusing and intense in every conversation, every moment between them, maybe being apart really was for the best. But Danielle didn't want to stop being able to hug Ronnie, to lose herself in her mother's arms. She didn't know how to make this decision. She didn't know how to decipher all of the thoughts inside her. Every one issue that they touched upon, every small step that she and Ronnie made, ten new issues threw themselves on top of her.

Ronnie walked robotically through the Square, her footsteps echoing on the tarmac and concrete as she passed under the bridge, her head reeling. The streets were emptying as the night drew in. She was still in Danielle's clothes, she had stopped in at the flat quickly before the four walls had become too stifling but she couldn't bring herself to change out of her daughter's clothes. The scent of her daughter wrapped around her was too comforting. It had received some strange looks from the residents she had passed on her trails around the Square, or perhaps the clothes had nothing to do with the looks.

As Ronnie passed the park for the third time, she ventured inside, placing herself on one of the swings, she knew she must look so young, in teenage clothes, sitting on a swing, her slumped posture so similar to Danielle's when she felt down. Tomorrow Danielle could come home. In just over twelve hours Ronnie knew that she could take her baby home from the hospital, just like she should have done when she was born. She just didn't know where Danielle would be calling home. Ronnie desperately wanted her to go back to the flat, for them to live together as mother and daughter, to have her child by her side always. But Danielle, she was still confused and upset and their relationship was so new, hardly stable. It had to be Danielle's choice, Ronnie just hoped that her baby would choose her. Not that she had asked. No, any time that Ronnie had been close to broaching the subject she had changed her mind at the last moment or somebody had interrupted or it just hadn't felt right.

Ronnie swept her fringe out of her eyes, cursing her inaction. She should have asked Danielle earlier. The evening had been pleasant enough. Danielle had come back with three hot chocolates, the nurse had taken out her drip and Danielle had seemed calmer, a bit more like herself. She had spent a while playing with Amy, tickling her feet, trying to teach her to sit up, making her smile, Ronnie and Roxy had watched on, Roxy munching her way through more than her fair share of the chocolate bars that were left. Dinner had been quiet, Roxy and Amy had already left and Ronnie took Danielle down to the café in the hospital. It should have been easier than it was but Roxy's words and the uncertainty of what the other was thinking, of what tomorrow would bring was playing on them both heavily and awkward silences were the theme of the meal.

As the pair had parted for the night, Danielle had practically forced Ronnie from the room, telling her that she needed rest as much as Danielle herself did. It had been jovial but Ronnie had still felt the stab of rejection. After the uncomfortable dinner it was obvious that something was becoming unsettled between them. Ronnie had given Danielle a kiss on the forehead and told her that she would be in early to help Danielle get everything sorted to go home. She tried to let Danielle know that she was happy and looking forward to having her back and made her best efforts to hide the nervousness and trepidation from her daughter. She had tried to read Danielle, to work out any hints or signals about what Danielle could be feeling but she was frustratingly blank. She had smiled and hugged Ronnie as she had left, things were improving. But Ronnie still didn't know what Danielle may have said to Roxy. Did Danielle feel smothered? Did Danielle really want to work on things or had she now appeased her need for her mother? Was finding and getting to know Ronnie all she had wanted? Perhaps a relationship with her mother had never been part of Danielle's plan. Ronnie began to swing gently back and forth, just some movement to distract herself.

Ronnie's phone vibrated for the fourth time. Three messages from Roxy wanting to talk, one from Jack with a quote for damages on the office. Ronnie hadn't been impressed by Jack's message. It was only some phones and papers, maybe a chair and other insignificant objects that had been damaged, it was hardly important. The new message was another from Roxy. They had talked briefly, Roxy telling Ronnie that maybe some time apart would be good for both her and Danielle. Ronnie had listened for about ten minutes before it was too much and she had left. She didn't want to be told to keep a distance from Danielle. She didn't understand how anybody could expect her to. Roxy was still claiming she needed to talk to her. Ronnie ignored the message.

As the sky once again began to cloud over and rain loomed overhead Ronnie rose from her perch on the swing and began the short journey back to her flat. It was only a few footsteps before a voice called out to her.

"Veronica." She hadn't seen him since the wedding. She hadn't seen him since she had found out the truth about Danielle and about him but now she turned to come face to face with her father. She stared into his eyes for a moment. She hardly recognised him, not because he had changed but because she truly saw everything that he had put her through for so many years. And even now his face showed no remorse. She walked away.

"I heard about what happened." Archie called after Ronnie's retreating back. "How is she darling? How's little Danielle?"

"NO!" Ronnie span herself around, her finger flung out accusingly and threateningly towards her father. "Don't you dare mention her name. Don't you EVER talk about her." She felt her muscles violently trembling with anger. Without even noticing, Ronnie had stepped aggressively towards Archie, she was threatening. "Veronica, love. You don't mean that. She's my little granddaughter. I just want to know she's alright."

"You kept her from me!" Ronnie screamed. Her voice screeched through the relative silence of the park. "How could you do that to me? How could you do that to her? You told her I knew and that I didn't want her. You told me she was dead! WHY?!" Where at first Ronnie had been angry and defensive she was now breaking, the pain of what her father had done and what it had resulted in, all the hurt that she and Danielle had been through was spilling out into desperate questioning and accusation.

"I did it for you, I was looking after you. And little Danielle. She's not well V, I was just doing what was best for both of you." Archie had straightened his back, his head held high, he was condescending, patronising. Father knows best and Ronnie's fury began to grow at the arrogance in his tone and posture. He still thought he had won. This was a game to him. She felt sick.

"Look after us? You ruined my life! You took her away from me! She could have died because of your lies, because of YOU!" Ronnie's hands flew wildly even as she tried to keep herself in check. Her heart pounded in her chest, the depth of her anger and hatred, for her father in that moment, unbearable. "No V. I did what was best for you and for Danielle. I'm your dad, I'm her granddad. I did what you both needed. You'll see that one day." Archie's voice was eerily calm, a half smile on his face but there was a venom behind his words, a bite to each one, an unspoken threat, a challenge for Ronnie to dare to oppose him.

"No." Ronnie's voice steadied as she refused to rise to him, refused to give him the tears and tantrums that he wanted. "You mean nothing to me. And you mean nothing to Danielle. You don't deserve to even say her name. You will never, _never_ be a part of our lives. You've lost." Ronnie let out a mirthless laugh. "Me and Danielle, mother and daughter, like we were always meant to be and you can't do anything about it. I have my baby back. And you…you have nothing." Ronnie spat out the words, her own posture mimicking her father's. She refused to back down, refused to give in. She had Danielle. Nothing else mattered, least of all him, the lying, manipulative man who had kept them apart for all these years.

"Mother and daughter?" Archie snorted derisively, "you aren't a mother Veronica. You never were." His composure had been shaken by Ronnie's words, her vehemence. He was fighting back in the way that he knew, he would break Ronnie, he knew her every weakness and fear and he would play them. Break the girl who was so intent on breaking everything for him. "I did that girl a favour. You've known about her for three days and look what's happened." He bent down slightly so that he was just inches from Ronnie's face. "Where is she V? Hmm…? Where's your precious little girl? Where has she ended up after just days with _you_ as a mother?" His words bit into Ronnie painfully. It was true. She lifted her hand, swinging it back as she lashed out wanting to scream and cry and run all at once. Her hand never made it to impact with his face, instead her wrist was grabbed within Archie's fist painfully.

Ronnie struggled, trying to free her hand from Archie's grip but to no avail, instead he simply grasped the other in his free hand and held her captive within his grasp. "No." Ronnie's cry was as much to convince herself as it was to deny her father's claims. "No, that was because of you. Because of what you did, your lies."

"No V. It wasn't me who said all those things to her. All I ever did was keep her safe, safe from you. It was your words that hurt her Veronica, the things you said to her. The things that you did to her that are still hurting her now. You called her a mistake didn't you?" He asked the question as though it were innocent, his smile casual and unassuming, he knew how to play this game, how to hit the right buttons, how to break her. "You knew it was true. What I did when she was born was the best thing for both of you. And it still is. You know that. You and me, we aren't that different V." He shook his head with a smile but tightened the hands clenched on Ronnie's arms as she struggled more violently against him, wanting desperately to hurt him, to get away, anything to not have to hear those words.

"NO!" She screamed, her face almost touching his as she cried her words into his face. "NO! I am nothing like you. NOTHING!"

"No?" Archie asked, laughing as he roughly jolted Ronnie away from him, keeping her wrists still locked in his hands, pressing them hard enough that Ronnie knew they would bruise painfully. "You tried to get rid of her didn't you? You told her that having her was a mistake." His voice was gentle, feigning almost a curious tone as he spoke. "And your grandchild V. Well…" he paused to shake his head derisively at her, "I might have made you give my grandchild away." Ronnie tried to interrupt him, tried to make him stop what he was saying, "No. Stop it. You…you…" but Archie spoke over her, almost laughing. "I may have tried to get rid of my grandchild yes, but V, what did you do to yours?"

"Stop it." Ronnie's voice had been reduced to almost a whisper. Archie felt…validated. He had hit the right nerve, he had stuck a chord of doubt and he would play on it. "That girl's better off without you V. You know it as well as I do." His tone was placating, persuasive. Ronnie felt the stinging of tears behind her eyes but adamantly refused to let them forth. "You're no mother V. You never will be." It was a statement so casually spoken that he could just as easily have been talking about the weather or dinner or stating that the sky was blue. But it stabbed into Ronnie and pushed her, it was a push more than she could handle and she wrenched her arms harshly out of his. She took a step back, tremours running through her whole body.

"I'm her mum. I'm going to be EVERYTHING she needs me to be. I love her and she wants me. She WANTS me as her mum. You can't hurt us anymore. I won't let you." She continued taking slow steps backwards as she spoke. "So you stay away from me and you stay away from my daughter. And if you don't, if you come within one _mile _of my daughter I will kill you."

Archie, despite his anger and trepidation at his daughter's words merely laughed. "Your daughter? You can't call yourself a mother." He spat the words and looked at Ronnie as if she were disgusting him, Ronnie wondered if perhaps she was. "Your little girl came back to you. All this time, all these months and what have you got to show for it?" Ronnie was confused by his words, she simply spoke, "I have my daughter. And you'll be alone. You're pathetic." And with that she turned away to his harsh bark of laughter. Ronnie's fists clenched as she heard it but she kept walking away.

"Your daughter? I don't think so V." He shouted after her. "She'd rather be _dead_ than be with you! And next time…next time you hurt her…she'll get it right."


	61. Chapter 61 Got a Suitcase Got Regrets

Sunlight peppered the bedroom and splashed onto Ronnie's face through the crack between the curtains. A spot of light reflected onto her eyelid and she squeezed her eyes more tightly closed in an attempt to block out the unwelcome intrusion. She pressed her face further into the pillow, a groan escaping her lips as the light seemed to pierce into her temple even with her eyes closed. Her head began to pound and her mouth was dry, the taste of stale alcohol still on her lips. Without even opening her eyes, Ronnie rubbed the heels of her hands into them, rolling onto her back and cursing the morning having arrived. More than anything in that half awake state, she wished to be back in the clutches of a silent slumber, back in the hands of the unconscious night. But the tendrils of morning and wakefulness were already creeping around her being and forcing her body into the day, ignoring her mind's stubborn attempts at refusal.

As Ronnie opened her eyes she was half tempted to pull the covers up over her head like a petulant child and simply refuse to acknowledge morning or the fact that she really should be getting herself out of bed. Danielle was coming out of hospital today. It was a fact that she should have been happy about but instead she felt physically sick at the prospect. Her father's words had affected her far more deeply than she would let herself believe.

The night before, she had practically run back to her flat, ignoring anything and anybody that she had passed on her way. Her mind hadn't even registered them. Once back in the relative solitude and sanctuary of her own home, Ronnie had allowed herself to break. She allowed herself the fear that she had refused to let him truly see and as she had sat shaking and gasping on the floor, she did not let the tears come. She would not give herself that freedom. It was a relief she did not deserve. Instead she was soothed by the calming burn of vodka through her system, the entropy that came with every drop that passed her lips.

The guilt had been excruciating. All of the doubts and fears that she had tried to block out had been spoken straight into her face and there was no hiding from that. Danielle had been happy in Telford. She had had a good childhood, she had been brave and confident enough to come and find Ronnie in London, breaking out on her own and in the mere months that Ronnie had been in her life she had managed to break her daughter down to the shell of the girl that she once was. Danielle had been better without her. And yet…she still wanted her. People don't always want what's best for them. The thought was ironic at it came to Ronnie at the same moment that she knocked back another glass of the clear liquid, slowly numbing her to her own thoughts and yet in equal measure, dragging her far deeper into their grasp.

"_She'd rather be _dead_ than be with you! And next time…next time you hurt her…she'll get it right."_

Roxy had said that maybe she and Danielle needed some space. Danielle herself had confessed that even though she didn't want to let Ronnie go, every time they were close, everything was too intense, too confusing. Her baby could have died because of her, because of what she did. The alcohol blurred her thoughts, making the edges fuzzy and the logic hazy.

Ronnie wrenched herself out of bed, refusing to let her mind linger for any longer on her father's words or on the choice that she had made. She knew that despite her efforts, it would continue to linger but making a choice not to let it was at least a step in the right direction, even if it would never work. She pulled herself across the room and grabbed towels from the clean pile as she made her way into the bathroom. It had been cleaned diligently, there was little evidence that anything had even happened there, Roxy had done a surprisingly thorough job and Ronnie didn't know if the lack of any remains of the incident was comforting or unnerving. The only sign of Danielle's suicide attempt that remained was the empty space where the mirror had been and the bathroom cupboard which was emptied of almost its entire contents.

It was under ten minutes that Ronnie managed to stay in the shower. She was too restless, too guilty to stay so still, with so little to distract her. There was no chance of relaxing so it was simply a task. Dressing was quick and makeup was forgotten as Ronnie moved into the lounge, trying not to look at the sofa where she had found Danielle. But the more she tried to avoid the place, the more her eyes became drawn to it. Ronnie had first held her daughter there, apart from at her birth, that had been the first time she had held her, the day that Danielle had confided in Ronnie. The day that this pattern of hurting and abandoning her daughter had truly started to cement itself.

She moved into the kitchen, unwilling to dredge back over the abortion or the memory of finding Danielle, bleeding and almost unconscious in the same spot. She had let her daughter down both times. She had lied to Danielle about her own child and she had not been there when Danielle had returned home. The sickening feeling overcame Ronnie as she thought about what she was doing now, abandoning her again. She shook her head to clear it of the thoughts. No, she wasn't abandoning her, she would always be there, but she was doing what was best for Danielle.

Filling the kettle with water she snapped it on. The kitchen clock loomed over her on the wall as she turned to lean against the countertop. It was already passed nine. She felt her stomach lurch. She was all too acutely aware of where she should be and instead she was here, hiding.

Danielle scrunched her face up as she slowly began to wake to sunlight streaming through the window. She didn't feel rested. She threw her uninjured arm over her eyes and rolled over in a vain attempt to recapture the elusive slumber. The only success gained was a slight ache in her head from her arm landing slightly too heavily. As her mind drifted more firmly into wakefulness she realised that sunlight meant morning which in turn meant that today was the day she could leave hospital. She was slightly surprised not to hear Ronnie tapping away on the laptop or feel her sat beside her on the bed. Cracking her eyes open gradually, Danielle let her head drop to the side. The chair beside her was empty.

Danielle glanced back over to the window as if to confirm that it really was morning. Ronnie wasn't there. Danielle searched her eyes around the room looking for Ronnie's bag or coat or to see if anything had been moved, to reassure herself in some way that Ronnie was in fact there. To her dismay everything was as it was when she had fallen asleep. Nothing had been moved, no sign of Ronnie. Danielle felt suddenly lost. She hadn't yet woken without Ronnie being there and now being all alone in the room in her waking moments was overpoweringly lonely.

As Danielle scrambled herself up on the bed, she reached over into the bedside cupboard looking for her bag. There was no clock in the room. She hadn't really known the time at any point during her stay in hospital, she didn't even know what the visiting hours were but she was fervently searching for her phone to check just how late in the day it was. Inside she was hoping and praying that it was still very early, that she had just woken earlier than usual and Ronnie hadn't arrived yet. But she couldn't shake the sinking fear that began to chip away at her, telling her Ronnie just wouldn't come.

It took several long minutes of searching for Danielle to realise that her bag wasn't in the room. The last time she remembered having it was in Ronnie's flat. Nobody had brought it in. Danielle huffed and threw herself back until her head hit the pillow. It was another five minute before she gave in to temptation and frustration and made her way out into the corridor to find out the time. She wandered over to the nurses' desk at the end of the corridor, the clock above the desk read nine forty-three. She tried to casually ask what time visit hours started. The reply of 'over an hour ago' was not a welcome one in Danielle's mind. She tried to remind herself that Ronnie may just have things to do. She tried telling herself that she was expecting too much for Ronnie to be there at every single second of visiting hours. After all it had been she who told Ronnie that they both needed a good night's rest. But as Danielle made her way despondently back into her hospital room, Roxy's words span through her head once again. And all over again Danielle began to wonder what Ronnie really felt. She held on to the locket around her neck and with every fibre of her being she prayed that Ronnie would come.

Sunlight was blocked from the room, heavy curtains purposely arranged for morning sleeping. It was a heavy knock on the door and Mo's screeching voice which awoke Stacey from her peaceful dreams. She grunted and pulled the covers up over her head, a feeble attempt at recapturing her slumber. "Oi, get yourself up. If I'm opening the stall for you, you're not bleedin' skiving off all day." Mo's voice was shockingly loud when it was echoed through a door and a duvet and it rang straight into Stacey's ear. She angrily threw the covers back and groaned an affirmation of her rising before making her way into the shower. Perhaps she had been a bit too liberal with the alcohol the night before. But as soon as she had received the text from Ronnie the day before about Danielle's homecoming she had persuaded Mo to take on the stall for the day and knowing that she wouldn't need to be at the hospital until midday at least, Stacey had taken full advantage of the situation. And advantage which was now ruined as looking at the clock Stacey realised it wasn't even ten yet and she was awake. She grumbled slightly under her breath and made her way into the shower.

Ronnie sat with her second cup of coffee, one hand clutching her locket, her thumb brushing over it as if by touching the locket she could somehow touch Danielle in measure. She watched the clock tick around to ten o'clock. She kept telling herself that she was doing the right thing. She was not, was _not_ abandoning Danielle. She was not hurting her. She was just giving her the space that she asked for, the space that she needed. The space so that she could make the right choice and go home with Stacey, go to a home where she wouldn't get hurt, where Ronnie wouldn't hurt her.

Not being able to stand the stillness, Ronnie pushed herself up to the fridge in search of breakfast. The milk was off, the bread was growing a layer of mould thicker than the bread itself, eggs were rotten. Ronnie shut the fridge with a force that echoed a frustration and pain far deeper than just expired food. She covered her face with her hands and kept her mantra repeating in her head. _'I'm not abandoning her. I'm doing the right thing. This is what she wants.'_

Ronnie left her flat in search of breakfast. She hoped that she wouldn't see Stacey on her way. She didn't think she would be able to stand her ground, she didn't think she would be able to stay away from Danielle if she was pushed. She still wanted nothing more than to hold her. _'I'm not abandoning her. I'm doing the right thing. This is what she wants.'_

She lied to herself. It was easier than risking it all. She was too afraid.

* * *

**A/N --- This chapter was originally meant to join on to the next one but it was FAR too long that way so I had to split them and make them into two. What do people think? Ronnie hiding away from Danielle...what will it mean?**


	62. Chapter 62 When You Say Nothing At All

Danielle sat alone in her hospital room. She held Slipper to her with one arm, the other clutching her locket. She brushed her fingers over it as if somehow Ronnie would feel it too.

She was sat hunched up on the bed, her knees to her chest. She tried to tell herself that Ronnie was just held up, that something may have happened at the club or there was bad traffic, anything that wasn't the agonising rejection that was lingering at the edge of all of her thoughts, screaming that she had left herself open to it again. It wasn't long until Danielle began berating herself, rushing through all of the small rejections she had enforced upon Ronnie. None of them had been intentional and none had been meant to hurt Ronnie and definitely not to push her away and yet obviously they had. There was an anger building. Ronnie had promised she wouldn't leave. She had promised. And yet…she wasn't here.

Danielle tried to busy herself with any distractions that she could find. She got dressed, started to pack some of her clothes into bags, but that just made her feel even more empty. She was packing up her belongings, bags waiting for a home that may never arrive. She ended up turning on Ronnie's laptop, she couldn't bring herself to watch a film so instead put on music and played game after game of solitaire. She hoped that it would keep her occupied, keep her mind from trailing over the same old thoughts.

Footsteps passed by the room and Danielle's heart leapt into her throat she unconsciously crossed her fingers as she held Slipper to her. _'Please let it be Ronnie. Please, please let it be Ronnie.' _

The door opened and Danielle couldn't suppress the grin that pasted itself onto her face. She held Slipper out slightly, planning to let the toy wave to Ronnie as she came in. It was stupid but Danielle knew that it would make her laugh.

"Danielle, good to see you up already." Doctor Kerwood was calm and smiley as she walked up to Danielle's bedside. She didn't notice the smile drop from Danielle's face or the entirely despondent disposition that swept over her.

"No mum yet?" She asked, looking around the room. Danielle shook her head and tried to force a smile onto her face. "Ah, well I'm sure she'll be here in no time." Doctor Kerwood said. She busied herself checking Danielle's pulse and breathing and began to ask her about any pain or difficulties with her arm. When the doctor had discerned that there were none she sat down on the chair beside Danielle.

"Right, as long as you feel well enough I see no reason why you can't go home today." She smiled expectantly at Danielle, anticipating a smile of relief that never came. She leant forward to put her hand on Danielle's when she noted Danielle's downtrodden expression and complete lack of reaction. "Danielle? Do you feel ready to go home? If you still feel in pain or confused or tempted then you need to let us know so that we can keep you in for a little longer."

"No, no, it's fine." Danielle assured the doctor. "I'm just hungry and it's early so I'm still half asleep." Danielle tried to lie her way out of the situation. She really did feel fine to go home so that much was true. "Alright, well I'm going to have Christine talk to you quickly before I discharge you. Just to get everything in place for when you're at home and then you'll be free to go." Doctor Kerwood watched Danielle closely and Danielle attempted a false smile to appease the doctor. She didn't want questions. She just didn't want to have to admit that she had the sinking feeling that nobody wanted her.

Ronnie made her way into the Vic, she hadn't really intended to end up there but she could easily welcome another drink. She moved behind the bar of the empty pub and poured herself a drink, downing it before pouring her second and taking it around the bar to get off her feet. She stared down into the glass, swirling the clear liquid round and round. It created a whirlpool, a spinning, swirling vortex in a glass that Ronnie was drawn and dragged into. Ronnie was humming under her breath, the same song echoing around her head. She laughed as she realised it was from the film she had watched with Danielle the day before.

"Ronnie. What are you doing here love?" Peggy's voice interrupted Ronnie's thoughts and she snapped her head up fixing a smile onto her face. "A bit early for that isn't it?" Peggy said, gesturing to the drink in Ronnie's hand. "Why aren't you at the hospital with Danielle? Roxy said she can come home today. Good thing too I say. Back home with her family where she belongs." Peggy beamed at Ronnie, not catching the melancholic state of her niece as Ronnie fixed a false smile back towards her. "Well I'd better go. Like you said, I should be at the hospital," Ronnie lied, trying to avoid having to justify her decision. It was better that nobody knew until Danielle was back with Stacey, where she was safe, safe from Ronnie hurting her again.

"Oh Ben made Danielle a get well card too. Now where did he put it?" Peggy looked around aimlessly before she remembered "him and that Branning girl made it together. He must have left it with her. But maybe he could take it over to your flat later, eh?" Ronnie froze as she heard Peggy's assumption that Danielle would be choosing to live with her. She took a sharp intake of breath, her eyes not leaving her glass even as she stood.

"Ronnie love, are you alright? You don't look well. Here have a sit down. You should eat a proper breakfast, not a Roxy breakfast." Peggy scolded Ronnie as she snatched the half finished vodka and poured it away. "Thanks Aunty Peg but I can't stay. I'll see you later though." Ronnie made a quick exit, eager to get away from any questions that could lead her to falter in her choice. She knew that it wouldn't take much to change her mind all over again. "You bring that daughter of yours here when she's back." Ronnie heard Peggy calling out after her but didn't catch any more. Daughter. Mother. Words too powerful. Words that Ronnie didn't feel she had the right to use.

Danielle sat still staring at the laptop, letting the songs play over and over, one after another, music and time marching on forwards together. The nurses had been around and brought her some breakfast which she had managed to force down. It was bland and disgusting but Danielle barely cared. She was too anxiously awaiting somebody to come in to see her. Ronnie, Stacey even Roxy. She felt forgotten.

A song began to play on the list that Danielle had been listening to. It was all of Ronnie's music put onto shuffle. Danielle had recognised some, but her mother really did have eclectic taste. The introduction played on and Danielle smiled to herself. She had heard the song yesterday, on the film she watched with Ronnie. The smile dropped as she realised the lyrics were true…actions really did speak louder than words. Ronnie's absence screamed what Danielle never wanted to hear.

Sat in the café, Ronnie turned to glare at Ian for the third time when she found him staring at her, whispering something to Bianca who was leant against the countertop. Ronnie could tell that they were enjoying her dejection but couldn't find the energy within herself to care enough. She picked at the toast and scrambled eggs she had ordered. She had wanted something light but even this option seemed to be dripping with grease.

"Ronnie, I didn't expect to see you here." Ronnie looked up to the voice and was strangely comforted to see Tanya smiling down at her, brushing her hair out of her face. Ronnie gestured to the seat in front of her which Tanya promptly took. "How's Lauren getting on? Have you heard much from her?" As much as Ronnie was oddly glad of Tanya's company, she still wasn't keen on having the conversation turning to Danielle.

The pair chatted for a while about Lauren and the upcoming court case. When the talk turned to Danielle, Ronnie gave vague answers and moved them on quickly. "I've been carrying this around since yesterday morning in case I bumped into you," Tanya said as she reached into her bag. Ronnie looked at her suspiciously wondering what she could possibly have for her. Tanya continued rummaging around in her oversized handbag, "Abi and Ben made it for Danielle…it's…there you go." She passed a handmade card out to Ronnie. Ronnie couldn't keep the smile from her face when she saw it. There was a silly photograph of Ben and Abi smiling on the front, and flowers drawn meticulously around the photograph to frame it.

"Abi took a shine to Danielle. I didn't know they'd even spoken but…well she wants to see her when she's back. And Ben of course." Ronnie nodded mutely, scooping a forkful of now lukewarm eggs into her mouth. She hoped to not have to respond, "Ronnie, this is none of my business but...has something happened? It's just you don't look alright."

"I can't do the right thing." Ronnie burst out. She hadn't meant to say it, she didn't know why she did. She had been trying so hard to avoid the subject at all costs but the words just slipped from her lips. At Tanya's questioning Ronnie began to hesitantly explain about her doubts over whether Danielle really wanted her and whether she was really the best person to be able to look after her little girl. "She seems to just shut down when I'm near. It's like it's so easy for me to do the wrong thing with her and so hard to know what the right thing is. She pushes me away but then asks me not to leave and then pushes me away all over again. She wanted to be away from me so much that she tried to…she did what she did." The words spilled forth unchecked and Ronnie was voicing what she was barely voicing to even herself in her mind.

Tanya hesitated for a second before she drew a breath and ploughed on with her words. "Ronnie, look, kids, especially teenagers, the easiest thing in the world for them is to push you away, scream at you, tell you they hate you and shut down. Telling you to leave is like second nature to teenagers, especially my Lauren. But asking you to stay, that's the hardest thing. They might not say it because it's too hard it's just that they don't know how. Maybe Danielle is just scared. Maybe she just doesn't know how to tell you." Tanya paused realising that Ronnie really was afraid, she was afraid of losing her daughter again. "If you were hurting her, if she didn't want you as her mum then she wouldn't be talking to you at all. After what happened…she's not going to know what to do or say to make things better is she? Maybe…maybe you need to push her a bit. It's up to you to be her mum, Ronnie. No-one else is going to do it."

"Thank you." Ronnie said as she rushed up from her chair. She put her hand onto Tanya's on the table quickly in a gesture of gratitude before grabbing her coat and running out of the café. Tanya sat back smiling and shaking her head. She could give all the right words for Ronnie and Danielle, so why did she still feel like she was losing her own children? Ian walked over to the table Ronnie had just vacated, he pointed at Tanya and then the table, "I hope you've got money on you, because she didn't pay for that."

Danielle was dressed and packed. Her bags sitting expectantly beside the bed. Ronnie had said she'd come and help her pack up. But it was almost midday and she was nowhere to be found. Danielle sat feeling left behind and forgotten all over again. It was a lonely feeling. Not even Stacey had come in yet and Danielle didn't have her phone to be able to get hold of her or anybody. She began to wonder what would happen if nobody came. She would be discharged and she would be stuck out with no money, no phone, only bags of clothes and Ronnie's laptop. She didn't even have any money for a taxi back to the Square. She wrapped her arms around herself feeling completely dejected. She had fallen for it all again, she had let Ronnie in and she had been let down all over again.

"Danielle." The door had slipped open and once again Danielle's heart had leapt only to be thrown back down, crashing and splitting as the face that emerged was not the one she needed to see. "So, you can go home today. How are you feeling about it?" Christine asked as she made her way easily towards the empty chair. Today her cheeriness was incredibly irritating and grating on Danielle, she didn't understand how she could be expected to put up with all of the smiles and chipper chatter when her whole world was falling apart all over again. "Fine. I'm feeling fine about it," she lied.

"Right, well lets go down to the other room to chat shall we?" Christine said as she realised that her patient had for some reason once again shut down. Danielle stood reluctantly. She tried not to look at any of her packed bags, Slipper, the stack of DVDs from Ronnie. The flowers by her bedside were slowly beginning to wilt. "So where's your mum today?" Christine asked casually as Danielle moved with her towards the door. Danielle could feel the screams and tears being held within her, it was like they burned. She didn't know how to say the words _'She's left me again. She doesn't want me.'_

As Danielle stuttered her breaths, not knowing what to say they both kept walking towards the door. All at once, the door flew open, missing Danielle by only inches. She looked up, her whole body jumping back slightly in shock at the sudden crash the door had made. There she was. Ronnie stood in the doorway panting and out of breath, she gave a small smile to Danielle who suddenly beamed and couldn't stop the breath of laughter escaping, partly from relief and partly from seeing Ronnie so flustered and looking a little sheepish at her dramatic entrance.

"Sorry I'm late Dani, I…" Ronnie didn't have a chance to finish her sentence, as soon as she took a breath Danielle was in her arms. It was said perfectly without words, Ronnie was there like she was meant to be and Danielle wanted her, no words needed.


	63. Chapter 63

After finally releasing each other from their locked embrace, Danielle had left the room, grinning, with Christine for her counselling session. It had to be just Danielle in the session so that they could discuss how she would cope at home and make sure that she was in fact ready to go. Ronnie practically collapsed on the bed after her frantic sprint to Danielle. As some 80s metal began to blast out of her laptop Ronnie jumped to turn it off, before collapsing back down, her head on Slipper, wondering how, when she ran so often she managed to be so out of breath now. She was drifting off into sleep when a voice roughly awoke her,

"You setting up camp here or something? Where's Dan?" Ronnie looked up and groaned inwardly at seeing Stacey plonking herself down into the chair by the bed, making herself comfortable. Ronnie forced herself to sit up feeling her stomach protesting as she did. Perhaps running with a hangover, a stomach still full of alcohol and some rather questionable scrambled eggs hadn't been the best idea in the world. Ronnie made a note to remember that scrambled eggs were not good hangover food. Surely after so many years in Ibiza and quite a heavy past she should have leant this already.

"She's with her counsellor. She'll be a while." Ronnie muttered trying to make herself comfortable and avoid the rapidly pressing prospect of her breakfast making a second appearance. "So it's just…you and me." Ronnie stated, her eyebrows raised.

"Great." Stacey said back sarcastically. The pair had shared moments of compassion in their shared pain and fear over Danielle but it was still a tenuous link that they held with each other. An alliance, a civility for Danielle's sake, but without her there it fell to discomfort with a rapid speed.

"So," Ronnie started after both she and Stacey had exchanged one too many awkward looks, "you got much business on the stall?" Ronnie inwardly cringed at her pathetic excuse for conversation. Stacey clearly noticed the sorry attempt and rolled her eyes but did give a slight smile of acknowledgement.

"It's been chucking it down, no-one's out. You two have it better in this place." Stacey said with a slight hand gesture as she slouched down into her chair and put her feet up onto the bed. "Except for the smell. It's rank, like old cooking and disinfectant." She added, wrinkling up her nose as a fresh waft seemed to permeate the room.

"I think that's meant to be lunch." Ronnie replied covering her nose with her sleeve. The smell of any food wasn't pleasant but the smell of hospital food was definitely not having a good effect. Stacey watched as Ronnie turned a delicate shade of green, she smiled slightly, mostly in amusement but partly in sympathy, she wondered vaguely when she had become sympathetic to Ronnie Mitchell, she almost felt proud of her for being there for Danielle. It was bizarre. "Just as well that you've been sorting Dan's food for her. Done a good job looking after her. That stuff smells well dodgy."

Danielle was cross legged, scrunched on the rubbery plastic, stuffed chair. She kept fiddling with her hair absently and then realising over again that it was in a greasy and matted state. She tried to subtly wipe the slight trace of grease left on her hand onto her tracksuit bottoms.

"So, no bad feelings? Not tempted to hurt yourself?" Christine asked. They had already done the cursory small talk to get Danielle comfortable in the session. Danielle shook her head no. She felt somewhat restless in the room, she wanted to be out with Ronnie and she just wanted to get home. But at the same time, the prospect was still uncertain. She didn't know where she should choose to go and if either option was even open to her. Moreover there was also the prospect of facing everybody once again and after the week's events it was not a welcoming or comforting thought.

"How safe do you feel about leaving?" Christine asked, smiling as she jotted a few things down onto her notepad. She watched Danielle's lazy smile and her hand picking at a small tear in the plastic of the chair in her own little daydream. "I'm not going to do anything like that again. I know that." Danielle replied, looking up. "But…" She pressed her lips together and picked more forcefully at the arm of the chair as she didn't know how to voice her feelings.

"But?" Christine questioned. There was a pause whilst Danielle took a breath and steeled herself.

"But I don't know where to go. I don't know if she wants me. And even if she does can it really work, after everything, just going home with her?" Danielle squinted slightly and shifted her gaze to the window. "And what if she isn't thinking that at all? What if she doesn't want me there? And what if Stacey doesn't either? What if everyone back at the Square is talking about me? I know they will be." She sighed, dropping her palm to make a soft slap against the arm of the chair. She would be so excited if there weren't so many questions and doubts.

"Tell me Danielle, where do you want to go? In your mind, where can you call home?"

Ronnie was packing up her laptop as Stacey flicked through the magazines that Danielle had already packed away, busily creating mess as quickly as Ronnie was trying to tidy. Stacey threw the magazine in her hand onto the bed to join the growing pile before grabbing another from the open bag. Ronnie glared at her and turned back to the cupboards, checking that nothing had been left. The glare had been completely unnoticed by an oblivious Stacey. "You think those are real?" Stacey asked, trying to make an effort at conversation, knowing that from now on Danielle would want her and Ronnie to be more than just civil and Ronnie had been making an effort with her, so she bit the bullet. Ronnie turned to peer at the picture Stacey faced towards her. "Not a chance. Don't think her lips are either." It wasn't exactly easy making conversation but it was becoming more comfortable and more natural.

"How long's Dan going to be?" Stacey drawled, turning the magazine back to herself as Ronnie stood, turning herself on the spot looking for anything left, having realised that Danielle had packed her belongings diligently and there was very little for her to do until Danielle came back. "A while probably," she answered vaguely.

"Have you talked to her about where she's going yet?" Stacey asked, looking up from the glossy pages that she had quickly tired of. Ronnie sat herself down onto the bed.

"Not yet." Ronnie sighed.

"Well what were you going to do? Wait until we're back on the Square and just leave her standing there not knowing?" Stacey asked, slightly exasperated by Ronnie's inaction. After spending so long watching Danielle keeping silent, watching Ronnie do it as well was frankly annoying. Stacey wanted to give them both a good slap and get them to grow up. Ronnie folded her arms across herself,

"I want her to be with me. That's where she belongs. But she needs to be ready to. It's all up to her. But I don't want her to feel pressured by _either_ of us to go somewhere she doesn't want to." Ronnie watched Stacey nod before they both fell silent again, both considering how to broach the subject with Danielle without influencing her decision and both desperately wanting to influence her decision.

Danielle bit her lip, deeply considering the question posed to her. Christine's head tilted to the side softly as she watched and waited for a response to come from the girl in front of her.

"I don't know. I mean…I do, but I don't," Danielle mused. Her eyes darted around the room, her thoughts seeping into her actions. "I want to be with Ronnie." She said, letting her eyes meet with those of her counsellor. "I really do. I want home to be with her. But it doesn't feel like it. Not yet." She paused again, letting her eyebrows knit together as she considered herself carefully. "Back with Stacey does though. I want it to be with Ronnie, but I don't think we're ready for that. I don't think_ I'm_ ready for that."

"You don't need to rush into anything. You need to be where you feel safe and comfortable at the moment." Christine stated, smiling as she saw that unlike she had expected, Danielle wasn't shutting down or getting herself worked up, but just determinedly considering every option and making sure that every choice and every word was carefully measured. "Ronnie is there now. She isn't going to leave because you don't move in with her and it's important that neither of you to rush into anything that you aren't both ready for." Danielle nodded to Christine and felt her decision settled. She just didn't know how she was going to tell Ronnie. Not that Ronnie had even asked her. There was still a chance that Ronnie didn't want her to move in at all. They hadn't discussed it.

"Danielle, would it be ok with you for us to hand over your pain medication to Stacey, if you will be staying with her?" Christine asked, causing Danielle to frown at her in confusion.

"What?" Danielle asked before realising what Christine meant. They didn't trust her with pills. "I can take them myself. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I wouldn't do that again." Danielle exclaimed. She felt hurt, they all thought she was ill, damaged, that she would just do it all again. She wondered if it would ever change or if forever, people would still have in their memories the picture of the girl who tried to kill herself.

"It's just a precaution. For peace of mind really." Christine shrugged, trying to keep herself casual and allay the tension beginning to build in Danielle's posture. "You'll only need them for a few days any way. I think you'll be given a week's worth. It's to ease their minds as well Danielle. Ronnie, Stacey and Roxy were all really worried." She took a breath as she watched Danielle tense slightly and herself inhale deeply. "They want you to be safe. You have your counselling and you know that you're safe but they just need an extra little safety net, just to put their minds at rest. Is that ok?" Danielle slowly agreed. She didn't want anybody to worry about her and if something as simple as that would stop them then there wasn't really any decision to make. It was hard though, to think that Ronnie and Stacey now felt that she couldn't be trusted even with herself.

She spoke to Christine further, letting her worries about returning to the Square begin to spill out, each one easing a burden on her as she voiced them aloud. Christine wasn't who she wanted to talk to, she wasn't Ronnie, but it still made things easier. Having another person to share the fears and give advice. It helped.

Walking back into her old hospital room Danielle grinned. Stacey was lounging there like she owned the place whilst Ronnie filed her nails, sitting on the edge of the bed. Both sat up, more alert as she entered the room.

"About time!" Stacey laughed, "You took long enough. What were you doing? Telling her your life story?" Stacey rolled her eyes jokingly. Danielle moved to hug Stacey before sitting opposite her, on the bed, pressed against Ronnie's side who instantly threw her arm around Danielle's shoulder.

"Everything go alright? Did she say you could go home?" Ronnie asked, as she rubbed Danielle's arm firmly.

"Yeah. I can go as soon as I get the painkillers." She smiled up at Ronnie, who's expression Stacey had had to look away from, it was all too sickeningly soppy. Danielle tensed and quickly blurted her next words, needing to get it over with before she lost the courage, "Stacey, will you take them for me? Since I'll be staying with you?" Danielle kept her eyes firmly on the floor but heard Stacey's words of affirmation, she heard the dull tone as Stacey looked guiltily at Ronnie, Stacey actually felt guilty.

Ronnie exhaled audibly but held back any other feelings. She had said it herself, she didn't want to pressure Danielle. But she had still hoped that Danielle would choose her, she didn't want to lose her baby, not even for a second, not even to just a few doors away.

"Ready to go then?" Ronnie asked with false cheeriness, squeezing Danielle more firmly into her side. Danielle let herself relax as Ronnie seemed upset but also accepting. It was the ideal reaction for Danielle to receive.

"Yup, ready."


	64. Chapter 64

**A/N --- I'm a bit worried about this chapter and my writing in general at the moment. I'm not getting bored of it so I hopefully won't need to back off writing but I am just a bit worried that the chapters aren't working and aren't...well basically aren't any good.**

**Not sure if anything I'm writing is working at the mo. Let me know.**

* * *

The taxi passed through the streets of Walford, passing tower blocks and pubs on it's way to Albert Square. The three women sat scrunched on the back seat, Danielle sandwiched between Ronnie and Stacey, her hands shaking tremulously until Ronnie's hand slipped over them. Ronnie stilled Danielle's hands and took one into hers, stroking it gently whilst her other hand came around to rub Danielle's arm comfortingly. No words passed between them. Out of the surroundings of the hospital everything began to take on a new light. Ronnie and Danielle would be apart and yet they would still be mother and daughter but not together. Both wondered how it would work, both knew it wasn't going to be easy.

As the familiar streets came into view, Charlie asked from the front seat where they wanted to go. He hadn't wanted to bring it up earlier, with Ronnie and Danielle both looking so nervous and their obvious holds on each other being protective and frightened, respectively, even Stacey had seemed to observe the new atmosphere and had given him a soft look of apology as she had helped him pile Danielle's bags into the boot of the taxi.

Of course with Stacey a silence never lasted long and she was chattering to Danielle, managing to make her laugh as Ronnie had carried out the last things for the boot. Charlie had chanced a solid hand on Danielle's shoulder, an almost fatherly gesture before he told her he was glad she was alright and that he was glad to see everything working out how it should. He'd kept mostly quiet since then, occasionally joining Stacey in aimless chatter which had passed the time. Ronnie and Danielle had begun the journey by joining in but grew more and more quiet as they came closer to the Square.

"Back to ours Uncle Charlie." Stacey said, trying to ignore any tension that the words would cause. She knew that Ronnie hadn't been happy about it and whilst Danielle had been in the bathroom there had been strict instructions given to her by the newly neurotic mother. Ronnie was hiding her disappointment and anxiety fairly well from Danielle and was calmly just stroking her arm and letting her daughter's stiffened form relax slightly under her ministrations. Charlie didn't know what to say, so nodded mutely as he drove passed Ronnie's flat and onto the Square. Ronnie gave Stacey another significant look as if to say 'don't forget what I told you'. Stacey nodded and then rolled her eyes as she turned her head to look out of the window. Ronnie was taking over protective to a new level with her demands but Stacey didn't voice the thoughts. She knew from her experiences with her own mother, the lengths that she had been willing to go to, to protect someone she loved. In fact Stacey was almost impressed with Ronnie's diligence.

"Right then, here we are." Charlie said cheerily, looking in the mirrors in time to see Ronnie place a kiss atop Danielle's head before forcing a grin on her face to her daughter, Danielle returned the smile, albeit tentatively, but grasped Ronnie's hand slightly tighter in her own. "I'll get the bags shall I? Stacey, why don't you take Danielle and Ronnie in and put the kettle on."

"Yeah, alright." Stacey muttered as she opened the door and swung herself from the taxi. "Come on Dan, get a shift on. Missed your cooking and all." She smirked as she walked up towards the gate. Danielle smiled at Stacey's comment and shuffled towards the open door stopping just before getting out of the taxi. She bit her lip as the anxiety took hold. This was it, facing the world and she didn't feel ready. She didn't know how to handle what she had done and she didn't feel ready to face the world as Ronnie Mitchell's daughter when their relationship was still so delicate and new.

"Just breathe." Ronnie whispered next to her ear, once again clasping the hand that had been dropped as Danielle had moved to the door. Danielle turned to her and tried to bring a smile. "Don't worry. I'm right here." Ronnie continued, not really knowing if her presence was a comfort to Danielle or another added pressure, she could only hope it was the former, "And Stacey, well…I don't think anyone could get rid of Stacey no matter how hard they try." Ronnie muttered with a smirk. Danielle laughed, feeling a little of the tension ease away as Ronnie seemed to have no worries, but was willing to take on Danielle's.

Danielle stepped out of the Taxi into the cool breeze and slight spring chill of Albert Square, she stood to the side, leaning herself against the taxi and resolutely keeping her head down, waiting for Ronnie to join her. Stacey was already through the door and yelling to Jean that they were home. The sounds of the market and the daily chatter of the Square seemed all so normal but Danielle still couldn't bring herself to look up. She wasn't quite ready to come face to face with the world yet. Ronnie brushed her hand across Danielle's shoulder briefly as she walked around the taxi to take some bags off Charlie. Despite Charlie's protests, Ronnie grabbed a bag, now beginning to realise just how much they had all brought for Danielle, and taking Danielle's hand in her free one, she moved into the house, Danielle shuffling beside her, still unwilling to look up from the floor.

"Right, do you want me to take these up to your room?" Ronnie asked once they made it through the front door and Danielle seemed to be gazing around, a little lost to herself. Ronnie made to stroke Danielle's hair, but something about the look on Danielle's face stopped her. Instead she just shuffled the bags in her hand and tried to prompt Danielle into a response, "Want to show me where it is?" She asked, tilting her head to the side gently. Danielle looked up at her and tried to bring a smile to her face as she nodded and moved up the stairs. Danielle felt like she was in a daze. Everything felt so normal, she was back at the Slaters', nothing had changed and yet her whole world had been turned on its head. It would definitely take some getting used to. All the days and nights she had thought about Ronnie in that house; cried over her, just wanted to be able to get to know her. And now here they were, mother and daughter, walking up the stairs, Ronnie finally knew and she was just a step behind her, all the way.

"It's this one." Danielle uttered quietly, feeling nervous around Ronnie again, "It's not much. I share with Stacey which is fine, it's fun a lot of the time but she doesn't like it in the mornings. She hates getting out of bed." Danielle smiled and gave a small shrug as she relaxed into her babbling chatter "I guess I'm a morning person, I never really mind getting up, except after a night out and even then I'm not as bad as Stacey. She usually ends up throwing her pillow at me in the mornings." Ronnie laughed and Danielle grinned at the moment.

Ronnie instantly knew which bed was Danielle's as she entered the room. It was neat, freshly made and had just a bag of Danielle's things next to it which Stacey had obviously picked up from the B&B. It was a direct counterpoint to Stacey's which was a state, covers strewn half on and half off the bed and clothes covering the unmade half. Pictures filled the walls and jewellery hung over the mirror on the dressing table. The whole room screamed 'Stacey' and Danielle was just fitting into it in her small faceless and empty corner of the room. It was a small thing but another ache to Ronnie that Danielle made such a small imprint where she went. It was as if she was always waiting to be told to leave, to be cast out once again. She sat herself down on the bed next to where Danielle had already taken a seat and was looking up at her almost nervously, but there was definitely a smile there.

"Shall we get you unpacked then?" She bumped her shoulder ever so lightly against Danielle's, it was still awkward but she would keep trying to push them forward one step at a time.

"Yeah. I mean, you don't have to help or anything. I haven't got much, it won't take me very long." Danielle said, not wanting to be an imposition to Ronnie. She didn't really know how they worked now that she was back on the Square. It wasn't like Ronnie would be sitting by her bedside morning until night. They both had their own lives to be living, Ronnie much more so than her she realised but still, it was going to be a difficult adjustment and Danielle wondered how much Ronnie wanted to do and how much she was doing through supposed obligation.

"Well I can help you unpack a little and then leave you and Stacey to yourselves, a bit later?" Ronnie asked as she took a handful of clothes out of one of the bags and made her way towards the wardrobe. She turned around quickly, feeling unsure of herself, "Unless you wanted me to go now?" She fumbled, holding the clothes a little tighter to her chest as if holding Danielle to her.

"No, no. I'd like you to stay if you want to." Danielle grinned, taking the dvds out of another bag and piling them onto a shelf beside her bed, "That bit of the wardrobe on the left is mine," she smiled. She looked into the bag that Stacey had brought from the B&B, she took out her laptop and her bear Digby, setting them on the bedside table neatly before rooting around to find Slipper and setting him with Digby.

"I have ones like these," Ronnie beamed, holding up a folded pair of pyjama bottoms. Similarities, Ronnie loved them, Danielle was comforted by them and each one got them talking. They had unpacked almost all of Danielle's things between them, chatting away about anything and nothing by the time that Stacey arrived with three mugs.

"Coffees." She announced as she entered the room. "Ronnie, yours is the same as Dan's, I didn't know how you took it so you'll have to like it or lump it." She huffed as she passed them both their drinks. She ignored Danielle's worried expression as she mouthed 'Stace' back at her for the rude comment to Ronnie. "Yeah well, looks like you two are getting on fine with this lot so you won't need my help will you." She winked at Danielle before sweeping the pile of clothes on her bed into the laundry basket at the end and flopping onto the now clear bed. Danielle and Ronnie both took their mugs and sat on opposite ends of the bed. The added issue of Stacey's presence was causing an uneasy halt in their conversation and Danielle shuffled awkwardly as she felt the need to fill the silence.

"Mum's making dinner already. To welcome you home. Doesn't actually look half bad." Stacey laughed. Danielle smiled at her as she blew the steam from her coffee. Ronnie smiled to herself, glad to see that Danielle was having a fuss made of her, even if it was by somebody else's mother and not her. She made a promise to herself though to make Danielle feel special every day, a little healthy competition never hurt anyone and Ronnie wanted to be the one to make Danielle smile, more than anyone. So far she could really only hold the honour of being the person to cause Danielle the most tears and pain and that wasn't a title she could face holding.

The idle chatter started and Ronnie mostly watched on as Stacey and Danielle laughed about Mo and Fat Elvis, Jean's newest television fix and a new man that Stacey had found and subsequently lost. It was all too soon that the coffees were drank, they had finished unpacking and Stacey was downstairs calling to Danielle that their dinner was ready.

"I'd better leave you to it then." Ronnie said whilst still not able to force herself from her perch on Danielle's bed. Danielle nodded briefly wondering how things would go now, would Ronnie want to see her tomorrow or would it go back to how it was, would they go back to being distant? "How do you feel about breakfast?" Ronnie asked.

"What?" Danielle replied, confused as she had been too busy worrying to really notice Ronnie's nervous question.

"Breakfast tomorrow, you could come to the flat or I could take you out somewhere around here or…anywhere really? And then you could help me out at the club maybe? Or are you on the stall with Stacey tomorrow?" Ronnie's words had rushed out a little too quickly in her need to make sure that she wasn't losing Danielle, that real life wouldn't tear her baby away again. Danielle rubbed a hand into her forehead trying to register everything that Ronnie had said.

"Umm…I don't know yet." Danielle suddenly thought about work. Helping Stacey on the stall, Stacey had mentioned it earlier so she knew that she had her job there but the prospect of facing everyone and their gossip was terrifying. But helping Ronnie in the club, she wanted to do it but the pressure of letting Ronnie down or getting in her way was just as terrifying as the gossip would be. "I might just stay around here tomorrow." Danielle muttered, trying not to draw any attention to her fears. "breakfast would be good though." She edged, hoping that she would get more time with Ronnie that way.

"Right, good." Ronnie beamed. "Do you want to come to the flat or go out?"

Danielle flinched. Neither option was appealing. Out in public and she would have to face everyone but Ronnie's flat…there were so many bad memories there, the thought of seeing it, going back to the place that she had tried to kill herself was making her stomach flip and her throat go dry. She narrowed her eyes in thought trying to work out what was the least frightening option and her mind came up blank. Ronnie frowned, trying to understand why Danielle had suddenly frozen.

"Why don't you come by the flat about eight? I'll make us some breakfast there before I go down to the club and then how about taking care of Amy for the day?" Ronnie asked. She knew that Roxy was unlikely to be doing much and as she and Stacey had arranged, Danielle was not to be left alone under any circumstances. If Danielle didn't want to work on the stall or come to the club then Roxy was next in line to look out for her.

Danielle bit her thumb nail nervously. There were so many worries springing unbidden to her mind, so many things she had to face and they were all being thrown at her so quickly. Ronnie's flat, the Vic, the memories held in both of those places. She looked up at Ronnie, ready to make an excuse, ask Ronnie to come here instead but as she saw the scared hope in her mother's eyes she found herself nodding and smiling. Just one look from Ronnie and Danielle melted.

"You know, if it ever gets too much for you here, or just if you want to, you know you can come to the flat anytime day or night." She reached out for Danielle's hand unsure as to whether the action was to assure Danielle or reassure herself. "You have a home there too and I'll want you there any time and for as long as you want. And you know…if and when you're ready there's a room there for you." She watched Danielle nod and her daughter's head came down to rest on her shoulder.

"Oi, if you want to eat you'd better get down here." Stacey's voice screeched from downstairs making both women laugh and sigh simultaneously. They made their way down the stairs to the sight of a motherly looking Stacey with her hands on her hips proclaiming that it was 'about time'.

Ronnie felt a tug as she opened the door to let herself out, it was still so hard leaving Danielle even for a minute. She turned and wrapped her arms around her tightly. "I'll see you for breakfast. Any favourites or dislikes?"

"Not really." Danielle laughed into Ronnie's neck as neither loosened their fierce grips. "I'll see you tomorrow." And with a sigh they parted, neither wanting to but both knowing that life goes on, whether or not you want to allow it.


	65. Chapter 65

**A/N --- I'm still not feeling too great about my writing. I'm just feeling that it is lacking at the moment.**

**I am considering getting a beta reader for this fic so if anybody is interested then give me a PM and let me know :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Roxy," Ronnie spoke into her phone as she allowed herself to sink back into her chair. She stared straight out of the window down onto the bus stop below, watching people come and go as she drummed her fingers against the kitchen table. Roxy gave a flustered response and Ronnie could hear the sounds of a fussing Amy.

"What have you been eating Amy? Ron, this girl stinks. I think she might have caught that thing from Phil. These nappies aren't right. Do you think I should get her to the doctors?" Ronnie was about to speak when Roxy just carried on with her torrent of speech, "No, I don't want to be one of those mothers who gets all weird whenever their baby coughs… it's only two nappies. So what did you call for? You home or at the hospital?" Ronnie absently poked her fork around the bowl of pasta she had on the table, listening to the background noise of Amy being changed and Roxy's little puffs of breath as she tried to manoeuvre a messy baby and a phone.

"I'm home. Danielle's out now and back with Stacey. She's perfect Rox," Ronnie grinned and shrugged as she breathed deeply, "she's smiling again and I can hold her. I've held my baby." Ronnie dropped her fork into the dish, standing to pace the kitchen. She couldn't keep herself still. Just the thoughts of Danielle and having her back were too much to contain and all the nervous and excited energy was making her restless.

"That's good." Roxy replied shortly. She held Amy up to her chest having finally got a clean nappy onto her and sat heavily onto her bed. She fussed with Amy's dress, trying to get it to stay down as she felt stuck for words. She was glad that Danielle was better and she was definitely relieved that she was with Stacey and not Ronnie but she just didn't want to talk about her. Talking about her would mean trying to work out what she was going to do, how she was going to protect both Ronnie and Danielle herself from each other.

"Hello? Roxy?!" Ronnie called for the third time, taking the phone from her ear for a second to check that it hadn't died. She bounced a little on the balls of her feet eager to get out what she had wanted to say. "Rox?!" She called down the phone. She heard a small intake of breath on the other end of the phone.

"What?" Roxy said a little dopily. She'd managed to get herself lost in her own pondering and Ronnie's voice snapped her out of it so suddenly she felt a bit groggy. Amy gurgled into her ear before letting out a small sleepy burp and nuzzling into her neck.

"I asked what you were doing tomorrow. Are you alright?" Ronnie laughed distantly at Roxy and her confusion as she stuck a forkful of pasta into her mouth, pressing her phone between her shoulder and ear to carry the bowl as she walked to the window.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But I do need to talk to you don't forget." Roxy muttered, not really wanting to have the 'discussion' about Danielle that she knew she couldn't put off for much longer, not now that Danielle was back in the Square. She sighed as Amy began making little smacking noises with her mouth, ready for her bottle. "I'm not doing anything tomorrow. Working here in the evening I guess."

"Great, how about you and Amy spend the day over here? Come around just after breakfast, maybe go to the park, have lunch, just spend the day here?" Ronnie was talking thickly through the pasta in her mouth as she continued with her dinner whilst staring avidly out of the window. She was trying to see the Slaters' house from her window, craning her neck and desperately trying to keep the phone still lodged to her ear as she did.

"Aw, Ron, that's a great idea. Isn't it Amy? Miss Stinky Pants want to spend the day with Aunty Ronnie?" Roxy jiggled Amy softly on her shoulder who let out hungry little puffs and wiggled her bottom to get comfortable again.

"Great, Danielle will be here for breakfast at eight and I have to be at the club by eleven so come over about half ten alright?" Ronnie grinned down the phone finishing the last of her food and dropping the bowl into the sink. It wasn't ideal, she wanted Danielle to be with her but if Danielle wasn't ready for that then Roxy was the next best thing. Danielle couldn't be alone. The hospital obviously thought that she was fine but Ronnie wasn't willing to take that risk and Stacey had actually, for perhaps once in her lifetime, agreed with Ronnie. There was no point taking the chance when they could be there for Danielle. No, Danielle would be with someone all the time. There would be no chance, not a single instant where she could hurt herself, not again.

'_You would have fought for your child, protected her,' _

Words that Danielle had once said to Ronnie and if Ronnie had to sacrifice everything, she would live up to that faith that Danielle had in her. She would protect her child. Plus, the day would be a chance for Danielle to get to know her aunt, Roxy get to know her niece and it was obvious how much Amy and Danielle loved each other, so it would be good for all of them. Hopefully it would let Roxy feel more included as well. Their own little family. Ronnie grinned thinking about it, her and Roxy had it all, they had each other and they had their beautiful little girls. It was an amazing feeling, all of the times that Ronnie should have been able to show off her daughter, give her days out with her aunt, let Roxy be an auntie and now it was happening.

"Danielle?" Roxy asked, suddenly feeling the need to swear very loudly to herself. She tried to remind herself that Danielle was just ill, that she hadn't meant to hurt Ronnie, well…she had, but only because her head was messed up, that was it, really. She shut her eyes tightly. She couldn't help warming to Danielle when she was around her. The girl just seemed so shy and vulnerable, but there was more there too, she was determined and she was always so sweet when she had taken care of Amy. Roxy wanted to be happy for Ronnie, be proud of her niece and just have a happy family but Archie had shaken her. She had to keep Ronnie and Danielle apart for their own sakes. She knew that this was a perfect opportunity to speak to Danielle, to help her see that it wasn't good for her to get too close to Ronnie now but there was something about it all that made her incredibly uneasy, it was easier just to keep away from it all and pretend that everything was ok, but that wouldn't be helping anyone.

"Yeah, you and Danielle can get to know each other. You can spend the day with your favourite niece." Ronnie couldn't keep the grin from her face, she had dreamt of saying those words, of being able to have her own baby there. She leant back onto the counter before dashing to the window again, trying fruitlessly to angle herself so that she might catch a glimpse of the house her child was in. It was so strange to have her so close and yet not by her side. Every muscle, every fibre of Ronnie wanted to rush over and just be with Danielle.

"So you, me, Amy and Danielle then?" Roxy asked, although she had a feeling that she already knew the answer from what Ronnie had said.

"No, I have to go to the club before Jack has an aneurism. He's been hassling me constantly." Ronnie shook her head, not wanting to destroy her mood by thinking of Jack. "But Danielle doesn't really feel up to coming and I don't want her on her own. Not yet, so I want you to look after her."

"What do you mean look after her? I thought she was better?" Roxy asked hurriedly.

"She is. I just don't want her alone at the moment, she's still fragile and well, you're her aunt, who better to watch out for her when I can't? I wouldn't ask just anyone you know." Flattery was usually the way to win Roxy over, flattery or buying her things. Neither seemed like a bad idea, Ronnie bit her lip slightly as she realised just how happy she was. Roxy didn't want to smile or be taken in by it all but she couldn't stop herself. She just prayed that she was doing the right thing, even though she had no idea yet what she was going to do. She thought though that maybe this would work, some time with Danielle to talk, help her not to get too close to Ronnie so that she couldn't hurt her and at the same time Roxy could be there for Danielle, bond with her and so make sure that she agreed to get help.

Roxy thought to Archie's latest phonecall, he was staying out of the way because he couldn't bear to cause more trouble and he knew that Ronnie would see his mere presence as just that, but he wanted Roxy to get Danielle to go to Telford, to be with her family there and hopefully get some help. Roxy smiled as she thought that maybe she could do one better. If she could get close to Danielle then she could get Danielle to open up to her, she could make sure she got help here in the Square and in the meantime keep the two apart and then everything would be sorted. She grinned to herself, proud of her own planning. This way everybody would be happy.

"I'd love to Ron. Me and Aims will be there, just text me to let me know yeah?"

By the time Ronnie put down the phone she was still smiling. The whole day was planned, everything was going well. Not perfectly, perfect would have been to have her little girl there with her at every moment, but still…she had waited for almost twenty years, this time, waiting wasn't anywhere near as hard.

.

Danielle sat on the sofa in the Slaters' living room, every so often glancing out of the window, stupidly hoping as she always had to be able to catch a glimpse of Ronnie. She couldn't work out whether she wanted to see Ronnie or if she was doing it merely out of habit. It was ridiculous, it had only been a couple of hours since Ronnie had left and Danielle knew that it was less than twelve hours before she would be seeing her again. And still she found her eyes sneaking over to the window yet again, almost of their own volition. She smiled as she watched Christian jogging around the Square, openly flirting and shouting to a really attractive man who he passed. There was a highly public row going on between Bianca and Ricky on the other side of the Square and as much as Danielle wanted to look away there was a part of her that hoped the row would escalate, make some gossip and move things away from her. Facing people and their gossip, it made her chest constrict with just the thought. She defiantly turned away from the window, trying to pretend for a little longer that nobody else existed.

"Right, two of these and you'll be high as a kite," Stacey laughed, holding out two pain killers in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Danielle let her drop the pills into her hand and she took them slowly. It was horrible, the second she put them into her mouth she felt sick, the memory of the overdose somehow instinctively conjoured into her mind from the trigger of the pills. She closed her eyes, grimacing as she forced the tablets down her throat with as much water as she could. She gagged slightly from the memory and the dry taste of the powdery tablets.

"They're well going at it!" Stacey laughed again, pointing out of the window to where Christian and his hansom stranger were kissing passionately just feet from the Slaters' gate. "Why are all the good looking ones gay? It's not right." Stacey flopped herself down onto the sofa next to Danielle. Charlie who had been sat in the chair, his head in the paper the entire time looked up shaking his head.

"Stacey." He sighed, his head still shaking at her. "So Danielle, how are things with Ronnie?" He wanted to change the subject of Stacey's opinions of men before things dropped into unwanted territory. Danielle's head flicked over to him and she smiled, tilting her head to the side as she thought about how to answer the question.

"Ok I think." She answered with a little hum.

"Well you certainly know how to keep a secret." Charlie laughed. "We had no idea. I mean you being Ronnie Mitchell's daughter. It was a hell of a surprise."

Danielle shrugged slightly awkwardly. She wasn't upset or amused by his comment really but she still had no idea how to respond. She didn't feel up to explaining all the why's or wherefores so it was easier to keep quiet. Perhaps that was what she could say as a response. It had just been easier to keep quiet.

"Leave it Uncle Charlie." Stacey said protectively, the humour still remained in her voice. The three kept a little aimless chatter whilst the television played quietly in the background. It wasn't long until Danielle started to feel drained, she soon excused herself to go to bed, Stacey following in tow like a persistent and extremely loud shadow.

"So how's it really going with her?" Stacey asked as the two girls pottered around the room, each getting ready for bed, even if Stacey had no intention of sleeping anytime soon. She turned from her position bent over her dressing table to look at Danielle who was standing by the window, peering out as if looking for something.

"She's so different Stace. She's perfect." Danielle gushed turning herself from the window to talk to Stacey before turning back. "It's still hard though." She muttered. "I don't know if I can really forgive her. And I really don't trust her. I mean how long's it really going to last? What's to say she isn't just going to change her mind again and want rid of me?" Arms wrapped around herself Danielle's stare was unmoving from the window, trying to see if she could see Ronnie's flat. Of course she had done this more times than she could count and she knew that no matter how hard she looked, there were buildings blocking Ronnie's flat from view. She still tried though.

"I don't know Dan." Stacey sighed, "But you've waited long enough. You might as well try it now you've got it. From what I've seen she's not going to get rid of you though, but yeah, best not to trust her too much yet. She's a Mitchell after all." Danielle nodded infinitesimally and turned away from the window, giving up on the pointless search.

"You going to be on the stall with me tomorrow? It's been boring without you. Ian flaming Beale has been on my back too." Stacey started ranting on about Ian's latest exploits and Danielle laughed as she changed into her pyjamas. She was already getting into bed by the time Stacey's tirade had finished.

"I can't tomorrow…I don't want to face them Stace." Danielle could tell that Stacey was about to say something encouraging or try and persuade her to work so Danielle cut in before she could, "So I'm having breakfast with Ronnie and then spending the day with Roxy and taking care of Amy." She laughed at the look on Stacey's face as her eyebrows soared into her hairline.

"Well you've really got it all planned haven't you?" She joked. They fell into their usual pattern of chatter and jokes, Stacey let Danielle talk about Ronnie and Danielle listened as Stacey talked about her plans for nights out and the men she had her eye on. Danielle lay curled under her duvet, Slipper clutched to her chest. Somehow he still smelt like Ronnie's perfume. How could she be so scared of seeing Ronnie when the simplicity of her scent was such a comfort? But she was. Completely excited and happy but terrified.


	66. Chapter 66

**A/N --- Sorry for the huge lack of updates over the past week or two. I've been a little stuck and a little busy so a mixture of both has stopped the updates lol.**

**Anyhow...I know that this probably isn't the chapter you wanted or expected but I really liked some of the interractions and I didn't want to leave them out or cut them short so...yeah. What do people think?**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Danielle woke early. The sun was barely breaking through heavy clouds as it rose, clouded by the London smog and Stacey, along with the rest of the Square was silent in slumber. For a second Danielle squinted, unsure and confused by her surroundings before remembering that she had left hospital. She glanced over at the clock on her bedside table, it was almost five in the morning. Too early to get up but too late to go back to sleep, she wasn't tired anyway, from the second she had awoken and her brain had kicked into gear it had been screaming that in less than three hours she had breakfast with Ronnie. Danielle uncurled herself from the tight ball that she had been sleeping in and took a moment to stretch her limbs before getting up. She was too restless to stay in bed.

Clutching a pile of clothes and a towel, Danielle made her way to the bathroom, trying as quietly as she could to start running a bath. She didn't feel she could shower, it would be too hard to keep her dressings dry. Sitting on the edge of the bath as the water rose within the tub she tried to run a brush through her matted and greasy hair, wincing as it caught on every knot. The bath was full by the time she had managed to pull the brush through without it catching and she sank into the water, one arm hanging off the side to keep her bandages dry, she closed her eyes and tried to just relax. So many days kept on edge, a constant tension in her body and the warm water was slowly washing it away, letting her muscles unwind and her mind slow down if only for a few moment. She sank down lower letting the water submerge her hair and face so that only her nose was above the water allowing her to breathe. The whole world became muted, so far away as the sound of water hummed in her ears.

Bathed and dressed, Danielle sat downstairs at the kitchen table nursing a cup of tea with one hand and trying to towel dry her hair with the other. A single glance at the clock told her that it was still before six in the morning. Her head leant back to rub the towel over it and the other hand played with the handle on her mug. She felt a bit lost. For the last few days she had had somebody, she had Ronnie, with her at every waking moment, now she didn't quite know what to do with herself. She couldn't make breakfast as that's what she was going to Ronnie's for, or at least that was the excuse they were using, she couldn't go and check her laptop as that would risk waking Stacey and there was no point trying to sort anything for the stall when she had been out of the loop with it for so long. She sighed and put her hair up into a ponytail if only for something to occupy her for a few seconds.

When the last of the tea had been drained from the mug and the warmth along with it, Danielle still felt restless. Perhaps it was so many days spent inactive, her body needing to move and regain activity and strength or perhaps it was just the nervous energy building in Danielle as the breakfast date drew ever nearer. She took the mug to the sink, rinsing it out and staring out of the window. Fresh air, she had barely had any since…that night. Danielle wasn't used to being cooped up, staying indoors for so long. She walked to the front door grabbing her coat as she passed the banister, it was ok to go out now, the Square was still asleep, there wouldn't be anybody to stare or whisper and some air, a change of scenery might be good.

Opening the door, Danielle stepped into the crisp morning air, the sky outside still held a dusky hue as the clouds hung low in the sky, a slight mist lingering in the morning air and the dew still heavy on the ground. She pushed her hands deep into her pockets and started walking. It was nice in a way to be so aimlessly moving, just being in the fresh air made her feel that little bit more alive, more like she was but this time she didn't have to pine for Ronnie, worry about trying to make time to see her. No, this time it was 'all planned' as Stacey had put it. Trying to hold back the smile didn't work, at least nobody was around to see her grinning to herself, her breath curling from her lips in delicate clouds as she walked.

The allotments were almost deserted when Danielle made her way into them and up to Charlie's summerhouse, just the odd early bird making true to the turn of phrase and pecking around for worms, casually stealing seeds and shoots from the patches of earth so lovingly tended. Opening the door to the summerhouse Danielle crouched down and let Chops trot over to her. She patted his head, his snout turning to nuzzle into her hand searching for food. She'd never dared to go near him before, but he was all cooped up just like she'd been. Maybe it was just being in the company of something that she could stay silent with. No expectations, no questions, just quiet and affection. It reminded Danielle of having Beauty, her old dog there. She sat in the doorway of the shed and Chops obediently and curiously sat next to her.

"You think things will work out?" She asked the animal as he snuffled around against her shoulder, knocking her sideways slightly. "I can't wait to see her," she said as she righted herself, putting her hands back into her pockets. "But every time I see her…it feels like it's THE moment, the one that will make or break it all and then the moment's over and the _next_ one feels like the moment." She sighed and stood up knowing that she needed to get back to the house before the Square began to come to life, she wasn't ready to face the people, not alone anyway.

"Think I could just not go?" A disgruntled snort was the reply as Chops clearly disapproved of Danielle stepping away. "The thing is with Ronnie, I do lo…well…" Danielle closed the door, the words still not able to come forth. She couldn't say them yet, couldn't admit them, not even to herself, if she did a rejection would just hurt so much more. "Bye Chops."

Walking back through the Square was more disquieting than it had been now the streets were beginning to come to life, the odd early stallholder setting up, the café was open and Danielle became more aware of just how nervous she felt about facing someone she would know. Hands thrust deep into her pockets she kept her head down hoping to be invisible, just like she had always felt. All of those times she had wished to be seen, all of the times she felt overlooked and invisible, like nobody would notice her even if she stood screaming in their face, now she wished for it.

A small jingle and clunk could vaguely be heard but it didn't break Danielle determined stride. She was almost home, almost safe, just metres away as she walked past Arthur's Bench when she heard someone calling her name,

"Danielle?" The voice sounded unsure as if they were trying to distinguish it was really the right name that they were calling. "Hey, you dropped these." Danielle turned round reluctantly to see Whitney holding her keys in an outstretched hand to her.

"Uh, thanks," she uttered embarrassed "I'm always clumsy, always knocking stuff off the stall I am." She tried to joke. She barely knew Whitney, had never really spoken to her and now had no idea what to say. She had been so adamant to not be noticed, to not have to face this reality yet.

"Me too," Whitney laughed, "Bianca's always having a go at me. Managed to drop a saucepan on Tiff's foot a while back, broke her toe and everything." Whitney joked with a soft smile, her hands moving nervously but openly. Danielle laughed, it was nice, nice to have somebody talking to her normally, like things really could be normal again.

"Are you alright and everything?" Whitney asked quietly, "I mean, I just, heard what happened." She gave a small smile, Danielle couldn't work out if Whitney was just generally quiet or if she was making her nervous. She returned the nervous smile and nodded a small affirmation. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. It's none of my business is it? I'm glad though, that you're ok."

"It's ok. I guess I have to get used to everyone knowing." Danielle shrugged awkwardly.

"It gets better though. The talking I mean. It's horrible but people will find something else to talk about soon enough." Danielle couldn't quite believe how kind and honest Whitney was being, of course she had heard about what the girl had been through, right enough everyone had talked about it but soon they had moved on to newer gossip. Just the solidarity of having someone who had been there drew Danielle to Whitney, that and her obvious kindness she was showing Danielle.

"Thanks." She smiled at Whitney, glad of the understanding. "I haven't really had to face the Square yet. I don't think I want to. Everyone thinks I'm mad after what happened in the Vic and then…after." Danielle scrunched up her face not knowing what else to say about what had happened.

"Nah, well…I think they did until they realised it was true, about Ronnie I mean." Whitney paused to fidget from one foot to the other, "Now I think they all just want to know the latest thing. I don't think it's about what happened in the Vic now if that helps? I think it's more about what happened between you and Ronnie after and what's happening with you two now." It didn't help. Not really. It was a comfort to know that people didn't think that she was mad but if there was one thing she didn't want people to be prying into it was what had happened afterwards. And what could she tell people if they asked about her and Ronnie? She didn't even know herself.

"I saw her last night, it was weird she was grinning like an idiot and bought almost everything in the shop off Patrick." Whitney laughed warmly and Danielle couldn't help but join in, the thought that maybe she had been the one to make Ronnie smile that way was what she had dreamt of. "Is she…what's it like with her as a mum? Like…with me and Bianca it's good sometimes but then there are times that I just hate her 'cause she's not my mum you know? She doesn't even have to do anything wrong, sometimes it's just 'cause of nothing."

"It's good I think." Danielle replied, her eyes slipping off to the side in thought as she fiddled with her keys. "It's weird though. Now she finally knows she's doing everything she can to make everything perfect…" Danielle stopped with her mouth still open, more to say but she wasn't sure what the 'more' was.

"And sometimes that just makes things harder 'cause it's like she's trying too hard?" Whitney asked.

"Yeah." Danielle nodded with a smile. Someone understood. "It's nice though at the same time. There's just…a lot of history there now and not much of it is good." Danielle sighed but her smile didn't slip from her face, still the thought of Ronnie could make her smile.

"I met my real mum a while back. She didn't want me. She didn't even want to know. At least Ronnie does. I'd do anything to have my real mum back, no matter what she's done before. It's just the past, it's over now and you two can start again." Danielle grinned at Whitney's optimistic view of her and Ronnie, it was the same dreamy optimism that she herself had relied on so often, it had been lost somehow along the way, somewhere over the pain but hearing it voiced back to her, said to her by someone else, just brought it all back.

"Yeah, yeah we can. She's not like everyone thinks you know. She's just been hurt a lot. She so different when you know her." Danielle shook her head, her whole posture was relaxed and open, she didn't even notice but she was comfortable, no longer nervous in the open Square, not for the moment. "How come you're out so early anyway?" Danielle asked realising that she was about to get lost in her own little world of plans for herself and Ronnie.

"Oh, Bianca and Ricky have been going at it since last night, I had to get out to get away from the noise," Whitney complained, rolling her eyes. Danielle grimaced slightly, "Oh, no…god not like that, eurgh! I meant they're fighting." She burst out laughing with Danielle.

"If you want to get away from the shouting anytime, I could do with an excuse to avoid seeing people?" Danielle offered. Whitney gave a small happy hum,

"Yeah that'd be great. It won't last long the talking though, honest."

The pair walked apart in opposite directions after numbers had been exchanged, Danielle embarrassingly having to explain that her phone was still at Ronnie's and almost certainly dead by now. By the time Danielle reached the door of the Slaters' just metres away she was smiling to herself contentedly, thinking that maybe facing people wouldn't be too bad. After all, Charlie had been fine and so had Whitney, that had to mean something.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?" Danielle's smile instantly dropped to a nervous frown when as soon as she closed the door she was faced with a fuming Stacey, hands on hips looking every inch like the scolding parent.

"I went for a walk, that's all. What's wrong Stace?" Danielle asked, confused by the fervent reaction Stacey was having, surely something had happened? Danielle started to worry, a lump forming in her throat as her mind frantically scrambled through lists of possibilities that could have upset Stacey so vehemently.

"I woke up and you'd just gone." Stacey shouted. "I thought you'd done a runner or something. You didn't even leave a note. I've been trying to call you non stop and your bloody phone's off and all." Stacey snapped, calming slight but clearly still on edge. Her hands tangled through her hair frenetically. Danielle looked on confused. Since when had she had to give Stacey a commentary on her day?

"My phone's still at Ronnie's." Danielle said. She knew better than to try and say much more to Stacey when she was in a mood like this.

"Right, well you can get it when you're over there and keep it switched on." Stacey said bluntly. "I'm just looking after you Dan, I'm just being your mate." Stacey explained, her voice softening. Danielle nodded in response, suddenly feeling guilty for worrying Stacey, even if it had been unintentional. She'd already put her through enough.

"Right get in there and sit down," Stacey said, grabbing Danielle's arm and pulling her into the lounge, pushing her gracelessly onto the sofa next to where Jean was sat with a cup of tea watching the bad morning television. Stacey left the room without another word and Danielle looked at Jean partly as a greeting and acknowledgement and partly to ask for an explanation to Stacey's reaction. Jean just gave a sympathetic smile in return.

"Here, take these." Stacey said as she re-entered the room holding two painkillers out in her hand which Danielle took with the glass of water that Stacey promptly handed her. "Right, I'm going to take a shower. I'm already going to be late setting up." Stacey sighed looking at the clock, although Danielle doubted whether it was really the stall that she was sighing about. Stacey had never been overly annoyed at setting up late. "You don't go anywhere, right? I'll come down and walk you to Ronnie's when I leave." Without waiting for a response from Danielle, Stacey left the room once again and trudged heavily up the stairs, her stomps conveying her mood.

"She'll calm down soon." Jean said to Danielle in her sing song voice. Danielle turned to face her, still slightly confused by the outburst. She tried to meet Jean's smile with her own. "She's just worried. We've all been worried but Stacey's such a good girl, always wanting to help. She's grown up helping me so she just worries. She'll be fine when she sees you're fine." Jean's tone was light and lilting as always, her head moving from side to side as she spoke, still a wide smile on her face. But now Danielle understood. Stacey thought she was going to do it again. Danielle took another sip of water and settled down to watch the television with Jean, both sharing small comments on the presenters' outfits or whatever discussion topic came up. It was a few minutes past eight when Stacey's voice disrupted a comfortable silence,

"Right. Come on."


	67. Chapter 67

**A/N --- Phew...it's been a long time without an update hasn't it! Sorry!**

**Things have got in the way of writing lately and I had a total block. Again...this isn't the chapter you all want but it sort of just needed to be written. Just little details that of course build and hold the story together in their own way.**

**I have made a start on the next chapter so hopefully the wait will be much, much shorter this time.**

**Oh and a few dedications. This chapter is for **Mb05** for listening to my whinging, **Marissa**,** Sparrer** and** Karen from Ireland** for their great reviews and** Lily-R** for her constant badgering and ranting.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Ronnie swept around the kitchen, her movements almost graceful in their fluidity as she fussed around trying to make everything perfect for her first breakfast with her daughter. They'd had breakfast before, but that was with Danielle, that had been when she was just a lost and pregnant teenager. Now she was _Danielle_, her baby, her angel and Ronnie wanted everything to be just right. She had set the table impeccably, hours before but it looked so formal, like a date, so Ronnie had swiftly rearranged it, taken away the flowers she had bought and placed them on the windowsill.

Ronnie had practically raided the Minute Mart the night before and had enough food to feed the whole Mitchell family, twice over, but she had cooked nothing. She still didn't have a clue what Danielle liked or even if she had allergies or dislikes so she hadn't cooked. Instead Ronnie moved restlessly and aimlessly around the kitchen and living room, mindlessly fluffing cushions, straightening pictures and staring out of the window, looking for any sign of her daughter.

Ronnie poked her head into the fridge, trying to avoid watching the clock. She had been up since about five in the morning, unable to get back to sleep with the thoughts of breakfast buzzing in her mind. She'd kept herself busy making the batter for pancakes, checking up basic recipes online to make sure that, even though she had made omelettes and pancakes and french toast dozens of times before, they would be faultless for Danielle. The whole living room had been rearranged. In the early hours Ronnie had panicked that coming back to where Danielle had caused herself so much pain, where they together had been through so much pain, would be too much for her daughter so she had moved the furniture to try and make it feel new, try to erase the memories, or at least dull them for Danielle.

Now she was stuck waiting. She checked around the room, her eyes scanning every corner to find something to fill the time. She stared at the clock, each second it ticked by, Ronnie hated it a little more, shooting icy glares at the object that mocked her so audaciously in her fragile moments. She checked her phone, desperate to find that the clock was wrong or fast but her phone taunted her with the time matching the clock to the second. The phone was squeezed tightly in her hand when she saw the time staring back at her, twenty past eight.

Ronnie sat down onto the sofa, her head fell into her hands. She must have done something, Danielle must not want to come. She swept her hair off her face, the feeling of it increasingly scratchy and irritating against her face. She held her phone against her lips in thought. She still wanted to find some way to distract herself. Watching the clock was too hard. She couldn't call Roxy, she'd already phoned her twice so far and neither call had been appreciated by the sleep addled Mitchell. But at least Ronnie had been able to pass on directions of what to do and not to do with Danielle, not letting Danielle out of her sight being top of the list. Ronnie had been so excited, babbling and rambling over the phone, hatching a small plan with Roxy, now she felt stupid. How could she have thought she could be so lucky? It was stupid to think she could be forgiven, especially so soon and so easily. Life would never be so kind. She didn't deserve it.

As the seconds swept on, each one another weight added to Ronnie's mind, she began to worry. What if Danielle had done something? What if this wasn't just a rejection? Panic began to rush through Ronnie's entire being, her breath catching and heart stopping for what felt like an eternity before pounding back in a violent tattoo. The images of Danielle's blood soaked unconscious body would stay with her for the rest of her life but now they were flashing behind her eyelids.

Her thumb passed over the buttons of her phone as Ronnie scrolled through the address book to Stacey's number. She lingered with her finger over the call button, eyes flicking between the phone in her hand, the clock in the kitchen behind her and the window to her side. Her finger skated back and forth over the button as she tried to decide whether to call. So much of her was screaming to do it, to make sure her baby was safe, to not let a single second further slip away, but her rational side was telling her to wait. What if this was just a rejection, what if Danielle just didn't want to see her? What if she was pushing too much? Then surely calling Stacey to check up on Danielle would only do more damage. How many times had she pushed Roxy away by clinging too fiercely? Fighting her instinct, Ronnie tried to convince herself that it was only twenty minutes. She clenched and unclenched her fists, flicking her fringe out of her face, her feet and legs jiggling rapidly, unable to keep still.

Ronnie shuffled and shifted on the sofa before she couldn't take it any more and got up, pacing the room a few times back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, straightening the curtains, arranging a cushion, kicking the edge of the rug straight. How long could she wait like this? It crossed her mind briefly that if Danielle wasn't coming then she'd just be left waiting because whilst there was a chance she wouldn't give up.

Stacey linked her arm through Danielle's as the pair crossed the Square. The gesture was normally one of solidarity but as it was, Stacey was almost marching Danielle across past the Vic and up to George Street. They were both already late, as soon as Stacey had been ready to leave, Danielle had started her panic, insisting that her hair wasn't right, that she needed to change her clothes and rushing off into their bedroom trying to fix both problems simultaneously whilst Stacey pestered her, trying to tell her that she looked great and Ronnie wouldn't care. It had taken another ten minutes before Stacey had managed to physically haul Danielle from the house, ignoring her protests.

Now that the streets were busy, the market stalls in full flow and it felt to Danielle as though every resident of Walford was out this morning. She felt their eyes burning into her, she saw a couple of people whispering to each other as they stared in her direction. Stacey rushed them passed Ian standing with his tea looking eagerly at the pair, ready to soak up any gossip that he could get his hands on. Danielle caught his eye accidentally, she tried a friendly smile, wanting to make him and everyone just forget everything that had happened. He raised an eyebrow and looked ready to say something but by the time he had opened his mouth Stacey had already pulled Danielle passed the bridge and he was too far out of ear shot to be of any bother even if he had continued.

As they approached George Street Danielle suddenly came to an abrupt stop, Stacey staggering backwards from the momentum.

"Oh I don't think I can do this Stace," Danielle said, turning around and trying to walk back the way they had come. She was stopped by her arm still linked with Stacey's who refused to let go.

"Well you don't have to." She said, "Just tell Ronnie to stuff it and come back on the stall with me." Stacey extended her arm to dismissively gesture at Ronnie's flat down the road. "She'll have to sit waiting for you won't she. And then when you don't turn up she'll have to chuck your breakfast, looking at the empty flat, thinking about how you didn't want to see her." Stacey said with a smirk, watching Danielle's eyes widen and her face take on a look of horror far too extreme for something as stupid as missing breakfast. Stacey was strangely enjoying teasing Danielle and turned to walk away from Ronnie's trying to pull Danielle with her. "Come on then, who needs Ronnie Mitchell anyway," Stacey tried, just as Danielle had before, to walk back towards the stall but this time, as she knew she would, Danielle was the one refusing to move.

"I can't do that to her." Danielle said, her voice almost shocked by the suggestion. Stacey smirked, it was so easy and so obvious what Danielle would do. Stacey stopped trying to pull Danielle away and feigned shock before bursting out laughing.

"Yeah, didn't think you would." She said with an edge of sarcasm. Danielle put her head down an embarrassed smile being hidden as the pair started walking closer to Ronnie's flat. She fussed with her hair as they walked down George Street, she couldn't keep her hands still, maybe she shouldn't have tied her hair up, maybe it looked too casual, Ronnie hardly ever tied her hair up. She brushed down her jeans trying to make sure there wasn't a single crease.

"Would you stop it!" Stacey snapped good humouredly, "You got ants in your pants or something? God, Ronnie isn't the Queen you know. No matter what she wants to think." Stacey muttered her last words almost to herself. She expected another adamant refusal from Danielle that Ronnie wasn't like that but all she got was a quick stern look before Danielle went back to fussing with her clothes.

"Sorry Stace." Danielle uttered as they came up to Ronnie's flat. "I think I need to go back and change. I look awful, I should've worn something d…" Danielle's voice stopped as she felt Stacey's hands grab her shoulders firmly. She looked at her friend, she didn't understand why this was so hard, or why Stacey couldn't understand that this breakfast could mean everything.

"Dan you look fine." Stacey started, "You look great. And think about Ronnie, you've seen her all crying and snotty so who cares?" Danielle tried to nod but even the motion got stuck somewhere between her mind and her body, she just stood stock still. She breathed deeply. "Oh for god's sake Dan!" Stacey exclaimed, feeling quite inclined to slap her if she carried on like this. Seven months of following Ronnie, wanting her, longing for her affection or even her attention and now that she had it, Danielle was backing away. It was infuriating.

Stacey looked at her watch, it was gone twenty past eight, she had to get to the stall. "She wants you in there, you want to be in there. Breakfast with your mum, Ronnie, best woman in the world, queen of everything!" Stacey mocked good naturedly, "You've been wanting this since you got here so stop being a pain and start acting like it!" Danielle stood speechless just staring at Stacey. The outburst, the temper, the exasperation, those were all expected, but she had been nice about Ronnie, even if it had been dripping with sarcasm. Danielle grinned. Stacey was right, breakfast with her mum, she'd been looking forward to it since last night and her fear wasn't going to stop that.

"Right. Here's your charger, make sure your phone's on 'cause I'm planning a night for us," Stacey said, taking her cue from Danielle's smile as she unloaded things from her bag with one hand, trying to hide the fact that Danielle was pretty much on twenty four hour watch now. She wasn't sure if she had managed as when Danielle opened her mouth to speak, Stacey decided it was best just not to let her. "Here are the painkillers for today, just chuck them at Ronnie so you don't have to carry them around. And if she gives you any stick or does anything then call me and I'll sort her out." Danielle was half amused and half insulted by Stacey's rant. She felt like a child on the first day of school, being passed from one caregiver to another, having all her belongings given to her and being told to give them to the teacher.

"What are you doing? I'm fine Stace, really. You don't have to do everything for me." Danielle said shaking her head, this whole thing felt embarrassing. Stacey was meant to be a friend not her guardian. She knew that Stacey was worried but in that moment it felt suffocating. Stacey reached up to press the buzzer on Ronnie's flat as Danielle spoke.

"I'm just trying to help. Fine I won't do it again. No point in bothering is there?" Stacey snapped. She obviously wasn't doing a good job of hiding things. Ronnie had made that part sound a lot easier than it was proving to be. Danielle saw Stacey shift awkwardly,

"Sorry. Ignore me. I'm just being stupid." Danielle said. She just wanted to let it go now. She had enough to worry about today without getting into a fight with Stacey.

"I've got to get to the stall." Stacey said before walking off, Danielle watched her go, shouting her name after her. "Be up for doing something tonight yeah? 'Cause you need a proper welcome back." She heard Stacey shout back as the front door opened.

Ronnie had almost tripped over her own feet in her rush to get to the door. The second she had heard the buzzer she had leapt up from where she had been alphabetising her dvds on the shelf in a desperate bid to keep herself distracted from the time ticking away. Practically running to the door she had tried to calm herself, each step, each beat of her heart pounding out the same beat, the same words 'Please let it be her…please let it be her…"

Stumbling over the mat by the door Ronnie's face broke into a grin, hearing Danielle's voice just outside. She bit her lip, taking a steadying breath and opening the door to her daughter. Ronnie just stood smiling as she watched Danielle watching Stacey's retreating back.

"Hey, come on in," Ronnie offered, stepping aside slightly. She held back the urge to grab Danielle and instead put a soft hand on her shoulder as she used the other to close the door.

"Hi, sorry about that. Stacey's…well…doesn't matter." Danielle closed her mouth, rolling her eyes at the thoughts of Stacey and at herself as Ronnie closed the door behind them and with a gentle hand led Danielle up the stairs to her flat.

"I don't know," Ronnie started, "she seemed alright. Happy even…for Stacey." She smiled as Danielle snickered softly at the comment, delighting in the sound.

"I think she's getting cabin fever," Danielle sighed. "It's only been a day so far. She's going to go mad." Danielle shook her head. The pair moved up the stairs and made their way into the flat, Danielle stepping carefully, not trusting herself to relax yet, whilst Ronnie moved eagerly and with an ease that her lack of tension brought, the stress draining with Danielle by her side.

Ronnie closed the door behind them as Danielle stood awkwardly in the hall not knowing what she should do or how she should act. Ronnie stepped towards her with a smile, "Hungry?"


	68. Chapter 68

**A/N --- Sorry again for another slow update...but at least this one was faster than the last! Got to keep you all in suspenders as Basil Brush would say! (I'll refrain from adding a "Boom boom.")**

**This chapter is dedicated to Samantha Womack and Lauren Crace, even though they will never read this, I feel I need to dedicate at least part of this fic to them for their brilliant and emotional portrayal of Ronnie and Danielle on our screens.**

* * *

"Right," Ronnie spoke with a contented definance as she moved past Danielle from the hall into the kitchen. "I didn't know what you'd want or how much you'd want so I've got a bit of everything in." She poked her head into the fridge again, all knowledge of what she had actually bought slipping from her mind as it could contain only thoughts of Danielle. "What do you fancy?"

Ronnie turned to look at Danielle, a warm smile on her face, waiting for Danielle's answer. Her smile dropped as she saw Danielle stood meekly in the doorway, seemingly unwilling to breach the threshold. She stood herself up, leaving the fridge door open as she just looked at her daughter, opening her mouth to speak but finding no words. She couldn't be sure what had made Danielle suddenly so shy and nervous and the fear of making it worse held Ronnie back. She leant on the fridge door looking towards Danielle who was looking nervously around the living room, her stance remaining guarded as she stayed in the doorway.

"I rearranged a bit." Ronnie stated, trying to break through the stillness in Danielle. "What do you think? I wanted to make it a bit more homely, make the two rooms a bit more separate." Ronnie added, tilting her head to the side, trying to engage her timid child.

Danielle stared around the room that had housed some of her deepest pain and also, her first moments of closeness with her mother. Somehow it didn't seem real, that it had all really happened and she was there again, this time not as a stranger, somebody Ronnie took pity on but as her daughter. She was afraid to move, afraid to step into the room that now held all too many painful memories. She glanced at the phone on the wall.

"Where were you?" Danielle asked. Her mouth had moved and voiced those bitter words before she had the chance to stop herself. Her eyes narrowed as her face creased in sadness, remembering the hurt, the loneliness and rejection that had been the final blow that night. The one stab to her heart that had shattered it and sent her crashing down further than she knew she could fall.

Ronnie looked for a moment, just staring before trying to follow Danielle's gaze with her eyes. She attempted to discern what she meant. Ronnie didn't know if Danielle meant a specific time lately or throughout her entire life. She was afraid to hazard an answer for fear of mentioning the wrong moment and only adding to her daughter's upset. Ronnie looked around, unable to distinguish what may have triggered Danielle's question and her eyes soon found her daughter and stayed locked onto her. She let the silence pass for a few seconds, hoping that Danielle would say more.

"When?" Ronnie croaked, clearing her throat and biting her lip, her body flinching, expecting an onslaught and her heart falling as another obstacle was being faced. Any moment, any happiness gained seemed to only be followed by pain, and she had caused it all. It was a bitter pill to take but one she took willingly if it would bring her even one step closer to Danielle.

"That night," Danielle breathed, her wide eyes glazing and darting over the room, unwilling to settle on Ronnie but searching for something to hold her. "You asked me to come back. I heard your message on my phone. I was leaving. I was going to just go home but you said, you… I came back and you weren't here." Ronnie's lip quivered reflexively, the corner of her mouth twitching as Danielle's eyes raised to reach her own.

Ronnie's hip was starting to chill from still being next to the open fridge but she didn't dare to close the door or move away, not daring to break away from the tenuous link she had gained from Danielle's eye contact.

"I called you. You were…you…" Danielle couldn't bring herself to say that Ronnie had laughed at her, she just couldn't voice the words. It made her seem so weak, so vulnerable if she actually spoke the words so instead she shook her head, "where were you?"

Ronnie stepped away from the fridge, closing it behind her but not turning away from Danielle for a second. She approached her but saw Danielle stiffen as she came closer so she perched herself on the arm of the sofa, looking towards Danielle, hoping that she could somehow make this better. She wasn't sure what had happened between Danielle getting to her flat and how she had found her. She hadn't really wanted to know, it was too frightening, the mere idea of what Danielle had done to herself, Ronnie was scared to know the exact reason.

"I was at the club," Ronnie coughed, nodding to herself and racking her brain to try and decipher what she had done to let down Danielle so badly without even being there. Perhaps that was it. Perhaps it was the simple fact that she hadn't been there.

"Yeah, and having a great laugh at my expense too." Danielle muttered coldly. Her head was clouded, being back in the room felt like she had gone back, like she could hear Ronnie's angry words and laughter ringing in her ears. She had known it would be hard coming back but she hadn't realised just how real it would be, just how badly the past would scream into her head.

"What?" Ronnie squeaked, confused by Danielle's dejected accusation. "No! I was miserable Danielle." Ronnie professed her words, hurt that Danielle could think that she would have ever been happy to hurt her that way. Even through the worst times when she had hurt Danielle in the most callous ways, she had never done it happily, never taken pleasure in the girl's pain. But it was her own actions that had made Danielle judge her so. It was what Ronnie had brought on herself. Her own child thought of her as somebody who would break her down and relish every second.

"I practically destroyed the office at R&R. Jack's still hounding me about it." Ronnie tried to joke, to lighten the tension even infinitesimally but Danielle just exhaled loudly as she looked away. Ronnie stuttered over her next words.

"Danielle I was a mess. Stacey had to take me home from the station because I couldn't move. I couldn't have made it back." She breathed deeply, barely remembering that time, it had passed in an agonising blur. "I couldn't stand being here, so I got out. I went to the club and opened the vodka." Ronnie looked at her feet. "It wasn't exactly my best plan but I was out of my mind."

"No. No, I heard you." Danielle stuttered, her fingers trembling as she passed her phone charger and pills between them. "You were happy. You were laughing."

"What?" Ronnie wavered, "No. Danielle I was devastated." Ronnie implored. She couldn't understand how Danielle could even think that she had been happy. It was one of the hardest moments of her entire life and all Ronnie wanted to do was explain that to Danielle but she didn't trust herself not to just hurt her all over again. "I thought I'd lost you. I thought I'd never see you again and I couldn't breathe." Ronnie held her hand to her chest as she spoke, the hard lump of her locket securely pressing into her heart and her hand, her baby captured between the two.

Danielle stared confused at Ronnie, she had been so certain. She tried to think back to what she had heard, it was all a vague mess of snapshots, clipped snippets of moments that didn't seem to piece together. The uncertainty started to creep in.

"But I heard…I thought it was you." Comprehension began to dawn. Danielle bit her lip, looking away from Ronnie. She hadn't listened to the voice, she hadn't waited to hear Ronnie speak. She had heard laughter and that had been enough. Ronnie stood and moved to Danielle, grasping one hand and putting her other arm around Danielle's shoulders, leading her to the sofa before sitting them down together. Danielle moved with her without any hesitation. She was too lost in thoughts.

"Danielle, I swear to you, I never laughed at you. I felt like my whole world was falling apart," she spoke softly, turning herself to face Danielle and reaching out to stroke her face. Danielle looked up dolefully at her, the lachrymose, wide-eyed innocence on her face making her seem so much younger, the draw to protect her even stronger.

"I thought…" Danielle huffed mirthlessly to herself rolling her eyes. Ronnie hadn't laughed at her. The whole time, Ronnie had been just as miserable as she had been. "I really thought you'd laughed at me for coming back." Danielle admitted feebly, an embarrassed half smile inching onto her face.

"Never." Ronnie exclaimed, her arms wrapping around Danielle listening to her self deprecating little laugh. "The whole time you were away, my heart was breaking." She whispered.

"I thought you were just laughing because you'd never want me as a daughter." Danielle's words were muffled as she talked into Ronnie's arm she had her head pressed into where it was curled around her.

"Sweetie I want to be your mother more than anything. To make you breakfasts," She smiled, twitching her arm slightly to indicate to the kitchen, "To just get to know you and have you in my life and spend time with you, live together as mother and daughter, be there for you, just every single thing." Ronnie stopped to take a breath as she had reeled out as many thoughts as she could. They were all there swimming around in her mind, so many things she wanted for herself and Danielle. She watched as Danielle turned her head, still resting on her arm to look at her, the doe eyes now sparkling with a smile which Ronnie returned instantly. Ronnie rested her head atop Danielle's and sighed. As long as they could always talk and get things out and be honest, it seemed like they could really start to work things out. Already they had put something behind them, clearing up a past hurt and moving on. She pressed a kiss into Danielle's hair before pulling back to look her in the eye. "There is nothing I have ever wanted or will ever want as much as you. Ever."

Danielle tried to suppress her elation at the statement. She chose instead to just smile, biting her cheek to keep herself from laughing in sheer relief. Her mind was still reeling. She had tried to kill herself, Ronnie's laughter, her cruel heartless joke had been the final straw, the one thing to truly push Danielle over the edge and it had never really happened. Making sense of her own actions had been hard enough but now Danielle realised just how blind and how desperate she had been that night. She felt herself clinging more tightly to Ronnie as if she was the anchor to safety, the one thing that could ground Danielle and keep her from ever falling away again. Perhaps she was, Danielle was almost certain she was. Ronnie was the one person who could keep her safe, even if she was also the one person who could also break her, it didn't matter, not in that moment.

"Right." Ronnie said as if the word could spur the two into action. The effort and sentiment was somewhat diminished by the fact that Ronnie was still entwined around Danielle, speaking into her hair. Ronnie sat back slowly, a mouthful of Danielle's hair where she had spoken, released as she moved away. "If we don't eat soon, I'm going to have to feed Roxy too."

Danielle stretched herself back on the sofa, relaxing into it and stretching her arms and legs in turn. She felt too cosy to want to move, Ronnie's arm still around her shoulder as though even moving away, Ronnie couldn't bear to completely lose the contact.

"I'll have anything you're having?" Danielle hummed contentedly. Ronnie smiled at Danielle's slightly nervous response. She felt a wash of pride at her daughter's manners. Such a small thing, Roxy had never mastered them, no matter how hard Ronnie had tried to enforce them.

"Well…" Ronnie began as she lifted herself reluctantly from the sofa and making her way to the fridge, motioning for Danielle to stay where she was. "We have eggs, toast, I could do a fry up? We have the sausages, bacon, beans…I don't think I have any mushrooms." Ronnie pushed her hand into the back of the fridge to check amongst the other vegetables, her head twisted round to talk to Danielle. She saw Danielle's nose crinkle in distaste,

"Um…not sausages or bacon if that's okay?" Danielle said, grimacing slightly, partly at the thought of it and partly because she felt rude, as though she was making demands.

"Oh, do you not eat meat?" Ronnie asked, cursing herself for not even bothering to check, but at the same time thankful that at least she hadn't cooked before Danielle had arrived.

"No, it's not that." Danielle smiled, turning herself and curling her legs under her on the sofa so that she could lean on the back of it to talk to Ronnie, "I just spent all morning with Chops and well…" she trailed off, hoping Ronnie would assume the end of her sentence.

"Say no more." Ronnie laughed, turning back into the fridge. "So not a fry up. How about pancakes? I have pancake batter." Ronnie carefully used the word 'have' instead of 'made'. She didn't want to let on to Danielle just how much she had put into this breakfast, she didn't want any pressure on her daughter.

"Sounds great." Danielle said nervously, she was all too aware that now that they had broken the ice, albeit in a fairly dramatic way, they would have to actually talk. The same nervousness came over her that she had always felt around Ronnie. The need to impress her, the complete admiration of the woman she had come from.

"Can I plug this in?" She asked quietly, waving her phone charger in the air as Ronnie pottered around the kitchen finding a pan. She had spotted her bag on the table beside the door and thought she might as well start charging her phone, if only to keep Stacey from another impending outburst.

"Of course you can." Ronnie replied, turning back to Danielle. "There's a socket over by the telly or one behind that chair," she indicated with an elbow as her hands were filled. "You don't have to ask before you do anything. I want you to feel at home here… if you want to," Ronnie spoke, blowing her fringe out of her eyes. She wanted to continue, to tell Danielle how much she wanted her to make it her home too, but she held back reminding herself that she had to take things one step at a time. Always one step at a time. But as she watched Danielle moving around her flat everything felt right, as if it was all ever so slowly clicking into place.


	69. Chapter 69

**A/N --- Getting quicker again. Thank goodness.**

**Right. I'd be interested to know what people think of this chapter. There are parts in it that I really liked but parts I wasn't so keen on as I chose not too delve into some things that could have been explored in order to keep the atmosphere that is created in the chapter and those 'things' can be explored later on in the story.**

**So yes, I want to know what you all think.**

**This is dedicated to RachelF, Kirsty95 and all of you who have reviewed this story.**

* * *

Danielle sat stiffly on a chair in Ronnie's lounge watching as Ronnie moved around the kitchen, bustling around in cupboards, pots and pans clanging as she rifled through. Danielle couldn't relax, apart from the clashes from the kitchen the place was silent, neither woman spoke although both were dying to. The longer the silence went on, the harder it became to breach. Danielle tried to look busy tapping buttons on her phone so as not to just stare at Ronnie but it was hard to tear her eyes away when she was there preparing food, seeming once again so normal. Danielle realised that once again she was just staring at Ronnie and when she made to turn around, Danielle snapped her head down, suddenly finding huge interest in the hash key on her phone, staring at it as if it held the answers to the universe. She tried to ignore the feeling of Ronnie's eyes on her and actually registered what she was looking at. Her phone had five new messages flashing at her.

Fingers dithered over the buttons, uncertain as to whether she really wanted to see what anyone may have had to say to her, but almost without her own volition, she pressed open. Three messages were from Stacey on 'that night', begging her to come back, telling her that Ronnie was like a zombie. Danielle couldn't help but look at Ronnie, trying to imagine what Stacey had seen of her that night.

She scrolled down to the next message, it was from her father. Danielle paled, thinking of all that had happened since she had last seen him, even since she had last spoken to him. Those few days felt like a lifetime. Guilt swelled within her once again. She felt as if she was betraying him, even being in the flat with Ronnie, it felt like she was cheating her father. She felt her insides squirm as she tried to imagine what he'd say if he knew. He seemed so distant now. He didn't even know she had been in hospital. He knew nothing about her life now, he seemed so far away and Danielle couldn't bring herself to open the message, immediately opening the next to try and put her father out of her mind until she had at least made it through breakfast.

Ronnie was biting her lip restively as she heated some water in a pan slowly and sorted out the chopping board. There were so many things she wanted to say to Danielle, to find out about her. She just wanted Danielle to talk and tell her everything, every last detail of her life, hopes, fears, dreams, everything there could be to know. But every time Ronnie turned to try and start some dialogue with her daughter, Danielle looked so engrossed up in her phone that Ronnie didn't want to interrupt her. She searched the cutlery draw for a knife when she heard Danielle stifling a giggle. She turned at the sound, watching Danielle's eyes twinkle with the action. Ronnie grinned automatically, Danielle's happiness infectious to her.

"What?" Ronnie asked, unable to keep the smile from her face. Danielle looked up, suddenly aware once again that Ronnie was in the room and she looked up.

"Just a text from Whitney." She said, putting her phone onto the side and folding her hands into her lap, it was strange, Ronnie looking at her, the expectant smile on her face. It was the sort of look Danielle had always wanted to get from Ronnie, one that told her she was the centre of her attention, of her world for that moment.

"Apparently Bianca threw Tiffany's bowl of cereal over him. He had to walk over the Square covered in it." Danielle said, with a slight laugh. She stood from her seat as Ronnie breathed a laugh.

"Can I help with anything?" Danielle asked. Ronnie seemed to consider the offer for a second before nodding, beckoning Danielle over.

"Chop or cook?" Ronnie asked. She didn't want Danielle to feel she had to help. Ronnie wanted to prove to her and to herself that she could do this. She could take care of her daughter. But a normal relationship, living together, being part of each other's lives, that meant them both working together. And working side by side with Danielle, even on something like breakfast was exciting in itself.

"Mmm, I'll chop." Danielle said with a decisive nod, making Ronnie laugh and hand the knife over to her. "What am I chopping?" Danielle asked shyly, looking at the counter, everything neatly organised despite the racket and fuss Ronnie had been making.

"Oh I bought some strawberries, raspberries and blueberries the other day." Ronnie had forgotten to even tell Danielle her breakfast plans as she had been so intent on making it all right. "I thought blueberry pancakes with strawberries and I can make the raspberries into a sauce for it." Ronnie spoke her plans almost guiltily, hoping that Danielle would like the sound of it, hoping that it was alright, that she wasn't failing at the mother role already.

"Sounds great." Danielle grinned. She set about chopping strawberries whilst Ronnie was heating raspberries and lime juice in another pan, slowly adding sugar. The atmosphere had lightened. Somehow the simple act of working together had broken the building tension and expectations.

"I don't think I've had pancakes for years," Danielle said as she scraped the little pile of chopped strawberries into a bowl and moved on to the next few. "Not since I was little I think." Ronnie stole a strawberry from Danielle's hand, eating it as she listened to her. Danielle paused for a second looking at her hand and then Ronnie, back to her hand before smiling and picking up another strawberry.

"I always tried to make them for Rox on pancake day when we were little. I think I mostly ended up burning them though," Ronnie laughed. "I managed to get Rox covered in pancake batter mostly."

"Gareth used to do that to me," Danielle agreed emphatically as the pair laughed together. "My dad refused to let us make them one year, I think I was about nine, because the year before, Gareth had thrown the whole jug of mixture over me after my pancake landed on him." Ronnie laughed at the image of a young Danielle, covered head to foot in batter. "I was only trying to flip it and I just, sort of, missed." She said shrugging embarrassedly, her sly smile giving her away.

"Sounds like Roxy…a lot like Roxy," Ronnie snickered. "So how old is Gareth?" Ronnie asked, eager to learn as much as she could.

"He's a few months younger than me." Danielle said, sobering slightly and popping a strawberry into her mouth. "He was adopted when I was four."

"Are you two close?" Ronnie asked as she squashed the raspberries and every now and then stole strawberries from Danielle.

"Mmm…sort of." Danielle said, thinking about it. "We fought a lot, a _lot _when we were little. Just stupid brother, sister stuff." Ronnie leant against the counter, pausing in the cooking, without realising, to just watch and listen to Danielle. "Luckily we weren't in the same year at school or I think I would've gone mad." Danielle laughed, rolling her eyes and tempted to bat Ronnie's hand away as she reached for another strawberry that she was chopping. "Anyway, we got a lot closer when we were teenagers but we're pretty different. He's really cool, Gareth. He's in the army now so I haven't seen him for a while. He's engaged to this girl, Julie. I think he's home on leave at the moment but I haven't spoken to him in ages. Since before I moved down here really." Danielle turned back to Ronnie.

"What about you and Roxy? Have you always been close? I would have loved to have a sister. I asked my parents for one but they just came home with Gareth." Ronnie laughed around the strawberry and Danielle grinned up at the little splutter she made. She couldn't believe this was going so well. Ronnie was listening to her, she really wanted to know about her and it was so easy. The nerves were slowly slipping away, word by word.

"Pretty much." Ronnie sighed. "Our mum left when I was 15, Rox wasn't even in her teens. She took it pretty hard at first but well…she was always a daddy's girl." There was a slightly bitter edge to Ronnie's words that Danielle almost flinched at. Even though she could understand Ronnie's anger towards her father and even Danielle felt angry and disgusted by him, it was still a reminder of the darker side of Ronnie, a reminder that wasn't welcome when things were going so well. Ronnie seemed to notice her tone almost immediately and cleared her throat before changing tact. "Well, with things how they were, I took on the role for Rox. Helped her with homework, tried to keep her in line and wasn't very successful most of the time." Ronnie stirred the raspberry mixture she'd made, adding sugar as she spoke. "Then I moved off to Ibiza, took Roxy with me. God the things she got up to over there. You wouldn't believe it but how she is now is actually mellow compared to how she was out there!"

"What about you?" Danielle asked, "What were you like over in Ibiza?" Ronnie looked with narrowed eyes at Danielle, wondering what to tell her.

"I spent most of my time looking after Roxy I suppose." She replied. At Danielle's questioning look, she continued, "well she got in with the wrong crowd and…like I said, if you think she's trouble now you should have seen her then."

"As bad as Stacey?" Danielle laughed as she pushed the last of the strawberries into the bowl and set it onto the table before brushing around on the counter, clearing up after herself.

"Oh much worse." Ronnie smirked, "Much, much worse. Amy has done her the world of good." It was nice to speak about Roxy and Amy. A few weeks ago Ronnie wouldn't have been able to imagine talking about them without the jealous stab that would hit her when she thought of Roxy's betrayal and the baby that should have been hers. But now it was like that had been lifted from her. It still hurt but she couldn't be angry, she couldn't be jealous, it didn't even occur to her when she had her dream brought to life in front of her.

"What about you though? When you weren't looking after Roxy?" Danielle swayed on the spot, looking up at Ronnie with almost veneration in her eyes. Ronnie laughed at her persistence, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind Danielle's ear.

"A bit more like Roxy I think." Ronnie laughed, averting her eyes and pulling a face. "Did a few things that I probably shouldn't have," Danielle raised her eyebrows as Ronnie did and they both laughed. "But pretty much the same as now. Right, taste this," Ronnie held out a spoonful of the newly sieved raspberries, waving it in front of Danielle's mouth. A flash of thought passed through Ronnie's mind, feeding her child. The way it always should have been. There was so much that she had missed, so much that she could never get back. The days when Danielle would have been sat in a highchair, wailing as Ronnie would have tried funny faces, aeroplane imitations, anything to get her to eat. Or a toddler Danielle grinning with food covering her face. Danielle as a baby, another woman feeding her when it should have been Ronnie cradling her child to her chest, bonding in the first and most instinctive way. That past could never be returned to them and Ronnie wanted to break down as much as she wanted to laugh at the fact that despite what they had missed, here they were, Ronnie was still feeding her child, they were finally together.

Danielle's face instantly scrunched up when the tart taste hit her tongue. She heard Ronnie's burst of laughter. "More sugar?" she asked. Danielle nodded, still unable to relax her face as the sour taste continued to assault her. Ronnie was snickering under her breath and Danielle wondered if just maybe she had done it on purpose just to see her reaction.

"I think you need to try it too." Danielle demanded deviously, staring at Ronnie and grabbing a spoon. Ronnie stared at Danielle surprised by the mirthfully sarcastic comment. She narrowed her eyes in challenge and whilst the two continued their playful staring contest, Ronnie subtly tipped several more spoonfuls of sugar into the sauce before replying. "Ok. Do your worst." Unfortunately she was just a second too late with the last spoonful,

"You cheat!" Danielle gasped. Ronnie grinned.

"Oh you have so much to learn." She said with a wink. "So, pancakes?"

Danielle couldn't wipe the smile from her face, the corners of her mouth were even aching slightly where she tried to contain it. Ronnie was perfect. It was the thought that kept running through her head, this was how it was always meant to happen. The past was still there, lingering in the dark recesses of both of their minds but this moment, the simplicity of just being together, laughing and chatting drowned it all out.

"You want to find something to put that into?" Ronnie asked, nodding her head towards the raspberry sauce as she poured a dollop of the pancake batter into the heated pan, scattering some blueberries into the rapidly cooking mixture. Danielle nodded and looked around the countertops, not wanting to go searching through cupboards. The nerves may have lessened, but they were still there and rifling uninvited through Ronnie's things, even in the kitchen wasn't something Danielle could do. "I think there might be something in that cupboard, or the one next to it." Ronnie added, sensing Danielle's hesitation.

When Danielle finally clasped her hands around a suitable small jug, lowering herself down from her tiptoes and grabbing the pan to decant the sauce she saw Ronnie, a spatula in one hand trying unsuccessfully to turn the pancake in the frying pan.

"You have to flip them." Danielle spoke as if Ronnie was committing a grave culinary injustice.

"Oh, be my guest," Ronnie said, stepping back from the pan and opening her arms to gesture for Danielle to take over. She was about to tease Danielle about how she had somehow hit her brother with a pancake in the past but stopped when she saw Danielle nervously paused, as if just the mere pressure of flipping a pancake wrong would be the end of the world. The worry was instantaneous, Ronnie had been enjoying thing, relaxing into their chatter but now she worried she had gone too far, pushed Danielle too soon into jokes and mocking when she had no real reason to believe that Ronnie wasn't being serious and snide. She stepped forward again, offering to do the first pancake which Danielle readily agreed to. As Ronnie lifted the pan she purposely threw the pancake too far, watching as it fell to the floor in a soggy mess.

"That didn't go quite to plan." She muttered. "A little help?" Danielle's gentle smile was back. The one that had been aimed at Ronnie so many times in the past. That was Danielle, that was her daughter, the gentle heart always there to help whoever she could. It had been a slightly underhanded tactic, but worth it Ronnie thought. If she made sure that she failed in front of Danielle, she somehow knew it would help. Stepping back again to watch her baby girl take control of the situation, Ronnie wondered if it was instinct, maybe she did know Danielle, at least a little better than she thought.

As Danielle set to work cooking, Ronnie stood back to watch. The conversation calmed to gentle chatter, Ronnie telling Danielle about some fairly disastrous cooking attempts when she and Roxy had thought it to be a good idea to add alcohol to everything and Danielle in turn relaying some of the awful concoctions she and Gareth would make on rainy days when they couldn't find anything better to do than create chaos in the kitchen. Danielle flipped the pancake, only just managing to catch it in the frying pan. Both women smiled as Ronnie stood back, phone in hand, making sure that Danielle was distracted. It felt almost cruel to be going behind Danielle's back. But she couldn't help herself. It didn't take long anyway. She got what was needed within seconds and put her phone back into her pocket, stepping forward to join Danielle at the stove again.

"Right. That's it. I want to learn." Ronnie grinned, closing her hand around the handle next to Danielle's. She protested when Danielle moved her hand away, causing her to resume her grip on the pan, over Ronnie's hand. The simple contact was what Ronnie had really wanted. She already knew how to flip pancakes, but this way she could make Danielle feel accomplished, she could watch her daughter be the teacher and she could hold her hand. Maybe it was usually the mother teaching the daughter these things, but that didn't matter to either of them as Danielle taught Ronnie what she already knew.


	70. Chapter 70

**A/N --- Once again I am SO sorry for the major delay in getting this chapter out. Things have just been very manic lately. Job interview (which sadly wasn't successful), more discussions with people about jobs as I am going down a different route at the moment. Then there have been my sister's birthday celebrations (a 4 day extravaganza) and also I was in London for a week. So yes...it's been busy.**

**Those people who have sent me PMs I WILL reply, I am not ignoring you all!**

**This chapter is for everyone who has reviewed this fic, especially those who reviewed the last chapter as I got some amazing reviews. I can't name all the people as I would worry about missing somebody out but thank you all SO much for your reviews on the last chapter they were fantastic and they still really do mean a lot.**

**I hope everybody is still enjoying this. Please keep letting me know. I hope people haven't forgotten this story.**

**Thanks :)**

* * *

"Do you think they turned out alright?" Ronnie asked as she sat herself down at the table opposite Danielle, a small stack of pancakes plated up in front of each of them. She tried to keep the nerves from her voice as she watched Danielle finishing her first bite. It was ridiculous how much her stomach was in her throat and heart pounding whilst she waited for Danielle's verdict on breakfast as if she was waiting for a salvation.

"They're great." Danielle replied, eager to compliment Ronnie. "I think we did well." She laughed, scooping another spoonful of strawberries onto her plate before smothering the pancakes in sauce.

"We make a good team." Ronnie smiled around the forkful of pancakes she'd brought to her mouth. She breathed deeply, feeling the relief seeping into her that she had managed to succeed in this one simple task.

"Yeah," Danielle grinned at the sentiment, almost immediately averting her eyes, the shyness having taken hold. Ronnie glanced to her plate briefly to spear some more pancake onto her fork before looking back at Danielle. It crossed her mind to just ask Danielle to tell her everything about herself, but how could anybody begin to answer that? Instead she pushed her hair from her face and tried to think of what to ask.

"So how long did you go horse riding for?" Ronnie immediately wanted to smack herself for the ridiculous question that she'd just voiced. Her face cringed slightly and she tried to hide it from Danielle who was looking at her, completely bemused.

"What?" Danielle questioned. She didn't know whether to laugh or just stick with confusion at the question which had arisen completely out of the blue. A question flashed into Danielle's mind, could it really be possible that Ronnie was just as nervous as she was? Or maybe, was Ronnie just trying to force a conversation with somebody she really wasn't interested in, just out of some sense of obligation?

"Uh," Danielle squinted as she tried to remember all those years back. "Five or six years I think?" Danielle's face was screwed up as she thought, Ronnie's remained expectant, her body automatically leaning forward, completely devoted to every word Danielle would give her. When Ronnie said nothing but just nodded slightly, Danielle continued slowly, "I started when I was little. I begged my parents for months and months to let me. My dad never wanted to." She smiled shyly, shaking her head. "I was a bit accident prone when I was small." Danielle explained, her hand gesticulating and head tilting to the side as she relaxed into her words, talking confidently, relishing Ronnie actually wanting to know. Ronnie smiled, losing herself in Danielle's story whilst still hanging on her every word, every movement. "I was always falling off my bike or out of trees or just running into things. I remember one time, Gareth, he persuaded me to climb up onto the kitchen side to try and get us biscuits, I was really little. I tried to reach the tin but my foot slipped into the sink and I fell backwards off the counter, I sprained my ankle and banged my head on the counter as I fell. The minute Gareth saw blood he just ran. He got away with all sorts." Danielle said, shaking her head. Ronnie was just staring at Danielle, her eyes sparkling, feeling herself tipping between laughter and silent amazement of her little girl.

"What happened?" Ronnie asked, eager to hear that Danielle was fine, but still not quite willing to hear that she had been comforted by another, that somebody else had held her and kissed away the tears and made the world alright again when it should have been her.

"I think I just burst out crying until my mum came in and I got a biscuit in the end." Danielle said with a grin that was so much like Roxy that Ronnie's breath caught in her throat. "Gareth got one too and we ate them in the car on the way to the hospital to check my ankle and head. I don't think my parents ever knew it was all Gareth's idea." Ronnie rolled her eyes and Ronnie laughed softly, still completely enraptured in anything Danielle could tell her. Every moment Danielle had described, Ronnie could see in her mind. Her brave, little girl. Always putting herself out for others, keeping her silence and taking the brunt of any pain.

"I was always getting bruises and scrapes. I used to ride bikes up and down our road with Gareth and I would always fall off mine or ride into walls I almost rode into a river too but Gareth rode in front of me to help me stop and we both fell off. He got a huge cut on his arm from it, he still has the scar." Danielle spoke fondly of her brother, Ronnie realised that much like herself and Roxy, there may have been rivalry and fights but deep down, the love was there and like true siblings Gareth and Danielle were there for each other, even without the blood tie. Ronnie rested her cheek onto her hand, elbow on the table as she listened, an almost dreamy expression on her face. Every now and again she raised another mouthful of food to her lips, usually in time with Danielle.

"And once I ran into our patio doors when I was playing with Beauty, my old dog." Danielle muttered with a small huffing laugh as she shook her head. Ronnie tried unsuccessfully to stifle her laughter as she pictured the moment in her head. "I thought the doors were open and, well, I had a bump on my head for days and gave myself a nosebleed." Danielle rolled her eyes slightly, unconsciously rubbing her nose in a memory of the pain. Suddenly Ronnie's fingers joined hers and swept down the bridge of her nose and across her cheek reverently.

Ronnie had done it without thinking. But once her fingers had made contact with Danielle she couldn't pull them back. She couldn't bring herself to. Her bottom lip was pressed tightly between her teeth as she wondered if she had gone too far. But at the mention of any pain, she had reached out to Danielle to make it better, to soothe her child, even though it was a wound long since healed. Danielle let out a nervous, breathy laugh as Ronnie's fingers brushed up and down the bridge of her nose, stroking softly as one would to a newborn.

Both women held their forks limply and forgotten in free hands, their eating halted. Danielle blinked heavily, tempted to close her eyes under the mollifying touch of her mother but at the same time, unwilling to relinquish her fix on Ronnie. Seeing her face so calm and still, so gentle and unwaveringly devoted was mesmerising.

"No lasting damage though." Ronnie joked, taking a last stroke down the length of Danielle's nose before pushing her daughter's hair, that had fallen to frame her face, back behind her ear and reluctantly pulling her hand back, awkwardly pushing her own hair out of her face and keeping her hands busy with the remainder of her breakfast. Danielle laughed, slightly bemused at Ronnie's comment and Ronnie for a second caught her eye again, raising an eyebrow for a split second before breaking into a grin, concentrating her entire energy on her breakfast, making Danielle laugh even more at the simple and silent act that seemed so natural.

"I can see why they were nervous about you horse riding." Ronnie commented kindly. "Did you enjoy it though?" Ronnie needed to hear her say yes. She needed to hear that Danielle had been happy.

"Oh, I loved it." Danielle gushed making Ronnie catch her tongue between her teeth as she smiled so suddenly it took even herself by surprise. "My mum was shocked I think. She and dad were just waiting for me to have some accident but I only ever did once and I was 13 at the time, it was just before I gave up and I was jumping and was thrown from the horse. I broke my collar bone." Danielle's voice rolled on as she was happily chatting away. Ronnie loved it. All the times that Danielle had spoken, rambling endlessly like this in the past, Ronnie had wondered when the girl got chance to breathe and although she felt physically sick to think it, she had often wished that Danielle would just stop talking and leave her alone. But now it was a trait fast becoming a favourite for Ronnie. The way that her daughter almost became lost in her stories as she told them, the way her voice lifted and fell, her voice eagerly conveying every emotion, hands moving gently but definitely in gesture, her expressions changing with every syllable. Ronnie took it all in and fell just a little bit more in love with her daughter.

"Is that why you stopped?" Ronnie asked, her jaw pressing into her palm as she spoke, where she had once again rest her head on her hand.

"Uh, no" Danielle said, looking away awkwardly all of a sudden, her gaze fixed on her breakfast as if the answer to Ronnie's question was hidden somewhere in her pancakes. "It was…well…things just got a bit complicated when my…mum got ill and none of us had time for things like that." Danielle sighed, her voice almost a murmur. It was difficult talking about Lizzie's illness and her death, it got easier with time but it still hurt. But now it was harder. Each time Danielle had said the word "mum" she felt awkward. Now there were two women who could hold that title and things were getting more confusing. She couldn't help feeling that every time she called Lizzie "mum" she was betraying Ronnie and hurting her. But that was who Lizzie was, her mum. Perhaps not by blood but she had been the woman who raised her, who had been there for eighteen years, through the tears and the tantrums, the challenges and triumphs, she had been there and Danielle could never forget that. No matter what Ronnie became, Lizzie would still always be her mum.

"I'm sorry," Ronnie said, cursing herself for managing to stumble into yet more pain for Danielle. "I didn't mean to…" Ronnie tried to stutter through but Danielle interrupted her.

"No it's fine. I don't mind." Danielle said, not wanting Ronnie to feel guilty for bringing up her adoptive mother, even unintentionally. "But," Danielle realised that maybe this topic was too big, too complicated for either of them so early on so moved on, "what about you? Did you and Roxy do anything like that when you were little?"

"What? Horse riding?" Ronnie said with a slightly incredulous smile, her eyebrows raised. Danielle nodded innocently. "No." Ronnie laughed. "Uh, I ran quite a bit, still do," she laughed. "Roxy did cross country running at school," Ronnie said, her eyes raised to the ceiling in thought. "Only because she wanted sexy legs though apparently," she laughed, rolling her eyes. Danielle joined her in laughter, not surprised in the slightest about Roxy's reasons, they were one hundred percent Roxy.

"What about you though?" Danielle asked, wanting more than anything to learn about Ronnie as well, to find out if they were the same, if she really was like her mother.

"I was in the school choir for a few years." Ronnie shrugged, taking in another mouthful of food, "I was never very good though. I wasn't particularly popular at school. I hated it in fact. Everyone loved Roxy but I just…never really got it right." Ronnie enunciated, widening her eyes before smiling with a sigh.

"Me too." Danielle laughed. It was an odd thing to bond over but as the pair shared a glance it was a mutual agreement, a similarity they silently shared.

"Oh, we did ballet when we were really small," Ronnie said, pointing her finger at nothing as she caught the thought. "But I gave up by the time I went to senior school. I swam a lot and tried to surf as well." Both women were almost finished with their breakfast and were poised over the table as if each was leaning as close as they physically could to the other, the table an obstacle in their way. As Ronnie watched Danielle's raised eyebrows, obviously waiting for her to elaborate, she continued.

"Me and Roxy had swimming lessons when we were young and she gave them up pretty quickly, I quite liked it. I was in a team and would go twice a week. As I got a bit older it meant more, it was something that I did on my own, something that Roxy wasn't a part of and I had some good friends there. But when I met…well...when I got older I wanted to be out with friends so I stopped the clubs and left the team but I still swam, just to have thinking time." Ronnie tried to cover her slip. She had almost mentioned Joel and that was a topic she wasn't ready to breach yet. No, Danielle was hers, all she wanted was to build their relationship. Bringing even a mention of somebody else into the equation was definitely too much and certainly too soon.

"Well, anyway, when I was sixteen we moved to Weymouth. It was just after my mum left and suddenly everything was changing." Ronnie paused again, keen to keep the conversation on a lighter note, any mention of her father was bound to destroy that. "It was a nice house and we had beaches which was definitely an improvement on London swimming pools. I hadn't been swimming since I had you," Ronnie confessed, but seeing Danielle's face fall slightly she tried to justify her words, "No, it's not like that, I just wasn't quite as thin as I had been and Roxy prancing about in her bikini wasn't exactly a help." Ronnie laughed, partly at a memory flashing into her head and partly to try and draw Danielle back into lightness. "She annoyed me so much once, sticking her chest out and telling me how I was boring and everything that I pushed her off the end of the pier in front of the bloke she was trying to impress." Danielle noticed the almost gleeful smile on Ronnie's face and could imagine the scene herself.

"I bet Roxy wasn't pleased," Danielle laughed. She watched as Ronnie tried to compose herself.

"Not exactly. She was only about thirteen or fourteen and she really fancied whatever boy it was at the time, complete creep of course, anyway, her bikini top came off as she hit the water and it was dragged out by the tide. She hated me for that." Ronnie laughed. It was nice to think of her and Roxy before they had become so complicated, even if thinking back to any time before Danielle brought back the sorrow of loss.

"Well it took a while for me to get back into the water but once I did I was out there a lot. I'd go out swimming twice a day and in the summer I started surfing…coffee?" Ronnie asked, interrupting her own story as she stood.

"Uh, yes please." Danielle replied quickly. She watched as Ronnie switched on the kettle, moving to cupboards to fish out mugs and jars.

"I did the first lessons on the beach, learning how to go from lying to standing on the board and then after a few weeks we got out into the water." Ronnie was busily heaping coffee into a caffetiere, pouring milk into a tiny jug and bringing out a bowl of sugar. It was a simple way of seeing how Danielle chose to have her coffee, without having to ask.

"The first day in the water Roxy decided to tell the instructor that I was epileptic and that it looked like I was going to have a fit. Don't know where she got all that from, too many nights watching 'Casualty' I think." Ronnie rolled her eyes again, smiling as she walked past Danielle into the lounge, taking both cups of freshly poured coffee with her and placing them on the coffee table before going back for the milk and sugar and gesturing for Danielle to join her on the sofa.

"Well of course the instructor rushed into the water and dragged me out in front of everyone, saying that I should have told him and that for safety reasons I needed to get a doctor's note saying that it was ok for me to take the lessons." Ronnie was cradling her mug with both hands, blowing the steam from her coffee as she turned to face Danielle more, tucking her legs in under herself on the sofa, subtly trying to edge closer to her daughter. Danielle, however, noticed the movement and tried to suppress the smile that was threatening from the action and shuffled herself closer to her mother, also under the pretence of getting comfortable.

"I just walked away, no idea what he was talking about. Rox was in hysterics laughing at me…until she saw that I wasn't getting angry and rising to her. I think she felt a bit guilty because she came into my room that night and gave me a new mascara or eyeshadow or…something." Ronnie laughed quietly and waved her hand out as she couldn't place what Roxy had bought for her.

As the two blondes shared more of their pasts together, they both edged slowly towards one another and by the time the coffees were finished Danielle was sat with Ronnie's arm around her shoulder, her own hands on Ronnie's knee playing with the ring on Ronnie's free hand as she leant into her mother's body.

"I did," Danielle laughed. "I thought that Narnia was real." Ronnie buried her head in Danielle's hair as she laughed. "I used to sit in my wardrobe every night after dinner and take a torch in there and read the books and I'd always test the back, just waiting until it wasn't there any more. I even knocked once and tried to call Mr. Tumnus and Aslan and the beavers." Danielle bit her lip, almost embarrassed by her childishness, despite having been a child at the time, but enjoying Ronnie's reaction to her story and their closeness. She stopped playing with Ronnie's ring and just clasped her hand tightly as she shifted, trying not to make it obvious that she was snuggling further into Ronnie's side.

Ronnie couldn't hold back the involuntary 'aw' she let out at Danielle's admission. She held her cheek against the top of Danielle's head, feeling Danielle nuzzling into her and clasping her hand tightly. Ronnie closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as the feelings overwhelmed her. She laughed.

"OI!" Roxy's voice accompanied the slam of the door and the noise of a particularly disgruntled baby Amy.

"I thought you were going to text me eh?" Roxy said as she walked into the living room, pointing accusingly at Ronnie who had leant back slightly, surprised by Roxy's sudden appearance.

"How did you get it?" Ronnie asked.

"Well I had a key didn't I?" Roxy shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Ronnie was about to cut in with another remark but thought better of it and just leant back, falling back into the sofa and pulling Danielle with her.

"So, what are we talking about?" Roxy asked, raising her voice over the wailing baby. Ronnie and Danielle looked at each other, thinking back to their conversations throughout the morning and leaving Roxy bemused and bewildered the pair just dissolved into laughter.


	71. Chapter 71

**A/N --- I'm getting speedier! This is somewhat of a filler chapter but there are some things I wanted to get in here.**

**Hope it isn't too dull. Let me know either way and I am going to try as hard as I can to keep the updates coming regularly.**

**Thank you SO much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter I absolutely loved reading them all and there were actually some interesting points raised that I WOULD elaborate on but it may give things away ;)**

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Ronnie and Danielle were still sat cuddled together, Danielle going slightly stiff and no longer snuggling into Ronnie now that there was another person in the room. She felt uncomfortable being so close to Ronnie with Roxy sat in the chair opposite, watching them. Amy was still fussing, her cheeks red and tiny teardrops rolling from the corners of her eyes as Roxy cradled her with one arm, patting her nappy padded bottom with the other.

"Oi, what's wrong with you two?" Roxy mumbled as Ronnie and Danielle were still smiling after their laughter at Roxy's arrival. "You started on the drink? Bit early isn't it?" Roxy said with one eyebrow raised, still patting Amy's bottom, the baby stilling in her arms, the cries still ringing in the room, though softer now.

Ronnie sniffed slightly and whilst one hand started playing through the small fallen section of Danielle's hair, she turned herself towards Roxy.

"We don't all need to turn to the bottle Rox, we aren't all like you." Ronnie said with a sly smirk, one eyebrow raised to her sister who gave her a dirty look in return. "Oh, here's my phone." Ronnie said with a significant glance at Roxy who looked decidedly blank at Ronnie as she held the mobile phone outstretched towards her. Roxy glanced towards the phone and back to Ronnie before she looked back to the phone once again, not even moving an inch towards Ronnie's painfully stretched arm. Roxy began to say 'What the hell are you on about?' when she caught another wide eyed and significant stare from Ronnie and suddenly caught on.

"Oh, right, yeah, thanks." Roxy replied, shuffling forwards to take the phone. Both Ronnie and Roxy ignored the confused looks being given to them by Danielle who had clearly worked out that something odd was happening but couldn't decide what.

Amy snuffled before letting out a shrill whine and resuming her fractious cries.

"Can I?" Danielle began shyly, looking over to Roxy and Amy, trying not to notice Ronnie staring at her, even though she knew that the stare was warm. Ronnie's fingers twined themselves through strands of Danielle's hair, twisting them and playing with them as she watched her baby girl. Roxy rolled her eyes ever so slightly, not really doing so consciously and suddenly hoping that neither woman before her had noticed.

"Yeah sure. I need a wee anyway." Roxy said unceremoniously as she lifted herself awkwardly from the chair, her lazily unenthusiastic tone didn't go unnoticed by Ronnie even though Danielle herself seemed oblivious to it. "Been bursting all morning but Amy's been screaming her head off." She finished as she placed the baby into Danielle's open arms and stomped off in the direction of the bathroom. She paused in the doorway looking back nervously at the back of the two blonde heads. She bit her lip but couldn't help the smile as she saw them both slumping into each other, bodies resting against one another, to an outsider the scene would be perfect. Roxy turned, her hand on her forehead, dreading the day ahead.

"Hey Amy, aw, shhh," Danielle cooed softly to the babe in her arm as Ronnie continued to fiddle with her, shuffling herself closer so that her knees were practically on top of Danielle's, her feet tucked under herself. "Hey hey, it's alright Amy, it's ok." Danielle kept whispering to the baby, rocking her gently in her arms, trying to quell the cries which were slowly quietening.

"Hey there, be good for your cousin." Ronnie sang softly over Danielle's shoulder where she rested her chin. "She takes care of you doesn't she? Ever since you were really tiny." Ronnie continued to coo, Danielle wanted to laugh at the baby voice she had adopted to talk to Amy. "You knew all along didn't you?" Ronnie joked to Amy, reaching out the hand that wasn't occupied in stroking Danielle's hair, to tickle Amy's foot.

As Amy calmed from both Ronnie and Danielle's chatter and comforts, Ronnie didn't stop her nurturing ministrations on her own baby. It was overwhelming, the minute she had felt allowed to be this close, she never wanted to stop.

"She's gorgeous," Danielle sighed, unable to take her eyes off Amy as she slept and snuffled around, giving a wide yawn and smacking her lips together without bothering to open her tiny eyes. Ronnie couldn't help feeling the same, though she herself wasn't referring to Amy as she hummed in agreement. Danielle let her head fall onto Ronnie's shoulder, enjoying the calm closeness and half wishing that she had agreed to go to the club with Ronnie or had the confidence to ask Ronnie to stay. There was still a lot of awkwardness but Danielle closed her eyes, leaning into Ronnie, Amy asleep in her arms and just concentrated on the feeling of Ronnie's fingers twirling through her hair, softly stroking her temple as she did and the rhythmic rise and fall of Ronnie's shoulder as she breathed.

"You tired?" Ronnie whispered, noticing Danielle's eyes drooping and tightening her arm around her, stretching up her hand to let her thumb stroke meticulously over her temple and cheek.

"No, I'm ok." Danielle said quickly, in the quiet voice that the atmosphere called for. Danielle lifted her head from Ronnie's shoulder to look at her, trying to convince her but Ronnie just gave a thoughtful hum and smiled at her, her hand giving a little more pressure on Danielle's head as if reluctant to let her move. Realising this controlling gesture, Ronnie snapped her hand back but Danielle's head fell back onto her shoulder regardless. Ronnie tried desperately not to tense up, panicking all at once that she was pressuring the girl.

Danielle closed her eyes, steeling herself for what she was about to say. It should have been simple but it felt like just the few words made her vulnerable, putting herself out there to be hurt again.

"I'm just comfy." Danielle spoke, keeping her eyes squeezed shut and pushing her head gentle into the inside of Ronnie's shoulder, her head over the heartbeat of her mother. She held her breath, awaiting the cold rejection that she was dreading.

"Me too." Ronnie sighed, letting her hand move back to hold her child's head to her heart. "And Amy." She whispered.

"Where's Roxy?" Danielle asked after a few minutes, opening her eyes to her question. She gazed up at Ronnie who narrowed her eyes, squinting.

"No idea. Probably fallen in." She laughed, evoking a small snort from Danielle, "Or fallen asleep on there." Ronnie went on, "I found her like that before. She was pretty heavily pregnant and this one was kicking her in the kidneys all night so she was dead on her feet." She paused to take a breath, neither woman noticing Roxy emerging from the bathroom and lingering in the doorway behind them. "I went into the bathroom one morning and she was on the loo, knickers 'round her ankles and toothbrush in her mouth, dropped back and snoring her head off." The pair began to snicker between them, trying to keep quiet so as not to wake Amy.

"Oh and you were so much better when you were knocked up yeah?" Roxy said loudly, causing Amy to kick one of her legs out in her sleep so that it impacted with Ronnie's stomach. She moved in front of the pair, pointing at Ronnie, her eyebrows raised and eyes blazing with challenge, albeit an amicable one.

"I never fell asleep spread legged on the toilet." Ronnie dared, her head turning to the side slightly before giving a large grin and pulling Danielle towards her tenderly. Roxy stood there, looking between the two, one hand still pointing towards Ronnie and the other holding Ronnie's phone up near her shoulder.

"Nah, but I didn't ever wet myself." Roxy gloated as she flopped herself down on the chair she had previously vacated, happy to be able to embarrass Ronnie in return. She was glad to see the tops of Ronnie's ears tinge pink as her sister scowled at her. "Ron took me out ice skating. She was huge, like," Roxy held her hand out about two feet from her stomach whilst puffing out her cheeks which earned her a pillow in the face that Ronnie had swiftly thrown at her. Danielle's eyes darted between the pair, glad to see that for all their words, both were smiling, even if Ronnie was trying to repress hers.

"So I went out and was skating around and Ron just had to sit there watching." Roxy continued to mimic the actions of a heavily pregnant Ronnie as she spoke. "She kept telling me to hurry up 'cause we had to go, but what could she do about it? She was the size of a house so I just kept skating. Well I finally go bored and came out and we were getting up to go and _someone,_" Roxy said, turning swiftly to Danielle and pointing her finger this time in the direction of her niece, "decided to kick her mum in the bladder and Ron just went like bright red, grabbing her stomach, I thought she was dying or going into labour or something." Roxy said dramatically, enjoying the attention she was being given. "But she just got all embarrassed and said we had to go home but you just kept kicking her in the same place the whole way home. She ran…well…waddled straight up to her room and got changed." Roxy was huffing little laughs. "You were hilarious Ron."

"You've done so much worse," Ronnie said, trying to move on quickly, but still not able to suppress her smile, finally feeling that it was all worth it, like every mother feels, the horrors and embarrassment of pregnancy and birth, always eclipsed by the precious miracle of the little life it produces. And finally Ronnie had that miracle.

"Oh yeah?" Roxy challenged, "Does Danielle know about that video of you in Ibiza?" Danielle was smiling from the stories and playful banter being exchanged, loving feeling part of the lives being shared, happily snuggled up to Ronnie and being nuzzled into by Amy. She saw Ronnie rapidly blanch, her eyes go almost impossibly wide and her face looking unutterably panicked. Roxy on the other hand looked triumphant and was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Roxy stood and carefully lifted Amy from Danielle's arms, saying that she might as well sleep in the pram as Danielle would be having her all day to give her a break so she shouldn't use up all her efforts now. All of this was said with a cheerful air but as Roxy leaned close to extract the baby she moved close to Danielle's ear and whispered hurriedly,

"And I'll tell you about that video when she's gone." She gave Danielle a wink as she stood and Ronnie shot her a dark look, wondering what had just been shared without her.

After Roxy had deposited Amy into her pram, the baby not even stirring at the movement, she stayed hovering around the sofa, occasionally perching herself on the coffee table, her eyes flickering towards the phone in her hand every few minutes, thumb working over buttons as the women continued chatting brightly. They shared light chatter about their plans for the day, Roxy complained about Amy's refusal to sleep and more pointless stories were shared, Danielle had joined in by this point and by the time eleven o'clock came the three were laughing together as if it had always been this way.

"I have to head to the club," Ronnie said reluctantly, glancing at her watch. She stretched her legs from under herself and one arm, still not moving the other from around Danielle's waist where it had come to rest.

"I'll be back around seven. If you wanted we could do dinner or…?" She asked Danielle, nerves still there despite the morning's success.

"Uh, I said I'd go out with Stacey tonight." Danielle guiltily uttered, at once hating even the thought of letting Ronnie down.

"Oh." Ronnie said, trying not to let her disappointment through, but more so she was worried. "Are you sure you're…do you feel up to that?" She asked slowly.

"Yeah, I don't really want to drink or anything. And I can't on the painkillers but I promised." Danielle said, feeling suddenly stuck in the middle. Whatever she said would be pushing away one person and after everything that had happened she couldn't bear to do so to either woman.

"Well you should at least eat something before you go." Ronnie sighed, her worry not easing an ounce, despite Danielle's sensible words. She was proud of her daughter's common sense, but just days ago that same common sense had been thrown to pieces and Danielle had been lying unconscious on the very seat they were now in. Ronnie was scared. "I can get back early? Or at least come to the club tonight so it isn't far to go back if you get tired or don't feel up to it?" Ronnie tried to edge her words so that they weren't orders and her panic wasn't shown but if Danielle agreed to go to the club she had every intention of being there to watch over her. Stacey may be caring and may be there for Danielle, but a drunk Stacey Slater would be in no fit state to watch Danielle like Ronnie needed her to.

"You don't have to do that." Danielle said nervously, feeling like a burden on Ronnie at the offer of pushing her work aside. "But I'm sure Stace will go to R&R or something."

"Well, the offer's there." Ronnie said casually, or at least what she hoped was casually.

"Yeah, yeah," Roxy interrupted, causing both heads to snap towards her. "You'll get dinner in, you'll be here, I've made the decision now get out you or Jack'll do his nut even more that he is and if he takes it out on me one more time I'll be coming after you." Roxy babbled to Ronnie rolling her eyes and practically pushing Ronnie out of the door.

"Yes, alright Rox…get off." Ronnie squeaked. She moved to Danielle and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Just take it easy ok? It's only been a day." Ronnie said, not wanting to lecture her but feeling the tingles of nerves and the adrenaline of fear begin to course through her.

It took another ten minutes for Roxy to get Ronnie out of the flat as Ronnie insisted on going through the "rules" with her once again when they were in the hall and out of earshot of Danielle. But after Roxy had practically thrown Ronnie's mobile phone at her head the door had closed and Ronnie stepped out without her daughter and walked towards the club.


	72. Chapter 72

**A/N --- So sorry if this is rubbish. It's very much a filler chapter but I wanted/needed to show Roxy and her feelings at this time and also Ronnie dealing with the outside world.**

**Please let me know what you think.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Ronnie walked silently towards R&R, her feet dragging slightly, reluctant to put such distance between herself and Danielle. Albert Square was as it always had been. Ronnie could hear the daily bustle of the market, the chatter of people in the park, taking advantage of the first clear day in weeks. Even though the weather was still bitterly cold, almost frosty, people didn't seem to be deterred. Shirley was stood, cigarette hanging from her mouth and leaning casually against the doorframe of the chip shop. Ronnie could feel Shirley's eyes on her, a sneer in place.

"What'd you do to that girl then?" Shirley called out sarcastically. Ronnie kept her stride, gritting her teeth together. In her head she had been berating herself since the second she had known the truth about Danielle's identity and that was bad enough, judgement from others was too far. But if they dared to speak badly of her daughter then she didn't know if she could hold back. All the adrenaline and fear fuelled energy and anxiety could so easily be thrown out as anger and aggression at anybody who dared to speak badly of Danielle.

A laugh that bordered on a cackle resounded from behind Ronnie as she kept her head down and walked away. It was against everything she would have previously done. But that was what she had done to Danielle. She had lashed out and almost destroyed her. Things were different now, they had to be, she had to prove to Danielle that she was the woman, the mother that Danielle needed her to be. And having her baby back, the will to fight, to take out her pain on others, it was fading.

"Tried to keep her quiet? The Mitchell way?" The voice shouted from behind her and Ronnie's defences snapped up. She turned around to stare at Shirley who raised her eyebrows, still a smug sneer smeared over her face. Ronnie gave her an icy glare. She tried to work out what exactly she'd done to offend Shirley but the bottle of vodka swinging from her free hand was all the answer she needed.

"So she really your daughter then?" Ronnie folded her arms over her chest, a shield. "You lot keep her locked up until now? So come on then, what did you do to her? Or is it true she's just a headcase?" Ronnie's eyes narrowed as her breath hitched and she took determined steps back towards the smirking Shirley. She was in front of her, one finger outstretched in challenge and anger before she had even chosen to move.

"You say one more word about Danielle and you'll regret it." Ronnie said coolly, biting out the words from between clenched teeth.

"Not my fault your kid's a nutter that's all you Ronnie." Ronnie's hand moved back, muscles tensing ready to spring forward, preparing for the slap she was dying to give.

"I don't need parenting advice from you. And never, NEVER insult my daughter again." Ronnie's nails dug deep crescents into her palms but she knew that these had to be empty threats, if she lashed out she knew that it would get back to Danielle and she couldn't let that happen. Ronnie had promised Danielle that she would change, that she wouldn't hurt people. It took all the control she had to then turn and walk away. Fighting for her daughter was all she wanted to do but if she fought, she'd lose. Not fighting was the only way to win and sitting back, waiting, being the quiet one, being the sort of person to back down from such aggression was hard.

Danielle padded into the kitchen with her painkillers in hand, trying to keep them from Roxy's view as she moved to get a glass of water. Amy was still giving gentle snores from her pram by the window and Roxy had divested herself of her shoes and was sprawling on the sofa, watching Danielle with a hawk like intensity as she scrutinised her, trying to work the girl out.

"I'll have tea with two if you're offering." Roxy piped up, studying her nails and wondering what to do with Danielle. It was different now that Ronnie was gone. Roxy was torn. She'd always liked the girl, even if she'd thought her strange and more than a little away with the fairies. And now that she was her niece, Ronnie's little girl, she wanted so much to just relax and give herself over to being an aunt, spoiling her niece, doing all the things with her that Ronnie would disapprove of. But Archie's words clung to her thoughts. Like venomous darts, striking through her mind Ronnie found herself questioning Danielle's every word and every action. It was just so hard to connect the girl in front of her to the cold, calculating one that Archie had described. Certainly he had been sympathetic and understood that Danielle had only done those things out of illness and despair but still, Roxy couldn't see how this Danielle, her niece could have purposely become pregnant, engineered the situation so as to hurt Ronnie the most and even planned this suicide attempt in order to deliver the final blow. No, those claims, they were easier to ignore.

"Oh, yeah, of course." Danielle said, slightly surprised by Roxy's request. She felt uncomfortable making things in Ronnie's flat, it wasn't her home and it felt like she was somehow violating Ronnie's space by even being there without her. She was on edge, despite the warmth and comfort from the morning.

She set about making two teas, managing to surreptitiously swallow down her painkillers without Roxy noticing. In fact Roxy was quite involved with her own monologue.

"…since Ron didn't offer. Got other things on her mind I guess but still, I'm gagging for a cup, Amy's been howling and her stomach's playing up so she's a bit stinky today." Roxy was blathering about whatever came into her head. She wanted to keep up the fun and laughter, the comfort they had built when the three of them had been there but she felt awkward, wondering if now was the time she should try and persuade Danielle to go home, to get help, to leave Ronnie alone.

"Aw I don't mind. She can't help it." Danielle laughed, always happy for the conversation to be on her cousin.

"I'm not giving you any choice!" Roxy joked, "I actually paid you before. And you knew all along she was family. Well you won't be getting any more money off me. Personal babysitter like I said before." Roxy looked up from under her eyelashes at Danielle, a cheeky smile on her face, waiting for a reaction.

"I didn't mean to take your money, I just…I offered to do it for nothing. I can pay you back if you…" Danielle stuttered but was cut off by Roxy.

"I'm joking." She laughed. "You got Ronnie's sense of humour then haven't you. None." She shook her head smiling again as Danielle spared an embarrassed grin and brought over two cups of tea, holding one in front of her aunt and sitting nervously beside where Roxy was curled.

"M, you're a star." Roxy said, taking the tea off her niece and blowing the steam from it as she cupped it between her hands. "So, you getting on alright back at the Slaters'?" She asked as she sipped the scalding tea. Danielle curled her feet under her on the sofa, assuming Roxy's position and nodded as she held her own mug to her lips.

"Yeah it's fine. Stace is being a bit mad though, planning all sorts." She smiled, rolling her eyes a little, "It's just nice to be back though."

"I'll bet." Roxy said, stretching out her leg, "She's different you know."

"What?" Danielle asked, confused as to why or how Stacey was different and why Roxy was mentioning it.

"Ron." Roxy said bluntly and Danielle nodded, looking at her tea before back at Roxy, willing her to tell her more about her mother. "She's like, I dunno, I can't put my finger on it but it's like something's just clicked, it's loads of little things y'know?"

"Like what?" Danielle couldn't help but ask. She needed to know. In the past few days she'd seen the side of Ronnie that she had always known was there but had only seen once. She needed to know if other people could see the change, if Ronnie was really being honest with her.

Roxy leant into the arm of the sofa, turning herself so that she was facing Danielle, her legs crossed under her.

"You didn't know Ronnie when she was young but she was…she just cared. And she showed that yeah? But then after what happened with you, you know when you were born, she just like stopped doin' that. She stopped bein' who she was and I mean you've seen what she was like and now she's just different I guess. Just more like how she used to be. It's like she cares again and she's…god, she's a pain in the arse. Been practically bouncing off the walls and she's smiling like…all the time." Danielle listened silently, smiling as Roxy described everything that she had hoped.

"Do you think she's happy?" Danielle asked meekly, her eyes still trained on Roxy, looking out for any visible signals of a lie or avoidance.

"What? With you?" Roxy asked confused.

"Yeah." Danielle uttered, feeling as if she had asked too much, not knowing how much Roxy actually knew anyway. "I know it was a bit of a shock to her, to all of you..."

"You can say that again," Roxy laughed, "you don't do things by halves do you?"

"Sorry. I am sorry for what happened." Danielle tried to persuade Roxy, "but, Ronnie, is she happy or is she just, doing it because she thinks she should?" Danielle fiddled with her mug, shrugging slightly but although her glance kept slipping downwards, she tried to keep looking at Roxy who seemed to be considering her reply.

"She's not doing this 'cause she has to. Can you seriously imagine Ronnie doing something as big as this if she didn't want to?" Roxy couldn't quite believe what Danielle was asking, it was obvious how much Ronnie wanted her child, it was obvious that Ronnie would do anything, anything to make it work. "She's wanted her Amy more than anything. It's killed her. And now you're here." Roxy rubbed her forehead, not knowing if she was saying the right thing and worrying that if she got it wrong it would hurt not only Danielle but Ronnie in turn.

"She's happy. Really, she's sickeningly happy." Roxy joked, sharing a comically exasperated glance with Danielle, who returned it with a smile but still looked anxious, although awaiting some more information, what though Roxy didn't know. She tried to explain her sister, "Just worried I think and like, just probably worried she's gonna do the wrong thing. She's been wanting this for twenty years and now you're here…well, it's big isn't it?"

Roxy watched Danielle nod before seeing her visibly untense and smile in such a secret and relieved way, it was a smile Ronnie had, especially over the last few days. The kind she had when she was lost in thought about Danielle.

"Yeah, well you two can save the sappy stuff for each other yeah? I want to know my niece. So got a bloke? Fancy it with anyone round here?" Danielle burst out laughing at Roxy's comment. Straight to the point as always…but she'd called her, her 'niece'. Suddenly Danielle felt accepted, like things were really moving on, moving up, and working.

Roxy listened as Danielle shyly giggled, saying that no, she didn't have a boyfriend and then launching into a tale of her and Callum when she had first come to the Square.

"Me and Ron saw you two out together! He was a right creep then, talking about death..." Roxy said as the story went on. She remembered standing with Ronnie behind the bar, laughing together at the odd couple in front of them. She absently wondered if things would ever be that way again, so much had happened. But a new thought crept into her mind, not the two of them but the three of them out in R&R or the four of them sat together like today. It was nice.

As Danielle rambled on animatedly about Callum and Bradley's party, Roxy sipped her tea, she just couldn't put together the two sides of Danielle, the side her father described just didn't seem to be there. The shy girl who worried if Ronnie was truly happy…that was the one Roxy was growing to like and she decided that today, that was the only one that she would think about. It was so much easier and it felt right.


	73. Author's Note

Author's Note -

Hey everyone,

Sorry for the huge hiatus that's occurred. I got a new job, moved houses and cities and have been really busy. Then I was without my laptop for a month as it died.

So...I was going to go back to writing this, the question is...will anybody want to read if I did start updating this story again?

Let me know guys.

Adia Rose


	74. Chapter 74

**A/n --- Here we are...it's back! For better or for worse!**

**Sorry about the delay in posting this. It's just that Truth is such a complex little thing, I have so many hidden plot strands building and after such a long break I've found it almost impossible to pick up once again without dropping at least several strands. And then there's been Christmas and New Years and such.**

**Anyway...I know that this chapter probably won't be up to much as it will probably take me several chapters to get back into the swing of this story but I hope you guys all like it anyway.**

**This is for all of you guys who have stuck with me through the months and months of writing this. I hope you like it.**

* * *

Ronnie stormed into the club, her hair blowing around her face as the wind picked up and the weather began to turn. She was glad to be out of the open and into the relative comfort of the club. Walking into the office she shucked her coat, dumping it along with her bag onto the sofa behind her desk with a rustling thunk. The office was gloriously empty and deserted. Ronnie was glad of the privacy to try to dispel her anger. If Jack had been in the office, Ronnie knew that her aggression would have been far too easily directed at him.

Ronnie sat herself carefully in her chair and immediately her head was in her hands, deep breaths rattling as she worked to calm and control herself. Shaking her head she tried to throw the feelings off her, shake the thoughts from her mind to be able to concentrate. She pulled a pile of paperwork which was scattered haphazardly across her desk, to form a neat pile in front of her where she rested her forehead against a palm and grabbing a pen with the other hand, reluctantly set to work, eager to get her work done, to get back to her daughter.

Back at Ronnie's flat, Roxy and Danielle were sat sprawled at either end of the sofa, their feet meeting in the middle and bad daytime television blaring from across the room. It had taken a while for the two women to relax into a pattern of chatter, Danielle being nervous and waiting for the oncoming interrogation or disgust and Roxy being torn in her mind between what to even think about her niece. But as Roxy had pushed thoughts of "being responsible" and "doing what's best" from her mind, and let herself enjoy spending time with the girl who now owned her sister's heart, the cold atmosphere had dropped and things felt comfortable, almost natural.

"Now him, I'd have a go on him any day." Roxy said thickly through a mouthful of leftover pancake which she was busy devouring, her finger pointed to the screen whilst Danielle watched on, amused.

"He's about twenty" She turned to look at Roxy who was smirking impishly back at her, clearly not deterred in the slightest, "…he's almost my age!" Danielle squeaked with a chuckle.

"Yeah, well doesn't make him off limits does it?" Roxy grinned. "God I can't believe Ronnie's kid is nineteen. Blokes'll think I'm ancient!" Roxy gesticulated animatedly as she shovelled more pancake into her mouth.

"No they won't." Danielle assured Roxy in a soft tone, their eyes making contact in stillness for the briefest of moments before Roxy laughed again.

"Yeah, well, it's alright for you isn't it! I was the young one before. Now there's you and Amy. Still, I reckon I could show him a thing or two." Roxy smirked, her eyebrows raised as she watched Danielle's embarrassment flushing her face. The girl was so innocent, so unlike she or any other Mitchell had ever really been.

"We need to get you out and get you a bloke. Not that there's much talent 'round here." Danielle giggled, averting her eyes to her lap as Roxy shovelled the remaining pancake into her mouth and winked. A silence fell over the pair. Neither were sure if it was comfortable and both shuffled slightly, trying to think of something to say. Amy's soft sighs were a welcome distraction as she began to wake.

"Do you mind?" Danielle muttered gently as she glanced over to Amy in her pram, hoping to be able to spend more time taking care of her cousin.

"Nah, go for it." Roxy waved her hand in an almost dismissive way as she put her plate onto the coffee table in front of her, having no intention whatsoever of clearing up after herself. She watched as Danielle grinned and walked over to the pram, beginning to talk to Amy in a quiet and gentle tone.

"Hey Amy," Danielle cooed into the pram as she lifted the stretching baby from the blankets. She held the child close to her chest and for a second her mind slipped to the shattered possibilities, she could have had this, a child. The ache she felt was almost numbing, but passed in a flash, just the briefest, crippling glimpse of what could have been.

The babe gave a long gummy yawn before snuggling herself into Danielle's arms with a sleepy whimper.

"Still likes you." Roxy said absently, though in her mind the meaning of this bond was striking at her. Danielle's persistence in her requests to see Amy, the gifts she'd bought, every effort she had made, now made sense. "You're good with her. How's it feel to have all this family then? Must be weird yeah?"

Danielle looked up to Roxy, almost stunned by the question. She hadn't really thought about it, not consciously. She had felt it of course, the pressure, the fears, the joy at everything finally being in the open, being allowed to love these strangers for the family that they were. But consciously she hadn't really got her head around it all. She fiddled with Amy's fingers as she stood besides the sofa. She had paused in her walk back and now felt the spotlight upon her, unable to sit back down, just wondering what she could say.

"_You've_ had time to get used to it though haven't you?" Roxy carried on oblivious to Danielle's discomfort and nerves. "I mean when you asked to look after Amy and everything, I had no idea. Still can't get my head around it." Roxy rambled on, thinking about the surreal situation that she was now in, her own niece to spoil and spend time with. And maybe corrupt just a little bit. Danielle just stood, avoiding eye contact as she smiled at Amy who in turn stared up at her wide eyed, wiggling her fists as she stretched.

Roxy looked to her niece and daughter as she finished speaking, waiting for Danielle to reply. But she saw the nerves in her niece as she watched Danielle biting her lip and resolutely looking anywhere but at her.

"Right...lets get out of this place." Roxy declared, trying to brush aside the awkwardness and tension in the girl in front of her. She stood, brushing off the pancake crumbs from her top, fingers delving into her cleavage to pluck out the wayward crumbs that had fallen there. "Come on, we can have a proper girlie day, shopping, hair, lunch?" Roxy was keen to do something, to not just sit in silence and really get to know Danielle. But Danielle was struck by a sudden panic. Going out, facing the world, facing everyone and doing it alone, not that she knew who could make it easier. But so much pressure, getting to know Roxy, that was enough for one day, but what could she say? What choice did she have?

In R&R's, Ronnie sat leant over her desk, fingers moving up and down the row of figures on the paperwork, pausing every few minutes to swipe the fringe out of her eyes and rub her hand frustratedly along her hairline. The repairs and clean-up for the office had somehow amounted to over six hundred pounds. Ronnie scrutinised the numbers as she stumbled across the paperwork for it all. She had been engrossed in the club accounts and contracts for the new DJ and renewal for the suppliers until she had found the page. She pushed the paper aside, happily ignoring it for now. She glanced at the clock in on the corner of her desk. Time was passing far too slowly. She just wanted to get all of the work done so that she could get back to Danielle, back to her little girl. She could pick up some food on the way back. Ronnie sat back in her chair, her pen in hand finding it's way to her lips as she bit on it in thought. What food would Danielle like? Ronnie tried to remember every single food choice that Danielle had made in her presence. Lost in her reverie she smiled, her baby girl, just the thought of her brought a smile to Ronnie's face, a smile that was instinctive, one that she couldn't stop even if she wanted to try. Her heart beat that little bit lighter and Ronnie bit down on her lip as she felt tears well. It seemed ludicrous to still have tears to shed, but these were of overwhelming love, and joy. Of feeling complete and finally feeling that missing purpose in her life.

Ronnie moved to check her phone before leaning back with it in hand to lounge in her office chair. She pressed through the menus to find what she needed. As soon as it appeared she beamed, it was perfect and tears fell.

"Ron." A voice snapped Ronnie from her moment and she hastily turned away to brush the tears from her eyes, not willing to look weak, not for him. "Finally decided that this business, _our _business was worth your time then?" Jack stood with hands on hips, his suit jacket swept back behind his wrists. His stance showed every ounce of his patronising displeasure at his business and more importantly himself being pushed aside in Ronnie's life. He briskly made his way over to his own desk as Ronnie's head snapped to look at him with eyes full of disdain. She opened her mouth to reply but Jack interjected.

"Come on Ronnie, you haven't bothered even showing up. This place is going to go under and you don't even seem to care." Jack had slumped into his chair, an air of nonchalance about him. It was purposeful. He knew just how to get under Ronnie's skin.

"Are you joking?" Ronnie exclaimed, her voice loud, her frustrations finding an all too easy target. Jack stared blankly at her as if to challenge her, telling her that she could not deny it. "After everything, after everything I've been through..." she paused, looking around the office blindly, trying to collect herself. "after everything we've been through how can you not see that this job, this club...I've found my daughter, Jack!" It was disbelief, Ronnie could not fathom how this man, once the centre of her world couldn't comprehend that in comparison to Danielle, the club meant nothing.

"You know what that means. She's my daughter. And she's been in hospital." Ronnie stared at him, an icy vehemence lurking in the depths. "If it was Penny...you'd do the same." She pointed her finger towards him, the upper hand now hers. She gave the final stab. "What if it was Amy?"

"Yeah 'cause you'd be so happy to let me leave work to go and see her wouldn't you? You wouldn't have had any problems with it." Jack shot back his retort with a dry sarcasm. He watched as Ronnie's eyes widened. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be pushing her, but something in him couldn't stop. "You just going to turn your back on the rest of your life now?"

"What exactly are we talking about here," Ronnie questioned dryly, "the club...or you?" Jack slammed his hand down on the desk, Ronnie jumped slightly at the sound. She hadn't expected it.

"This is our business alright?" Jack shouted, trying to regain his dignity, trying to win. "Yours and mine. If you want to leave it them you're screwing us both."

"I have my daughter!" Ronnie shouted angrily. "For twenty years, I've wanted her. Now she's here, she's in my life and she needs me. She's been in hospital and I'm her mum. And I'm not going to leave her. Not for this club...and not for you." Ronnie spoke unblinkingly as she stated once again, not just to Jack but to the world that Danielle was her priority, the one love in her life and she would do anything, give anything for her. Even if it meant giving everything. "I am more than capable of keeping up with this work and we can afford to hire cover staff for the bar for a while. I'll be here for this business but don't you ever, _ever_ ask me to put it before my daughter because I won't Jack. Never." Ronnie looked away from Jack, her hands shaking with the power of her words and she turned once again to her phone, making it clear that the conversation was over.


	75. Chapter 75

**A/N --- Phew! Ok...so another LONG gap between updates wasn't it? Sorry!!!!!! It's just taking a lot of time to get these chapters out at the mo. But I still love writing them and still have so much planned.**

**I really hope people will still read and let me know what they think. I know this chapter may be a little boring and probably not up to standard but I just felt very rusty writing it. But there are some things in here that although not big or dramatic, I felt important to include. I hope you all like it.**

**You have no idea how much I appreciate all of your support and reviews and the fact that you've all stuck with me and this story for so long. It means a lot so thank you. :)**

* * *

"Danielle? You sorted?" Roxy shouted from the hallway. Danielle had gone to the bathroom almost twenty minutes ago and whilst to begin with, Roxy had been bundling up Amy and getting herself ready, she was now realising just how stupid she might have been. Roxy ran through the rules again in her head, realising that leaving Danielle alone had been high on Ronnie's list of 'Don'ts'. But surely using the toilet...what was Roxy supposed to do? She couldn't exactly tell Danielle that, actually, she had to accompany her in there. This was a nineteen year old and a still yet mostly unknown one.

"Oi, Amy's all bundled up ready to go. You done yet?" Roxy called through the bathroom door, hoping to hear the reply she was waiting for. She leant against the door frame, arms folded and hip cocked to the side. She was tempted to bang her palm against the door as she would do to Ronnie but she was held back by the newness of this aunt/niece relationship.

Inside the bathroom Danielle sat on the edge of the bath, her hands gripping the side and her head hung as she tried to collect her breath. Why was this so hard? She'd been out already, just hours ago in fact. But somehow, the mere thought of facing the rest of Walford, the people she had known, who all knew what she had done...that was terrifying. Each time Roxy called through the door, Danielle flinched, her breath catching as she stared defiantly as though if she stared hard enough, Roxy would disappear and she wouldn't have to face the world. Her fingers clenched tighter onto the edge of the bath, her fingertips turning white from the pressure. She closed her eyes tightly, praying that she could just feel ok.

Danielle's body seemed to instinctively resist every effort that she made to move from her seat and she could felt her hands shake even through the painful hold she had on the bath. Surely this couldn't be as frightening as it felt? Surely she could face it, get through it?

Roxy lifted her hand to once more bang on the door but even as she raised it she heard the click of the lock and released a sigh as the door crept slowly open. Danielle stepped out, closing the door behind her and trying to look as casual as she could, striding past Roxy, feigning an air of confidence that she certainly didn't feel. Roxy just stared at her, slightly bewildered, still this girl hadn't said anything. She shook her head, trying to laugh it off as she usually would.

"Right then," Roxy began, breezing into the living room where Danielle was stood clutching her handbag a little too tightly with both hands in front of her. "Miss Amy here says she needs a walk 'round the park and some lunch. What do you reckon?"

"Yeah." Danielle said as brightly as she could, forcing a smile onto her face, "yeah, sounds...fine."Her eyes widened as she spoke her lie, her eyes set on the floor, avoiding having to look at her expectant aunt. Roxy huffed, her arms folded in front of her.

"Don't sound to enthusiastic about it or anything. God, just like Ron you are." Roxy grumbled at Danielle, her voice half cheekily mocking and half whinging. "Breaking a smile wouldn't kill you, you know." Roxy turned away, rolling her eyes, cringing at her unfortunate choice of words. "So come on then. It's meant to be fun." She called, turning back to her niece, deciding to ignore her faux pas.

"No, really," Danielle muttered with as much false conviction as she could muster, "it sounds...uh...good." She stuttered her way through her words, trying to appear confident, carefree, brave...like a Mitchell. But deep down she knew she was failing, on all counts.

Roxy sighed and sat down on the coffee table, letting her folded arms fall from her chest to her waist. She looked at Danielle, unable to ignore the despondent and frightened stare gracing her features. She sighed heavily.

"You really aren't up to this are you?" Roxy stated, more than questioned, leaning forward, conveying as much sympathy as she could muster, despite the concept being an almost entirely foreign entity to her. Danielle looked across the room, desperate not to make eye contact.

"No, really..." She began weakly, "I'm fine...I'm good..." She felt her stomach turn even as she spoke her lie, the mere thought of facing the world, tying her in knots. "I'm...fine." She finished pathetically.

"Yeah, you look it." Roxy joked sarcastically, pushing Danielle's shoulder playfully. Her attempts to ease the mood and make Danielle smile seemed to be failing. She leant back again, finding herself lost in the situation. She paused, scrutinising her niece momentarily. "It's big I guess," Roxy muttered sighing and placing her hands behind her on the coffee table. Danielle raised her eyes from the floor, forgetting her avoidance as she shot Roxy a questioning look.

"The whole you and Ronnie thing," Roxy continued off handedly as she took note of Danielle's expression. "You know, 'secret's out' and all that, yeah?" she exclaimed with dramatic effect as she waved her hands in front of her. "Bound to feel a bit scary. Ron's not exactly the most popular person 'round here." Danielle wanted Roxy to stop. Yes, being Ronnie's daughter, having out in the open and everyone knowing was scary. But that wasn't the problem. The wedding, all that had happened there, the hospital, what she had done, what everybody knew she had done, that was the problem. "But you know, nobody is going to blame you for that!" Roxy joked, oblivious to Danielle's rising tension. "And anyway, who cares what they all think. You know...I could tell you things about _all_ of them. They ain't exactly saints you know."

"Yeah, I know," Danielle stated with yet another feigned smile. She sighed heavily, Roxy was really trying. This was what Danielle had wanted, her real family there for her. She sat gingerly on the arm of the chair next to her and folded her hands neatly and gracefully onto her lap before trying to look Roxy in the eye. Her mouth opened to speak but she couldn't force words to come out. Admitting how afraid she felt would mean admitting her vulnerability, opening herself up to get hurt. The thought stabbed into her head even as her mouth opened. Of course it had been Ronnie who had hurt her in the past, but that had just made her cautious of everybody, always expecting to be hurt. Always afraid. She tried to push the thoughts away, to be brave, to let her aunt in.

"But it's not just that is it?" She finally managed to blurt out. "They all know don't they?" She had expected her voice to be quiet, almost inaudible but she had pushed herself so much to speak them that they barked out into the stillness. Roxy jumped slightly and raised her eyebrows at Danielle who had immediately flushed and turned her face away, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

"Well yeah," Roxy answered, her face scrunching in confusion as she wondered if Danielle had even listened to a word she had said. She bent to try and see Danielle's face but to avail as the girl sat staring at her own feet, her hair falling in a curtain over her face and blocking her from view. "But what difference does it make to them what you and Ronnie..."

"No, I don't mean about me and Ronnie," Danielle interrupted, her head shaking slowly as she made her meek admission. "I mean...they all know don't they? What I did, they all know. And the wedding. They saw it all and they saw what I did and what Ronnie said and all of it." She blurted the words out, each one stumbling and falling into the next and Roxy sat, unmoving, taking the barrage of fears. All was silent. Danielle looked up embarrassedly into Roxy's face, seeing her aunt looking back at her. Neither had words.

"Look, who cares yeah?" Roxy began, she wasn't used to being delicate and she knew that the only person who could really solve any of this was Ronnie. She cursed her sister for leaving her with this. All of the ridiculous instructions that Ronnie had left and she hadn't said one word about how to deal with something like this. A fragile and emotional teenager wasn't something that Roxy was versed in dealing with. She was stumped. So she just spoke, she treated Danielle like she would Ronnie, praying it would work. "You did nothing wrong at the wedding ok?" Roxy assured. "And as for anything else, well it's none of their business is it? Anyone says anything, anyone even looks at you a way you don't and you just tell auntie Roxy here and they'll be sorry yeah?"

Danielle couldn't help but smile as she listened to Roxy's words. They were meaningless, they solved nothing, not really. But they still made her smile. She felt herself untensing as she heard Roxy call herself 'aunty'. It felt so surreal, like all the dreams of family that she had replayed in her head for months. Her smile fixed itself onto her face and remained there as Roxy continued to make bodily threats against various members of the Square for her own vengeful purposes.

"...And Ian...well he could definitely do with someone getting that stick out from his backside..." Roxy babbled on, enjoying being able to make Danielle smile. It was bringing an odd sense of pride that she hadn't expected. She was enjoying being the centre of attention as well, having a captive audience for her gossip and anecdotes. She launched into the tale of Ian Beale's bedroom antics, gesticulating wildly and chatting animatedly as she explained herself and Ronnie sneaking around, Ian coming home. She watched Danielle giggle, her smile growing unconsciously wider each time Ronnie's name was mentioned. Having this insight into Ronnie's life, the good bits, the 'real' Ronnie, was clearly invaluable to Danielle. Roxy was in full swing and just getting to the dirtiest part of her story when Danielle interrupted her, her nose wrinkled in distaste.

"Uh, Roxy?" Danielle asked, waiting for her aunt to notice her. Roxy stopped mid-sentence, her hands poised in the middle of a rude gesture as she realised that Danielle had spoken. "What's that smell?"

"Well it wasn't me!" Roxy yelped, affronted. Danielle couldn't suppress the giggle that burst forth at Roxy's offended expression. Danielle looked significantly at Amy in her pram, her face red, a look of determined concentration on her infantile features.

"Oh right." Roxy said as she noted what Danielle was getting at. She stood and made her way towards her daughter who promptly let out a loud bubbly noise from the area of her nappy. "Amz, babes, you're killing me here." Roxy said as she covered her nose with her sleeve, letting out a large puff of breath, at Danielle, her eyebrows furrowed from the smell.

"That really smells." Danielle laughed before standing to join Roxy who lifted an oddly proud looking Amy from her pram.

Roxy proceeded to change Amy on her mat on the floor with assistance from Danielle, both having to cover their noses at times from the reek that the baby had managed to create. Once the offending nappy had been discarded, having been carried to the bin by a reluctant Danielle, and Amy was in new, cleaner clothes, the old ones having been put in a plastic bag and left on Ronnie's kitchen counter, the two blondes sat with Amy happily in Danielle's arms.

"God it still _stinks_ in here." Roxy proclaimed, though she made no effort to clean the soiled garmets herself, or even move to open any windows. "Babe I know it's a big deal for you, but can we get out of here?" Roxy asked, "'Cause this one has made Ron's place smell like a sewer and if I don't get some air I'm going to throw up myself."

Danielle looked down at Amy in her arms. She bit her lip and felt her hands shaking. But she knew she had to do it, she had to at least try. She nodded her affirmation.

"Thank god!" Roxy called out, making her daughter look at her, surprised by the loud noise.

The two women were soon standing by the door, bundled in coats, Danielle holding Amy as Roxy pushed the pram out. Danielle had started to lower Amy into the pram but Roxy had asked if Danielle could carry her, making up an excuse about Amy being more settled if she was held, she hoped having Amy as a distraction would take Danielle's mind off her own fears and insecurities.

"What about this place?" Danielle asked as they opened the door to leave, "shouldn't we at least open some windows or something?" She questioned nervously, knowing how organised, tidy and clean Ronnie was, she was unlikely to be best pleased with the state that Roxy had left it in. Danielle had seen enough of Ronnie's wrath to instantly tense at the thought of how Ronnie could react. She still feared her, she was still waiting for her to turn once again.

"Nah," Roxy breathed, heaving the pram out of the door and breaking Danielle's thoughts. "Let Ron deal with it." She grinned cheekily.

At almost twelve Ronnie was becoming restless. The atmosphere in the office was silent and frosty as she and Jack went about their work with as little contact or conversation as was possible. She picked up her phone for the fourth time in as many minutes and sighed heavily, brushing her fringe from her eyes as yet again there was nothing from Danielle or Roxy. Ronnie couldn't help worrying. She was apart from her daughter for hours now and Danielle was alone with Roxy. It was a strangely frightening concept. Ronnie picked up her phone once again, her fingers hovering over the buttons before placing it back onto the desk. She longed to call Danielle, to check up on her, to simply hear her voice, but she was afraid of smothering her, of not saying quite the right thing and upsetting her and then not being there to make it right.

"I'm going out for a bit." Ronnie stated as she grabbed her coat from where she had thrown it on the sofa, and placed it over her arm as she picked up her handbag.

"What?!" Jack asked angrily, forgetting that he was trying to appear nonchalant. He couldn't understand this new Ronnie. He used to be able to read her, he knew her priorities, he knew what would get to her, he knew what made her tick. But this new Ronnie, she was an entity yet unknown and she wore his ex's face and she infuriated him in her mystery. Ronnie turned to him, her eyebrows raised at his little outburst.

"I'm going out," she stated calmly.

"You've only just got here. We're up to our necks in this stuff," he growled, picking up papers, inadvertently crumpling them in his grasp and slamming them back down onto the desk.

"For some air Jack." Ronnie continued sarcastically. "I'm going out for some air and maybe a coffee." She spoke purposefully calmly, her voice almost patronising in its simple control. She watched as Jack seemed to seethe. "Do you want one?" She asked, her voice too polite, she may not care about Jack, but she still wanted to win, wanted to feel superior after his accusations about her loyalties and her daughter.

"No." Jack voiced bluntly. Ronnie strode through the door and made her way across the club. "Say 'hi' to Danielle for me." Jack called sarcastically after her. He was catching on to her game, he would still play Ronnie Mitchell.

Ronnie breathed deeply as her stride faltered but gave no response as she climbed the stairs and walked out into the crisp air, closing the door a little too hard behind her. She considered Jack's words as she stood leaning against the wall of the club. He had been sarcastic so he obviously expected her to be seeing Danielle. Was that so wrong? Ronnie wondered. Was it so wrong to see her or at least to want to see her? There was something in his tone that gave her pause. She suddenly felt very weak for both needing her daughter so much and for caring what Jack Branning thought about it all anyway. She lifted her hand to her forehead. Today should have been a good day. Her first real day with her daughter, her _daughter_. Ronnie smiled at the title. Her little daughter, Danielle. Screw Jack.

She strode through the Square, refusing to let herself be swayed by Jack or anybody else. She was going to bask in her new-found freedom, her new title, her new family, her new love.

Walking into the cafe, Ronnie found it packed with the regulars, all there for a cheap lunch and a break from the monotony of their days. She noticed a few stares, the odd whispers as she walked up to the counter, but simply continued on and ordered a coffee, taking a seat in the corner. She checked her phone again, one message from Roxy.

Ronnie almost leapt forward in her seat, her hands jerked and hot coffee spilled over her fingers. She shook them off and blew on them wincing as she felt them burning. She couldn't believe she had missed the message. How long had it been there? What if it was an emergency? Reddened and sore fingers fumbled with the buttons on the phone as Ronnie rushed to open the message, eager and anxious to know what was happening with her baby.

_'Gone out. Dan on swings with Amy. Got a pic for you. She's fine Ron, stop worrying! Cya later Rox xx'_

Ronnie let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding as she took the words in. Danielle was fine, she was happy. Ronnie reread the message, after the initial relief that her daughter was safe, nothing had registered. She smiled as she thought of her daughter and her niece, the image in her head causing her heart to flutter. She snickered to herself, rolling her eyes at Roxy's knowing comment. She wondered if perhaps Roxy knew her a little too well. Ronnie leant back in her seat, still smiling at her phone. Danielle was out in the Square, she was safe and happy and playing on swings. Ronnie scrolled down the message and there it was, the picture of her daughter's face beaming up at her from the swings in the park, a smiling Amy on her lap, grabbing at her coat buttons. Pride filled Ronnie's heart as she stared at the image. It was perfect.

"It suits you." A voice interrupted Ronnie's thoughts and she reluctantly tore her gaze away from her little miracle and up to the face of the intruder. She saw Tanya standing over her, beaming knowingly at her. Ronnie wasn't pleased with the timing but nonetheless sat up in acknowledgement of Tanya.

"What?" Ronnie questioned, realising that she had barely heard what was said, let alone registered it. She nodded towards the spare chair beside her.

"It suits you." Tanya repeated, taking the seat that Ronnie had offered. Ronnie looked at her confused. Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to comprehend Tanya's meaning. "Motherhood." Tanya finished simply. "You look happy." She nodded at Ronnie as they both smiled. Tanya noticed the pride on Ronnie's face. She looked so different, so much more human than just mere weeks before. "It looks like what you were meant to be. A mum."


	76. Chapter 76

**A/N --- It's been FAR too long since I updated hasn't it. Once again I have ALL the best intentions to update this more regularly. I really hope I can stick to that this time. And I REALLY hope that people will still read and let me know what they think.**

**It's very hard to get into the heads of the characters in a way. After all it's been over a year since Danielle has graced our screens and the Ronnie and Roxy that we see now are so different. But I truly hope that they all still seem true to themselves. PLEASE let me know what you all think. And I will try my hardest to be better at updating.**

**Really hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Two forty please Ronnie." Jane spoke sympathetically from behind the counter as she handed Ronnie two new cups of coffee. Ian gave a large false smile to her as she turned away back to her table. Overnight it seemed Ronnie had gone from untouchable, a woman to be feared, to being completely exposed and vulnerable. She wondered if in fact she had always been so mocked, so talked about, such an easy target but perhaps she noticed it only now as now finally she had a reason to care.

"If you stare at that any harder it's going to burst into flames." Ronnie looked at Tanya, only then realising that her focus hadn't left her phone in almost a minute. She'd stared at the screen even as she had placed the coffees onto the table and sat herself down.

"Sorry," Ronnie muttered, clearing her throat and trying to focus her mind, though her hand unconsciously wrapped around her phone, clenching and unclenching around it. "So do you get to see her before it all starts?" Ronnie asked, carrying on an earlier conversation about Lauren's impending trial, though her mind was still on her daughter, the beautiful image of perfection that she had stored away on her phone.

Out in the park the sun was peeking shyly between the blanket of clouds, a small patch of sunlight lingering over the grass. Danielle swung back and forth gently, rocking on her heels as Amy sat contentedly on her lap. She cuddled Amy closer to her, snuggling her in as she sat in her puffy snowsuit. Roxy shuffled around in front of the swings, clearly bored but enjoying watching her daughter and niece so calm and serene.

"Right, smile," Roxy called out, holding her phone up again as she watched Danielle dancing Amy on her knee, revelling in the bubbly giggles coming from the baby. Danielle looked up at her aunt, baby Amy held safely in her hands in the air as the flash clicked out. "There, that's picture number fifteen." Roxy proclaimed proudly, wanting to show off that she was living up to her auntly duties. She watched as Danielle blushed gently, not used to being in the spotlight but clearly enjoying the loving attention. "Well, you know what Ron's like. Her knickers will be in a right twist just knowin' you're out with me. Bet she's going mental stuck with Jack right now. Got to prove I'm taking care of you."

Roxy flopped herself down onto the swing next to Danielle, soon getting bored of playing photographer and wanting to get to the good stuff, get into her niece's business and have some fun. Danielle peeked a smile before her attention was drawn back to Amy. She felt self conscious at all the pictures she knew that Roxy had been taking. It felt wonderful and terrifying all at once. Her aunt, taking pictures of her, for her mother. It was all so surreal that the Mitchell's knew and she was really here with her aunt and cousin. But she tried to imagine Ronnie receiving the pictures from Roxy. She just couldn't picture a response, at least not a positive one. The Ronnie that Danielle had always known would just roll her eyes and delete the images in a fury. She just couldn't fathom Ronnie actually wanting a photograph of her.

Bianca leant casually on the counter in the cafe, watching Ronnie and Tanya as she pretended to wipe down the sideboard. She watched the two women deep in conversation, they switched between soft smiles and sad, serious expressions. Bianca was enraptured as she tried to work out what the pair were saying.

"'ere, what you think she's smiling about?" Bianca muttered to Ricky who had just appeared in front of her. He shook off the comment, flustering and not overly interested in getting involved with the latest drama that the whole Square seemed to want to discuss. But at least Bianca was speaking to him and not screaming as she had been all morning. "Nah but look at 'er." Bianca continued undeterred as she slyly pointed at Ronnie, "You think it's true what they're all saying about her and that Danielle girl?"

"I don't know do I?" Ricky replied exasperated. "What do you want me to do? Go over there and ask her?" Bianca shot daggers at Ricky for a split second before her attention was fixed once again on the two women in the corner. "Look, can I get a tea or not?" Ricky tried, knowing he had very little chance.

"Yeah but look at her." Bianca continued, nodding once more towards Ronnie who was blinking softly as a light smile brushed her lips. "Nobody's seen that girl since she left Ronnie's in an ambulance. So what's she got to smile about eh?" Ricky sighed and slouched out of the cafe as Bianca moved past him, hitting him with the teatowel she them pretended to wipe the table with.

"She looks like you actually." Tanya smiled at the picture that Ronnie had agreed to show her after staring at it wordlessly as her phone lay on the table beside her. "I never noticed it before. I mean...why would...I...but she does. She looks just like you." Tanya stumbled over her words, realising that Ronnie herself had obviously not noticed the resemblance until it was thrown in her face, so almost too late.

"I never saw it." Ronnie said sadly, confirming Tanya's fears that she had said the wrong thing. "But she does, she's got Roxy's eyes though." Ronnie took back her phone, her thumb brushing reverently over Danielle's face in the picture before placing it back down beside her. "It doesn't feel real somehow." Ronnie blinked heavily, taking a deep mouthful of coffee before sweeping her fringe from her face. It still felt raw to be so open and vulnerable to anybody, anybody except Danielle. "Now that I'm not with her...I can't believe that it's really real, that she's really here, really mine." Ronnie smiled in response to Tanya's supportive expression. "She's just so perfect, so beautiful and I just keep thinking of everything I've missed and...and everything that I almost missed." Ronnie took a deep breath as she submerged herself in her fears, finally speaking aloud the thoughts that had filled her head all morning and ever since she had found Danielle bleeding and weak in her flat.

"If I hadn't got there...if it had been just a few minutes later...I don't know what I would have done. If she hadn't made it. If I'd never been able to hold her, to see her smile, to tell her how much I love her..." Ronnie's hand shook around her coffee and her breath caught in her throat. She stared down at the table, unable to meet Tanya's eyes. "I keep thinking that if she hadn't tried to call me, if I hadn't gone back to the flat..." Ronnie trembled as she felt sick at the thought. "I wasn't there. And what if I hadn't gone back? Where would I be now? Would she be lying on some mortuary slab? Would I be planning her funeral? Would I be explaining to her other family that she was gone, all because of me? If I'd lost her again...I don't think...I couldn't have survived that."

Tanya sat almost opened mouthed at Ronnie's brutual honesty of her fears. She watched as one of the coldest and most enigmatic residents of the Square welled up, sharing her most heart shattering fears. She reached forward to place her hand atop Ronnie's.

"Sorry." Ronnie sniffed, trying to laugh off her words. She shook her head, "Sorry. I don't know why I..."

"But you didn't lose her," Tanya interrupted, she could see Ronnie preparing to retreat into herself, she felt for the woman, thrown into being a mother so suddenly, so dramatically. Thrown in at the deep end, realising her dream but so afraid to lose it. "She's right across the Square. She's safe." Tanya wanted to reassure Ronnie, wanted to tell her that she had so much to come. Boyfriends, jobs, fights, laughs. She could see her daughter get married, have children of her own. They had so much ahead of them but Tanya couldn't say it. It seemed too soon to daunt Ronnie with so very much future when the present was still so hard for her to grasp. "Give her a call."

Ronnie looked sceptically towards Tanya. She had just spoken the very words that Ronnie wanted to hear. She wanted to much to call Danielle, she wanted the permission, wanted to know that it was the right thing to do. And yet she still felt unsure. She shuffled in her seat as she considered. What is she was pushing too hard? It had only been a few hours since she and Danielle had parted. Taking another gulp of her coffee, Ronnie knew she couldn't call Danielle, she feared smothering her and losing her too much.

"You two are going to freeze to that seat if you stay there any longer." Roxy called out towards Danielle as she walked back towards her, two coffees in hand. Leaving Danielle alone was a risk, but she was with Amy, Roxy wanted to believe that that would make it alright. "Come on," she said, nudging Danielle and placing the coffee onto the picnic table they were now seated at. "It's almost three. I'm starving. Aren't you hungry?"

Danielle placed Amy into her pram before taking up her coffee eagerly, wrapping both hands around the cup and taking in the warmth. She gave a tight but genuine smile to Roxy as she blew the steam from the top of the cup. It had been a good day, sharing stories, comparing likes and dislikes, so many little things she and her aunt learnt about each other and the whole time she'd been able to hold her little baby cousin. Nobody shouted at her, nobody told her she wasn't welcome, nobody tried to take her away from her family.

"What about some shopping?" Roxy suggested, grabbing at anything to bring some fun into her niece. "Sure Ron would give you her credit card, then you know, if you wanted to use it for your aunt here..." Danielle giggled and shook her head as Roxy looked smugly impressed with her idea. Danielle couldn't imagine spending Ronnie's money, let alone asking to.

"Isn't it getting a bit late?" Danielle asked, trying to brush over the uncomfortable thought of being so forward.

"I s'pose." Roxy sighed. "How about food though? Caf?" Roxy suggested.

"They have some food here I think?" Danielle suggested hopefully, her doe eyes locking onto Roxy's. The thought of the cafe, all of the people she had known, all knowing the truth, looking at her, whispering about her, judging her. It was still too much.

"You know what, you're gonna get away with murder you are." Roxy grinned with a squint at Danielle.

"What do you mean?" Danielle's eyes flickered nervously.

"The whole puppy eyes routine," Roxy blared, "Used to do it on Ronnie all the time when we were kids, always worked." She took a deep gulp of coffee from her cup and pointed towards Danielle as she placed it back upon the table. "And you know, she'd already do anything for you, but you pull those eyes on her and she won't stand a chance." Danielle laughed shyly and bowed her head, licking her lips nervously. "But don't even think about trying it with me...I invented that look." Roxy grinned at Danielle before turning to look at the tiny cafe that stood in the park. "Now go and get us some chips yeah?"

"So wasn't it hard or anything to leave them back in Telford?" Roxy and Danielle sat opposite each other, picking at a large pack of chips that sat on the table between them. The conversation was comfortable and amiable between large mouthfuls of chips.

"Well Gareth isn't there anymore," Danielle said thickly as she swallowed a large chip, "but my Dad didn't want me to go. But I had to do this." A dreamy haze fell over Danielle's eyes. Roxy found herself pausing, the greasy food left in her hand as she watched Danielle drift off.

"Ever since I was little I needed to know, I needed to know about her. I had the locket and I always knew she was out there." Roxy watched Danielle's hand clasp her locket tightly within delicate fingers in a very picture of her mother. "But I couldn't find her, I never wanted to hurt my parents." A heavy sigh gave Danielle pause in her words, "But when my mum died everything changed and I had to find her, I had to know my real...Ronnie." The words 'mum' and 'mother' hung heavily in the air but could not be spoken. "Ever since I was small I was different. I used to look at pictures of us all, me, Gareth and Mum and Dad and...I wasn't like them. I couldn't see myself in any of them. I had someone else's face. I kept wondering where I got my eyes or my hair or, I wondered if she was like me, if we spoke the same or if she was where I got my personality, my tastes, everything because there were so many ways I just wasn't like my family. I wanted to find her and there she was, staring back at me every day from my locket and it didn't matter what my Dad said, she was part of me and I needed her." Danielle stopped abruptly, suddenly aware of what she had said, that her heart was spilt onto the table before her, laid bare and worn on her sleeve once again. She bit her lip awaiting Roxy's response and dreading it all at once.

Roxy stuttered slightly, she hadn't expected such unguarded honesty, it wasn't something she was used to. Perhaps she had spent too much time with Ronnie or perhaps she just expected the situation to be like mother, like daughter. But Danielle had bared her lifelong pain and longing for the very woman that Roxy had taken for granted all her life.

"God I can't even imagine that." Roxy was lost for words and it wasn't something that she experienced often, she wanted to comfort the girl, to believe that it was all worth it, but she had the distinct impression from the past year that from that point things had only become harder for Danielle. "You are like her though," she added, grabbing an other chip. "Got a feeling that you got your stubbornness from her too." Danielle laughed, relieved that Roxy had taken her words so well and that the trust Danielle had unknowingly placed upon her had been respected. "So what does your Dad think then?" Danielle gulped and stared upwards at Roxy, her face unblinking. "About you and Ronnie and all that." Roxy clarified as Danielle seemed to look like a deer caught in headlights.

Silence hung over the pair. Danielle's eyes darted sidewards as she felt the guilt fold her over like a dark cloud encroaching upon them.

"Does he even know?" Roxy squeaked, Danielle's face scrunched in guilt as she bit her lip, daring a glance at her aunt. "He at least knows you found her though?" Danielle shook her head slowly, she didn't want to think about her Dad, things hadn't been good between them, and yet she still felt as though just by being with Ronnie she was betraying him.

"I never told him why I came here." Danielle admitted quietly, once glance at Roxy's raised eyebrows made her feel the need to explain. "I just...I didn't want to hurt him. After mum died..." Looking skywards, Danielle tried to find her words. "I didn't want to have to tell him if it all went wrong. Why hurt him unnecessarily? I didn't know if she'd even want to know me." And for so long, she didn't. Both women knew what was not being said, but even Roxy ignored it and bulldozed through the thick tension that was building.

"Yeah but now Ronnie knows...well you've got to tell him sometime haven't you?" Roxy chewed more chips, leaning across on the bench to check on Amy who was beginning to fuss in her pram. "God, how many secrets can this family have? How hasn't it driven you mad not telling anyone? Keeping everything to yourself." For some reason this revelation grated on Roxy. The knowledge that yet more was being hidden, that Danielle was capable of hiding the whole past year of her life from her father. Roxy felt a pang of uncertainty. Danielle had kept so many secrets and there were still so many things that she was keeping hidden. Roxy felt a stab of anger that the girl seemed to show no remorse at her secrecy. She could have saved them all so much pain, she could have changed Ronnie's life, saved so much heartache and yet she had chosen to hold her silence.

"You've kept all this from us for the whole time you've been here," Roxy's arm flew out as she stood from the table, moving over to pick up her now whining daughter. "Wasn't it killing you the whole time?" Roxy paced back and forth, patting Amy's back who was over her shoulder, seeming to dislike the new tension and anger that was flying between the pair from her mother. Roxy looked at Danielle, who couldn't meet her eyes. "How has keeping all this to yourself helped?" The words were barbs, accusations, daggers flying straight into the back of the blonde, curling in upon herself on the picnic bench.

"Why didn't you tell her before? Why didn't you tell her when you first got here?" Archie's words were echoing around Roxy's mind, doubts looming at the poison he had injected into her. She sat down once again to be eye level with Danielle.

"I...I don't know," Danielle stammered nervously. She had felt the air around them changing and then the attack had come. Now Roxy was staring at her, like an interrogation, she was staring intently. "I wanted to know her first. I wanted her to like me. But she didn't...she just...she wouldn't even talk to me. She wouldn't even give me a chance. So how could I?"

"Well what about later? What about me? Why couldn't you tell me?" She needed to know, she needed Danielle to prove that this was innocent and was not a premeditated attempt to hurt Ronnie. "You had so many chances. All those times you looked after Aims, all the times I spoke to you and you never thought to mention that you were Ronnie's daughter, my niece?"

"I...how...how could I?" Danielle felt the tears well in her eyes but she refused to shed them. Her heart pounded as she tried to contain her tears, but she couldn't breathe, the air just wouldn't come into her lungs. Her fingertips clutched the table. "I wanted _her_ to know. I wanted Ronnie to know. I don't know." Her head fell into her hands.

"You could have saved her almost a year of pain," Roxy spoke accusingly, "and I think you know that, yeah?"

"What?" Eyes met across the table, Roxy with her eyebrows raised in challenge as Danielle simply looked hurt and lost. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you could have told any of us at any time, but you didn't. You let Ron think you were dead..." Roxy was stopped mid sentence as Danielle stood from the table hurriedly, knocking over her coffee as she did which splashed onto both women's legs. Roxy yelped, disturbing Amy and distracting her as Danielle grabbed her bag to make a hasty exit.

"Oi," Roxy shouted as she noticed Danielle retreating. Alarm bells began to ring as Roxy thought of what Ronnie would say if she let Danielle go. "Where are you going?" Danielle continued to slowly move away, her eyes darting furtively around. "Danielle, I didn't mean...look, forget it yeah?" Roxy said, panicking.

"Uh...it's fine. I uh, I have to help Stacey on the stall." Danielle needed to get away, the guilt hurt, it hurt so much, breaths still wouldn't come, her chest compressed, hands shook. "Tell Ronnie I'm sorry." Final words were called back as Roxy shouted after her, grappling with Amy and the pram to try to follow her niece. As the blonde head disappeared from view Roxy flopped back onto the bench, she'd got so close to the truth that her father wanted to know. But how could she explain this to Ronnie? And why, why did she feel so guilty?


	77. Chapter 77

**A/N --- Only a week since the last update :D**

**This chapter was actually meant to have a lot more in it but then it would have been unbelievably long so I've had to cut it off early and put the rest as another chapter. Hope that this chapter is still enjoyable and that people are still reading.**

**As ever I'd love to know what everybody thinks and just...whether people are still reading at all. There is just so much more to come...and the tension starts here for the next chapter...so everybody let me know how you find it.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Ronnie shuffled a stack of papers in her hands, levelling them up on the desk before glancing quickly at her watch. Almost six, she needed to get back home, back to her daughter. It had been hours since Roxy had text and it had taken all of Ronnie's control and restraint to simply stay in the club, not pick up the phone, not to hear the gentle lullaby of her baby's voice. She let out a heavy sigh as she grappled with more papers strewn across her desk, trying to force her mind to stay on the job at hand.

"What are these numbers?" Ronnie spoke, her eyes unmoving from the paper even as she reluctantly addressed Jack. Her eyes ran over the figures, something didn't add up. "Where's the delivery receipt from the suppliers?" She thumbed through the next four pages in front of her in the mindset that she really didn't have time for this. "Why have our outgoings gone up so much?" Her head finally snapped up, brow furrowed as she stared at Jack, awaiting her answer.

"Yeah I switched them." Jack said nonchalantly with a shrug, his eyes not bothering to move from his laptop screen.

"You what?!" Ronnie's sharp tone cut through the room as cold and direct as a knife.

"They were late three times running on the deliveries and they were screwing us over Ron..."

"Screwing us over? They were almost half the price of these new people." Ronnie held up fistfuls of paperwork Jack's self righteousness made her muscles tense and her jaw clench.

"No, that's for a higher order." Jack snapped back, his deep brow furrowing as he hit back at the woman who refused to love him. "The old suppliers were upping their prices, we needed higher orders and these people would do us a deal in exchange for some functions...and we could do with their business. And you'd know all that if you were ever around."

"Just sort out the numbers and never, make any decision without consulting me again," Ronnie seethed through gritted teeth as she shoved the papers onto Jack's desk and walked from the room, slamming the door behind her.

"Because you're so easy to get hold of yeah Ron?" Jack shouted at the door, knowing that Ronnie would still hear him.

Stacey smiled sarcastically at the woman as she passed her the bag and took the money from her hand. The day was dragging and she was more than ready to pack up for the day. She glanced at her watch, almost six. The day had been long enough. She sighed and began to take some of the clothes down from the front of the stall. Peggy had been pottering around the market, passing back and forth outside the Queen Vic all day. Stacey had watched her with a certain unease. Peggy Mitchell, the owner of the Queen Victoria pub, she thought she owned the Square, she was a Mitchell. Over the past week Ronnie had been thrown into Stacey's life, Danielle's mother. And Roxy had been hovering around on the periphery but Peggy, Phil, Ben, the Mitchells. Stacey couldn't imagine Danielle being one of them, but that's what she soon would be if they got their way. Danielle would leave her. She turned away from the pub, not wanting to look at another mark of evidence or the suffocating 'Mitchell' presence.

"Oi Dan!"Stacey shouted across the market as her eyes fixed upon a familiar blonde scuttling down the road, seemingly trying to appear invisible."Dan!" Stacey's voice barked over the Square as Danielle made only a small glance and twitch of her lips in Stacey's direction, not showing any sign of stopping. "Watch the stall for me yeah?"

Stacey threw her money belt into Billy's chest without waiting for an answer and ran at full pelt after her friend. She rounded the corner of the market, rushing through the garden and catching up with Danielle by Arthur's bench.

"Hey, Dan. What's going on?" Stacey grabbed Danielle's shoulder to catch her attention. Something wasn't right and she could be sure that the Mitchells were the reason for it.

"Nothing. I'm just going home. Just want some sleep." Danielle barely met Stacey's eyes. She'd been walking around the park and allotments until the dusk had started to draw in over the skies, she'd kept wondering, would her family ever forgive her for keeping her silence, did Ronnie resent her for it?

"Thought you were spending the day with the tar..."

"Yeah, I did" Danielle cut over Stacey as she felt her friend start to take the opportunity to throw out any insults she could think of. "But I wanted some sleep before dinner. That's all. It's nothing." Danielle shuffled on the spot as she voiced her lies. She didn't even know what she was hiding or why. Nothing terrible had happened, in a way, nothing had happened at all. And yet still Danielle felt like there was a dark undertone, a secret that needed to be hidden. Another burden added to her mind just when everything had started to make sense. Danielle met Stacey's eyes, giving a tight smile.

The pair set off across the Square, Stacey looping her arm through the crook of Danielle's elbow as she blathered about her day, Danielle welcomed the distraction. Her head span as she continued to digest Roxy's words. Would Ronnie truly resent her for what she had done? The fears had again arisen in Danielle's mind, the mere thought of facing Ronnie suddenly seemed once again terrifyingly overwhelming, but she still wanted her mum, the arms that held her comfort and solace, the heart where she found home. Ronnie had spoken about dinner, Danielle tried to force away the image of Ronnie returning, dejected to an empty flat, an unintended rejection that Danielle couldn't find it in herself to prevent.

"So I'll get Nan to close up the stall or something and..."

"Dan!" A voice rang over the gardens, cutting through Stacey's words. "Danielle!" The two girls turned on their heels to address the unwelcome intruder. Roxy stood there, pram to her side, looking hassled and somewhat shifty. "You coming back to Ronnie's?" Roxy's words had a sense of urgency to them, an almost guilty yet forceful quality. Her eyes flickered to Stacey and back to Danielle again. She refused to speak openly in front of Stacey, she prayed that Danielle hadn't yet had chance to tell her friend about their 'discussion'. She knew what Stacey Slater was like and although she could more than easily bear her wrath, she had a propensity to spill any and every secret in a very public way and if Ronnie got wind of what had happened, Roxy feared that she could lose her sister and this time, Ronnie had no reason to come back to her.

"Uh, no." Danielle couldn't look at Amy, she wanted to be confident and be able to look into Roxy's eyes, she wanted to hold up her barriers, but she felt herself shrinking under the scrutiny, feeling the aftermath of confrontation, something she had always tried to avoid. "I'm ummm...me and Stace are..."

"Yeah, can we have a word?" Roxy interrupted, worry overtaking her and anger flaring. She just wanted Danielle to behave, to be on her side for just one evening. When Danielle stuttered an uncertain affirmation and Stacey stepped forward, clearly intending to stand both physically and figuratively at her friend's side, Roxy continued privately, "Privately."

Stacey glared at the older blonde, there was definitely something going on. Danielle hesitantly turned her wide eyes on Stacey, giving an almost unnoticeable nod to her friend. As much as she was loathe to be left alone with Roxy at the moment, she couldn't bear for Stacey to know what had gone on, she felt small and embarrassed by what had happened, by her own reactions.

"I'll be back in a bit?" She offered to Stacey when her friend did no more than pull a sceptical expression.

"Right, fine," Stacey proclaimed, feeling suspicious and slightly put out. "I'll tell Nan to pack up the stall and I'll be back at ours ok?"

Danielle watched her friend leave, keeping her eyes on the somewhat comforting view of the brunette as she disappeared behind the door of the Slaters' home. When the door closed behind her, Danielle's teeth automatically began to worry her bottom lip, knowing that she now had to face her aunt.

"I'm sorry Roxy," Danielle voice worked before her head had even registered, an apology fell from her lips as more of a defence, a pre-emptive strike, a habit, a shield. And yet she didn't truly know what it was she was apologising for. Ronnie was the one she was letting down, and yet Roxy got the apology.

"You're going to hurt her with this you know," Roxy snapped over Danielle's false proclamations, "but that's what you do isn't it?" Roxy didn't know where the cold cruelty was coming from, all she knew was that she was afraid. Afraid that Danielle would take Ronnie away from her, afraid that Danielle would tell her sister everything, or that worse, her father had been right all along.

"What?" Danielle bit the inside of her cheek to keep back the tremors. Did she really hurt Ronnie so much? All along? Deep in her heart Danielle began to wonder if Ronnie would have been better if she had never come back. She blinked sharply, desperate to block out those worries, ones that had so nearly abated.

"Sorry," Roxy pushed down the anger, seeing the fear and uncertainty in the young girl's face. "Look, just, lets not tell Ron about any of this yeah?" Danielle couldn't stop the quizzical and disbelieving expression that swept over her. "You know what she's like and...well, I really should tell her. But you're my niece so I'll keep it between us. I don't want you hurt, yeah?" Roxy felt dirty. Of all the things she had done, dosing her fragile niece with such doubt, guilt and insecurity somehow hit her more than almost anything else had done. She watched Danielle's small pants as she tried to form words, her mouth moving in tiny shakes. "Ron's not exactly comfortable with you yet, how can she be? You lied to us all, lied to her, let her think you were just a stranger." Roxy felt sick, but now that she had started, she needed to finish. She needed to keep Ronnie from knowing that she had done any of this to Danielle, but part of her knew that she was only digging herself deeper into this hole. "She wanted me to check a few things through with you. But it didn't exactly work out did it? So lets not let her down, yeah?"

"Yeah, fine." Danielle's words were clipped. Her head felt crammed with confusion and a strange anger that was beginning to bubble. Ronnie had asked Roxy to pry for her. After everything, all the honesty that they had shared, Ronnie had gone behind her back. After all the steps that they had made, the moments they had had, Ronnie had made her sister do her dirty work, she couldn't even speak to Danielle herself. With the bitter taste of betrayal and hurt burning within her Danielle mindlessly agreed to Roxy's requests and moved away as quickly as she could.

Slamming the door behind her Danielle's frustrations had gained no relief. She felt lied to, betrayed, hurt, and once again like she didn't know her mother at all and Ronnie...Ronnie had let her down once again. She wanted to get out, out of herself, out of her own mind, to stop the thoughts, to just be free of worry and hurt and doubt. She wanted to act out, to just be.

"What happened then?" Stacey questioned, emerging promptly from the kitchen, a certain air of disdain about her.

"Nothing. She was just...she was checking everything was ok. It's fine," Danielle spoke evasively. She wanted to move on and just forget and escape.

"Right," Stacey began sceptically, clearly not entirely convinced by Danielle's aggravated dismissal. "So what were you up for tonight?" Almost before the words had left her mouth, Danielle cut in.

"Lets go out." She watched as Stacey's eyebrows lifted. "You said I'd get a welcome back to the Square so lets do it. I just want to go out and have some fun. Ok?" Danielle barely waited for Stacey's reluctant and hesitant reply before moving up the stairs to get read. Tonight she wanted to forget and maybe, just maybe she wanted to rebel.

Ronnie walked home through the darkening streets so tired of work, the club, Jack and people but there was a bubble of nervous excitement burgeoning in her stomach at the thought of her daughter back at the flat, the thought of dinner together, more time, any time.

Clicking the door shut behind her, the warm and light smile began to fade from Ronnie's face. She was confronted with darkness and silence. She stood by the door unmoving for a second. She had expected laughter, gentle noise of chatter or even the comfortable background hum of the television but there was nothing, only an empty flat. Forcing her feet to move Ronnie's heart dropped. It felt like it had been years since she had last spoken to her daughter. She felt foolish to have got her hopes up, to have expected the joyous and homely vision of her daughter and sister awaiting her return.

Entering the living room Ronnie rushed to the windows, barely managing to stop to switch on the light as she passed, she hastily opened every window in the room, her face scrunching as her senses were assaulted by the stench of soiled nappies. She huffed as she turned back into the room. Sitting heavily down on a kitchen chair, ignoring the clattering of buses as they passed and the carefree chatter that emanated from the streets below she was isolated. Where were they? Why weren't they here? Why hadn't they called? Why wasn't her little girl with her? Taking her phone from her pocket, Ronnie dialled and waited impatiently for a response, her fingernails tapping restlessly on the table. She needed answers, if only to allay the growing maternal anxiety. A quiet voice spoke on the line. Ronnie addressed her at once,

"Roxy."


End file.
